#Confidence #SexualHealth #RelationshipAdvice
Hey folks, I’m reaching out from a throwaway account because I could really use some advice.
So here’s the scoop: I (25m) recently hit it off with an absolutely stunning girl (30f) – let’s just say she’s a 10/10! We’ve been chatting for about a week and have already met up three times. Things heated up last night, and we ended up kissing and having sex.
Now, here’s my dilemma: I was so nervous that I just couldn’t stay hard. 😔 This has honestly never happened to me before, and I’m feeling pretty down about it. I mean, we got intimate, and I tried my best – I fingered her, and she even went down on me, but I just couldn’t get it up completely. It ended up being a semi-hard situation.
While she was making noises (which makes me wonder if they’re real or just for show), I felt like I was wasting a fantastic moment. It’s super awkward now, and I’m worried that I might’ve ruined our chances. The age gap doesn’t help either – I can’t shake the feeling that it could make things worse.
Some thoughts on this situation:
- Nerves can happen to anyone: It’s completely normal to feel anxious, especially when you’re with someone you find incredibly attractive. The pressure can really mess with your head and body.
- Communication is key: After the awkward moment, we chatted normally, but I can’t help but wonder if she’s thinking about the same thing.
Possible solutions:
- Talk about it: If you think it’s affecting your connection, address it openly. A simple chat about nerves or expectations can ease the tension.
- Build confidence: If we get another chance, I want to be more relaxed. Maybe some deep breathing or even focusing more on her enjoyment might help.
Have any of you ever faced a similar situation? How did you handle it? Any tips for calming those nerves? Your experiences could really help out!
Thanks for reading! I’m looking forward to your thoughts. ✨
Just chill, talk with her, get more comfortable etc.
“I’d like another chance… You’re just so fking beautiful, it makes me nervous”.
tbh I almost had this problem every single time I had sex with someone for the first time. Just make sure she has a good time and talk to her. I never had someone not give me another or multiple chances. For women penetration isn’t that important when it comes to pleasure, there is a lot of stuff that can be done which is a good time for both of you.
Just be nice and honest and make sure she doesn’t think it’s because of her and after you feel comfortable enough the rest is gonna work too 🙂
Because you have objectified her as being 10/10 you’ve developed performance anxiety. Good for your penis!!
LOL
Be upfront and honest with her. I always have trouble staying hard the first time with anyone. Ever. All my life. I’m just so nervous.
No woman has ever told me I ruined everything with it. In fact they were just glad that I’m honest, that I was willing and enthusiastic giving them pleasure with my other body parts.
And let’s be real: If a woman or potential partner would make you feel bad about what happened… what good could she be as a partner? No no, you want someone to be understanding, even relaxed about it and just taking it slow until you’re ready and relaxed and then it will be alright at some point.
My ex was fantastic about it. I couldn’t and she just held me, looked me in the eyes and told me she doesn’t mind, all she wanted is to be with me and that we are together. And the next day waking up in her arms felt so good and it all worked. Just amazing what words and feelings can do to you.
Might take more time than that and possibly different approaches but you’ll get there.
All the best man, talk to her.
Older women understand this kind of thing more.
A lot of women like cunnilingus as much or more than penetration. A lot of women love being fingered. Focus on those things when you can’t stay hard.
The solution is more connection before sex.
Just talk to her. Let her know.
This is the most normal thing. If she gets upset or put off or avoids you or whatever, it says more about her than you.
We’ve all had moments where we couldn’t perform. Usually from nervousness. Or our dicks didn’t think we’d make it that far so it didn’t come prepared. You’re fine dude.
If she runs it wasn’t meant to be- if she accepts you at half mast you may have found a keeper my friend
This literally just happened to me. It was the first time with this new guy (I’m also a bit older than him) and kind of unexpected because he is actually really experienced and he really wanted to do it. I guess he got too nervous because first he came kind of quick (which I had no problem with) and then a bit later he wanted to go again and went soft after a bit. He beat himself up about it but I truly didn’t have a problem with it. I told him, let’s take a break and cuddle and we did that and talked and after a while we were both more than ready to try again and it was perfect. It hasn’t been an issue since and I truly do not think any less of him over this. It’s very human and honestly I was flattered.
What do you want from that relationship ? Only sex or a real couple ?
I’d say if you both want something serious, the first time being bad is not a problem at all (my bf had serious pb maybe the first 5 times but i was patient then it became perfection)
LOL this situation happened to me and my ex. He couldn’t get hard and blamed it on the alcohol. Later confused he was nervous which was cute.
A huge rule of thumb in my marriage is “make me cum first. Then I don’t care if I cum during sex” most of my orgasms are before sex and after while he goes soft inside me.
It’s not because he isn’t great at sex. I love it. It feels amazing, but I just don’t cum from PIV easily and I don’t care if I do or not.
There is a good chance she WAS enjoying herself. You’ve got to get out of your head so you can enjoy yourself. Performance anxiety is real, she is older than you and I’m sure she knows that.
If this type of thing happens (anxiety ED), pop a viagra roughly 30 mins – 1 hr before its business time. It’s not just for old and or fat dudes.
Explain! Say you were nervous! Don’t let her think you weren’t turned on by her! Because that’s probably what she feels and is hurt!
Tell her it will be so much better as you both get more comfortable and know each other better.
I’d say there are good chances that she was faking (at least partly) so she might not have been that confortable either. Which makes a perfect occasion of taking it chill and just doing better next time
You should let her know you’re nervous because you think she’s an 11/10.
Probably was hoping you’ll finish this torture sooner if she fakes. Why didn’t you just cuddle?? So stupid.
Tried this once during college and thank God my uncle is a doctor. Thank God he had Viagra with him 🙏. He then told me to control your emotions because he knew I was overwhelmed and I think that goes to you as well bro! Buy a Viagra just in case it happens again.
I had the same experience 6 years ago. All through my 20s and 30s, never had an issue. Met a beautiful inspiring woman, and it took a few times to get it up.
We got married in June. Brains are funny things.
Man I’m 19f (my bf is 21m) and even I understand that sometimes your Willy isn’t willing and that’s okay, it’s something you can’t control. I’m sure she won’t care (and if she does, she wasn’t worth it anyway)
Hey my dude, you aren’t the first guy to show up with a soft noodle. It’s happened to lots of dudes including myself. Next time it happens just perform oral on her until you realize holy fuck I’m hard, or until she finishes. If you’re munching her good she won’t even remember you didn’t get hard. Also just become more comfortable with her through conversation and hanging out. It will happen
Nerves can really blow it.
Smells like porn induced erectile disfunction
This same exact thing happened to me with the most beautiful woman I had ever been with. I was so nervous I couldn’t get hard. But we tried again and the nerves were gone. That was 15 years ago and we’ve been together since.
Updateme!
The anxiety you feel now is the same anxiety that made you go soft. Something else was on your mind that kept you from being in the moment. An insecurity maybe?Figure out what your anxiety triggers are, therapy helps. You wouldn’t think that talking to a therapist about anxiety could help you stay hard but you will re-wire your brain, and it’ll pay off big time in the future.
I’m guessing that this isn’t the first time anxiety has been giving you troubles in life. Just a guess.
If you can’t afford or don’t want therapy but want to conquer this, write down a brutally honest list of the things that have caused you anxiety in your life and recently. Hold no punches. You’ll find the issues there, then just work them out yourself.
10 years ago I hooked up with a super hot woman and I experienced the same as you.
Shes my wife and we have 2 kids together.
You’re alright
Your goal next time is to make her cum.. only worry about that.