#MentalHealth #IntrusiveThoughts #HealingJourney
Hey everyone,
I wanted to reach out because I’m struggling with something really heavy, and I think talking about it can help. After going through a trauma, specifically an assault by a family member, I’ve started having these really strange and confusing thoughts that I never experienced before. 😔
🌟 Here’s what’s on my mind:
- Before the assault: I was completely against any kind of incestuous ideas. Honestly, I found them pretty gross and just couldn’t wrap my head around why anyone would think like that.
- After the assault: My mind has basically flipped upside down. I suddenly find myself feeling an unusual attraction to my assaulter, despite everything. It’s so frustrating because I genuinely don’t want to feel this way!
- Intrusive thoughts: I want to classify these feelings as just that—intrusive thoughts—but it’s becoming harder to ignore that part of me that has, for some reason, started seeing things differently. 😣
- The shame: I know I would never act on these thoughts. The idea of doing anything with my family members is repugnant to me. Yet, there’s this nagging part of my mind that scares me. How am I even having these feelings?
It’s overwhelming, and I hate that I’m even having these thoughts. I feel trapped not only in my memories but also in this shameful cycle of feelings. I can’t bring myself to talk about it with anyone, and I’m not really sure how to navigate this.
💭 So I’m asking you all: Have any of you grappled with similar thoughts after experiencing trauma? How did you cope? Any tips or insights would be greatly appreciated! Let’s create a space where we can support each other through our journeys.
Thanks for listening! 💖
Nah wtf
Well, your feeling would align with the evidence of sexual assault cycles. Google cycle of sexual abuse you will find lots of literature
In a lot of S/A cases people will start to have sexual fantasies about their perpetrator or a similar situation as a means to regain a sense of control over what happened. Its the minds way of protecting itself from what had happened and prepare for any future situations. Human sexuality and psychology is really interesting but also a little strange.
Wow, I’m glad to see some very well-informed people got to you right away. Excellent.
Yeah, the worst thing you can do right now is be hard on yourself.
I know *way* more about sex crime than anyone who’s not working in the field should, because it was kinda unavoidable. One of my ex girlfriends liked one of those police story shows, and we were together for almost two years.
I refuse to let these memories live in my head rent-free, so I tell everyone whatever I can. *Something* good needs to come from it 😑
Not only are the fantasies normal, but there’s something called Consensual Non-Consent that is very effective when used as a coping mechanism, if executed properly. I can’t in good conscience recommend it, because I don’t think it’s my place since I’m not a victim, but the science behind it is solid.
This second thing is unpleasant for many, but it’s best to rip the bandaid off ASAP. I know it’s real life and not fiction, but since this isn’t gonna be revealed on a large scale until the future, spoiler alert etiquette applies.
>!Incestuous *fantasies* (Key word “fantasies”. Different from actually doing it) are not unusual, and never have been. Explaining the validity of that would be a long enough tangent that it would seem like I’m using what happened to you as a springboard to vocalize my own stuff, so I won’t. I’m only telling you about it to reduce your stress level.!<
*Nothing* that’s going through your head right now is weird. You’re not disgusting. You’re a victim and you need to heal. Be patient with yourself 🙂
You’re having a normal reaction to a very traumatic event. The best you can do is be kind to yourself and get counselling if possible.
nothing to add but hope you’re doing well
See if you still feel the same with post nut clarity, your true feelings should manifest during that period of time
You’re not alone! But remember: what we *fantasize* about doesn’t define us, and often isn’t even related to or representative of our IRL sexual desires
It’s very common for victims of sexual assault to relive their assault, either in fantasy or sometimes by victimizing others. So don’t feel like the lone ranger. I mean this is super common. You would not surprise any therapist by telling them. I am sorry that you have to relive it and that is makes you feel bad when you do. Please try and get some professional help if you can.