“Am I wrong for refusing housing to my sister after she blamed dad for mom’s passing? #familydrama #sisters #tenantrights
Sharing my story:
In March 2019, my mother passed away from a heart attack, leaving my dad devastated. Two years later, my sisters helped my dad find love again on Tinder, which led to a fight where Angie blamed dad for mom’s death. Fast forward to January 2024, Angie asked to live with me temporarily, but I refused. Now, I’m wondering if I made the right choice. What do you think? #AITA #familyfeud #movingout“
NTA
INFO; is the house partially hers?
NTA she cut ties with the family so why would she suddenly be family again just because she wants a free place to live? You’re doing the right thing, especially since your father (who OWNS the house), doesn’t want her there.
NTA – But it wasn’t your call to deny her moving as that was your father’s place. And he decides who lives there and he has said no. So tell your sister, Dad says no to her moving in and leave it at that since your Dad said so and just walk away, you have no say in the matter. My guess is that she didn’t ask her father because she knew what the answer would be. She was just going for the Golden Ticket of squatter’s rights to thwart your Dad by using you, don’t let her get away with it. Bar the door. She has to learn that actions have consequences.
I’d change the locks if there’s any chance she may have a copy of them
NTA. I understand everyone grieves differently, but your sister needs grief counseling. Blaming what happened to your mom on your father is never ok. Especially when it absolutely wasn’t his fault. Change the locks.
NTA it’s not your res to waste your time energy and petrol never mind having to change your plans repeatedly as he is forgetful. Even if he has a medical reason he then needs to learn to manage it himself. The fact he makes these demands of everyone else’s shows he not only is disrespectful but does not take responsibility or ownership that this is his doing and his mess to fix.
My son has adhd and was always forgetting things he needed. When young he kept leaving his school bag on the bus regularly. When in secondary he’d constantly forget to take his PE kit or homework or book needed for a class. At first I would run back and forwards but it drove me mad and I got sick of it. Especially as I would lay things out ready for him and constantly remind him. In the end I stopped dropping everything to take them to him. A few times of having to wear lost and found shorts and t shirt the teacher gave for those who didn’t bring their kit seemed to get the message in. Yes if it was really important I’d be more willing to go but I knew he had to learn how to manage this better. My hours had changed at work so i wasn’t letting it affect my job but even when it wouldn’t I stoas I realised he would never change if he always expected others to run after him.
Yes this was to do with his adhd but it is still his responsibility. I mean what would he expect to happen when he was in the world of work. He hated wearing those second hand gym things that I’m not even sure was washed regularly and that was enough that it got it into his head. Although he would still forget his jotter or homework it became rare he forgot his pe kit. Even when he forgot his work he knew he had to deal with the consequences of that.
He has gotten better with these types of things but don’t get me wrong he still loses his house keys somewhere in his bedroom repeatedly. What important is he now always remembers to make sure he has them, to look for them or borrow mine, before he goes out. Thankfully he only loses them at home.
I also have medical memory issues an after affect from when I was very ill. I need to write everything down right away whilst I’m being told about an appointment. If I wait until we hang up I can no longer remember if it was quarter past or quarter to the hour, If it was 21st or 22nd that type of thing, maybe even where the appointment was. Even if I remember all day i can still forget in the last twenty minutes before a meeting is due and miss it entirely only to realise at bed time that I’ve done it again. I however take ownership of that and I not only write it down but set different alarms to ensure I remember. One earlier in the day to ensure I don’t forget and travel out of town to do something else meaning I’d never get back in time. Then one to give me time to travel home from town or wherever and pick up anything I may need for the appointment. Then one for when ive to leave to travel to it. Thats how badly i need to manage just the simplest of appointments with three alarms on the day itself.
If I forget one then I feel i have let that person or company down and wasted their time and money. I call and apologise and do what I can to manage it but even though everyone is kind as I rarely miss anything and they know why. I still feel awful about it for days.
So you see the difference is I take responsibility and hate inconveniencing others and feel guilty for doing it. Yet your friend doesn’t seem to care and seems to think everyone else owes him to run after him and to go out their way for him when he wont even give basic respect for them. I bet he is never grateful and just takes anytime some does for granted. That’s not a good friend at all. Honestly stop running about after hiand make it clear anything he drops or forgets then he needs to get off his backside and come get it himself and he needs to do that only when it fits for you. In other words you aren’t staying home all day when you’ve got things to do just waiting for him to come round. If it means he doesn’t get things for days so be it if the object is important then he needs to do whats needed to get it. Not you or anyone else HIM.
Heck next time I’d be tempted to tell him oh I’m going away for the long weekend so you will have to wait and come get it when I’m back next week. Im sure a few times of having no choice but to wait and go without will make him start to get better.
Info: why would they blame your dad for your mom having a heart attack in her sleep? Seems completely unrelated to the argument and based on the post, I can’t see where it even came from. Or why anyone paid it any mind. My dad died from covid complications. He didn’t catch it from me so if you told me that it was my fault he died, I’d be more perplexed the anything.
It’s a horrible thing to say but in these circumstances, also a very random thing to say.
So they were upset that he was spending his time with Kate instead of (presumably) with them. And the fight resulted in them being completely cut off from their dad.
They cut off their noses to spite their face. They wanted more time with him and lost all of it. It’s him they need to reconcile with, but they have to be genuinely sorry first.
NTA. Follow your dad’s lead, but point out to them just what they’ve lost here.
NTA, quite beside how awful they’ve been to your dad, you do not want people moving in with you like that. They’ll never move out.
NTA
Sorry, but you completely gloss over any sort of indication of not only why Angie thought your mom’s death was his fault. Your response to this question is:
>I don’t know i think she have some mental issues since our mom d*ath.
The other question is why did your other sister, Martha, believe her and take her side? That doesn’t get explained by any mental health issues of Angie’s.
Then, after a single fight, he cuts them both completely out and you disown her? On this you say
>I know my dad, i have almost the same character as him, And trust me, when he’s pissed he have enough rage to kill someone, but for 99% of time he’s quiet…
>it’s like they say “the quiet ones are usually the most dangerous”.
That does not paint a good picture of you or your father. That’s how you describe a violent abuser, not a loving husband and father. So I have to ask for INFO, is it possible that Angie blames him and Martha took her side because he abused your mother?
NTA
Your sisters’ behavior was extremely selfish. To accuse your father of killing his wife is insane. They have not apologized or tried to make amends, yet they think they can just move in to the house? Ignore them and block them.
Just for clarification — Martha and Angie WERE 31 and 29 in 2022 or that’s their current ages?
Doesn’t matter – bc they were old enough to not go popping off like hormonally charged teen girls. You are NTA.
Martha and Angie – this is chickens coming home to roost.
NTA. Cut her off the phone plan and go no contact. They can find their own way.
NTA
NTA, I think (and I just think because this is purely my opinion and you can take it with the biggest heap of salt or completely ignore it) you all have a lot of things to talk through though. It was really unfair and awful for Angie to say that to your father, she likely is/was hurting in a way she didn’t know how to articulate and absolutely needs to own up for. You obviously don’t owe her a “hear me out” after that but it’d be nice for you, your sisters, and your dad to all sit down and talk about it if they were open to instead of letting the anger of a horrible thing somebody said fester even worse. I hope you guys all work it out, you seem like a cool dude!
sidenote: I don’t think you owe her housing until she takes accountability for how she hurt your dad. But of course you also don’t owe her that if she takes it. Especially since you’re paying for her phone plan.
INFO: You say your sister may have mental health problems, have you tried to help her?
Did they want to talk after this discussion?
NtA- you sister is trying to get her hands on your dad’s house after treating him (and you) cruelly and cutting you two out for a couple of years. She showed her hand when she argued that it is her house too.
Don’t let her into your house, and be careful about letting her into your life.
Just be careful if she decides to just show up at the house and demand you let her stay. Hope you had the locks changed and maybe get some cameras.
NTA. She would be too hard to live with. Do not let her move in.
NTA. Your sister SUCKS.
I don’t totally understand the situation of who owns or controls the house, but I wouldn’t consent to that shit sister moving in either.