#DatingAdvice #RelationshipTalk #CommunicationIsKey
Hey everyone!
I’m reaching out because I could really use your thoughts on a situation I’m in. I’ve been dating this amazing girl (23F) for about 1.5 months. We had a conversation a few weeks back, and I asked if we were exclusive. She said yes, but we didn’t really dig into what that meant for us. Fast forward to last week—she went on vacation and came back to share something that’s been weighing on her.
So, here’s the deal: while she was away, she kissed another guy at a club. 😳 She felt bad and acknowledged that we probably had different interpretations of what “exclusive dating” means. We met up to chat about it, and it was a bit of a revelation!
Here’s how our views differ:
- Her Definition: To her, being exclusive means you’re not actively looking for other people, but it’s still okay to kiss or make out with others.
- My Definition: For me, exclusive dating means no flirting or physical contact with anyone else at all! It’s all or nothing, you know?
I get where she’s coming from since we never set clear boundaries initially, so technically, she didn’t cheat. She seemed genuinely remorseful and even said she thought of me right after it happened. 💔
Now, while I really like her and want to continue dating, I also can’t help but feel hurt. I told her we could see how things go since we’re going to establish clearer boundaries moving forward.
Honestly, I’m at a crossroads here:
- Can this relationship continue?
- How do I get past the hurt?
- Will clearer communication make a difference?
So what do you think? Do you have any tips on handling different expectations in dating? Have you ever experienced something similar? Let’s discuss! Your input would mean a lot right now. 💬
Thanks for reading!
I call bullshit. I’ll give her credit for creativity though. I think that if you line up 100 people and ask them what being in an exclusive relationship is, not one is going to say “don’t actively search but hook ups are okay.”
I think it’s silly be exclusive at a month but you two had that convo. What she did was cheating behavior.
If you want to chalk this up to a misunderstand of the meaning of “exclusive”, so be it. But then I wonder what other commonly understood words are going to be problematic.
If that’s what she considers to be exclusively dating, what is casually dating? lol.
>However, today she sent a message telling me that she made out with some guy on the dance floor at the club the last day of the vacation and how she felt bad about this. She went on to say that she realized that we probably had different interpretations of what exclusive dating means.
Just wanted to clarify something in the above quote… In the same messages, before you responded, did she let you know that she made out with someone and then say that you guys probably had different interpretations of exclusively dating?
If so, it sounds like she is using that as cover for her fuck up.
Either way, if she thought you guys were “focusing on each other but still making out with other people”, why does she feel bad? If that’s what exclusively dating means to her and she assumed you guys were on the same page, then I’m not quite sure why she would feel remorseful for her actions.
This doesn’t quite add up for me and it sounds like she’s trying to minimize what happened.
Fully agree with others her. She didn’t have a ‘different interpretation’ or she wouldn’t feel bad. Ibst ad she’s made up some bullshit to make out like she didn’t cheat. Personally I’d just walk away.
Everyone knows what being exclusive means. If she felt like she wanted something where she was free to hook up with other people, she would’ve brought that up when you discussed exclusivity. She’s pretending that she thought it was this weird alt definition to get out of messing around behind your back.
to make out is cheating in every book ,,,
and this is “only the tip”
next you know next its a 8 man train
but she did not realize you had SUCH a strict interpretation of fidelity
I think she looked for a cop out to feel better about herself. It’s on you to forigve this or not. It can possibly be a forgivable thing but to me (and most people) exclusive is what you think it is. She got drunk and made a mistake and feels bad for it because it meant the saem for her. BUt she proably got some bad advice from a friend who was trying to make her feel better and she is rolling with whatever makes her feel better.
Dont fall for this, tell her she fucked up and that she feels bad because she knows its a cop-out. You can forgive it but if you do be clear that you will not accept similar disrespect and that it makes you wonder how much she wants a relationship with you. Which is a fair thing to wonder.
Dump this girl.
So in her worldview, you would need to specify every single potential sexual or romantic act. (“Gee honey, we never explicitly said no butt stuff, and I have a different take on that…”)
And if she truly thought it was ok, she wouldn’t have felt guilty in the first place.
Lmfao, that’s her idea..excuse me…EXCUSE on exclusive???
You’ve only wasted 1.5 months on her, plenty of time to find out who understands what “exclusive” actually means.
Wise up, its never just kiss, that is something else.
You got cheated on and believe this bullshit excuse? “Exclusive” doesn’t have multiple interpretations. It’s a word with a definition.
You got played.
Nope. Bullshit. “Exclusive” I. E. Singular, not dating or f’ing other people. She is gaslighting you. Ditch her fast.
Only 1.5 month in and she didn’t care and is lying to you and that’s on top of the tongue battle with another man. End it and move forward. She’s a deceitful person.
Ask her what her definition of marriage would be. If it’s, you don’t look for another guy to fuck, but if you’re out and it happens as long as he pulls out it’s okay. If you’re looking for a longer term commitment out of her then I’m afraid she not relationship material at this stage in her life.
She’s either cheating or English is not her first language. Nice try though.
What non sense,stop her bs manipulation and leave her. Find yourself a better girlfriend who will know the definition of exclusive and act on it!
Don’t waste your time
Dude she knows damn good and well that being “exclusive” doesn’t mean you suck face with the first guy that comes along. Sure, she admitted to you that she made out with the guy and all…but the fact that she told you this and immediately had a “We have different interpretations of what exclusive dating means” so she could play dumb.
Bottom line is that y’all have been together for a short period of time and she’s already playing dumb to get what she wants from you…you need to run.
Come on man. Don’t fall for that BS
My guess is she didn’t stop at making out but used that to cover the fact that she slept with him. It’s called trickle truthing.
My man. There are plenty of lovely women out there. Don’t disrespect yourself to try and make this work. She’s already lying to you. No one thinks exclusive aligns to her definition (not even her).
We? There is no more we…..
😂😂😂😂
“We need to discuss what exclusive means”
English muthafucka, do you speak it?
-Samuel L Jackson
Dude. Ffs 🤦♂️.
Move on. You’re obviously not a priority that’s clear.
Get wise to these games bro. You need to wake up. Dump her. Get ahead of this thing.
Please don’t be played for a fool.
Good luck man.
This is not a difference of opinion shes gaslighting. Sure now youre supposedly on the same page about making out, what about flirting? What about oral? What about when shes really drunk? What about when shes really horny and you’re not available? Utter nonsense but since youre going to move past it you really should hammer out all specifics with someone like her
“I wasn’t actively looking but an ex showed up and wanted to fuck so I did” you realize that under her rule you’ve agreed this is fine right?
“we never set clear boundaries so technically she didn’t cheat”
Stop making excuses for cheaters. It’s sad and pathetic. You’re in denial. It’s time to wake up and cut your losses when you’re not even two months in. At least you know now and not further into the relationship, ditch the cheater.
So WTF does she expect? That you will come up with every possible scenario that could occur and then come to mutual decision on whether it is cheating or not?
She cheated and she knows it. Tell her to kick rocks.