#ParentingDilemmas #StepFamilyStruggles #HorseLovers
Hey there! Dealing with exes and stepfamilies can be quite a challenge, especially when it comes to blending different personalities and dynamics. In this case, the situation seems particularly complicated with the added element of horses involved. Let’s break it down and explore the various aspects of this dilemma.
### The Background Story
It seems like the relationship between the kids and Mandy, the stepdaughter, has been rocky from the start. Her behavior towards Bonnie has been less than ideal, causing discomfort and tension within the family. However, the dynamics seemed to slightly improve once Mandy learned about the horses on the property. This raises some interesting questions about motives and intentions.
### The Request to Ride the Horses
When Donna, Mandy’s mother, reached out to request riding lessons or access to the horses, you were faced with a difficult decision. It’s understandable that you declined her request, given the strained relationship between Mandy and your children. You have the right to set boundaries and prioritize your children’s comfort and well-being.
### Setting Boundaries and Prioritizing Your Kids
As a parent, your primary responsibility is to ensure the safety and happiness of your children. If they feel uncomfortable around Mandy or have expressed their dislike towards her, it’s important to respect their feelings. By refusing to allow Mandy near the horses or on your property, you are prioritizing your kids’ emotions and maintaining a sense of security for them.
### Handling Communication with the Ex and His Family
When Ralph brought Mandy over without prior consent and requested access to the horses, you stood your ground and established your boundaries. It’s crucial to communicate openly and assertively with your ex about what you are comfortable with and what is best for your children. While it may lead to disagreements or conflicts at times, it’s essential to prioritize the well-being of your family.
### Final Thoughts
In the end, you are not the AH (A**hole) for wanting to protect your children and maintain boundaries within your family dynamic. It’s crucial to listen to your kids’ feelings, set clear boundaries, and prioritize their comfort and safety above all else. While navigating complex relationships with exes and stepfamily members can be challenging, your dedication to your children’s well-being shines through in this situation. Stay strong, trust your instincts, and continue to advocate for your family’s happiness.
Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your children’s emotional well-being and set boundaries that align with their best interests. You’re doing a great job as a parent, so keep up the good work! 🐎💕
If you have any more questions or need further advice, feel free to reach out. Good luck!
NTA — you told him once, he did not listen, so you had to say something when she showed up
NTA
Mandy cooked her own goose with her behaviour.
Bonnie is entitled to a safe space away from her step-sister.
NTA you set a clear boundary and they continue to try to break it. You’ve asked multiple times it seems and they keep pushing. You stood your ground and didn’t give in. You’re only doing what’s right for your kids and protecting them from a bully. Can’t see how that makes you an asshole.
NTA. No means no. Trying to manipulate you by bringing Mandy is low.
NTA, if you give them an inch they will think they can stomp all over your boundaries for ever. The best thing for Mandy to learn is that No means no
You are providing a safe space for your kids and for your horses and for yourself. Stand your ground because it is your responsibility to do so and you have every right to. NTA
Nta. This whole ordeal started because Mandy could not stop being a shitty person to her half/step sibling.
I would not let her come around either until she apologized and even then it wouldn’t even be at home let alone around the horses.
Mandy’s trying to be nice because she wants something from your kids since now she wants to play with the horses
NTA you have boundaries
NTA. Once you agree to allow Mandy to see and ride the horses, she will revert to treating Bonnie exactly the same as she did before. Because she will have gotten what she wants and no longer needs to keep up the charade. Mandy is STILL making the entire situation about her. Mandy is the one behind the requests by Ralph and Donna to allow Mandy to get what she wants. Mandy is the one who asked to come to pick up the kids even though she knows that she is not wanted on your property. She is the source of all the interfamily conflict. She should NOT be rewarded by getting what she wants. And I repeat, once you cave to her request, she will immediately go back to treating Bonnie badly. Because she did before and got what she wanted in the end anyway. So why should she behave differently?
NTA.
And tell him that if he keeps it up, a judge will be brought in to decide if your kids have to see him AT ALL, while he’ll still be on the hook for even more child support.
NTA. Mandy bullied your daughter. She got her friends to bully your daughter. Your kids don’t like her. Mandy is manipulating everyone and everything just so she can get what she wants. You said no because of very valid reasons. And it sounds like Mandy is also a spoiled and entitled brat. Stick to your guns, OP. You’re doing the right thing.
NTA. Not a horse person here, but from what I understand, you don’t fuck around with horses because they can easily kill you with a kick if you spook them or something. If Mandy has shown in any way she is purposefully mean to people or oblivious to social interactions with your daughter, then you don’t wanna chance her being the same with horses. Then it would be “your fault.” Also, you don’t wanna be a doormat for mean people.
NTA. Put your kids first. I have had enough of mothers who sacrificing their own children for others.
Nta make sure to remind her mother that Mandy bullies Bonnie at school, that you had to rearrange their visit to their dad’s house because of Mandy behavior and all of this has consequences.
NTA.
You set a boundary and enforced it. It was a reasonable boundary. No one is entitled to see or ride your horses without your say – especially someone who was bullying your kid. Your ex tried to see if he could get away with crossing that boundary but you stood your ground. I see nothing wrong with your actions here. You did the right thing.
F Mandy you stick up for your kid. Your ex is the dick here and he shouldn’t have brought Mandy.
The bottom line is here is that Mandy is not your family and is owed nothing from you. She isnt even your kids family. Im sure you could have involved her in some activities with your own kids but the moment she started bullying your daughter all bets are off.
Donna and your ex have balls to even ask if she can be incorporated.
NTA
NTA. Guess what OP Mandy is finally learning consequences!! And this is a good thing. She is learning that she can’t bully someone and then be invited around by her victim because they have something Mandy wants.
You have no obligation to this child. I’m sure there are other horses in the world that her family can pay to have her learn to ride but she doesn’t get to be so mean to your children that you guys had to switch up the custody schedule so they arent at your exs place at the same time and then feel entitled to their safe spaces.
Nta
Just keep being you, Op. You are teaching Mandy that she can’t manipulate you. Saying it to your ex in front of her was probably best.
She isn’t too young to hear the truth about how most people treat lying manipulative behavior. She knows exactly what she’s doing. You are just showing her it won’t work on you and you have your kids’ backs.
INFO: what kinds of things was Mandy saying to Bonnie? Could you give some examples?
Nta not just for separating the kids for kid reasons. But a child you don’t trust shouldn’t be on your horses. You have so many liability issues if she decides to act a fool and get hurt. It’s best not to go down that road. Far too much risk
‘Just a couple times a week’ lol
NTA a horse isn’t a cute little puppy. You don’t just run over and start playing with it. Way too many opportunities for a child to get hurt around horses. Especially a child with an attitude that doesn’t listen. We never allowed any kids to ride our horses and only a few adults that rode well already.
NTA. Mandy is only being nice to Bonnie to get what she wants, which is access to your horses. Once she gets that she’ll go back to treating Bonnie like crap. Stand your ground with your ex. He should also realize that you ***don’t*** have to give Mandy a chance because she isn’t your kid and will never live with you.
Mandy is manipulating Ralph with her tears. Someone, who is not you, should point that out to him.