💭 Have you ever found yourself caught in a family feud over who pays for what during a dinner? It can be a tricky situation! Let’s chat about one family’s recent dinner dilemma.
Here’s the scoop: A woman (31F) invited her 16-year-old step-son out for a family dinner while her husband was busy with work. They had a nice meal that racked up to $250, but she only covered her and her step-son’s meals, sparking backlash from some family members—especially her sister-in-law. She felt it was unfair and a sign that the woman favored her step-son. The family is now split, with some backing her and others insisting she should’ve covered everyone. 🤔
So, here are a few pain points that often come up in similar situations:
- Family Expectations: There seems to be an underlying assumption that the person who is financially stable should cover everyone—regardless of their budget or plans. This can lead to feelings of resentment or frustration.
- Balancing Relationships: When stepparents are involved, finding the balance between biological family obligations and step-family dynamics can be super challenging.
- Financial Stress: With rising costs, many people are budgeting cautiously and prioritizing their finances, making it hard to just cover the entire bill on a whim.
What do you think could help ease these kinds of tensions? Here are some possible solutions:
- **Open Communication:** Before family events, it might help to establish a clear understanding of expectations around payments—maybe set a budget cap beforehand.
- **Sharing Costs:** A group pool for such occasions can alleviate the pressure. Everyone contributes, so no one feels singled out.
- **Discuss Prioritization:** It might be essential to discuss individual priorities—like the upcoming shopping trip—so family members understand your financial considerations.
This situation raises a big question: When you’re out with family, how do you decide who pays? Do you feel pressured to cover everyone? 🤷♀️ Share your experiences and tips below!
Let’s dive in! 👇
💬 #FamilyDinner #MoneyMatters #Stepparenting #Budgeting #FamilyExpectations #FinancialStress
NTA. You have a family of grifters. Don’t pay for another thing ever again.
I guess you now know the main reason they invite you to dinner. NTA at all.
NTA.
Woowwww. So they were expecting you to pay for them ALL the whole time? And they act offended that you chose to cover only yourself and your minor stepson who was in your care? My gosh, some epic audacity by those folks.
They made asses of themselves for assuming too much and then taking their mistake out on you.
NTA. They sent out the invitation. Either they pay for everybody’s meal or they should say everybody goes Dutch.
Do you frequently cover everybody’s meal even if they are the ones who invited you?
It’s absolutely vile of your family to invite you somewhere that 2 meals adds up to $250, and they expect you to cover everyone’s bill. Are you really supposed to just drop what $1000 for dinner??
Just as vile is your family insinuating that your step-son isn’t your family. Who cares if he’s not related by blood? You chose to have him in your immediate family and to me, that’s even more meaningful.
NTA
I would never accept an invitation with your relatives again.
NTA. What kind of people invite you to dinner expecting you to pay for them? The amount of money you make is irrelevant.
NTA. They’re the assholes twice over: once for assuming you would pay for everyone every time, and again for saying you should favor blood family over your stepson.
Sounds like you should skip family dinners for a while. And never pick up the check for other people again.
Nta-sounds like you were invited to pay. And yeah, you could’ve paid out this one last time, but it’s like you’re breaking your word or anything. I think it is really shitty for them to put you on the spot like that, after all, they invited you. If it helps at all, I have a few well off friends, and when I invite them out, I’m ready to foot the bill, even though one of them often beats me to it, and I certainly wouldn’t blame them for letting me pay, as it does happen occasionally
NTA
They invited you both to the dinner, there shouldn’t be an expectation that you pay for all of them unless it was discussed beforehand or a recurring precedent.
Absolutely not! In the future when invited by any family members that thought you should have just paid, make sure you make it clear who is paying for who before agreeing to the invitation. They have become entitled to your generosity. The penalty for such behavior is no more generosity.
Huh! NTA! You were the one who was invited which means THEY should be the ones to cover your meals. If no one single person can afford, then each pays for their own meal. They’ve gotten too used to your generosity.
NTA
You’ve run into the law of entitlement: When you do a nice thing too many times, it becomes an expectation.
Even nice people, who recognize they aren’t entitled to something, can feel disappointment when someone who regularly does something doesn’t offer to babysit again, offer to give them a ride again, etc. Nice people, though, swallow the disappointment. They know they’d be wrong and typically feel bad about having come to expect it.
Your inlaws are not nice people. They’re incredible AHs. They don’t deserve for you (or your spouse) to ever offer to pay for anything again. Don’t, in fact. You’d be rewarding them for being AHs.
NTA.
If you had covered the bill at the time, it’s doubtful you would have been reimbursed based on the way your family expected you to pay and reacted to you not paying the full bill.
NTA
This is outrageous actually. So they invite you to a family dinner. This dinner is clearly expensive if it’s $250 for 2 people. And then are frustrated you didn’t pay their bill? If you didn’t go would they have changed location? If you ever feel generous enough to pay for anything for them that’s you being nice, zero % a responsibility. Sounds like they are spoiled and need to get a grip.
I know I have family that likes to just divide it equally by adults or just per head. It usually averages out and the kids it’s fine to help cover usually. But they aren’t even saying that, just why didn’t you pay my bill? Sheesh
NTA – your stepson is your son. He is part of your immediate family, while your sister and other relatives are part of your extended family. It is ok to favour your immediate family
If they invite you to something, they should not expect you to foot the bill for everything. Or, at the very least, they should ask you beforehand if you are willing to.
NTA they invited you, it would have made more sense for the expectation to have been they would cover you and your son. The idea that they would invite you and then expect you to pay for everyone is crazy.
NTA The response I would give to your family re the accusations that you love your step son more would be “I didn’t have a choice in being your family but I chose for him to be my son. Absolutely I care more about him. He is my son.” I’m sorry your family sucks and I hope you’re really happy with your husband and son. It sounds like you like your son and I hope you have a great relationship with him forever.
NTA.
I still don’t understand how some people go out under the guise that someone else will pay for them. If it hasn’t been discussed, expect to pay your own way. Always. Family, friends, dates.
Did they invite you or did they invite your wallet? NTA
NTA. Back in the day etiquette dictated whomever initiated the invitation pays the bill so SIL should have footed the whole thing. People show you who they really are, and you’ve just had your eyes opened. I think this is a great time to either decline future invasions – not only for the expectation of you paying, but also for the way they treat your step-son – or make it quite clear that you are not the family ATM and all future outings will be each family pays for themselves.
You are 100% not the asshole.
Jeez, was no one else taught growing up that if you invite someone to dinner that’s you are suppose to pay?
You’re NTA. People who cannot afford to eat at an expensive restaurant without borrowing money or mooching off someone else should not be eating out.
>She accused me of favoring my step-son over my own family and said I spoil him too much. She was really upset and claimed that my actions showed I care more about my step-son than my own flesh and blood.
Your sister in law is the A-H. Your stepson is your family. And she is not your flesh and blood anyway.
Who the fuck asks someone to dinner and then expects them to pay for the whole group? Your family is nothing but assholes. I would never ever go out to eat with them again unless it’s stated beforehand that all parents pay for themselves and their own kids.
Covering someone’s meal is a lovely thoughtful gesture, unless they are a minor in your care, in which case it is to be expected. (Still nice, but expected.)
…Notice how when they are not a minor in your care, it is not to be expected, they should always have the money (and the ordering skills) to cover their own meal, and they should never whine or complain about not getting their meal covered.
On the contrary, an “I’ll get this” should always be met with a thank you, and when you don’t get it, it should be met with graceful acceptance, and pulling out their own wallet.
…I guess what I’m trying to say is I think your family is tacky. Sorry. NTA.
NTA. Why didn’t whoever invite pay then? If you want to pay that’s one thing, but for others to feel you have to because your stepson isn’t “blood” is very upsetting. Clearly you have a relationship. Blood just isn’t everything. I think it’s wonderful that you have such a relationship. Why is he less important? You are raising him, you have a bond, why is that lessened because you aren’t “blood”? It’s absurd. That alone just pisses me off.
Your step son is your family and your responsibility. They aren’t.
They can fuck off.
They just wanted a fancy dinner on your dime.
They should never expect someone else to pay for their meal, and never order something they personally cannot pay for. If you decide to pay, amazing!
NTA. It’s not about favoritism; it’s about managing your finances and sticking to your plans. If you cover meals for others sometimes, that’s a generous gesture, but it doesn’t mean you’re obligated to do it every single time. Your step-son and you have your own budget and plans to consider.
All the people telling you to pay now and discuss later probably have no intentions of reimbursing you after the fact, so don’t do that. I wouldn’t go out with these people ever again. NTA.
NTA but your family just showed you that ONE they think of you as an ATM and TWO they don’t see your step son as family by any sense of the word. Do you and him both a favor and cut that contact on out now. Go enjoy your upcoming outing with your step son!
NTA and the poor server. If people are struggling to cover the bill, I wouldn’t be surprised if the first corner to be cut is the tip line. Stop eating places you can’t afford fools!
NTA
Entirely appropriate to pay for a child of your own household. Entirely inappropriate for them to invite you to join them, epetting you to pay for everyone.
Stop paying for them. They are no longer appreciative. Now, they are just entitled.
NTA. What gets me that i feel nobody points out… that someone actually said something to you! THAT’S the strangest thing about all this… people expect you to pay (a*holes) and invite you out for dinner *with them* and okay, you didn’t pay! They should sulk, cry, do whatever grown-ass babies do and then talk behind your back afterwards. The absolute balls on these people to think you’d pay and then throw it in your face! Shame! Shame!