AITA #MentalHealthAwareness #SleepDeprivation #BipolarDisorder
Understanding the Situation: A 14F Sibling Facing Challenges Due to a Mentally Ill Brother
Navigating mental health issues within the family is arduous, especially for a 14-year-old like you who has to balance school responsibilities with household stress. Your brother, 24M, suffers from bipolar disorder and anger issues and lives with you and your parents. His frequent nighttime meltdowns, like screaming at your mom for spilling water, disrupt your sleep regularly. 😴
The Impact of Sleep Deprivation on a 14-Year-Old
Lack of sleep has significant effects on a teenager’s life, especially during crucial school years:
- Reduced concentration and academic performance 📚
- Mood swings and irritability 😠
- Compromised immune system leading to frequent illnesses 🤒
Understanding why you might feel the need to sleep in and miss school is essential for appreciating the full picture.
The Immediate Family Response
Your parents’ refusal to let you sleep in stems from the concern that it’s not a "valid" excuse for missing school. While their stance might seem rigid, it’s essential to acknowledge their perspective and the broader implications.
Talking to School Authorities: Weighing Your Options
Approaching your guidance counselor could be a viable solution:
- Pros:
- Potential support strategies from the school 🏫
- A better understanding of your circumstances by school authorities 👩🏫
- Cons:
- Possible strain on parent-school relationships 😬
- The stigma of having family issues disclosed 😓
Alternative Approaches to Manage the Situation
Here are some strategies to consider that might help mitigate the situation:
- Soundproofing Your Room: It could reduce the noise and help you sleep better.
- White Noise Machine or Earplugs: These can help drown out disruptive sounds.
- Family Therapy: Engaging a therapist specializing in mental health could provide coping mechanisms for everyone involved.
- Sleep Schedule Adjustments: Try to go to bed earlier to compensate for interrupted sleep.
Conclusion: AITA for Wanting to Sleep In and Miss School?
Given your circumstances, it’s understandable why you want to catch up on sleep by missing school. However, open communication with your parents and seeking supportive measures both at home and school might provide more sustainable and constructive solutions. 💪
Balancing empathy and practicality can turn a challenging family situation into an opportunity for growth and understanding. 🌟
NTA but you can’t miss school. School is your long term ticket out of that house. Can you try a white noise machine or noise canceling headphones? Perhaps try talking with your parents again focusing on your feelings. Overtired, overwhelmed, like it too much to handle alone without their help. Good luck.
NTA I think talking to your guidance counselor is the best possible idea. You should not have to be exhausted every day at school.
Nta.
Of course.youre not, op! Life is tough for you at the moment and as a teen you need good sleep.
Can you ask your parents to buy you a noise machine so you can sleep better?
Let them know how tired you are and that you’re unable to concentrate and whatever other impacts the lack of sleep is having on your studies.
You shouldn’t be punished because your brother needs help.
Honey, you areNOT the a-hole here. It’s totally understandable that you’re exhausted and need rest. It’s not your fault your brother’s behavior is affecting your sleep.
NTA, and you do have a valid excuse you can tell the school, you’re in a volatile home environment that is not healthy for you. Your parents know this, that’s why they don’t want you not going to school, because they’d have to explain why. Talk to your counsellor, maybe it’ll be the kick in the ass your parents need to do something about your brother
NTA. Talk to another trusted adult. This does not sound like a safe a healthy environment. It’s deeply concerning that they are prioritizing your adult brother over you. They know they are wrong if they don’t want you talking to counselors about it.
NTA, but you can’t miss school. You DO need to talk with your guidance counselor. What’s happening at home isn’t working. Noise cancelling headphones won’t do shit for this level of noise. Your parents are in a tough situation, but you HAVE to be able to sleep to function. And your brother is 24. His disabilities present hardships for him and that doesn’t make him a bad human, but he can’t stay there if he’s screaming at all hours nightly. He’s 24. He needs to take responsibility for himself to some extent even if he can’t work full time or do everything himself.
NTA, you should absolutely talk to your guidance counselor about this! It is one thing for your parents to accept this way of life, but they cannot force it on you, especially when it is affecting your health, wellness, and schooling. Your counselor might be able to provide some resources to your parents for dealing with your brother.
NTA, but missing school isn’t the answer. You are not the AH for trying to find literally any solution, though.
Tell the guidance counsellor. Or another trusted adult in your life. You cannot be expected to function on little sleep. I hope they can help.
Good luck, OP.
NTA… Can you sleep with headphones in? Listening to rain sounds or something else that will help you sleep? Also, try to get to bed a bit earlier.
NTA. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I’m not sure what the laws are where you live, but you might be able to file a police report on your brother. You could also call CPS and explain the situation. I’m sure they’d be willing to help you.
NTA
You’re in an impossible situation. I really think you should talk to your guidance conselor about your situation. Maybe they can set aside a room for you at school so you can nap on your lunch break or something.
Would it be possible for you to go sleep at a friend or family so you could have a couple of good night sleep?
Not only do you need a day off to sleep, you also need a mental day off or two to decompress.
I sympathize with your family. I don’t know what kind of treatment your brother gets but adjusting his med could help. But you’re only 14. It seems unfair that you have to go through that.
NTA. Definitely talk to your guidance counsellor. I would also recommend trying earplugs if you haven’t already, I’ve been sleeping with them every night for 15 years and they make the world of a difference.
NTA. You have a very valid reason for missing school – but missing school isn’t the answer to your problem.
The most generous excuse I can give for your parents response to you is they are emotionally and mentally drained from dealing with your brother and are so caught up in dealing with that trauma, they forget you are forced to deal with it as well.
Definitely talk to a school counselor. Please. See if they can help. If they don’t help talk to someone else. You need someone who has your best interest, not your brothers, at heart. Do you have grandparents or other relatives nearby? Could you stay with them temporarily? Keep trying until you get the help you deserve.
NTA but go talk to the guidance counselor about what’s happening. Just because your parents don’t *want* to parent doesn’t mean it’s not their responsibility to do so.
You (and they) need outside help. Talk to the trusted adults in your life. You need sleep, a safe home, *and* an education.
NTA. Even with your brother’s issues, there is no reason for him to regularly have interactions in the middle of the night that can lead to meltdowns. If these meltdowns are genuinely unavoidable, then your parents need to figure out how to shift his schedule so these kinds of things happen at less disruptive time of day. If they can’t, they should be actively working with a therapist to mitigate his symptoms and their impact on others, particularly his younger sister
The very fact that your parents do not want you to discuss it with your guidance counselor is heavily suggestive that they are not doing everything they can to get your brother connected to care. After all, it is entirely possible that a guidance counselor would know of additional programs that could be helpful to your family (e.g. in my state, we’ve just had a strong push to increase access to mental health services for kids in schools *and their families*, and I just saw a presentation of rapidly expanding a pilot program in another state where they’re targeting family systems similar to yours to help parents develop better strategies to help their mentally ill children).
As others have already said, missing school because you were chronically having your sleep disrupted is not a viable long-term solution but talking to your guidance counselor (or another trusted adult) might help you get the support you need.
NTA
If your parents are not taking action to protect you, you need to tell someone that will. Talk to your school counsellor.
Also knowing that you are likely to get disturbed, you could go to bed a LOT earlier on school nights.
Go over her head and tell the guidance counselor, she might have some good advice and tools for coping with the situation! But remember to inform your counselor that you’re mother is iffy about opening up to professional help
NTA. You absolutely have a valid excuse, however I really recommend you go to your guidance counselor. It would be worth the “trouble” your parents think it would cause, because in letting this be your home life they are hurting you.
NTA. And please talk to your counselor. Your parents are doing a terrible job handling your brother and a terrible job of giving you a safe and healthy home. You NEED sleep. It’s a requirement!
Tell them maybe then they will kick him out
Nta
Talk to the guidance counselor; you don’t need their permission for that. This is impacting your health and your ability to function; your parents don’t get to just ignore it.
i mean you have not many options sadly. on top of my head there are noise cancelers, guidance counselor or cps. NTA at all but your parents should force him out…
Nta. They are more worried about how they will look with the school rather than your physical and mental health. Growing up in dysfunctional families, you will learn that doing what’s best for you and your mental health is more important then blood and and what others want. Take care of yourself now since they refuse to acknowledge the effect it’s having on you and they don’t want you to find help for it. Go to counselor.
nta, its unfair for you to have to live in a chaotic household when your parents can try a new method on your brother. i wish more parents paid attention to their kids needs.
NTA, she should definitely be able to have some leeway if she’s exhausted, maybe come up with something with her family, like she can have 5 rest days a term. Also, the fact that she’s asking if she’s the AH says enough to be honest.
Schools don’t need to know the exact reason. You can simply say that you are unwell.
I actually had this conversation with my son two days ago. He had an assessment for a sports subject, but the day before, he twisted his knee (that knee is still in recovery from an avulsed ACL). Because of the previous injury, we got the twist checked to make sure it wasn’t anything worse, and when we mentioned to the doctor that he was meant to play volleyball the next day, the doctor shook her head and said no way. She gave a medical certificate which simply said “Medical reasons”, and I explained to my son that she wrote that because schools/employers etc are not entitled to private medical information.
At my kids’ school, you need a medical certificate if you will be missing an assessment, but if no assessment is involved, then it’s enough if the parent just says they are unwell.
As for not wanting to deal with the trouble talking to the guidance counsellor would create, perhaps they then need to deal with the issue of you not getting enough sleep. You know, actually acting as your parents.
NTA, the reason your parents do not want you to talk to the counselor is because they are afraid. They know that the household is not healthy for any of you but feel trapped. It sounds like your brother isn’t properly medicated or needs a medication change. Talk to your counselor at school – it may be the catalyst for positive change with your entire household.
NTA
As a teen, you should be getting 8-10 hours of sleep per night. You need this to function and you need to go to school if you are ever to get out of there. I feel for the difficult position your parents are in but they are going to have to prioritize you, their minor child over your brother. In the meantime, I highly recommend getting some silicon ear plugs. I get them at CVS. My husband turned me on to them (he gets them for going to the shooting range.) You mold these lovely things into your ear so they are a custom fit. It is amazing how much noise they stifle.
Oh honey, I am so sorry you have to deal with this as a child. Of course you aren’t the asshole for wanting to have a good night’s sleep. You are still young and developing so it’s really bad for you to not get your proper Z’s. Missing school is not a solution but I totally understand you just want to sleep.
You should talk to your school counselor for sure if your parents won’t do anything about this. I understand this isn’t easy for them either but if one child suffers so much thanks to another they have to find another solution as parents.
Good luck!
NTA – most teens need 8-10 hours of sleep and a good chuck spent in rem/deep sleep to feel their best. Being woken up like this will screw with your moods, energy, ability to focus etc and your grade will suffer.
Please talk to your guidance counsellor.You shouldn’t have to suffer because your parents are struggling with your older brother.
NTA and I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with that. I think it is a legitimate excuse. I don’t like how it seems like your parents are trying to hide this, such as not talking to your guidance counselor at school. Your brother cannot control his situation on his own, but that doesn’t mean you all just have to live with his behavior. He needs treatment and there are options available depending on where you are. I hope that your parents can get him some help so that you all have a better quality of life.
NTA.
Please don’t miss out the school. You shouldn’t sacrifice your education because of family issues. You should speak to the guidance councelor for sure because what’s happening is not healthy and your parents are failing to give to you and even your brother care you two need.
Your brother needs professional help and if he’s aggressive and out of control he needs to be hospitalized or it can end up badly.
You need plenty of sleep. Your body is still developing and by not getting enough sleep your body and even your education suffers.
Seek help whereever you can if you parents are not willing.
NTA! GIRL YOUR PARENTS CANT TELL YOU NOT TO TALK TO THE GUIDANCE COUNSELOR!!! TELL THE COUNSELOR!!!
NTA and tell your guidance counselor. Your parents are being wildly neglectful to both of you.
Your brother is receiving enabling instead of treatment, and you’re not receiving what you need in order to be able to function at school. Your parents are bad, and that’s why they want you to keep what happens to you a secret.
I’m sad you and your brother aren’t closer and can’t talk about this.
NTA at all. You should sleep in, and tell the school exactly why you did. And talk to a guidance counsellor. Unreal that your parents are telling you not to get support because it would cause **them** trouble. So they know the situation is bad, but you just have to endure it? **Seriously** not ok!
NTA, missing school every once in a while for mental health reasons or to catch up on some sleep is not a big deal. However it is a big deal that your parents are advising you not to talk to a guidance counselor, most likely out of fear that they would deem it an unsafe living situation for a child.
NTA. I fully reccomend talking to your counsellor.
Also use some headphones and play an ambience video to block out some of the noise, it may not block out ALL of it but it helps.
Being bipolar and having anger issues is no excuse for the nightly meltdown. I have both of these issues as well. He needs to be in a facility with full on supervision.
NTA speak to your school, please. You are a young woman and need some help and support. Your school has these people in place to offer help. It sounds like your brother needs more medical help with his meds or possibly going into residential care where they have trained professionals to help him cope.
Talk to guidance councillor ASAP!!!
I’m so sorry for your situation, sounds like your brother is violent and your wellbeing is jeopardized. Your parents seem more concerned with their image than their children’s wellbeing, so definitely talk to your guidance councilor asap. You cannot miss school, you would be punishing yourself by cutting into your own education; education is the basis to independence and you wanna get out of that house (if nothing changes). Can you maybe even move in at a friend’s house until the situation improves? Does your brother get medication? Bipolar is very serious and affects everyone in that person’s surrounding.
Talk to your guidance counselor.
I had similar issues with my brother (8 years older than me) when I was a teenager. I told me counselor and it resulted in my parents kicking my brother out because they were told this could be considered neglect of me and I was the minor. I’m only including this to prepare you for what could possibly happen, but you should absolutely still talk to your counselor.
NTA
NTA and tell the school. The reason your parents don’t want you to tell anyone is because they will look bad as parents for not protecting you from an abusive home environment. You are a child your brother is an adult. I have bipolar so I do understand. What I understand is your brother is not taking his medication nor getting the therapy he needs. Being bipolar is a lot like being addicted to drugs. Except you don’t take the drugs your body makes them on its own. The medication the doctor gives help stop this. The person with bipolar craves the high so they don’t want help. They have to hit bottom before they will get help and keep taking medication. Your parents are not helping your brother or you. So don’t feel guilty getting yourself help.
NTA. I drive a 13 yo to school everyday because they would have to wake up half an hour earlier to take the bus. And they just couldn’t do it. Why? Because their parents go out drinking and leave them to babysit their little brother until 2 am on school nights. Their parents say they are lazy for letting me drive them but they need every second of sleep they can get
(And yes before anyone can ask CPS has been involved and declined to do anything)