WeddingDrama #FamilyConflict #DestinationWedding
Background of the Destination Wedding
Planning a destination wedding is supposed to be a dream come true. For us, hosting our wedding at an all-inclusive resort felt like the perfect decision. We had a cozy guest list of 50 people and chose a location that offered affordable flights. We even subsidized costs for guests who needed a financial hand. The plan was simple: everyone would arrive before the wedding, enjoy a few days in the sun, and then celebrate our union.
The Unexpected Family Reunion
Unfortunately, my mother had other ideas. She envisioned our wedding as a family reunion and wanted to exclude my new husband’s family from the post-wedding festivities. 🥳 She contacted our side of the family and had them shift their reservations to stay after the wedding. She also invited additional people, assuming we wouldn’t mind.
Key points about her plan:
- Family members arrived after the wedding.
- Uninvited guests received group rates.
- My husband’s family was excluded from the post-wedding plans.
The hotel informed us about the added guests who wanted group prices, even though they were arriving later. This threw us off. However, confronting my mother typically leads to hysterics, so we decided to roll with it.
The Wedding Day Bliss
The wedding and reception were absolutely beautiful. Everything went off without a hitch, and for a moment, all seemed right in the world. 💍
The Day After: Confronting the Unplanned Guests
On the day after our wedding, my husband and I encountered some unexpected family members in the lobby. These were relatives I deliberately did not invite for personal reasons. Meeting them was unnerving as we were on our way to the airport to start our honeymoon. ✈️
The Big Decision: Leaving the Resort
Realizing the situation was more than we bargained for, my husband and I made a spontaneous decision. Rather than staying at the same resort, we flew to a different resort in Baja California for our honeymoon. 🌴✌️
Why we made this choice:
- To avoid drama with uninvited relatives.
- To de-stress and enjoy our honeymoon without family interference.
The Aftermath: A Mother’s Fury
Inevitably, my mother blew up my phone, panicked about our sudden departure. I told her where we went, and she lost her mind. 🌋 She had misinformed everyone that we were okay with the new plan, which we clearly weren’t. Missing out on her hysterics was a silver lining in this fraught situation.
She accused me of being ungrateful and childish, citing all the effort she put into the reunion (which I hadn’t asked for). Despite the frustration, I decided not to lash out. After all, this was the same woman who invited people I consciously chose not to include.
Was I Justified? AITA?
So, was I the asshole for leaving my family at the all-inclusive resort after my wedding? Let’s break it down:
Why I might be justified:
- Boundaries: Our honeymoon was our time.
- Respect: My mother should have consulted me first.
- Intention: We wanted an intimate, stress-free experience.
Why some might think I was wrong:
- Expectations: My mom had planned a family reunion.
- Assumptions: She assumed my approvals based on a lack of confrontation.
Ultimately, making a significant move to preserve our peace and joy on our special trip seems justified. Marriages require support from both sides, and understanding boundaries is crucial for maintaining any relationship, especially a new marital one.
Conclusion
In conclusion, navigating family expectations during significant life events can be tricky. While my actions may seem abrupt to some, they were rooted in maintaining the sanctity and joy of our honeymoon. 🏝️
Feel free to share your thoughts. What would you do in my shoes? Let’s discuss! 🗣️💬
Nta. Time to go lc or nc with your mom. Have some boundaries. Otherwise she stomping all over you. Wait till she invites the same people to your child’s birth.
NTA…but I think you need to grow a spine and stop letting your mom have her way because you don’t want to deal with her hysterics. Start setting your boundaries. And figure out ways to deal if she gets hysterical. Walk away, just give her the stare or tell you will not listen to her. Next time do not bite your tongue. Because if you do not nip in the bud now, just imagine what life will be like if you decide to have children.
NTA… Frankly I would cut her out of your life for like 6 months and make sure she knows why.
NTA
> Anyway my mom didn’t inform me
Haha, well, too bad for her. She tried to hijack her own daughters wedding for her own agenda/ event. How can she be mad that when you didn’t ‘know’ (as far as she was concerned by deliberately not telling you) about her plans, that you went on a honeymoon somewhere else?
Good for you. Your mom sounds like a piece of work and I’m glad you started your married life showing her it’s not flying…but, you are.
Nta. She told all these people that you were cool with it… When she knew you wouldn’t be, or she would have told you.
NTA – Your mum sounds like a nightmare, you avoided a boatload of drama leading up to your wedding and the day itself and your mum effed around and found out. I say well played.
NTA – going on your honeymoon is not abandoning your family. Your mother is completely out of line for hijacking your wedding for her own benefit.
NTA. This is exactly how you handle parents like this. She tried to hijack your wedding and ended up embarrassing herself. Brilliant
NTA …mom, how am I ungrateful and childish when i ‘didn’t know‘ about your plan 😉
NTA and don’t listen to the comments that say you are. Your mother sit herself up by trying to orchestrate YOUR honeymoon. What an intrusive witch. You did a wonderful job of letting her do her thing and not letting it disrupt your life.
LOL – NTA but, I think OP knows that and just needs validation. Who on earth thinks that a couple wants to spend their honeymoon at a reunion? At best the couple could have stayed for a breakfast or lunch the day after but, Mom didn’t communicate or ask.
>My mother got it into her head that this should be a family reunion
Not your problem. NTA
I hope they all had a wonderful time at the all inclusive, and that you enjoyed Baja.
NTA
You were childish for not letting her turn your honeymoon into a surprise family reunion?
NTA but for the love of God, stop giving in to her tantrums. Otherwise they will never stop.
Nta
NTA
So you and your husband planned this and subsidized other people where needed, but your mother is taking credit because she made a plan within a plan. And now she feels upset because you didn’t know of her plan, that she did not inform you off?
NtA.
NTA – Your mother sounds like my mine! I’m glad you still got to do something that you wanted!
NTA.
Great job taking care of yourself and sidestepping the crazy. Mom’s delusions are not your problem.
Congratulations and many happy years to you and your husband.
NTA. She was way out of line. She had no right to expect you to cancel your honeymoon for a family reunion you didn’t want. She sounds very manipulative and needs to learn about boundaries
Hahaha well played OP!
I don’t think this is a post for AITA, more like petty revenge
NTA. Why on earth do these people speak for us, saying we will do thus-and-such or we want the other thing, and then get pissed at US when we don’t just meekly fall in line? Do they really think we owe it to them to let them do that to us? You got yourself into this, you manipulative asshat, get yourself out.
Good job. You did what you wanted for YOUR wedding and honeymoon and didn’t let her dictate what would happen.
It’s a little disturbing that you won’t confront her because she’ll have hysterics. She’s not a force of nature. She’s a human (sort of) who makes choices, and she has the hysterics very, very intentionally, knowing that people letting her have her way to avoid it will be the result. Let her have the hysterics. Do what you want anyway. You don’t have to react or engage with her.
Sorry if I’m lecturing, I was raised by three narcissists and narc-type manipulative behavior makes me airsick.
Ok you clearly know you’re NTA. This is narcissistic parent behavior and you handled it beautifully. So glad you enjoyed your day AND your honeymoon! Hooray for boundaries!
Nta. Good for you! But soon enough you’ll get tired of having to walk on eggshells around your mother and i promise you it’ll be much more peaceful cutting her off then keeping someone that selfish around.
You didn’t tell her you were leaving and she didn’t tell yo she invited additional guests, sounds even. NTA.
Mom sounds like a person who wasn’t told no much in her life. I think you should start standing up to her. That was your wedding day. She had no say and no right to do that.
NTA, but you need to call your mom out on her crap or it will keep happening.
Ungrateful for what? Changing your plans without your consent? Inviting people you didn’t want there? What exactly are you supposed to be grateful for? Make her answer. And then blow it up.
As someone who had a narcissistic and controlling parent you did good. Your mom went behind your back, so she already knew you would be against it. She also knows when to put on the hysterics to get her way. It was your wedding and honeymoon. Rather than make a scene or ruin your special time, you chose to just do what was planned. She is mad because she got caught and looks like an ass in front of the family. That is all. You acted like an adult and sadly your mom did not. Glad you stood your ground and I hope you enjoyed your wedding and honeymoon.