#HighSchoolNerds #PopularKids #RelationshipAdvice
Hey there! So, the other day my boyfriend and I got into a little disagreement about our high school days, and I wanted to share the story with you. It was quite an interesting conversation that ended up making me wonder if I was in the wrong. Let me explain.
### Background Story
My boyfriend and I, both 25 years old, went to the same high school. Recently, he brought up our high school days and made an assumption that I, being a “nerd,” would have been thrilled to date a “popular” guy like him. The conversation took a turn when he realized I had no idea who he was back in high school.
### The Conflict
He insisted that I must have known him because he was part of the popular crowd – he played football and was well-known in school. But what he failed to understand was that as “nerds,” we were too busy competing amongst ourselves for college admissions to even notice the popular kids.
### Competitive Environment
Our town saw an influx of competitive students when an engineering company opened a branch nearby. This turned our once sleepy town into a hub of high achievers. The competition was intense, and we were all focused on excelling academically to secure our future.
### My Achievement
Despite the challenges, I managed to get into a top college with a full scholarship. The sacrifices I made during high school paid off, and I now have a fulfilling job that I enjoy. When my boyfriend accused me of lying about the dynamics of our high school days, I decided to reach out to my old “nerd” friends for confirmation.
### Resolution
To my boyfriend’s surprise, my friends corroborated my story. They, like me, had no recollection of the popular kids and were solely focused on academic success. Despite proving my point, my boyfriend felt humiliated and thought I had ruined his high school memories.
### Advice
In situations like these, it’s essential to communicate openly and understand each other’s perspectives. High school experiences can be sentimental for some, but it’s crucial to respect each other’s memories and viewpoints. Here are a few tips to navigate similar conflicts in a relationship:
1. **Listen**: Pay attention to your partner’s thoughts and feelings without judgment.
2. **Validate**: Acknowledge your partner’s emotions and experiences even if they differ from your own.
3. **Communicate**: Have open and honest conversations to avoid misunderstandings.
4. **Respect**: Show respect for each other’s past experiences and memories.
### Conclusion
In the end, it’s not about who was right or wrong in the situation but about understanding and respecting each other’s perspectives. My boyfriend and I have agreed to move past this disagreement and focus on building a stronger relationship. Remember, relationships are about growth, communication, and mutual respect.
So, what do you think? Have you ever experienced a similar situation with your partner? Feel free to share your thoughts and stories in the comments below. Let’s continue the conversation! 🌟👫
And if you found this advice helpful, don’t forget to share it with your friends who might benefit from it too. #RelationshipAdvice #UnderstandingEachOther #HighSchoolMemories
Not only are you NTA, you’re wasting your time with a man who clearly peaked in high school and thought he was doing you a big favor by dating you. As someone who lives with an engineer, I can tell that you have learned to use logic and to prove your point with it when someone challenges you. Your Once The Incredibly Popular Jock boyfriend is never going to be happy that he can’t wow you without using his brain. I think you deserve better than this.
NTA. But the bigger problem here, which you dance around, is that your boyfriend is working through an inferiority complex. When he talks about being popular, he’s not just reminiscing, he’s demanding “Value my presence because I am important and I don’t feel that way”. Being popular at 17 means nothing at 25, and that sucks.
Likely you’re more successful career-wise than him too, no? Just be sensitive and don’t make this a fight. Toxically masculine dudes with an inferiority complex are on a steep water slide to being redpilled.
NTA but it’s concerning how your boyfriend seems to have peaked in high school and cares so much about this. Seriously, if this “ruined” his high school memories then perhaps you want to consider dating someone a bit more mature.
Nta. What does your boyfriend do in college? It’s sad that high school is his peak.
NTA… it begs the question why your bf feels the need to feel superior in your relationship.
NTA, sounds like your boyfriend peaked in high school, which to be fair rolls with the whole “Glory Days” theme music that seems to be running in his background soundtrack.
You know you can do better right?
NAH
I think being popular in high school gave him an ego and everyone in his circle knew him. Clearly this wasn’t the case as you and others didn’t (Those circles don’t really mix anyway)
Outside of him calling you a liar, which he should apologise for, it doesn’t seem much of a big deal on either end.
NTA, man peaked in high school and you put a little dampner on it for him, he shouldnt have pushed.
op your boyfriend is displaying “peaked in high school” behavior, you might want to sit down with him and navigate through his, actually both of yalls feelings regarding this
NTA btw
I mean it’s not wrong to inform him but you sound patronizing even in this post. Why was the paragraph about your college and funding really necessary for us?
You aren’t doing a very good job at hiding that you see your priorities as inherently better than your boyfriends. You sound like you see yourself as superior than him, and what you’re here for is validation of that perceived superiority rather than conflict resolution.
NTA
Talk about being offended over trifles. If he’s going to call you a liar over something so insignificant I’d be wary for the future.
NTA. I won’t echo the “peaked in highschool” thing cuz while it may have an echo of truth, I also think it’s reductive. I think it’s more important for your boyfriend to realize that the reason “nerds” bond together in places like highschool, and why weirdos/nerds/freaks/geeks self identify as such despite implied social stigma, is that it’s a conscious act of defiance against the notion that their self worth is solely defined by the dominant social hierarchy.
NTA but…oh…oh no…I hope your boyfriend isn’t one of those “High school was the best years of my life” types. Because that’s going to end up sad…
The irony is that the “popular” group in high school were always more disliked than anyone else because of that kind of elitist attitude. So probably not actually very popular!
NTA though, you were just being honest. I don’t think you said anything insulting.
NTA. Why does it sound like he wants you to be ‘grateful’ you’re dating someone ‘popular’. Honestly him talking like that just sounds so cringe worthy it’s not even funny.
NTA. Sounds like your BF is one of those people who peaked in high school. Are you now supporting him with your well-paying career while he thinks about the “good old days”? It’s actually sad when people like that come to this realization.
I completely agree with you, BTW. My high school graduating class had about 335 students. I really only paid attention to the couple dozen who were in all the AP and honors classes that I was in. I don’t think I would have wanted to date one of the “popular girls” because what would I even talk to her about? Sci-fi, computers, video games, and the stock market tech bubble? LOL!
NTA. it seems like he was trying to make himself feel superior to you, and you brought him back down to reality with the truth. it’s concerning that he seems to deeply care about meaningless things like high school popularity 7 years later.
this is pure speculation but generally people who fixate on high school popularity later in life are unhappy with where they are currently/are trying to relive “glory days”. is there a chance he’s not where he wants to be career or otherwise? or perhaps jealous of your success (no loans, good college, etc) and wanted to make himself feel better?
even if that is the case he’s still the AH, but it might be a helpful conversation to have.
NTA
So it’s OK for him to try and belittle and humiliate you? Yet when you prove your point, he’s mad that you’ve apparently humiliated him? He needs to get a grip and grow up lol he’s way past school-age.
NTA.
But do you really want to spend your time on someone who peaked in high school? You sound like someone who was pretty incredible back then and are still rising.
Don’t settle.
>He got quiet when I proved my case. He said I humiliated him and I proved my point and we should never mention high school again. I talked with his sister and she said that high school was a special experience for him and I ruined his memories.
NTA. You just hit him with the reality. These popular kids that “peaked” at school think that that phase lasts for a lifetime guess what? No one really cares, it’s temporary 🤣
Typical case of Main Character Syndrome. “What do you mean, your world didn’t revolve around dating someone like ME for all your life??” NTA obviously.
Ugh. Not one of those “ peaked in HS” kids who always want to talk about it. What does high achieving you see in him?
His scenario is the basis for many cheesy movies based on high school.
NTA. Your boyfriend was living in a bubble. He could have chosen to believe you, but called you out. He did a FAFO. He thought he was looked up to by everybody and he learned that only losers get hung up on what a bunch of teenagers thought of themselves.
Any hurt feelings he has here are of his own creation. The only thing here that could have possibly been harmed was his ego.
NTA.
*”I didn’t humiliate you. I defended myself from a false accusation of lying. It’s not my fault you refused to accept what I was saying was the truth such that I had to prove myself. Maybe next time, you’ll respect me enough to believe me.”*
At least, that’s where my head went.
NTA but I think some of the commenters are being unnecessarily harsh on your BF. It seems to me he’s been influenced by movies that suggest everyone knows everyone at a big high school, and “nerds” are desperate for attention from “popular” kids. He had a narrative where he brought you out of your “shell” and he grew as a person because he wasn’t superficial. You broke that by showing him reality and now he’s pouting. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your story…I think he had a different narrative in his head and treasured his high school time more than you did. Or at least made it a huge part of his identity.
I always wondered what became of the ‘popular’ kids who peaked in high school. Now I guess we know. Did he also score four touchdowns in a single game for Polk City High School? (Al Bundy reference for the young ones here)
You’re dating someone who peaked in high school. That’s ok if you’re ok with it. But be sure you are. This little demonstration of wanting to remind you that he (thought he) was somehow better than you is a red flag.
Was thinking that a bunch of nerds idolized him the only thing that made HS a “special experience” for him?? He didn’t have good memories with friends, or winning the big game or some other such?
If this one thing “ruined” all of his memories of HS then he was in a very twisted mindset.
NTA
NTA.
Wow, that’s concerning.
His memories of high school are ruined, cos it turns out you weren’t fangirling over him, and thrilled to finally be his girlfriend?
He is the definition of *peaked in high school*
I don’t know what to say, it’s Sahara desert downstairs inducing.
I hope he has redeeming qualities.
NTA
People who peaked in high school are just so… sad.
Like, how miserable is it that you look back on 3 or 4 years in *the first quarter* of your lifespan as your best years?
Get over yourself and move on, buddy. Barring the unexpected, you have another 40, 60, maybe even 80 years to go. Are you going to make that worthwhile, or waste it all looking back on a time when you were still the most immature version of yourself?
Hell, if you have to, think of it in sports terms. If you have 4 quarters, and you score heavily right near the end of the first one, you don’t spend the next 3 dwelling on how awesome that first quarter was, do you? Of course not! Because that’s how you lose! Get your head back in the game!
If you can ruin a man’s memories by telling him that that the people he looked down on didn’t know he existed, you have learned some unpleasant things about how he views life and people. Do what you will with that information, but it’s not a green flag by any means.
NTA
Your boyfriend’s a loser with an inflated ego. My BF went to the same high school but didn’t reconnect until our mid 20s and we not in the same social circles. He would have been considered “popular” while I was pretty irrelevant. He’s never talked about how I would have been “thrilled” to date him, or that because he was “popular” I would have known who he was.
You popped you’re BF’s self-absorbed bubble and now he’s realizing people don’t consider him the way he thought they did. You gave him a reality check. NTA
Nta. I also agree with you. I went to a huge highschool with around 600 kids in each grade(so 2.4k total). I honestly didn’t even know a lot of the kids in my grade and really just stuck to my group of about 50 kids(we were the emo kids). We could have cared less about any other groups of kids and couldn’t tell if you anyone was popular🤷♀️
NTA
But sweetie. He peaked in high school. That’s his life. His amazing high school experience of being popular and playing football and being cool. And now he’s blaming YOU that you humiliated him?? No. He thinks he’s amazing and how couldn’t everyone in school know who he is?? The dude’s identity is high school. He needs therapy to improve his self-esteem and self-worth.
Did he know you in HS? Did he admire you in HS and think you were cool and amazing? Did he admire your classes and grades and dedication? He probably didn’t know you from Jane.
He needs help and to work on himself. You have to decide if you want to go along for the ride…
Ps. All that’s playing in my mind over and over again is Taylor Swift’s All You’ll Ever be Is Mean
“High school was a special experience for him” Code words for “I peaked in high school and can’t handle accepting it.”
NTA
In all the excitement, let’s not forget that al bundy scored 4 touchdowns in one game in 1966 to help the polk high school panthers win the city championship!
I think you are dating al bundy, lol.
I guess that happens to a lot of ppl who were / are popular within their bubble and don’t realise its really only in their bubble (bc they don’t really notice not everyone is part of their bubble). He obviously thought you and the other nerds were part of his bubble as the jealous/silent admirers of the populars, not realising you were in your own bubble and the popular kids didn’t existed in your bubble.
Its the same with e.g. ppl that are “tiktok famous”. They are completely thrown off if you say “i have no idea who you are”. And they are like “but i’m tiktok famous, i have millions of views” and you are like “well, i don’t have tiktok”. Instant face drop. They don’t even consider a world outside of tiktok even exists and there are ppl who never used it and have no interest in using it. This applies to every bubble.
But its a little concerning your bf is still so hung up on him being popular in high school. Like it was his biggest achievement so far. Is he, by any chance, selling shoes to older ladies now for a living? 😉
NTA, but don’t let anything distract you from the fact that 55 years ago today, Al Bundy scored 4 touchdowns in a single game while playing for the Polk High Panthers in the city championship game.
You didn’t ruin his memories, you gave him a reality check that he’s superficial and full of himself. You bruised his ego…. And you did it because he genuinely thought you were a sad little unpopular kid who was jealously in his shadow in high school, and that you should be ecstatic and grateful to be with someone so out of your league (no, I don’t personally believe that he is).
In reality, he probably peaked in high school, where as you’ll be making bank for the rest of your life, and his quality of life and finances will probably be hugely improved for the fact that he’s with you.
NTA. He showed you what he thinks of you, what he thinks of himself, and acted like those people who never get over their high school experience and are parodies in the movies.
(edited to correct some typoes)
“you humiliated me” he literally called you a nerd that should be honoured to date such a person like him 🤷♀️
NTA