AITA #BikiniBeach #ConservativeGroup #WeightLossJourney #BodyConfidence
Decoding the Dilemma: Bikini at a Public Beach vs. Conservative Company
When it comes to fashion, body confidence, and respecting others’ sensibilities, the question of whether you’re the "AITA" for insisting on wearing a bikini to a public beach with a conservative woman in your group is nuance-filled. Let’s dive into the specifics to understand the context and explore the potential outcomes.
Understanding the Backstory: Weight Loss and Self-Confidence
You’ve achieved an incredible milestone by losing 30 lbs over the past year. 👏 This weight loss represents not just a physical transformation but also a significant boost to your self-confidence. Naturally, you’re eager to flaunt your new body in a bikini, especially after putting in hard work to achieve your fitness goals. 💪
Relationship Dynamics: The People Pleaser Boyfriend
Your boyfriend, a 25-year-old man, is relatively new in your life. Two months into the relationship, you’ve discovered that he has a profound need to please people, particularly those he cares deeply about, like his foster brother and the brother’s biological mother. 😇
The Real Concern: A Conservative Family Member
The element of concern is your boyfriend’s foster brother’s biological mother. She’s described as very conservative, and your boyfriend has requested you to wear a one-piece swimsuit instead of a bikini at a public beach to avoid offending her. 🙄
Motive Behind the Question
Your boyfriend’s plea touches on his desire to make a good impression on someone important to his foster brother. This is understandable given his history and the close bond they share. Family dynamics often compel us to make adjustments, and this is where the conflict arises.
Public Beach vs. Private Space
Your take on the matter is straightforward: it’s a public beach. 🌊 You’ve emphasized that if the setting was different, like a private family home or event, you’d have no qualms about dressing conservatively. The beach, however, is a public space where you believe you should have the freedom to wear what you want, especially considering the effort you’ve put into being bikini-ready.
Balancing Act: Respect and Self-Expression
Here are a few important points to consider:
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Your Right to Self-Expression: It’s perfectly valid to feel excited about wearing a bikini after your weight-loss journey. You have every right to express your newfound confidence.
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Respecting Others’ Preferences: Being considerate of others’ beliefs and sensibilities, particularly when they hold significant importance to someone you care about, is also crucial.
- Public vs. Private Spaces: You’ve made it clear that in a strictly private setting, you’d adhere to conservative dress codes out of respect.
Resolution: Compromise and Communication
Navigating this situation calls for an open conversation with your boyfriend:
- Express Your Feelings: Explain how important wearing the bikini is to you and acknowledge his viewpoint about wanting to impress his foster brother’s mother.
- Seek Middle Ground: Perhaps there is a middle ground where you can wear a cover-up that you can take off once you hit the water. This shows consideration for his concerns while still allowing you to enjoy your beach day in your bikini.
- Future Planning: Discuss how such situations can be handled in the future to avoid conflicts and ensure both of your comfort and happiness.
Conclusion: AITA?
In the grand scheme, neither of you is explicitly "the A-hole" here. It’s a matter of perspectives and priorities. While your standpoint about personal freedom in a public space is valid, so is his emotional investment in making a favorable impression on someone important to him. Balancing self-expression with empathy for others’ values is often the key to resolving such conflicts.
So, take a deep breath, communicate openly, and find a solution that honors both your hard work and his relationships. 🌟
NTA, you wear that bikini. You wear that bikini like it is your goddamn constitutional right.
NTA – its the beach. You can wear what you want.
NTA. You have every right to wear what you feel comfortable and confident in, especially at a public beach. You’ve worked hard to achieve your fitness goals and should be able to enjoy the results. It’s understandable that your boyfriend wants to make a good impression on his foster brother’s mother, but it’s unreasonable for him to ask you to change your outfit for a public outing. You’ve already shown respect by stating you would dress conservatively if it were her house. Ultimately, you should be able to enjoy your beach day and wear what makes you happy.
NTA
How is he going to control the other people on the beach and what they’re wearing? No matter how conservative that lady is, she’s going to be seeing people in bathing suits when she’s at a beach. He cannot control that, and if she’s that conservative, maybe she shouldn’t be going to the beach with you guys. Maybe that is Not the most appropriate place to be taking a lady who is so conservative and sensitive that she can’t stand to see you in a Bikini
His ask of you shows no respect for how hard you’ve worked. He is saying he understands how hard you’ve worked, but given all of the details of how long it takes you to get to the beach and how you don’t get to go there often, this is a much bigger ask than what he thinks it is.
NTA
>He says i should do this because it’s very important to him to make a good impression on her since he’s so close with her son
This is a HUGE red flag. He is willing to sacrifice your happiness for someone he’s known for a few months.
NTA
Imagine trying to impress someone who lost their kid to foster care.
Big yikes.
NTA. You call him a “people pleaser” but he’s more interested in pleasing a stranger than the woman he’s dating. You say “people pleaser” and I hear “doormat,” trying to placate someone’s outdated viewpoint on appropriate beachwear at a public beach. Is he going to walk from towel to towel, asking women to cover up, or does he just want to police you?
NTA. If it was at her house, I’d oblige. But on public beach, where odds are there’ll be more revealing swim suits than yours?
They can go an pound sand. While averting their gaze.
And I’m sure that a quick google would find plenty of one pieces that are more revealing most bikinis.
Google “wicked weasel” swim suits and threaten them with that.
LE, to answer many comments making the same point. Yes, I am aware that a relationship involves compromises. Yes, we all put up with our loved one’s annoying relatives and their requests from time to time. I do too. BUT!
This is not a case of:
Honey, be warned, my 200 year old nan is going to roll her eyes at that bikini. If you could wear something else, it would make her shut up. If not, no matter, your choice.
This is a case of:
Honey, I already know you’re dead keen on wearing that bikini. I know you saved up to buy it, I know you were looking forward to wearing it and you’re soooo excited. But I don’t want you to wear it because this woman who is a perfect stranger to you and I might think less of me because of it.
Girlfriend: NO, and here are my reasons again.
But honey, you SHOULD.
There is a time, a place, and the right person to make compromises for.
NTA
And I would focus on the bigger problem here. It does not matter how hard you have worked to lose weight, it does not matter if you’ve lost it or not. What matters is that, as long as it is appropriate for the venue/environment and in compliance with local laws and regulations, *nobody* is allowed to tell you what to wear. I don’t care if you’re thin as a stick or the size of a firefighter truck, you are a human being with basic rights and those rights apply to your body. Nobody else has rights over that body, only you.
If I were you, I would worry about the future, because this is how it starts. First “do me a favour and don’t wear this”. Then “my mum wants us to go to dinner every Sunday, you have to come”. Then “you should go out with your friends less often and be back by 10”. Do you see where I’m going with this?
First of all, you can wear a bikini at any size, you could have worn one last year and it would have been completely fine. Secondly, her conservatism dictates what *she* wears, not what you wear. Your bf is not an effective people pleaser, considering how displeased I know I would be if he put someone else’s opinion over my joy.
NTA, his priorities are misplaced and honestly she probably won’t think much of it anyway. Please don’t let this dissuade your confidence and empowerment!
How conservative can they be if any modern swimsuit isn’t too revealing.
I’m not going to call you and AH, but I don’t agree with most of the comments. You, of course, have every right to wear what you want to a public place. But your bf isn’t in the wrong to ask you to wear something that would make the outing more comfortable for the group. It doesn’t sound like he is insisting, but has made a reasonable request.
I’m thinking of it like this: my 25 yo daughter is super fit and, frankly, wears the smallest acceptable clothing. She, however, puts on more conservative clothing around her grandparents because she knows it makes them uncomfortable when everything hangs out. No one has ever asked her to…she does it out of respect for the family.
Like I said, I’m not going to call you an AH, but it doesn’t seem like a huge ask, especially since the group is HIS people.
EDIT: congratulations on losing weight and feeling great!!!
NTA. So the mother is conservative and therefore controlling what you wear. But she’s not conservative enough to fulfill her womanly duty to be a caring mom? Nope.
He’s not really that much of a people pleaser. Otherwise he’d be trying to please you…
NTA. You should have a very serious conversation with him that he should prioritize you over some lady who can’t even take care of her son. If he’s going to side against and back people who keep you down, I don’t think he’s a good BF at all. A good man stands up for you. Not helps others keep you down.
No. NTA. I don’t care about any back story or anything you are NTA. As long as you are obeying the law then wear what the hell you want. If other people do not like it that is their problem and not yours.
NTA. Do you. She’s a grown woman. If she can’t handle it, maybe the beach is not for her.
only 2 months and he’s acting like this. NTA
NTA.
You can wear w/e you want and telling you what to wear is a form of control.
Is this the idea of the mother in question or the BF?
Either way, I personally don’t like prudness.
NTA. No one gets to tell you what to wear outside of the law and an event dress code. It’s not like you said you’d wear one anyway, you offered not to go. It may be the case that she’d really react poorly and the day would be ruined and foster brother would be really hurt. If you don’t want to wear a one piece just don’t go as you suggested. Honestly if it would be that big of an issue I wouldn’t bother going anyway because she’s probably going to suck the fun out of the day no matter what you wear.
Congratulations on losing that much weight, that definitely deserves a splurge on a celebration bikini. You can always wear it to the beach with your bf another day.
NTA
Controlling much? Why do you need to change yourself in order to accommodate what they think is acceptable? It’s not like you are planning on wearing lingerie to the beach or a see through swim suit.
I’m tired of conservatives telling others how they should be about to live their lives.
NTA, please note that hie is asking you to dress modestly not to make somebody else more comfortable (which would still be inappropriate; other people’s comfort shouldn’t dictate what you wear), but so that *he will make a good impression.* he thinks what *you* wear affects *his* value. Nope nope nope.
NTA. Guess what, his mom will be seeing plenty of bikinis at the beach. OP wearing one really won’t make a difference.
NTA. It’s a beach for crissakes.
NTA if she’s uncomfortable with bikinis she doesn’t have to wear one. But you can wear what you like you’re a grown adult.
NTA. Is she planning on asking every person on that beach to cover up? She can’t expect the world to cater to her insecurities.
NTA..
You will not be the only one
NTA
I’ve been with my wife for 14 years and would NEVER think about telling her how to dress, beach or otherwise
You’ve known this man for two months and he’s already making ridiculous requests at the behest of pompous, stuck up family members. Red flag.
If conservative mom doesn’t like bikinis, she doesn’t have to wear one. End of story. You worked your ass off to get to a comfortable point where you can feel happy with your body and wear one. Thats something to be applauded.
NTA. Maybe HE is the conservative one and just blaming his foster-brother’s-adoptive-mother. Also, side-eye on anyone who is so conservative that they’ll be displeased at seeing a person in a bathing suit at a beach. A one-piece doesn’t really show that much less than a bikini, either.
I would tell him to ask her to wear a bikini so you aren’t uncomfortable. Wait, it would be wrong to ask? So, asking someone to modify their behavior because someone else’s beliefs are ‘offended’ but not actually involving that person is an asshole move. Someone is conservative or religious, good for them. Don’t like what someone else is doing, wow, sucks for that person.
NTA
She gets to be conservative and dress accordingly. Her conservatism does not dictate your wardrobe.
I had a potential MIL (ended up breaking off the engagement) that was always unhappy with what I wore. My (ex)fiance never suggested what to wear, but after I got out my bikini to swim in their private pool with no-one except the people living there to see me, she told him off for being able to see 1. The skin between my boobs (string bikini) and 2. My armpits. I didn’t let it put me off and still wore my perfectly decent bikini that covered up all the necessary good enough. It was a full cut, hiding my bum and every part of my boobs, so for me it did the task well enough.
Even though he always stood up for me, I realised that it would be a fight every time because I’m taking him away from mommy.
OMG… It’s a BEACH. perhaps you all need to go somewhere else for the day. I also suggest he is just imagining the mother’s reaction with no basis or fact whatsoever. There’s no way the mother said she would be offended if you wore a bikini. Boyfriend is making this all up in his head.
I have seen women in burka-like outfits at the beach and I’ve seen thong bikinis. Wear what you want. nta
Listen I’m all about wearing what you want and not letting other people have a say in your choices, but there’s a fine line between self love and selfishness. When you enter into any kind of relationship, you are deciding to put someone else before yourself sometimes. If you love your boyfriend and you respect his relationships and what they mean to him, you can do something you don’t particularly like for a day.
He’s not asking you to live a certain lifestyle every day, he’s asking you to make a good impression on someone important in his life. Would you ignore your grandparents’ or boss’s wishes for modesty? Have you never met the parents/grandparents of a friend/boyfriend and put on any kind of act to make sure they liked you? It’s a normal part of building and maintaining relationships
There are modest 2 pieces with halter or crop tops and shorts, or 1 pieces with straps or cutout designs that show skin. You should try to compromise if your relationship with your boyfriend is important to you
YTA. **It’s not about you** and it’s childish to say you won’t go because of what you are wearing. I get that you want to feel good about yourself but this is about him making a good impression to the parent of someone that means a lot to him; **it’s not an attack on your body** and it’s not fair to frame it as such. You can sacrifice wearing a bikini ONCE to appease him. As the beach is so far, extend the trip by a day or go later in the day wearing your bikini. Or, go again in a few weeks and only pack bikinis!!
Sometimes in life you need to be able to make sacrifices like this, and to be honest sacrificing wearing a bikini is not him asking for the moon. If you choose not to show up because of it, you will end up resenting him for ‘making you miss out on the holiday’ when in actuality, you had full control over that outcome yourself. He will resent you for making the entire weekend about yourself and for making a mountain out of a molehill.
I do completely understand your desire to wear a bikini, it’s so nice to be able to show off your body after so long picking yourself apart. However, you will have plenty of opportunities to wear a bikini in the future; you literally have the rest of your life for that!!!
The holiday is not about you, let him make his first impression and then bikini to your hearts desire on the next trip! ❤️
NTA the relationship is only two months old. Move on. Here’s your big red flag.