Vaginismus is a condition that affects many women, causing involuntary contractions of the vaginal muscles, making penetration painful or impossible. It is essential to understand that vaginismus is a medical condition, and it is not your fault. It is not something that can be cured by brute force or endured through pain. Instead, it requires patience, understanding, and proper treatment.
Firstly, I want to address the situation with your boyfriend. It is important to highlight that healthy relationships are built on trust, communication, and mutual respect. Your partner should be understanding and supportive, especially when it comes to issues related to your physical and emotional well-being. It is not fair for your boyfriend to pressure you or threaten to find someone else because of your condition.
Sexual intimacy is about the physical and emotional connection between partners, and it should always be consensual and pleasurable for both individuals involved. It is not solely about your willingness to endure pain but rather about your mutual enjoyment and comfort. Your boyfriend’s unwillingness to listen to your concerns and his manipulative behavior is not acceptable.
While it is natural to feel scared and lonely, it is crucial to prioritize your own well-being and mental health. It is not healthy or productive to stay in a relationship where you are being coerced or guilt-tripped into doing something that causes you severe distress. Your value and worth are not determined by your ability to have penetrative sex.
Now let’s focus on your condition, vaginismus, and potential treatment options. The first step is seeking professional medical help from a gynecologist or a healthcare provider who specializes in sexual health. They will be able to properly diagnose your condition and recommend appropriate treatments.
Treatment for vaginismus often involves a combination of physical therapy, counseling, and sometimes the use of dilators. Pelvic floor physical therapy can help relax and strengthen the vaginal muscles through exercises and manual techniques. It may also be beneficial to explore counseling or therapy to address any emotional or psychological factors contributing to your condition.
In some cases, using dilators as part of a graduated desensitization program can also be helpful. This involves gradually and gently inserting various-sized dilators into the vagina to help it become more comfortable and accommodating to penetration. However, it is important to note that treatment should always be guided by a healthcare professional to ensure safety and effectiveness.
Remember, each person’s journey with vaginismus is unique, and treatment plans may vary. It is crucial to find a healthcare provider who is knowledgeable and experienced in treating this condition and who can provide the support and guidance you need throughout your journey.
In addition to seeking professional help, it is essential to practice self-care and nurture your emotional well-being during this time. Surround yourself with supportive friends, family, or join online support groups where you can find people who have gone through similar experiences. Sharing your feelings and concerns with others who understand can provide a sense of comfort and validation.
Do not be too hard on yourself or lose hope. Vaginismus is a treatable condition, and many women have successfully overcome it. It may take time, patience, and support, but it is possible to lead a fulfilling and satisfying sexual life.
Lastly, I want to emphasize that your self-worth should never be tied to your ability to engage in penetrative sex or please a partner. You deserve love, understanding, and support in any relationship you choose to be a part of. Your condition does not define you, and there are people out there who will accept and love you for who you are, without pressuring or belittling you.
Please prioritize your own well-being and seek professional help to guide you through your journey with vaginismus. Remember, you are not alone, and there is support available to help you.
Run
You can cure it by going to pelvic floor physical therapy! Also, my best advice (after in combination with PT) is to dump this person. While penetrative intercourse can be an important part of a romantic relationship, the type of pressure he is putting on you is unhealthy in any circumstance, but especially not helping your Vaginismus.
You should be with someone who will walk alongside you as you pursue healing. Not someone who inhibits it. Brute force will only exacerbate your Vaginismus.
Wishing you all the best!!
He is abusive and a liar
>No matter how many times i tell him, that it won’t stop hurting even after we do it for the first time, he doesn’t listen to me. I don’t want to traumatise myself more than i already am by associating sex with pain. And the fact that he wants to do it despite knowing that it hurts me a lot, is scaring me, like i would never want to hurt him for my own pleasure. He also said that no other man will put up with this except him, so i should think carefully about this. I’m just so lonely and never had a serious relationship before, so i really am scared of losing him and going back to being alone.
>My self-esteem is pretty low so i actually believe him about the fact that no one will love me with this condition. But it hurts so much i feel like i’m broken, i don’t even know if i deserve love at this point. Deep down i understand that a loving bf wouldn’t say something like that to his gf, but it’s like my brain doesn’t even work properly anymore.
Run, plss run. Find someone who treats you like you deserve it.
He isnt worth it, no matter how nice, attractive, well put together he is hes not worth it.
You are worth dignity, you are worth care and gentle touch.
Do not let him have his way and start prepping incase you have to break it off. He might understand but it is NOT your fault if he doesnt. Have a friend who did cave into the pressure, now she has trauma.
Take care of your needs before his.
Dump him. Dump him today. Please.
GET OUT NOW
1. Run
2. Pelvic Floor physical Therapy; in the pace that YOU’RE comfortable with. Might take some time, don’t sweat it, you’re young 🖤
3. Have intimacy of whatever kind you like with a rad person
Suffering through pain that you might be able to get out of is stupid, asking someone else to suffer through it is stupid, selfish, and cruel. Run.
You need to get away from him. If you have low self esteem then you especially need to get away from him. If you don’t now then you might never.
Tell your parents or loved ones about this specific situation, they can help you leave him. Any adult can see that what is happening is abuse and there is no convincing him to change. The only option is leaving.
>He sees this situation as a chance for me to show him how i’m prepared to suffer through pain for our love.
Please describe all of the ways your bf has suffered through pain for your love, since this is such a big deal for him.
As gently as I can say this, your boyfriend is abusive. Please leave. “I’m the only one who will blah blah blah” is a classic tactic abusers use to take away all of your confidence. You are already saying that you believe it! It is NOT true. This is how he keeps you under his thumb. Please do not let anyone tell you that you need to sacrifice your well-being to “show your love”. Is he sacrificing anything? Of course he isn’t.
>I’ve been planning on going to a gynaecologist, but my bf doesn’t want me to.
WHO CARES what he wants! Go. You need to do this. I wish you well and hope you can take care of *both* of your problems.
GET OUT NOW
Rule number 1 –
LOVE DOESN’T HURT
He admitted to you that he wants sex to hurt to prove how much you love him. That’s fucking horrific.
Ok first. You bf doesn’t want you to get help to prove you go through pain to show him your love. Did I get that right? If so and this is not a joke, your bf is an abuser and should f**k himself, not you (or anyone for that matter).
Second Vaginismus is real. Just in case you might think or feel insecure if you are just “imagining” this or anything.
Third you can treat this. If a gynecologist can help you, I am not sure. But for start, it’s good to know if there is a physical issue. Very successful is a method called Approche Sexocorporel. It’s a canadian sexual therapy with conversation and practice. I have to tell you though that pressure isn’t helping but making it all so much worse and unnecessarily hard on you.
And last but not least: this is YOUR body. He has NO say in what you do, feel or need. He has NO say if you seek treatment or not. He is NOT the decider. YOU ARE. Please keep that in mind: your body, your rules. Anyone who tells you different needs to go. No matter who it is.
I am very sorry about your situation. But I am sure you can get through. All the best
Hello, I struggle with vaginismus and still do. I’m not going to give you relationship advice per say but stuff that has worked for my pelvic floor. Vaginal dilators are great. I got mine in a set from intimate rose, but there are other brands out there for cheaper. Just make sure that they are made out of flexible silicone and nothing too harsh that’ll hurt you even more. There’s plenty of instructions on the websites of the brands that create these dilators on how/when to use them. You don’t need to always be horny using them to stretch yourself rather just relaxed. Avoid weighted kegels or kegel toys. Using them without discretion of a PT can lead to making your pelvic floor weaker and tighter. The anus is apart of your pelvic floor muscles too so anal can be painful too. If you go the anal route be careful with stretching yourself for that too. There is also cockrings made to almost make a barrier with how far a penis or toy can go inside you. I personally use the OhNut. There aren’t many other brands out there that make those type of cockrings from what I’m aware of. Clitoral stimulation toys have helped me relax my pelvic floor too. It can help even before using the dilators as well. If you do decide to go the physical therapy route please make sure they know what they’re talking about. Some PTs say they know about the pelvic floor just to get more customers. Also there are people out there who will love you even with vaginismus. I’ve had partners who still loved me and even FWBs who understood me with my vaginismus. You got this!!!💕
bruh he is lying(im M23) and if he truly cares he would do annnyyything but make u suffer… except if u like pain and u state that openly… he is manipulative and a jerk
Straight up POS. Figure stuff out for yourself.
This dude … yeesh
Hey, I was in this situation. My vaginismus basically went away when I left my exboyfriend – here’s a few reasons why.
1. He didn’t believe in foreplay and I was DRY. lube did not fix this issue. He treated me like garbage and it took me 6 long long years to leave him
2. My birth control made me extremely dry, I stopped taking it because I was single, and I became “wetter”.
3. I bought vaginismus dilators from a website (i bet Amazon has them now) and very patiently used them and joined a support forum where other women experienced similar things. Reading success stories gave me confidence and helped me not get frustrated during the long process.
As others have said, he’s not good to you. I still get those micro cuts sometimes when I’m extremely dry and my guy STOPS. it’s not worth the pain. If he was a good boyfriend he’d be supportive and patient and help you find the resources you need to overcome this issue. It’s basically an anxiety disorder.
Please leave him now. He’s trying to blackmail you into something that will cause you physical and emotional damage by targeting one of your fears (loneliness and abandonment).
In my view consent gained by threatening your partner is rape.
Your choices are:
Leave him
Allow him to abuse you.
If you give in and it hurts you he won’t care. He’s already shown you that. He’ll also want it again “you managed it before, I’m a man I have needs”. This man is an unmitigated twunt and you are far better off without him.
By all means, follow the advice from people on here about physical therapy and pelvic floor exercises, but do it for you, not for this turd
ask him to rip off his fingernails to prove his love to you.
fr, RUN, RUN RUN, YOU ARE BEING ABUSED
Sorry what? I didn’t read past don’t go to the gynecologist I want it to hurt to prove you will suffer for me?! Fuck that find someone who will respect you, your body and what you are comfortable with. You deserve respect op
Girl, get the hell out, like now. Your BF is a bad person, it’s better to remain single for life that be in a relationship with someone like that. He brings you down, is willing to hurt you for something he thinks you owe him (let’s be clear on that by the way, you don’t owe sex nor to him or anyone). He wants to see how you are ready to suffer in that relationship? WTF is that? Leave him. For your own sanity and health, get out. It’s not worth it.
No, throw the entire bf away and start fresh
Your boyfriend is abusive, please leave him. Even *if* your vaginismus never resolves, you will find someone who loves you. However, pelvic floor therapy is something that has been very helpful in treating vaginismus so don’t be afraid to try it.
Why the fuck he didn’t let you to go to gynaecologist! It’s a medical problem is he a doctor? That he wants to do everything shitty person!
Wtf….. Your bf sounds like a total lunatic. Get away from that monster right now. He’s no good for you or anyone else either.
He is abusing you. You want to go to the doctor and he tells you not to?! This is not ok. None of this is ok. He should not be trying to deny you medical treatment, he should not want you to suffer through sex, and he is lying to you and wearing you down so you won’t leave him. Other men will still want to be with you- he’s saying this so he can keep you around and keep controlling you.
You deserve so much better than someone who enjoys hurting, threatening, and controlling you. GET OUT NOW.
Sorry, I didn’t get past the first paragraph.
Your boyfriend wants to inflict pain on you so you ‘prove your love’.
Your boyfriend wants to inflict pain on you.
Dump the boyfriend.
Don’t ever trust or date someone who cares more about sex than your comfort and well-being. There are no exceptions to this, someone who truly cares about you wouldn’t be asking this of you.
Please please dump him! This guy is absolute trash.
You can see for yourself that your relationship is unhealthy: https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/
>He sees this situation as a chance for me to show him how i’m prepared to suffer through pain for our love.
What the ever loving hell. He’s a sick twisted sadistic asshole. Run fast and run far.
Geezus!!
I’ve never been diagnosed with this but after learning what it is, it described me perfectly.
My first bf I was with for 6 long years. He was horrendous. He told me this was my problem and I needed to fix it. He’s never had any issues with any other women before, clearly it’s me and I needed to sort it out alone. He would tap my forehead while penetrating me and tell me to relax when all I could focus on was the pain. I would be sore for 2-3 days after sex.
All the extra pressure he put on me to “fix it” when I didn’t even know what was wrong. All the pressure I put on myself. All the pain. All the manipulation and mind games. It broke me as a person. It took 6 years to get out of that hell.
It took five more before I ever attempted sex again. I was so traumatised by it. I’m pretty sure I still am.
I don’t want you to go through that. I don’t want anyone to go through that. Please leave him now!
He only cares about himself. Not you. Your needs will never come before his. He will break your spirit and you will be traumatised.
Take the other ladies advice. Work on this at your own pace and support yourself through this. He is dead weight. There are better people out there.
Dump this absolute nutcase. He is irrational and misogynistic. Dump him and then go to a gynecologist for help with your medical issue. And honestly no wonder your sealed up, who would want to have sex with this monster???? He does not respect you, or love you. He is vile.
Go to your gynecologist, tell your boyfriend to take a hike, and take care of yourself.
Anyone who believes that pain and suffering are proof of love is at best an a$$hole and at worst a sadist. No one dictates your healthcare, let alone a dingbat/moron like your ignorant boyfriend.
He sounds abusive. He WANTS you to suffer. That’s messed up. You deserve so much better. You’re amazing and worthy of being loved by someone who cares about you. Please, never believe otherwise. Also I agree with physical therapy – I had a similar condition (though not as serious) and it helped me a lot. And I can assure you my partner never made me feel like I was broken and never pressured me into anything. There are men out there who will treat you right and not like this guy. Good luck.
🤮His behavior has made me feel sick. Your boyfriend is abusing you. He wants to cause you pain.
LEAVE NOW.
>I’ve been planning on going to a gynaecologist, but my bf doesn’t want me to. He sees this situation as a chance for me to show him how i’m prepared to suffer through pain for our love. He wants to do everything himself.
I really really really dont wanna believe this is real. WTF.
Break up with him. Your body is telling you that you don’t want to have sex with him. Please listen to it. He is abusive!!
You aren’t going to change him.
I’m speaking as a dude who doesn’t even enjoy piv sex that much and would prefer an hj, we’re out there. Not every guy needs or demands sex. There are other ways to please one another. Your guy sounds like he isn’t a match for you
#1 dump the shithead boyfriend
#2 go see a pelvic floor physical therapist and get some [https://www.intimaterose.com/collections/vaginal-dilators](https://www.intimaterose.com/collections/vaginal-dilators)
I have vaginismus and a partner of 8 years!
When we first met (24), I told him we would probably never have sex and he was OK with that. He was completely OK with letting me go at my own pace. We ended up finally having sex when I was 25, but it took me going through treatments with dialators to gradually get my body to be less reactive.
Two years later I ended up having a huge setback and we couldn’t have sex for almost a year. We managed to work through it.
Dump your guy, he is an asshole. Don’t believe him. Don’t get forced onto sex, it WILL MAKE IT WAY WORSE. Emotional stress and anxiety makes your symptoms worse. Forcing sex makes it worse.
Go see a doctor. Make sure you don’t also have endometriosis. See if there are any treatment options.
Do not settle for this asshole, you deserve more.
He doesn’t love you, otherwise he wouldn’t be adamant about you not seeking help or be telling you he is your only option. Please break up with him and learn to love yourself. Seek help for your issue. Don’t put your self worth on another person. He is not worth it, you deserve way better and one day you will find the right partner. He’s not it!!
please !!! break !!! up !!! with !!! that !!! piece !!! of !!! dogshit !!! immediately !!!!