Are you struggling with a major friendship crisis?
#friendship #mistakes #apologies
Have you ever felt beyond ashamed for messing up with your BFF?
#relationships #forgiveness #conflict
If you’re a 28-year-old guy who royally messed up with your 26-year-old female best friend, you’re not alone!
#bestfriends #friendshipproblems
Here are some tips to help you navigate this challenging situation and hopefully repair your friendship:
Apologize sincerely:
– Take responsibility for your actions
– Express genuine remorse
– Be specific about what you did wrong
Listen to her perspective:
– Give her a chance to share how she feels
– Validate her emotions
– Show empathy and understanding
Make amends:
– Take concrete steps to make things right
– Show consistency in your efforts
– Be patient and give her time to heal
Remember, everyone makes mistakes, but it’s how we handle them that truly defines us. Good luck on your journey to reconciliation!
How old is the girl?
Yikes, I don’t think there is a way to fix that one. Do you kiss your friend on the lips when you leave?
Im guessing this is toddler age or so?
As the adult, you are responsible for what goes with kids and they kinda have no say in this kinda stuff. You weren’t cautious about how it could be interpreted by the child or parents. I’m not saying you’re creepy or a bad person but you weren’t careful as a grown adult and man.
You’re also not a (real) family member so altho they treat you like one you should also act accordingly and even if you were, it’s not appropriate either lol unless they allow it but why would you wanna do that anyway? It’s a child.
If this is the last thing you would want to be viewed as (untrustworthy to kids) – you wouldn’t have put yourself in that risk in the first place.
Hope you can learn from it and move forward in your own way.
Yikes. If it was me OP I think this would either end our friendship entirely or I’d never have you around my kid again.
Unfortunately this is exactly what grooming looks like. An “innocent” kiss, “tickles”, shoulder rubs… Etc and the fact that it happened twice.
If she never told her parents would you have continued kissing her on the lips moving forward? As an adult, you really didn’t think this was inappropriate? I’m a woman and I’d never kiss my friends kids on the lips, girl or boy, baby or toddler etc. That would be reserved for their parents/family only. Doesn’t matter how close I am to them.
What are the odds that you kissed her twice on the lips and no family member was around to catch that if it was just “normal”. Why wasn’t it casually done in public in front of everyone, at least one of those two times? That way the parents would have seen it and pulled you aside and you could have a chat with them then?
She was the one who went and told her parents…
Most cases of abuse are perpetrated by that “uncle” who isn’t really an uncle, a close family friend etc. and it sort of start around that age too…
This looks bad OP.
You’re not her family member. I’m in my early 40s so most of our friends have kids at this point. It’s common for our friends to call us “uncle and auntie PrimaryLion” when speaking to their children, but that doesn’t make you an actual family member or mean that they see you as equivalent to one. You can’t treat their children like your own family when it comes to physical boundaries. You screwed this one up really badly. I think you have to let C decide next steps, but let this be a lesson for the future.
Don’t. Kiss. Other. Peoples. Kids. Unless they’ve explicitly told you it’s okay – don’t do it. The amount of people that have kissed our kid just as a baby is maddening. There is absolutely no reason to do it. The kid won’t appreciate it or understand the affection, it can spread germs and other stuff and it’s an invasion of space especially if the kid isn’t okay with it. I’d stop being your friend too OP
Edit: Noticed you said the kid told her father? She wouldn’t have done that if she was comfortable with it or thought it was normal.
Twice. And both times when nobody was around? Those are the parts that make it hard to understand.
Are you normally a physically affectionate person? Do you always kiss the mom on the lips every time you leave? That would be in your favor. If not, it makes it even worse.
The parents would immediately be dissecting these things about you for clues. Trying to see if you ever exhibited anything concerning in past. If you’ve had good gf relationships. If you never kissed the mom on the lips. How you interacted with K during visit. Your past helps determine what they’ll decide in the future.
Why are you kissing children who aren’t yours? What the fuck did you expect the parent’s response to that to be? You made a series of incredibly stupid decisions, and then doubled down.
Do you kiss anyone else on the lips goodbye? How long have you been kissing her that way? Did the parents know you kiss her?
And just because the parents are in the room, doesn’t make it ok. Larry Nassar was molesting those gymnasts while the parents were in the room fyi
(Edit to clarify: I’m not saying you are like Larry nassar. I’m explaining how abuse can happen right in front of the parents. A lot of people don’t understand that and you’ve mentioned in a few comments how the parents were in the room so you thought it was ok)
>A quick peck on the lips (she does this with other family members) and nothing more. I ended up leaving some stuff inside before I left, so I again said goodbye to everyone, & again gave her a quick peck.
Why are you kissing children on the lips…twice? That’s fuckin weird.
>the LAST thing I want is for anybody to not trust me with their kids
You’re concerned they’ll restrict your access to the child you like kissing on the mouth? That’s…even weirder.
Stop being such a creep.
> They have always known me, and often refer to me as their uncle. This weekend, I spent both Saturday and Sunday with them. Great day, nice weather, lots of fun and running around. Before I left, I gave my “niece” a kiss- not thinking anything of it other than to say goodbye. A quick peck on the lips (she does this with other family members) and nothing more.
This feels much more innocuous than every else is making it out to be, however, I don’t have kids so I can’t say I’m right.
Just give them space, there isn’t anything you can do. They “perceived” whatever they “perceived”, so you aren’t going to convince them otherwise. You just got way too comfortable with someone elses’ kid.
As a guy without kids I pretty much treat my sis’ children as if they were my own, and still I never show affection to them like that. You’re in a tough spot man, and I feel for you.
Re the wedding I think I would dis-invite myself. I’d reveal to the marrying friend that I had unwittingly committed a horrible faux pas (and admit that it was an innocent mistake borne out of ignorance), and that I wouldn’t want to cause any more discomfort than what prompted the C to block me, and so would prefer not to make a scene by showing up. I’d apologize and say I hope to meet up in the future under better circumstances.
As for C and her family, if you’ve already apologized then the ball is in their court. I don’t think it’s wise to push for a reconciliation.
You will learn and grow from this experience. We all generally have heavy mistakes that we just have to learn to live with. I can empathize with why you did it. My family doesn’t do kisses like that but I know families that do. This is the world we live in, and now you know. I’m glad you do not have previous experiences with how easily kids can be damaged by adults. If you knew, sure you wouldn’t have made the mistake, but it’s also OK that you didn’t know. I didn’t know what abuse was until I was out of an abusive relationship, and I am still marveling at the lack of knowledge people have about it.
Going forward, do not discuss emotionally big stuff like this via text. If someone initiates via text call them.
Yea, they should have caught you in the moment. Yea, you should always ask parents before doing new things especially when in Grey or all too easily murky areas.
Chin up. You messed up. Your intention doesn’t need to matter to your friend, but it can still matter to you.
I’m not saying you should get your ass kicked for this, but had you, I’d understand.
You fucked up. Massively. You’ve apologized and now you need to respect their space and whatever decision they make. This is no longer in your control and you need to respect the hell out of that.
Have you ever kissed this kid before? You’ve presumably known this child for a while, so after 6 years why did you decide to kiss this kid twice in one evening? Why this evening?
It seems super weird that you would kiss a 6 year old child twice for the first time in all 6 of her years because that’s how her family says goodbye to her… unless this was just the first time anyone else noticed??
Funny how these sorts of misunderstandings never happen in the other direction, like OP kissing his uncle or male cousin or some other family member.
I’m just not buying how frequently men “forget” the rules when they’re interacting with a young woman, rather than someone who will punch them in the nose for an unwanted kiss (or two!!).
I would consider bridges burned as they have made their position clear.
As for the wedding coming up, if you already RSVP’d, I would call the bride/groom and tell them something like:
” I made a huge mistake that has effected C, C’s husband, and possibly others in attendance and I do not want my presence to put un-due pressure on you on your day or make anyone in attendance feel uncomfortable. I hope you can invite another attendee in my place; (If you already bought them a gift) Would you like me to send your gift to ‘x’ address?”
I also would not take up any offers to attend, if they offer it is likely not grasping the seriousness of the situation or being polite.
Dude what the fuck? Idk what world you live in where this behavior is appropriate.
Time to back off and move on with your life. Delete this post and learn from your mistakes.
Christ this is ridiculous.
>As harmless as it was, I absolutely understand that it doesn’t look good and might send the wrong message.
You say “as harmless as it was” then say the ways it could be harmful, so it wasn’t harmless.
Realistically, you fucked up. It doesn’t matter that the kids PARENTS kiss her, that doesn’t give you permission to do it. Not sure where you live but I can’t think of any western country where this would be acceptable.
Someone else pointed out the importance of you realizing the child isn’t your niece. I think it may help to stop justifying it. You mention you do know better, at the time you didn’t, you may NOW know better. Likewise with the harmless comment. It wasn’t a harmless action, your post and the aftermath makes that clear.
I’d suggest don’t diminish it, own that you fucked up. Don’t do it again obviously. I’d say stop profusely apologizing, they heard from you, if you continue, it is going to annoy them more than help anything. Give them space, although if they blocked you, it seems they’ve made their decision.
Don’t overreact. Don’t reciprocate any anger. Give them space but let them know it was a mistake and you didn’t mean anything by it. Do you ever spend time with this kid alone?
I am going to assume you’re American? If you are, don’t take lip kissing lightly. Sometimes families do it with each other, but I would say that’s kind of rare. It’s pretty much reserved for romance only in America.
People are being really harsh here. It just seems like you made a mistake of not understanding boundaries. You learned an important lesson the hard way… don’t kiss anyone, especially a child, on the lips. It’s inappropriate and there are germs and diseases spread that way so even family should not do that. I say move on and don’t try to contact them again because that just makes it worse. You have apologized now leave the ball in their court and maybe in time they will reach out and give you another chance. But don’t sit and overthink this any more than you already have… learn from the mistake then leave in the past.
What were you thinking?
Yeah… You don’t want to do anything intimate with kids. Stuff like this is going to happen.
Oh well, at least now you get to make new friends.
I don’t understand how in any situation you would think this is ok. when i was 14 i was so close to this girl i babysat (she was 8) that i called her mom, mom and she called me her sister. i also knew her since she was a baby. the farthest ive done was hug her. never kissed her anywhere, not head cheek etc. so i dont understand how you, a full grown man thought it was okay.
You are weird. This is over.