Hey everyone, first off, thanks for taking the time to read my post. I’m in a pretty tangled situation, and I really need some collective wisdom on it. I found some hidden photos of a male colleague on my wife’s phone, and I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve been betrayed. Here’s the backstory:
So, three years ago, I was looking through my wife’s phone after a lovely day out with our kids. I came across a series of selfies of her looking seductive in our garden—definitely unexpected, but I was excited! 😅 Then, I discovered a hidden folder with around 16 photos of one of her male colleagues, all in various poses. My heart sank. 😢
I confronted her, and after some back-and-forth, she admitted to feeling attracted to this colleague, but claimed nothing else happened and really had no decent explanation for the hidden folder. We agreed to work on our relationship, but the lingering feelings of betrayal still haunt me.
Here’s where I’m stuck:
- **Have I been cheated on?** Is the emotional attachment counts as cheating? 💔
- **Is it okay to feel betrayed?** After all, she’s kept these pictures hidden for a reason.
- **How can I get her to open up?** I’d love to understand why there’s a disparity in her behavior towards me versus this other guy.
Every day, I wrestle with these thoughts. Our marriage feels fine on the surface; we laugh, we co-parent well, but the intimacy is lacking, and I can’t help but wonder if she’s emotionally and physically indifferent to me while being curious about this colleague. 😔
**Here are some pain points I’m dealing with:**
- **Insecurity & Trust Issues:** I can’t help but replay everything in my mind. The image of her taking those selfies with confidence feels like a betrayal to the trust we built together.
- **Communication Breakdown:** Despite conversations, I still feel like I’m missing crucial pieces of her feelings and motivations. It’s like talking to a wall sometimes.
- **The Unanswered Questions:** Why does she feel comfortable sharing intimate photos with someone else while being cold with me? 🤷♂️
**Possible solutions I’m considering:**
- **Marriage Counseling:** We might need a neutral third party to help facilitate those tough conversations.
- **Open Dialogue:** I need to express how her actions have impacted me without her feeling attacked.
- **Self-Reflection:** I’m also looking to understand my own feelings better—am I projecting my own insecurities onto her? What can I do to help foster intimacy? 🌱
So, I’m turning to you all for advice. **Have any of you experienced something similar? What worked for you, and how did you cope?** I’m super appreciative of any insights or suggestions you can share. Let’s get this discussion rolling! 🙌
**#MarriageStruggles #EmotionalCheating #TrustIssues #RelationshipAdvice #Communication**
Yes, bro, you have been cheated on. It’s definitely emotional cheating for sure. Because those sexy photos were not sent to you, so they are sending to him. The other evidence is her having sexy pictures of him, telling you that she received his pictures too. So they are communicating back and forth through messages.
The hidden folders tell you that these were illicit activities, not to be known to you and his wife/partner. So you both are betrayed.
And you going to such events with the affair partner makes you uncomfortable because his presence reminds you of the betrayal and you both never deal with this issue.
It’s likely that she had a physical affair as well. She saw him at work often enough. And they can lie to their spouses about work when they took off to have sex at a motel the whole day and you just may never know. Another point why I think she may have sex with him before aside from the comfort of sending sexy pictures, it is how her sexual desires for you dropped to none. This means she has received her fulfillment from elsewhere, from the affair partner.
What should you do? I would investigate. Prepare for the end of your marriage. She kept cheating on you and has no remorse. This means she doesn’t desire reconciliation because she doesn’t see her actions hurtful and betrayal.
can you ever forgive her. i wouldn’t be able to. it would always be in the back of my mind about the cheating whether it was physical or just emotional.
good luck
Of course you’re right to feel betrayed. The fact that she lied to you and then didn’t admit anything wrong means you can’t trust her. If you can’t trust her, how can you know if she is being in any way truthful.
It sure sounds like she cheated on you, why else are two married people sending each other photos secretly?
> her attraction was based on how loving he was with his family and how much he talked about them at work
Oh, please. It took her two years to come up with this?
This whole situation would mess with my mind, knowing I couldn’t trust my partner and that she doesn’t respect me or the relationship enough to be honest.
Cheating in a relationship can sometimes be salvaged with a lot of hard work but when the person won’t even admit the truth and be transparent, it’s impossible to progress from there imo. How can someone apologise but not admit what they did?
Probably the time to decide what to do was 3 years ago when it happened, I’m amazed you lasted this long. Sometimes people stay together for the kids, maybe that’s what you are both doing.
Rough situation mate, best of luck with it.
Pretty sure you need marriage counseling.
It’s not clear why she doesn’t think she has done anything wrong.
Who were the sexy photos for if not her affair partner? After all of her lying is there any answer she could give that you would believe?
Yes, being attracted to him for loving his family is why she needs a shirtless garden photo of him saved on her phone. That doesn’t even make sense. Are you to take from that that she doesn’t think you love your family?
You should not accept any of this gaslighting. You should be open that she had an affair and she’s putting on an unconvincing act as a wife. Whatever she thinks she’s doing, she is not fooling you in the slightest.
Tell her you literally think about her affair all the time for YEARS.
Tell her you think she has a sexual side she is not sharing with you but that she shared with her affair partner and it upsets you to the point that you question whether your marriage can continue.
At this point she has so thoroughly squandered her credibility that she can’t even deny it even if it’s not true. She has damaged her marriage. How does she propose to fix it?
Unless you want things to stay this way, you have to do something to change it. She has shown she’d rather lie and pretend than change anything. It’s up to you.
You have absolutely been betrayed. It’s hard to say whether the relationship is worth attempting salvage because it seems like you’re willing to accept misery and she is willing to accept detachment.
Maybe you should ask her if it’s worth trying to salvage your marriage. Does she understand the stakes of your distress? Would a marriage counselor make that clear to her or would it take actual papers?
Definitely dig into the feeling. She broke trust. Period. You’re not crazy for investigating, needing receipts, asking questions, and even going as far as dna testing kids etc.
Any semblance of trust will not exist without getting to the bottom of it. If it all falls apart due to investigation… I’m sorry.
She may very well have cheated.
She’s cheating on you to at least some degree and gaslighting you over it. Hidden folder full of another guy don’t just pop up on her phone by accident. She was sending him sexy selfies, so at the very least she’s having an emotional affair. If she can’t come clean and admit the truth then think about a divorce lawyer so you don’t waste any more of your time with someone who isn’t committed to you.
She cheated and you blew it off. Yea she cheated. Yes she’s lying. You already know that and chose to let it go. That doesn’t usually work and the betrayal will always be there especially when you bury your head and pretend it was nothing. That’s what you did. She’s a liar. It’s absurd to claim you don’t know why photos are in your phone let alone some dude she works with sending sexy photos.
Yes a loving husband who sends another man’s wife sexy photos and get her to do the same, started an emotional affair that is now wrecking that marriage. She needs to know it was betrayal, find the 7 ways friends lead to infidelity its a list of things they go through. His spouse needs to know, she needs to know I’m your head it could have been physical at work out of the way.
She’s trickle truthing you.
You don’t exchange sexy photos because you think a guy is such a good familyman. There is at least physical attraction but how far they acted it out in real life is the real question.
Did she at least admit that she was in a conversation where they were swapping photos? That she sent him photos in return and did she explain what the chat was?
I know you can’t fit everything in a post but I just can’t see why the focus is on the fact she hid them when the real point is that she had them in the first place. She was sent them and she obviously had similar photos of herself that she certainly sent.
Yes. This is cheating and you have never reconciled. It does not matter at all how much time has past, only that you have never really confronted this and allowed it to shoved into a corner and fester.
You need to act.
Decide whether you can ever forgive her for the betrayal and the subsequent years of lying. Decide if she can ever deliver the trust you need and rebuild this relationship.
Nothing else matters except that you need to act.
You have to go to each picture one by one and move them to the hidden folder. It’s impossible that she doesn’t know how this happened. She moved those pictures herself. She wouldn’t have received those pictures unless she were heavily flirting, if not actively cheating in the first place. Then she hid them. She had an affair. Call her bluff. Tell her if she just admits it then you’ll go to counseling and fight for the marriage. When she admits it, leave.
He totally came in your wife. Multiple times. Probably still is doing so.
Yikes dude.
Get an std test, paternity test too
I wouldn’t be in that relationship anymore. It’s not even a relationship. You have a roommate.
Yes, you were cheated on. Sorry.
You have been cheated on and she has not experienced any consequence as a result.
Sorry for your situation OP, unfortunately I don’t think you can fix it. You essentially rug swept her cheating and because of that you actually never reconciled. Reconciliation needs full honesty and effort to rebuild trust, there’s nothing of that in you story.
If she’s still working with the guy it’s even likely she’s still cheating on you and just got better at hiding it, for reconciliation going no contact with the AP is a must.
Since the photos were in the hidden folder she had to either manually move them there or use a messaging app installed in the hidden folder. Unfortunately she probably already cleaned up all the evidence.
If she still has the same phone you can try and take it to a specialist to recover data but after 3 years it’s likely gone.
The trust has gone and the fact you allowed her to go to the work trip. I think we all know something physical happened. She cab deny it but we know. DID you confront or contact the co worker or his partner?
Your marriage will never be the same due to your wife’s dishonesty.
Anything like that is cheating! And you need to both have a serious conversation- and either get her to show you she deleted them and move on or end it- only you can decide- some time people can move on depending on the nature of the cheating- others can’t but it’s been going on for a long time- you need closure and some answers-
Before it does get to late
Updateme
I would have confronted the colleague in front of his wife asking “So how does your wife feel about you receiving/exchanging sexy pictures with my wife?” Honestly you have let this go on for too long. I would contact a lawyer and initiate a divorce. She’s lying 🤥 and not remorseful at all which means she’s still cheating just being smarter about it. You deserve better!
She shared intimacy, that was denied to you no less, with another man she’s still in close contact with.
That is a major violation of your trust in the relationship. It’s not like sharing memes or inside jokes with a work buddy. Your trust has been betrayed without any kind of meaningful resolution. You’ve tried to resolve it between yourselves, but it continues to foster resentment and erode trust. This thing won’t just go away, it’s like a cancer for your relationship.
You can both work together with professional help to resolve this and hopefully start to rebuild trust, or together you both can watch this relationship get completely hollowed out and destroyed. Good luck to you both, whatever you decide to do!
What you’re doing is called rug sweeping. You’ve grown fatigued to her lies and denials and instead of pushing forward for the truth you’re pushing the facts and concerns toward the shadows. This is why you feel lost and confused. Nothing has been resolved.
My advice: talk to the other man’s spouse and see if she knows more than you do. Pressure from both sides may uncover the truth. Speak to them privately and just share your concerns. Ask them if they have noticed any weird behaviors. Sending seductive photos of yourself to another person, while in a relationship, is CHEATING!!!
Hire a PI or use a tracker on her to see her movements. This is extreme but if you’re prepared to face reality and move on from her IF she’s truly cheating then this is the way. Hope it works out but experience says otherwise.
It would be appropriate for you to confront his colleague head on and ask him why he was sending photos to your wife. With what right did he intrude into your married life. Don’t let this betrayal consume you inside. Fix it one way or another, your sanity takes precedence over marriage, her job and au everything else. Lay out the cards and get the truth, whatever the cost. Your wife had photos of her colleague and denied it, this is an undeniable truth. Surely he had photos of your wife, so little remains to be discovered, but prepare for the worst because the red flags are all there.
Were these photos taken in your garden?
Partially dressed?
Trickle truthing you.
That guy is her affair partner. You should go visit his wife. She has the right to know as well. Your wife is a lying cheater with no remorse or respect for you. She doesn’t even have the decency to tell the truth after being caught red handed. You would rather lie to yourself about it than face reality. If they see each other in person they are physical.
She sends her boyfriend sexy pictures and he does the same. She never thought you would find those pictures. You have been living a lie for years. It’s time to face reality. She got better at hiding it. If they are still in contact the affair continues. You should dna test the kids. You never know how long it’s been going on or how many other men.
She was cheating then and has probably been cheating ever since. You should have left then and absolutely need to leave now.
Think about it like this: What would you tell your children if they find themselves in this situation because how you handle this will almost certainly influence how they see relationships and what is and isn’t acceptable going forward.
Everything I’m reading in this post tells me she doesn’t love or respect you. Do you want to throw away your time on a lying,cheating partner?
She knows exactly why those photos were there. She’s lying and still continues to lie to you.
UpdateMe