#Ramadan #Marriage #Parenting #SelfCare #Support #Appreciation
Are you feeling overwhelmed and unappreciated in your marriage while trying to juggle taking care of your children, managing the household, and supporting your fasting husband during Ramadan? You are not alone in feeling this way. Many women struggle with feeling like they are expected to do it all without any support or recognition. It’s important to remember that your worth is not determined by how much you can do for others, especially when you are already under a lot of stress and pressure.
## The Importance of Self-Care
Taking care of yourself is crucial during times of high stress and responsibility. It’s easy to neglect your own needs when you are constantly focused on meeting the needs of your family. However, practicing self-care is not selfish – it is essential for your well-being and mental health. Here are some ways you can prioritize self-care:
– Take breaks when you need them, even if it’s just for a few minutes to breathe and relax
– Delegate tasks to other family members if possible
– Set boundaries with your husband about what you can realistically handle
– Find time to do things that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it’s reading a book, taking a bath, or going for a walk
## Communicating Your Needs
It’s important to have open and honest communication with your husband about how you are feeling. Express your concerns and feelings in a calm and respectful manner. Let him know that you need his support and understanding during this challenging time. Remember, a healthy marriage is built on mutual respect, support, and communication.
## Finding Appreciation and Gratitude
Feeling unappreciated can be disheartening, but it’s important to find ways to cultivate gratitude and appreciation in your life. Sometimes, taking a step back and reflecting on the positive aspects of your relationships and life can help shift your perspective. Here are some ways to practice gratitude:
– Keep a gratitude journal and write down things you are thankful for each day
– Express appreciation towards your husband for the things he does do to support the family
– Focus on the positives in your life, such as your children, your health, and the love you share with your family
## Advice from Bhagavad Gita
In the Bhagavad Gita, there is a powerful message about the importance of selfless service and devotion. While it’s important to take care of your family and fulfill your responsibilities, it’s also important to remember that your worth is not defined by how much you do. Offering your actions to the greater good and practicing selfless service can help you find meaning and purpose in your daily life.
Remember, you are not “useless” just because you may not have the full capacity to do everything on your own. It’s okay to ask for help and prioritize your own well-being. You are a valuable and important member of your family, and your efforts and love do not go unnoticed.
Take care of yourself, communicate your needs, practice gratitude, and find ways to appreciate yourself for all that you do. You are stronger than you think, and you deserve to be supported and valued in your role as a wife and mother.
You can express calmly how it is making you feel, and why you perceive it as hypocritical. If that makes 0 difference then you need to weigh up if this is the life and treatment you want?
I think being called useless, is a red flag and possibly entering emotional abuse – heโs trying to make you feel guilty and through guilt get acts of service out of you.
You feel like a servant because he’s treating you like one.ย Who is he to say what time you get up?ย ย Who appointed him the sleep police?ย Stop giving into his demands and tell him to worry about himself.ย
We teach people how they can treat us. Youโve shown him youโre willing to tolerate this behavior, and it will continue until you stand up for yourself.
Also why the fuck are you allowing a group of people to disrupt your home for a MONTH? You have a say in what happens in your home.
Old Testament, but may strike a cord anyway. Basically G-d wants fasting to be meaningful and for the person who is fasting to learn to deprive themselves while still giving everything they can to those around them.
You canโt call it a good fast if youโre being a jerk to your family, ignoring your duties, or putting in a show. So tell him to pay attention to WHY he is fasting and to stop being an ass.
Isaiah 58: 3-7 (Is this the fast I desire?)
3 Why, when we fasted, did You not see? When we starved our bodies, did You pay no heed? Because on your fast day you see to your business and oppress all your laborers!
4 Because you fast in strife and contention, and you strike with a wicked fist! Your fasting today is not such as to make your voice heard on high.
5 Is such the fast I desire, a day for men to starve their bodies? Is it bowing the head like a bulrush and lying in sackcloth and ashes? Do you call that a fast, a day when Adonai is favorable?
6 No, this is the fast I desire: To unlock the fetters of wickedness, and untie the cords of the yoke to let the oppressed go free; to break off every yoke.
7 It is to share your bread with the hungry, and to take the wretched poor into your home; when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to ignore your own kin.”
Religion is the worst thing humanity ever invented.
he’s actions are the opposite of what he’s supposed to be doing as a fasting Muslim, heck Muslims used to go to wars while fasting and he can’t even wake up early and help? jeezย
All the questions you asked “why am I expected to do this” can only be answered by yourself.
You are actively choosing to stay with an ungrateful, lazy man. The whole reason people fast in Ramadan is to literally be a better person so he’s not even a practising Muslim.
You need to decide if you want to stay in a toxic environment. Only you are in control of your life.
Get therapy or even couples counselling but unless your lazy husband wants to change, you are stuck as long as you stay there.
He’s not doing the fasting properly. The whole point is that you continue to live life as normal while fasting, ideally you should actually be going out of your way to do extra acts of kindness or what have you, it’s supposed to be hard. Just tell him to either do it properly and stop whining or not do it. Half arsing it is just scummy and you shouldn’t have to suffer because he’s a bit of a shitty Muslim.ย
I donโt see how either of you have the expectation of sleeping in like that when youโve got little kids and company. Until the kids are old enough to make food for themselves and not kill each other or themselves, someone has to be up and supervising them. And I definitely canโt imagine sleeping in when I have guestsโthat just seems really rude.
We swap who gets up early on the weekends with kid/dogs if we donโt have to be up anyway for a game or something. Saturdays are mine to sleep in and Sundays are his. We clean together on Saturday for a couple hours and then I do the menu plan and grocery shop. I cook 4-5 days, he cooks 1-2 and we do leftovers the other days.
Unless youโre a stay at home parent, I donโt see why he would have an expectation that youโd be doing those things 100% on your own. And even if you put off some chores, no one should be calling you useless or any other kind of derogatory thing.
He sounds like a real jerk.
How in the world are any parents of three small children sleeping in until the hours the two of you sleep in until?
Is he even awake long enough for his fast to count? I think he sees himself as in charge and he is milking Ramadan on top of it. He reads like managers whose ears perk up if they hear laughter because they donโt think an employee who is having fun is working hard enough. So yeah, servant. But you are an adult and you donโt have to take this treatment. My dad hates the sleeping in concept. My mom loves it. They fought for years because he thought she was teaching their kids bad habits from it. They are very much at peace now at 40 years of marriage but it took frank conversations between both of them about what actions they genuinely felt bothered by and needed compromise on. Like mom canโt stand an unmade bed and dad canโt stand dishes in the sink at night. They both chose to adjust but some things arenโt the sort that one compromises on. Like respectโฆ
Tell thrm you didnโt sign up for this religious nonsense and they can join reality or GTFO.
The comment about you needing to โpractice waking up at 7amโ is enough to know that your husband doesnโt really care about you and your wellbeing. Thatโs the demand of someone who doesnโt like to see you at peace, they want you to constantly be working/performing. What sane person says that they want their spouse to wake up early for no real reason while they sleep in?
What did he say when you had this conversation with him?
Iโm not sure about this, but your post makes it sound like thereโs a big cultural difference between you and your husband. Are you of the same religion / culture? And if not, did you discuss this topic before?
For context – my family is not American but we live in America. My family members have different expectations of women than the norm in America. Many cultures view the womenโs role different and while itโs unfair of your husband to pin you into this role, did you know that he would expect this from you? Do the women in his family have certain expectations placed on them? These are all things you should discuss with your husband.
You are a servant
Don’t marry a Muslim?
He is. He is. He is. He is the problem. 3 children. Useless. I think not. He ought celebrate Ramadan personally. If you and your family can celebrate wonderful. Sleep on it. No. Sleep in on it. Shalom.
Don’t let this man break you down. No matter what you do, keep reminding yourself that you are not useless, and you actually do a lot for your family of 3 children and your 4th child, your husband. You’re a hard-working, time-managing beast of a mother. You sleep in if you want to sleep in. Did anyone die? No? Okay.
Good luck in your marriage. Don’t let your husband beat you into submission into traditional gender roles. Remember all the perfect housewives of the ’50s had no autonomy and had a little pill for everything. OFC they’d have to be drugged to be able to operate within the expectations that men and society expected of them during that time. Don’t let your husband turn you into that. You are not useless. You could probably do all of this minus the husband, and still be able to get through. On top of that, without someone in your ear telling you that you are useless.
You are in a crappy marriage. It probably won’t straighten itself out. Marriage takes both partners, which you guys are not.
no doubt kids are angels
That’s what happens when you marry a man who practices a religion that’s against women.
Well you married a Muslim ๐ I donโt know if you have any recollections of how they treat women ๐๐ I guess you didnโt