#FriendshipFail #RespectMatters #Pronouns #WorkLife
So here’s the deal – I had this friend, let’s call him Tom. We met at work back in the early 2010s and became pretty close, especially after I supported him through some tough family losses. Fast forward to 2022, and I opened up to him about being nonbinary and started using they/them pronouns.
Here’s where things got messy:
- Tom was supportive at first, but he never made an effort to use my correct pronouns. 😔
- After a painful family estrangement, I texted him for support, but he didn’t even respond.
- When I went back to work, I found out he’d been misgendering me in client emails. When I politely asked him to stop, his reply was totally dismissive.
What really hurt:
- He didn’t check in on me during the first major holiday after my estrangement.
- I honestly felt ignored and disrespected.
Months passed, and despite my gentle reminders about how important this was to me, Tom continued to misgender me. Feeling frustrated, I shared my feelings with my director, but only in confidence—I didn’t want to throw Tom under the bus. 🚫
Fast forward again to now! Our director retired, and the new director asked for my input on a promotion between Tom and another colleague. I shared my honest thoughts about Tom’s behavior over the years and the lack of respect he showed me.
What’s the takeaway here?
- Sometimes, treating someone poorly has consequences. Tom missed out on a promotion, and honestly, it feels like a form of accountability for how he treated me.
So let’s chat! 🤔 Have you ever dealt with a similar situation where a friend or coworker didn’t respect your identity? How did you handle it? I’d love to hear your experiences or any tips you might have on standing up for yourself while keeping those important work relationships intact!
This schmuck was never your friend. Why did you put up with that crap for so long?
Sad story, but more people would have read all the way down to the end if you had edited it down to the core parts.
This is a genuine question as I want to fully understand the pronouns issue. If your third person pronouns are plural, why aren’t your first person pronouns plural?
I’m glad you were able to receive support from both directors! Some ppl/companies want to say that they are supportive without actually doing anything to help.
Tom sucks. As a fellow transgender person, I felt your struggle deeply. He smacks of bigotry, maybe not overt, but going out of his way to not meet you at the absolute bare minimum of respect is disheartening.
I hope you can live your life fuller not having to carry him along in it.
I’m sure Tom may be using your pronouns now… “They didn’t want me to get the job. I’m pissed at them!”
I am proud of you, op, for standing up for yourself. Some people are too arrogant to consider other people’s feeling.
Even Jesus stood up for and associated with prostitutes and lepers, and was not afraid of what others thought (Even I know this and I am not even Christian).
Yo, fuck Tom. That’s not even petty. Someone who actively misgenders people and can’t respect them should not be in charge of them. Tom would be the wrong person to promote because he doesn’t respect people
Fuck you tom!