“Is it wrong for me to doubt my wife when she says she’s okay with us calling our daughter by different names? #BabyNames #Compromise #ParentingConflict”
### The Situation
My wife and I are expecting our first child, a daughter, and we can’t agree on a name. She likes classic names like Elizabeth and Esther, while I prefer more unique ones such as Indigo and Lyric.
### The Compromise
We came up with a compromise where one of us picks the first name and the other picks the middle name. However, I’m skeptical that this compromise will last because my wife might not actually be okay with me calling our daughter by a different name.
### My Doubt
Despite my wife saying she’s fine with it, I’m hesitant to believe her due to past disagreements. Should I trust her word or should I push to trial it out before our daughter arrives?
### Final Question
Am I being unreasonable for doubting my wife’s willingness to accept calling our daughter by different names? #ParentingDilemma #CommunicationIssues #DecisionMaking
ESH
You know who’s gonna suffer here? This poor kid who won’t know her own name and will constantly have her parents forcing their preferred name on her until she’s expected to “pick a side”.
Y’all are both supposed to be adults about to have a child. You’re way past the time when *you* can be the childish ones. Both of you put your adult undergarments on and sit yourselves down and hash this out. Pick a name you can both agree on or put names in a hat and pick and then be done with it. Whatever works.
YTA Do not saddle your child with some horrible “unique” name. Tiffany with an “i” is embarrassing when you are applying for a job or signing a business letter. My friend’s husband wanted to name their baby a “unique” name she told me the name and I said it’s a nice name. The name was Portia. The only problem was instead of being Portia like the character in the Merchant of Venice it was Porsche, the car.
You both need to resolve this because having a child requires you to have a common goal and a united front.
You need to decide a workable compromise; for example she gets first name you get middle name, and then if you haven’t divorced and have a second you get first and she gets second, include a couple of vetoes into the agreement.
You are NTA for recognising the silliness of planning to call your daughter different names.
ESH
If your post question was re compromise I’d have voted not T A because you’ve made an effort to.
You both suck for not thinking about your kid & that it’s not fair that they might have confusion about what they’re called.
“I told her I know how much she hates not getting her way on certain things and this is a big thing to her.”
Sorry to say it but I think this is what the real issue is. If your wife gets her way on this it’s going to be a constant reminder that you give in to her on stuff you really don’t want to.
Therefore you need to:
1. Both be adult & pick a name you can both live with.
2. Get into couples counselling if you can’t learn to compromise so you have solutions you can both live with in life. As opposed to one person always giving in & being ticked off about it.
Best of luck.
Edit: repeated word
YTA
Unless you live in 1969 San Francisco, you don’t get to call your kids Indigo/Indie, Lyric, ~~Elodie~~, Dove, Sunny, Scout, or Calia. And Lyra is pretty borderline too.
Just because it worked for you, does not mean it’ll work for them. I mean, come on, a girl called “Scout”? What are you smoking?
If you agreed on Elizabeth, your wife could call her Elizabeth and you could call her Libby. I’ve only met one Libby in my life so could also be seen as a uncommon name.
ETA: After your responses YTA, you’re not willing to compromise a baby’s name should be two yeses
ESH. This is not about just a name, it’s a power struggle. How are you going to raise a child together if you’re going to play games trying to control each other over every little issue? No give and take? You’re both willing to put your child in the middle of a struggle. Selfish.
Look, why don’t you just agree that one of you picks the first name, the other will pick the nickname (or the name the child will generally be called by. That’s a win-win. Or whatever works. At the end of the day, this is not a survival-threatening issue. Work together!
Sorry, but your name suggestions sound like names on My Little Pony-characters.
ESH find a name that works for an ADULT not a child. Babies are babies for mere moments of their life. And it’s a two yes situation. Don’t make it into a competition because it isn’t.
And for the record, I call my baby “Sock” most of the time (but in my language) and she has a very traditional name. Let nicknames be nicknames and names be something that works for adults. It doesn’t have to be old fashioned or super boring but it’s better to not let that child have to tell every co-worker in the world “I have strange parents”.
My step-sister changed her name the DAY she turned 18 and have never looked back because her dad choose an Indian name for her. She, nor her father or anyone she is related to, is Indian.
You can’t call your kid different names, that’s not fair on the kid. From someone who wanted a more ‘unusual’ name when I was pregnant – stick with something classic. It makes your kids life so much easier, from when they are young to when they are an adult applying for jobs. If you want something more unusual, look for a historical name that’s fallen out of use.
Here’s my suggestion. Both write a list of 20 names that you like. Try to consider what your spouse would find appealing. Swap lists. Each pick 2 names from your partners list. Put the names in a bag, pick one out. That’s your kids name.
Esh.
YTA. You need to come to a compromise because this is a human being who’s going to have to bear the name you giver her. You must be aware that a stupid name can blight a child’s life. BTW your name choices are not very good. No wonder your wife is annoyed.
ESH. This isn’t a ‘compromise’, this is you two playing games with naming your daughters name and identity like she’s a doll and not a living breathing person.
Why can’t y’all do something normal, like picking out a traditional name that comes with a ‘unique’ nickname instead of calling her two completely different things, or even just saying “You name the first child, I’ll name the second” (maybe not ideal but i’ve seen parents do it). Or hell, just look more into finding names you both like??
I don’t even think the idea of giving her a normal first name and a ‘unique’ middle name is even bad either. Definitely don’t call her two separate names like some sort of fucked up competition, but generally the middle name is where you can have more fun and go with something she can choose to go by but won’t be stuck getting called her whole life if she, as many kids do, has problems with walking around with a name like *Scout.*
YTA. Your child is a human being not a object. Can’t you just look at list of names until you find one you both like?
How about you think of the child’s life? School, work ect.? Do you think for one second that lyric and Geraldine won’t be bullied? I mean at some point there’s always teasing no matter the name but why make things worse?
How about instead of thinking of yourself think of the child?
Esh you both are quite inflexible, but also your name choices are not great. People like normal names, one day she will have a real job, a career, relationships, she needs to have a name thantcan grow with her. Indie and Scout sound like a dog’s names
What about Beatrix and you call her Bea or Trixie? They both seem more like your kind of name.
I’m going to go with ESH too, though it sounds like your wife is being more rigid than you are. Isn’t there a baby name app where you swip left or right on names and it shows you everything that both of you liked?
Pick the name Lydia.
It’s a compromise of both tastes
ESH
Pick something that everyone knows how to pronounce and spell and is an obvious name as the first name. Don’t saddle your baby with something trendy that they’ll struggle with.
Cutesy, you-neek, creative names are for nicknames or middle names.
As for what to call your baby — the kid will likely have 12 nicknames/terms of endearment by the time they’re a month old. As long as y’all figure out what the kid should call themselves by the time they start kindergarten, the kid won’t be confused or screwed up.
Bottom line – let your wife pick the first name, you pick the middle name, and stop arguing with each other.
ESH
Your wife because she suggested the compromise – which is not a good way to go about this whole situation no matter what. You guys need to agree on this.
You’re one because TBH all your names are more suitable for a dog, than a human being, whos’ going to grow up with the name.
Sit down and find some common ground. It should be possible to find a name you can both agree on somehow.
YWBTA if you each call your daughter different names. A person’s name is central to their identity. Imagine the message you’ll be sending if your daughter grows up with 2 different names because her parents can’t reach an agreement.
Please also keep in mind that uncommon names often have a shelf life. A 40 year old woman named Dove or Sunny is not cute. As for Scout: naming your child after a character in a much-loved book is not giving her an unusual or uncommon name.
Sounds to me like you both need to grow up and learn the art of compromise. Not “but she agreed to Briony and then changed her mind!”, but ACTUAL compromise.
Suggestion: We had a book of about a 1,000 names. I’m the fussier and the faster reader so I went thru and crossed out all the names I didn’t like. My husband then went through just the remaining ones and crossed out those he didn’t like. Girls’ names that left a very short list
Your wife’s names are much nicer than the ones you have picked. This poor kid is going to grow up so confused. ESH
ESH but I’m mostly on your wife’s side. It is ridiculous to suggest you call your kid two different names. But more importantly your child doesn’t need a special unique name, she needs one that people can pronounce and that she won’t feel embarrassed by when she’s 40. Listen to your wife. Pick a normal name and then maybe you can pick a nickname linked to it. This is why every country needs a baby name list, these stupid names are out of hand.
YTA. You’re naming a child, not a puppy.
“Indigo/Indie, Lyric, Elodie, Lyra, Dove, Sunny, Scout, Calia” These are not names. Your wife’s choices are actual names fitting an actual human being. Grow up give your daughter a proper name.
Elodie very much fits your wife’s theme. Is there a reason she doesn’t like that?