#Dating #Relationships #MenandWomen #LoveLife
Ok.. how many of you men out there are like me? 🤔 You know, a confident, good-looking guy who has a decent job and a great personality, but when it comes to romantic relationships, you just won’t chase a woman, period.
I’m pretty sure that I’m not the only one who feels this way. In fact, I have come across many other men who share the same sentiment. So, in this article, I want to explore this topic further and shed some light on why some men feel like pursuing women is a complete waste of time and effort.
Here’s why I won’t chase a woman:
Initiating interactions with no response: If I initiate with a woman multiple times in places we frequent, such as a weekly run group or work, and they don’t reciprocate the next time, I will assume they were just being nice and don’t want me bothering them. As a result, I will not pursue any further interactions with them.
Feeling like it’s a waste of time: It’s disheartening to put in effort and time into pursuing someone, only to be met with lukewarm responses or no response at all. It can feel like a complete waste of time and effort, which is why many men, including myself, choose to not chase women.
Believing they are out of our league: If a woman is someone I consider to be “out of my league,” I won’t even try to interact with them. This mindset stems from a lack of confidence and the fear of rejection, which leads to a reluctance to pursue women.
The impact on our dating lives: This approach may result in being single for a long time, or even indefinitely. While some may see this as a negative outcome, many men, like myself, are willing to accept this consequence rather than deal with the emotional toll of pursuing women who show no interest.
The confusion of women’s reactions: It’s worth mentioning that there have been instances where women were upset that I stopped initiating interactions with them, despite having done so multiple times before. This just adds to the confusion and reinforces the idea that pursuing women may not be worth the effort.
In conclusion, there are many reasons why some men, including myself, choose not to chase women. The emotional toll of pursuing someone who shows little to no interest, the fear of rejection, and the belief that some women are out of our league are all contributing factors. While this mindset may result in being single for an extended period, many men are willing to accept it as a trade-off for avoiding unnecessary emotional strain.
So, to all the men out there who can relate to this sentiment, you’re not alone. It’s important to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being and not feel pressured to pursue women if it feels like a waste of time and effort. Remember that it’s okay to take a step back and focus on yourself until you find someone who appreciates your efforts.
I hope this article has shed some light on why some men choose not to chase women, and I invite you to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Let’s start a conversation about this topic and explore different perspectives. Thank you for reading! 😊
As a woman, if a man talks to me twice and then doesn’t talk to me again, I’m just going to think I said something stupid and overthink every next conversation I have with you and how I probably fucked up
Thats not a bad rule though i don’t think putting people in ‘leagues’ is a healthy mindset. I’ve seen plenty of average and even conventionally unattractive looking dudes with hot girlfriends and vice versa. you should put in as much effort as you get out no more no less
Nothing wrong with that. Build yourself, eventually someone will come around
Pretty similar, except my cutoff is 3 not 2, and I wouldn’t go all “never talk again,” I would just stop pursuing. Women who are “out of my league” I’m pretty agnostic about. I’ll interact I just won’t make the first move. I did manage to date a chick who was like objectively a 9/10, didn’t really know how that happened, until she stole my car and drove it drunk across three state lines and crashed it in a ditch, so, you know, there’s a lesson in everything.
>But…. when it comes to romantic relationships….I flat out won’t chase a woman, period. As in- if I initiate with a woman twice in a row, if they don’t initiate the next time, we will never talk again.
Same
>If they are someone i consider out of my league hot…I won’t even trying to interact with them.
eliminate leagues in terms of looks and you definitely won’t be single for long. Now a women with like thousands of followers / stream e-girl is the only type of woman I will not bother with
I’m what you call a 666 man (over 6ft, 6 figure salary, 6 pack abs). I dress well, have nice skin, eyes, etc. I know women are attracted to me because my results prove it.
HOWEVER, I’ve still been rejected waaaay more times than I closed because women are extremely finicky, emotional based creatures. You can check off all the boxes and she’ll still reject you because of the “vibe” or Venus was in retrograde that day or whatever other nonsense they tell themselves.
The point is, don’t sweat it. It’s a numbers game. And actually, the best women to approach are the ones you think are out of your league because most men are intimidated by their beauty. I’ve hooked up with more 7s and above than average looking girls once I starting not caring about their rejection.
Just adopt a, “Ok, your loss” mindset and you’ll be fine. Just keep shooting.
Gay guy here but pretty much the exact same…
I’ll definitely initiate conversation with a guy I’m interested in… even if he’s out of my league lol. But I’m not the type of guy that’s ever going to *chase* someone I’m interested. I may reach out a couple of times, but I won’t really put any more effort in beyond that.
If I don’t feel there’s mutual interest I move on. Not only because I have self respect, but also because the feeling of having to *chase* someone that I’m interested in who’s not reciprocating is kind of a turn off for me.
Like most men… I want to feel wanted. Otherwise I’m perfectly happy being single.
Mine was three, not two, but yeah.
And, we are all human and relationships are not sports.
There are no “leagues”.
You simply never know when, or why, chemistry will ZAP two people and love happens.
Here
I am not interested in romantic relationships, and I don’t have high enough libido to feel the need to initiate anything with girls, but when they come up to me and hit on me in club if I like them I sometimes hook up with them.
Also while I am not saying that you are not above average looking, most people think this of themselves. Like 90% of people rate themselves as 7/10, so you might be aiming out of your league when looking for potential partners.
Literally me, except I’m ugly.
Yep. My go to ice-breaker if I want to initiate a friendship or even just open up a line of communication is to ask someone “I need help finding new songs for my playlist, what’s your favorite song?” (This isn’t the FIRST THING I say, I mean for people who I already know their name and they know mine) So far one person has asked me the question back during a follow up conversation about my opinion on the track in question (I’ll wait a couple days and come back with feedback) but if they don’t care to ask me back or suggest a different/additional song then I’m gonna assume they don’t really want to progress the conversation with me. I’m not really gonna put up any more effort after that.
Edit: Oh I’m like a 6 or 7, maybe 8 after a good haircut/beard trim and with the right outfit.
Unless you’re a professional athlete or a celebrity of some kind, you gotta chase women if you want them.
Women like being chased. They like knowing they’re wanted. And it shows you’re worth the commitment. They put a lot of effort into being attractive to men and it seems fair to me that we put a bit of effort into getting to know them.
Sure, don’t be a doormat or a pest. But also, don’t drop the ball when you’re 10 yards from the end zone.
Yeah, it’d be great if it was a bit more equal but it isn’t and it won’t ever be.
Define “chase.” I’d give girls a certain amount of time after a date to follow up, after which if I’m interested and they haven’t gone out of their way I’ll try initiating contact. If it’s a persistent behavior after two or three dates if the prior date went well, I’m out
Would be nice to see the age. I think men over 35 are more proactive, but maybe I am mistaken.
Couple of times guys disappeared after 2 or 3 good dates (with no sex), I just thought they found someone better and didn’t bother them.
What do you mean by “initiate”? Are you making your intentions clear?
Are you making small talk a few times or asking the girl out to go on a date twice and they gave excuses?
Funny how both sides don’t wanna bother each other but again expect to follow up again. The key here you have to let them know you wanna date them. Girls most of them will not initiate period!!
I have only ever dated women out of my league my entire life.
But when I was younger they were the ones approaching me mostly.
Now that I’m older I’ve learned that I have to put in more work, women expect a lot more. The good ones do anyway.
But I’m with you on not chasing. I will initiate so long as there is some reciprocation. If they drop out of my life I will never contact them for as long as I live.
If they’re at least making an effort to make things work then so am I. Even if I’m putting in a little more effort. It’s not something I’m keeping track of.
Lost me at the first sentence but really good for you all.
Same. If I text or call a gal and don’t get a response… Done-zo
I pay for 1st and 2nd date. If she doesn’t at least offer to pitch in or pay for 3rd altogether… Done-zo
I spend zero time or mental effort on such nonsense
Hmm, while I agree with the principle I wonder if there’s maybe something more you could do besides simply initiate a conversation. How come you’re not just straight up asking them out after you’ve establish that there’s a vibe?
Also, what the specific context here? How are you seeing the same women repeatedly? Is this at work or something?
Rigid rules are not in your best interest.
I feel like you have really low self esteem even tho you have a high opinion of yourself. No women is unattainable, often the ones “out of your league” get treated like lepers because no man wants to face the rejection. Out kick your coverage brother and go talk to the lady that’s out of your league. You’ve already had confirmation they are upset you don’t persuade them into a date!
I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but it gets a lot worse.
Yeah I’m the same. Why chase someone who isn’t reciprocating?
I’m the exact same way, that’s wild how similar. Although it is more lonely, it is fulfilling because I sit and wonder as much as it seems others do. Why would you chase a girl that isn’t reciprocating? & when it’s a girl that is reciprocating, it’s very rewarding because I don’t have to wonder if she’s into me, because she’s telling me she is with her actions. You seem to have a logical approach to talking/dating so I’d keep with it.
I wouldn’t try to initiate a possibly romantic relationship with women who haven’t given me any kind of indication they would be receptive to it.
I know conventional wisdom is that men have to chase, but to me if I have to chase someone that means they don’t want to be caught. Also, I’ve seen the way women act around men they are genuinely interested in. They’re receptive; they initiate; they make it easy. If I have to initiate everything that tells me that she’s just not that into me, so I stop. I’m not wasting my time trying to “win her over.” Now I’m fairly unattractive so this may mean I die single, but I’m alright with that. At least I can spend my life doing things I enjoy instead of going through repeated rejection.
It’s the paradox of choice and the prettier women tend to be addicted to validation/attention they get on the internet. Look at the absolute decline of birth rates, marriage, and generally people are hitting milestones later and later in life. It’s not just your fault it’s a society wide problem.
My advice is to firstly meet as many women in real life as possible, not by hitting on them, you can just have conversations with them and sometimes it evolves into a dating opportunity – it’s also just good practive to be able to chat to a woman like a normal person.
I personally like instagram because it’s a very low impact tool for nursing “loose” connections. A heart on a story, a reply every once in a while – it’s a lot easier and takes the pressure off the situation.
Finally, I agree with not chasing but we all have off days/weeks/months. You never know what is going on in someone’s life so while I agree that you should keep self-respect, don’t write off someone for good just because of pride. You have a few options if they don’t respond but I’ll either:
– Leave it a bit and hit em with the “hey stranger” after a couple weeks
– You can also do a break up text (generally if you have met already) i.e. “Hey, I enjoyed meeting you but hadn’t heard back from you. I don’t know if something came up or if maybe this isn’t the right fit, but hope everything is okay. No hard feelings either way.”
Also just enjoy experimenting – try different approaches (no one has all the answers).
Don’t think of women as something to go after or catch. A woman doesn’t want a guy who approaches them just because they want a woman. I love my wife because I love and want her, not just a woman.
Women aren’t a challenge or a conquest or a prize. It’s about having a partner who you enjoy and hopefully love for who they are. They also aren’t just a checklist of things you want, like searching for a vacation spot.
The best way to be confident with women is to feel confident in who you are and what you like. Then it can come more naturally.
Full disclosure, I met my wife online. I know that it is a challenge, but, no matter how you do meet someone, you’ll do better when you are at peace and comfort with yourself and look for someone who is a match for that.
My cutoff tends to be 3 consecutive or if I hit that 2-3 consecutive a couple times in a row
I don’t give two shits about “league” though. If I like someone. That’s all there is to it. Doesn’t matter what their attractiveness or status is, if I’m into them they’ll get treated the same as anyone else I’m into
My wife growing up had a tomboy look and wasn’t too popular or considered attractive.
Then she had a glow up in university and became an easy 10/10. Way out of my league, objectively speaking.
So lessons to be learned…
There are some people who have been attractive their whole lives and had everything handed to them. Attractive people are ultimately the most privileged people in the world (it’s a real thing! There are plenty of articles about pretty privilege in respectable academic journals and media)
But if you discount every attractive person, you are missing out on all those people who had chubby faces, weird hairstyles, and parents who bought them cheap brands growing up, and never had the benefit of everyone sucking up to them their whole lives. It is truly the ultimate win when you end up with someone who has character from the trials of life/never having things handed to them, and is also a total smoke show.
And you might be giving up too soon. You should cross reference signs of interest with signs of disinterest. There are plenty of girls who may have been shy or bookish (AKA. My missus). Or maybe they come from a more traditional culture/family. Their signs of interest are going to be completely different or more slowly revealed. There are also some people who may be defensive due to trauma or other aspects of growing up. So it’s a little difficult to figure them out. There’s no reason to sell yourself short, and give up so easily.
Apparently women, who don’t think they are in ANY WAY part of the problem, will have a whole-ass conversation, smile, be totally into it, and then have just been “being nice” the whole time. Then, next girl, you’re doing the same, and she’s thinking “JUST ASK ME!” and then you don’t because the last girl dorked you over. You don’t ask because you’re sure she’s being nice, and she mentally trash cans you.
Just have your conversations and move on. If they want to be all girly and confuse the shit out of folks, let them. That’s not a failing on you. You approached, you held a conversation, you showcased your personality, and they had to do fuck all and dropped the ball. That’s not you.
Who dares sometimes wins, who dares not forever loses.
I’d rather take a small chance of success than a self imposed failure by not trying. The “Out of your league” mentality is bs. I’ve known a lot of really good looking women that were into “ugly men”. You never will know til you try.
I’m pretty much the same as what you described. I have a two text rule; if I text and you don’t respond, I’ll assume it was bad timing to get back to me. If you don’t respond to a text the next day, I’ll never talk to you again.
Short story. I met a girl at a wedding in September, and we really hit it off. We talked for a week, and I asked her out. She said she wanted to, but had prior plans, no big deal. We talked for a while, I asked her out again, nope her brothers birthday, but she really wanted to see me. I left for vacation, when I got back home, I asked to just meet for coffee, she really wants to, but just can’t find time. There’s no way she’s that busy, or can’t even find a half hour to spend with me who she claims to really enjoy my company. I’ve never spoken to her again.
Why bother.
This is just one of those self-conflicting intersections of peoples’ beliefs that tends to exist in the collective blind spot.
As a man, at the same time, you’re expected to:
– be socially aggressive enough to pursue, irrespective of social risk, but also be sensitive enough to intuit the woman’s perception of you (despite the fact interest and disinterest often exhibits in the same behavior), ie. mind-read
– be invested enough to pursue authentically, but uninvested enough to be outcome-independent in case of rejection.
– be casual enough that you’re not pushy or “thirsty”, but also direct enough that you pull the communication weight both involved adults
– present enough that you can demonstrate that you’re invested, but aloof enough that you give her space to come to you, or don’t come across as “clingy”
The list goes on and on. At the end of the day, it’s a tightrope game. Don’t feel bad that you don’t get it. Most men don’t. The rules of engagement aren’t linear, and there’s no *real* shame in things not working out, outside of you torturing yourself over it.
I mean, you talk to someone twice, and then decide after that if they don’t seek you out that they are not worthy of your time? Am I reading this right? Because this isn’t how the world works. Man or woman. Sounds like the only person slamming the door in your face is yourself.
Pretty similar. We should all unionize.
I’m ugly as fuck and I will hit on most anything w a vagina.
You go further than I do. I engage, if they cut it off I don’t try again.
Did that once before looked like fool. Had several women over the years come back and tell me how pissed off they were,that no meant no…. they wanted me to chase and I just disappear.
Even when they came back around. I wasn’t mean.
You said no so that is a no. No always mean no, and maybe always mean no and sometimes yes means no. I didn’t set these dumbass rules you said them, I heard you and said “well I’m ugly, what else is new.”
Yup pretty much me too. I’m fine with rejection but the lack of reciprocation in any way shows true colors I’m not ok with
I’m tired, boss.
100% agree with the chasing sentiment. chasing is stupid; if a girl is truly interested and wants you there will be no “chase”. a relationship should be 2 people equally interested in one another rather than one chasing and pining after the other.
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when i was single and going on dates, my bar for women showing interest wasn’t unreasonable and if she didn’t meet it, we just were not compatible. and that is ok! i prefer someone who is expressive, communicative and assertive rather than shy or reserved
so you approach every women as a potential mate ?
i`m the same these days. When i was in my 20s i used to chase a lot, with 0 outcome. Then i stopped doing it and chances started to appear out of the blue. I don`t think it`s luck. I think women can smell your dispair and it`s a major turn off. If you`re chill and confident, you`re much more likely to score.