#RelationshipAdvice #RelationshipProblems #SexLifeIssues
It can be incredibly difficult when a partner decides to leave a relationship, especially over something as sensitive as sex. But before making any rash decisions, it’s important to consider the root of the problem and if it can be resolved. Let’s delve into some advice and insights to help navigate through this challenging situation.
**Understanding the Situation**
It seems like there was miscommunication and misunderstanding revolving around discussing past sexual experiences and preferences. It’s crucial to communicate openly and honestly with your partner, but also to be mindful of how your words may affect them.
**Reflecting on Actions**
Reflect on the conversation and see if there were any unintended consequences of your responses. It’s understandable that recalling past experiences can be tricky, but it’s essential to be truthful and sensitive in these discussions.
**Seeking Resolution**
If your partner feels hurt or insecure due to the conversation, it’s important to address these feelings and find ways to repair the trust and connection in the relationship. Apologize sincerely and make efforts to reassure your partner of your love and commitment.
**Advice from Ancient Wisdom**
In challenging times like these, turning to ancient wisdom can provide valuable insights. The concept of karma, from Eastern philosophies, teaches us that our actions have consequences. By reflecting on our actions and their impact on others, we can strive to make amends and grow from our experiences.
**Moving Forward**
It’s crucial to have open and honest conversations with your partner about your feelings and concerns. It might be beneficial to seek couples therapy or counseling to work through the issues and strengthen your bond.
**Conclusion**
While it’s devastating to face the possibility of a breakup, it’s essential to approach the situation with empathy, understanding, and a willingness to work through the challenges together. Love and communication are key foundations of a healthy relationship, and by prioritizing these aspects, you may be able to overcome this difficult time. Remember, every relationship faces obstacles, but it’s how you navigate through them that truly defines the strength of your bond.
Those are the trap questions that you should avoid.
>move on?
Yes.
I mean dude, you really stepped onto every landmine in this topic that you were able to.
First do not engage in such a discussion. There is no positive outcome even if you are 100% truthful about it. Either you hurt her or she will find a reason to be unhappy out of it.
Also do not lie about such a thing just so your partner is “happy”. You just dug yourself the whole your relationship has just fallen into.
For the next time (maybe the next partner), this topic comes up just say something like this
“I had various sexual experiences with my former partner and they were all quite fun. I will not go deeper into them because that would infringe on the sexual integraty of these former partners.
Just rest assure about this:
I love our sex life. The physical part is great and the emotional component makes it even better. I am fully satisfied and will never get fed up or bored with it”
If you have certain kinks/fantasies, that you have not intruduced you can offer her to set up a date where both of you can suggest trying a kink each.
Both of you get a veto for any suggestions if you do not feel comfortable with what is offered.
Women ☕️
Curiosity killed the cat.
You should have insisted you didn’t remember anything about past GF’s since she came into your life! Then went on to describe all the best stuff she does for you! You really stepped in it! This is like the question “ does my ass look big in this outfit “! Always deflect that answer! “Your ass is amazing sweetheart”! Moving on is up to you. Keeping her is gonna require a bunch of effort! Good luck!
“Do i look fat in this?”
“I mean….”
Sounds to me like she was looking for a fight
Her insecurities got her asking questions that were self destructive. She needed you to keep her focused. Instead, she pulled you in.
You made stuff up (lied) and even couldn’t remember what you were saying (without thought). You lacked the strength to stand your ground and speak what you only honestly knew. You would lie, over telling the truth. You needed to be able to say no.
You aren’t ready for marriage. Communication isn’t telling people what they want to hear. You have to think about what you are saying and handle her insecurities.
You’re a fucking dummy. I can’t but laugh at you.
Then you shouldn’t lie and most definitely not make things up ,did you ask her what was wrong with your sexual performance or did she say you were perfect..I think maybe she has been checking out of the relationship for awhile.
You are both emotionally immature. She asked questions with an agenda and without being able to deal with the answers instead of telling you she was feeling insecure (or whatever her reason was). And you lied to her multiple times because you thought it was what she wanted to hear, instead of asking her what was going on.
Jesus. If you have to make up stuff in your relationship and have conversations this aggressive from her side, I would not call it a good relationship.
No offense, but – offensive shit incoming! – you both sound like children and way too immature to get married.
The way she badgered you for info, and refused to believe that you simply don’t remember, is both childish and toxic. The way she then hyperfixated on something and let it blow up the relationship? Almost looks like she was looking for an excuse to leave you, that’s how stupid it is. Or she was looking for a fight? Which is drama mongering and not a good trait in a partner. She is absolutely too immature to get married.
You aren’t better. Even engaging in this conversation was a stupid decision.
You couldn’t remember, that was a great and easy way to nope out of the convo, but instead you MADE SHIT UP? Yikes. That, to me at least, is not normal behavior. It’s bizarre and kinda fucked up. If she wanted to hear something, and you didn’t remember, the mature thing to do would be to be a**ssertive**. Saying something like “Sorry, but I really don’t remember. I will no longer talk about this with you bc this conversation is pointless.” and then leave the conversation. If she tries again, leave the room or put the phone down!
If she gets angry and blows your relationship because of it, it’s 100% her fault: she is being irrational . But you lying to her and making up whole experiences is a huge red flag. People who lie they way out of situations instead of being assertive and ending a crazy interaction are not good partners, IMO. People who create those crazy interactions and won’t let go are not good partners either. And neither should get married before they grow up.
Sorry, OP, but I frankly felt *exhausted* reading about your fiancée.
I can’t imagine dealing with someone like that in my life.
She seems to love drama, aside from being immature and insecure.
Why are you rushing to get married?
You are barely *25*!
She is not even there…
You should both live a little and learn about life before taking such a major step. Grow as people.
Better to take your time than be consulting with divorce lawyers in 5 years’ time.
Your fiancée, particularly, is not ready for marriage.
This is such 18 year old stuff. Non communication, just straight into a hole for no reason at all besides lies and insecurity.
You did the right thing by answering her question. Her question and reaction makes me think she might not be mature enough yet for a proper relationship – reminds me of that IG clip going around where a girl is asking her partner ‘would you kiss me or kiss the prettiest girl in the world and get $1 mil?’ And girl got mad when her partner picked the latter option. I told my husband that dumb question and he said you’d kill me if I didn’t pick the $1 mil option 😂
Ask stupid questions, get answers that you might not be happy to hear.
To be fair, you guys are young and she might have it in her head you are her everything (I say this from when I was younger and would ask stupid questions and be unhappy with the answers I got). If she gets over it and learns, you guys will be fine. But if she doesn’t and it’s still a thing, it’s probably best you dodged a bullet. A emotionally mature person (man/woman) asks questions only when they are comfortable knowing the answer.
She just needed an excuse to go with someone else dump her and send her on her way
I feel like we need to stop placing the blame on primarily men when women ask these questions. It just feels like looking for trouble when there is none. He probably should not have answered, but she she set herself up to get hurt.
Good communication means you can just be honest; lying to placate her was a mistake. At the same time: she seems unable to hear you and accept your honest answers so I understand why you had the impulse. Overall it doesn’t sound like you have a safe space where you can be open, honest, and vulnerable. For her part seems like she has some sensitives and insecurities that need to heal. Sounds like you both could benefit with some time to focus on yourselves and growing up a little. That said if you want to fight for the relationship, you need to tell her that you need improved trust and communication in the relationship so that you both can be open, vulnerable, and valued.
Things I don’t miss about being in my 20s: the emotional immaturity to actively adress my insecurities but instead seek affirmation by passively fishing for compliments….
To spell it out for you OP, you sweet naieve soul: your fiance wasn’t ACTUALLY interested in your past sexual experiences but wanted to hear stuff to sooth her own insecurities.
Her mistake: being immature and not asking/saying directly what bothered her and assuming you can read about what is really bothering her behind all the BS….
Your mistake: making shit up because you THOUGHT that was the issue instead of asking her flat-out what her ulterior motive was…
You two have clearly got issues with DIRECT and HONEST/TACTFULL communication. That will lead to SO much avoidable trouble down the road, so if you want to save this relationship go actively look for couple of relationship counselors who can guide both of you to learn to communicate with eachother. Your partner is feeling insecure about herself, and you need to show her you are 100% in this for who she is. Or MAYBE her immaturity making her avoid saying outloud that SHE is getting cold feet now you two are engaged (shit getting real-real) and she can’t ignore her doubts if this relationship is a forever thing.
And next time your partner is passively asking for assurance, ffs don’t make shit up! You could have easily avoided this mess by being “honest”: “babe I legit don’t remember much about sex with my past partners because they were not remarkable. But what I do like about sex with YOU is x y z”. And when she asked about what isn’t great, you simply take a long pause to act like you have a hard time figuring out what is not great so you don’t add fire to her insecurities OR you ask her “babe what is bothering you that you are asking me all of this? Do YOU think something is lacking with our sex life?”
Making up sex stories for her benefit was a bad call. She was looking for something to compare herself against. So everything you said is living in her mind right now rent free, she is picturing it and making herself upset.
She is too insecure for a mature relationship, and that isn’t your fault. There are no magic words you can say to make her feel good about herself.
It’s such a red flag that she couldn’t handle you giving her some direction on a blow job. That means her sexual ego matters more to her than your pleasure. And now she’s giving you a minefield to walk through.
I say let her leave if that’s all it takes. She needs to grow up a little before she is ready for marriage.
Well. Probably not ready for marriage just yet.
She set a trap and you fell right in. There was zero chance that this conversation was going to end well for you.
Lots of red flags here. First being that she wanted you to compare—that says she has insecurity issues. Second is her telling you that YOUR TRUTH was wrong. I don’t remember a lot of details about sex with people in the past either. Also you felt like you had to lie to make her happy. Then she used the things you said against you and twisted the situation to fit her narrative.
Let her go; she’s insecure and lacks the maturity to be in a healthy relationship.
You dodged a bullet, brother.
This sounds exhausting. She sounds exhausting.
Seems like she was searching for a fight but you didn’t help either.
Lying is never the answer.
But yes. This level of insecurity is too much. It’s on her now not you. Give her space.
Lol date someone in their ,30s
Some people do these sorts of things because they’ve got avoidant attachment, do or say something which creates an issue and then causes their fears to come true.
I think that if you want to resolve this you need to get her to sit down and get her listen. You need to explain how and why you lied and you need to be clear to her that you’re happy with how things are and don’t want to break up. That if you do break up it’s a direct result of what she asked and pressured you to say, and wouldn’t accept. You’ve really got to sledge hammer through her walls.
Having said that… this all seems so OTT and unnecessary. It would make me reconsider whether I was compatible with her.
For the future, don’t lie about anything, let alone stupid shit you can’t remember that will cause pain to someone. That’s just foolish. If you’re going to fuck your relationship up at least make it true.
1stly : – the prob is in her, but in the next time, when a girl ask u some trap qst, just avoid to answer them, or just answer the way she want
2ndly : look am not an expert, i cannot judge and am not with u am just a stranger in the internet, but i suppose the answer is one of these : 1- there’s another player who entered the field
2- she’s just not into u and she looks for a prob
And yes she’s being childish, but when women pretend to be crazy, it’s not bcs they r crazy, it’s bcs they have reasons that they don’t wanna admit them and they r hiding something
That’s what my experience thought me, it does not necessarily imply on u btw
It seems like she wanted out and was just picking fights until she found a “good reason.” You’re better off without her.
your gf doesnt sound mature enough to have sex… much less conversations about it.. Idk why she is so insecure.. that is something she needs to work on personally, perhaps with a therapist.
Y’all are too childish to get married
You do know she was just looking for an excuse to bail, right?
You two are way too immature to get married. You sound like a bunch of teenagers
This level of insecurity, drama and immaturity are all signs that neither of you are at the point where marriage is a remotely good idea.
Paragraphs man, it ain’t hard
*what*
She needs therapy badly, not a relationship and certainly not marriage. She needs to deal with her insecurities first. This isn’t someone you build a life with. She will keep shit testing you. You also need therapy so you learn to spot this type of behavior early on so you can end things with insecure people.
I got tired from reading this, your fiance is tiresome. She needs to learn to communicate better, she is constantly trying to trap you and she cant seem to handle critisicm.
The only mistake you made was being dishonest and making shit up. If you truly didn’t remember anything, you say that and stick to your guns. Repeat until you’re blue in the face.
To be honest, though, this behaviour from her is crazy. You may be dodging a bullet if she breaks up with you because what the fuck? Lol
It kind of sounds like she was looking for a fight, there’s genuinely no good way to get out of that question. Granted you didn’t do a great job at trying to, but it sounds like she was either looking for an out or is just deeply insecure, but either way you’re in a position to change those things. Might be time to move on, and please please don’t get married.
If you have to make up stuff instead of being straight forward and honest in your discussions with your fiance then you shouldn’t be getting married.
BPD
Good. She is absolutely too immature to be in a serious relationship. Her insecurities are far too intense for her to be a good partner to you from here on out. You’ll have to grieve this relationship for a while, but it’s far better than grieving the inevitable failed marriage this would be.