I’m really sorry to hear about what you’ve gone through. It’s important to address this issue with your boyfriend and have an open and honest conversation about it. Here are some suggestions on how to approach this situation:
1. Prioritize your emotions: Before talking to your boyfriend, give yourself some time to process your emotions. It can be overwhelming and upsetting to have your hair ripped out, so take the time you need to calm down and gather your thoughts.
2. Choose the right time and place: Find a quiet, calm environment where you can have a serious discussion without interruptions. Make sure both of you are in a calm state of mind and have enough time to fully address the issue.
3. Express your feelings: When you start the conversation, it is crucial to express how you feel about what happened. Use ‘I’ statements to communicate how you experienced the incident, such as “I felt hurt, upset, and violated when you pulled my hair so forcefully.”
4. Communicate your boundaries: Clearly explain the boundaries you have regarding your hair and pain tolerance. Let him know that pulling your hair in a way that causes pain or damage is not acceptable to you, even if it happens unintentionally. Reiterate that you have communicated this before and it is important for him to respect your limits.
5. Seek an apology: Request a sincere apology from your boyfriend. It is important for him to acknowledge his mistake, take responsibility for his actions, and show genuine remorse. An apology should include an understanding of the impact his actions had on you and a commitment to avoid repeating such behavior in the future.
6. Discuss preventive measures: Talk about ways to avoid similar incidents in the future. Brainstorm solutions together, such as using a more gentle touch during intimate moments or finding alternative ways to enhance pleasure that don’t involve pulling your hair.
7. Consider red flags: Reflect on your relationship as a whole. It’s essential to analyze whether this incident is an isolated case or part of a pattern of abusive behavior. If your boyfriend’s actions have caused you serious physical or emotional harm in the past, or if there are other signs of abuse, it may be necessary to seriously reconsider the future of the relationship.
8. Seek professional support (if necessary): If you find this incident to be part of a larger pattern or feel unsafe in your relationship, it could be beneficial to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide guidance and support as you navigate through this difficult situation.
Remember, your feelings and wellbeing are important. If your boyfriend is unable to understand and respect your boundaries, it may be necessary to reevaluate the relationship and prioritize your own safety and happiness.
Dump him.
He was told not to do something and he just kept fucking doing it until you had your hair ripped out. And even then he’s trying to justify it?
If you can’t trust him to respect your boundaries, you shouldn’t sleep with him. For your own safety.
Is he really worth it? Maybe you should rethink the relationship as a whole, after all, he was unapologetic about your hair when he knew how important it is to you.
Why keep doing it, if he’s not respecting your wishes?
“You don’t respect me. This is over.”
I couldn’t get past this. Sue him if he’s not willing to pay for whatever is necessary to make your hair look like it did before he pulled it out.
I’m kinda curious what you think the options are here. I mean above and beyond dumping him.
Talk to him about it? You LEAVE HIM! ThIs was just a preview of things that can be worse in the future.
This man knows this behavior gives you headaches and was warned he could hurt you more but doesn’t care and continues to do it anyway, dump him. You didn’t mention him apologizing after, it seems he was just defensive and cares more about his own nut than the person he is supposed to love and care for.
I bet he gets this from porn.
Dump him.
“If you’re unable to control your actions when pulling my hair while getting head to the point that you physically injure me I don’t feel comfortable giving you head anymore”
Then leave.
this is physical and sexual abuse. dump his ass
Why would you want to talk to him about it? Just dump the prick.
Block his number and move on. He has no respect for you and uses you like a flesh light. You are getting nothing out of this but baldness and abuse. Is it worth going bald and paying extra for a stylist for this guy? You can put that money towards therapy to learn to love yourself and expect better for yourself. He’s not sorry about what he did. But you should be sorry for ever giving this guy a chance.
Took me about a full minute before I could shut my jaw. That’s fucked up! Even if he got carried away there’s no way he didn’t realize how hard he was going. IMO that’s borderline abusive behaviour.
This is like the beginning stages that leads to even more abuse. “Oh I’m sorry I came in your when you told me not to? I just got carried away and couldn’t help myself!” Dumb him before he hurts you even more.
He is lying that he couldn’t control himself. He assaulted you *on purpose* to get off and now he lying about it. I’d bet he watches violent porn, too.
Block him and move on. No other words or explanations are needed. He knows what he did, and if you continue in this relationship he will do it again, and the violence will escalate.
Rough blowjobs are definitely not something I’d enjoy. I don’t want a man pulling on my head or hair during that in ANY way. If we want things to be “faster” I’ll give my jaw a well-earned rest and use my hands for a bit, I’m not looking to dislocate my neck. Your guy sounds like a selfish ass.
I’m stunned at what people put up with – dear lord
> He told me he couldn’t help it because he got too “carried away in the moment” so he “couldn’t control the force he was going at”. I ended up going home and I haven’t heard from him since last night.
Real men take responsibility for their actions. What kind of bullshit is that. It’s one thing to do it, but holy crap his excuses. DUMP.
Wtf did I just read!?! This man hurts you while having sex.
He hasn’t reached out to find out how you’re doing or if you’re ok. He doesn’t give a fuck. WHY would you go back to him?? Stop it girl. Block him on everything and go No Contact.
Don’t date men who damage your body for sex (unless it’s consensual and you’re into that)
Don’t talk about it with him. Fucking ghost his abusive ass. You need to be done with his shit. He knows exactly what he’s doing, and you want to talk about it? You already have. He still doesn’t listen.
“Couldn’t help it,” “got carried away,” “I’m not fast enough” for fucks sake. He can help himself, he chose to do this. And he could ask you to go faster if he was a fully functional adult human and not a literal bag of shit that gained sentience.
This is what he does to you when he’s getting head, what will he do if he gets angry?
It is not easy to rip out a chunk of hair. It takes a lot of force. There’s no WAY he yanked that hard by accident. You deserve better. Leave him.
> He told me he couldn’t help it
> he got too “carried away in the moment”
> he “couldn’t control the force he was going at”
Bull.
Shit.
You’ve told him multiple times to be careful and he REFUSES, claiming BS like “I can’t help it.”
He’ll never apologize.
Find someone who’s overall a better human.
Girl. Please just listen to me.
**It was not an accident.** He did that on purpose. He did it to hurt you. Don’t let him play you like a fiddle.
Leave, because it gets worse. Please.
Girl you should have bit his dick
You have an abusive boyfriend who gets off on hurting you. Please leave.
Dude. This was physical abuse and a violent assault. If he needs to get head like he’s humping a fucking doll, then he can do that — but you, *you’re* a human being, not some object he can ram himself into or be aggressive and violent with. The fact that he *knew* from your previous boundaries that he needed to be gentle, to take care, that your hair is brittle — and *he didn’t care about any of it*, screams volumes. To him, you are an abusable object for his pleasure. This isn’t love.
I’d genuinely file a police report and put that on record in case he does anything else that is violent in the future.
I’d also break up with him. He is a loser and you absolutely can do better.
Don’t put the bar in hell and still let him limbo under – this is absolutely unacceptable and cruel behaviour. It’s not normal. You deserve better, OP.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I hope you find healing and peace. Good luck, OP.
This is horrifying. He absolutely did it on purpose.
I don’t know if you understand how difficult it is to rip out a clump of hair big enough to be visible and noticeable. It’s not something he could possibly do by accident during a blow job. No one exerts that kind of force by accident.
I’ve done a lot of pretty extreme bdsm that has the potential for real injury and I’ve been injured accidentally. And I’m telling you, this does not sound like a sex accident to me, it sounds like intentional violence. Intentional physical and sexual abuse.
I would break up with someone if they did this to me because this behaviour makes it clear they are dangerous and making a choice to harm me.
For the record, earlier today my 60lbs dog got his toy stuck in my hair and pulled at it with his toy. Homie ripped out a few hairs and that hurt. I told him NO really loudly and guess what. He stopped. My dog has more self control than your bf. Do with that what you will.
Let’s start with some basic info:
Vigorous oral penetration can cause significant damage and trauma to: the roof of your mouth, under your tongue and the back of your throat, among other areas.
This can lead to bruising, bleeding, permanent damage, choking and death. There are a many large and important blood vessels in your mouth, as well as nerves and glands.
Sudden shocks and direction changes to your neck can cause: a mini stroke (TIA), a clot, or the large very very important blood vessel in your neck to rip open, or damage to the top of your spine. These injuries are life threatening. Often seen with chiropractic adjustments of the neck, sudden movements to the neck, but can ans have been seen in case of vigorous and violent oral sex.
Finally, your head and brain. Basically Your brain is suspended in a thin layer of liquid inside your skull. When you move your head back and forward, your brain moves too.
However when you come to a sudden stop, your brain keeps moving until it hits the inside of your skull.
Very much like when you are in a car, and the breaks get pressed quickly, you feel your body keep moving until the seatbelt stops you going further. It’s the same with your brain and skull.
That’s why would head hurst. Your brain is bashing against your skull, causing minor brain damage and bruising.
Many men have purposefully or accidentally killed, injured or disabled a partner during sex. And there are many cases where their legal defence centred around their partner consenting/not objecting to rough sex.
Now you know the medical issues that can and have happened, let me say:
– rough, non conventional, BDSM, or any fetish activity should only occur when BOTH parties are very enthusiastic and consenting. You are not wanting to do this, are you?
– many men have a hard time to finish from regular inter course, however that is usually their own fault due to too much porn and hard/ vigorous masterbation.
This is not your fault or issue to fix. He can not or should not use you as a tool to get his own pleasure.
– “getting carried away in the moment “ is a lie and bad excuse. Humans always know and are in control during sex. It’s a case of do something bad and ask forgiveness later.
You have told him no many times and he disrespects and disregards it. People who do this, always go further.
Now he knows that it doesn’t matter when you say “no” he can still get sex.
He now knows that when he hurts you, you will do nothing to him and he can do it again if you don’t do as he wants.
He now knows that the only consequence to his actions are only a small argument with you and that you will always forgive him.
He knows that you have no support network willing to call him out and save you.
What boundaries are you going to let him trample over next?