#relationshipadvice #trustissues #communication
Hey folks! π I’m in a bit of a tough spot, and I could really use your insight. So, here’s the situation: I’m a 23-year-old guy in a relationship with my girlfriend, who’s 20. We’ve been dating for a few months, but thereβs been some drama thatβs got me questioning everything.
To give you the background, when we were first talking in March, she went to a party, which I thought was just a regular night out. Fast forward to now, I found out she had some interactions with other guys during that time before we officially started dating. It wasn’t a big deal to me because she assured me she hadn’t hooked up with anyone else since we got serious.
However, last night, I couldn’t shake a feeling of doubt while she was sleeping. I ended up going through her phone (I know, I knowβdefinitely not my proudest moment). π¨ What I found shook me: pictures of a Plan B from the night of that party and a video of her smiling while taking it. When I confronted her, she first denied everything but then changed her story, claiming she was blacked out and was assaulted.
Here’s where it gets even more confusing: she eventually logged the encounter into her flo app and even had pictures from a friend a week later holding the Plan B. So now, I’m left questioning everything. Am I wrong for doubting her claims? Could she really have been assaulted despite the evidence that she seemed to be aware of what happened?
Pain Points:
- Trust Issues: Itβs tough to rebuild trust once itβs shaken. π€
- Conflicting Stories: When someoneβs story changes, it leads to confusion and doubt.
- Communication Breakdown: How can we have open conversations about sensitive topics?
Possible Solutions:
- Open Dialogue: Encourage honest discussions about feelings and past experiences.
- Seek Professional Help: Sometimes talking to a therapist can help clear things up.
- Take Time: Allow both of you to process your thoughts before making rash decisions.
Now I want to hear from you! Have you ever been in a situation where trust was tested in your relationship? How did you handle it? Your experiences or tips could really help!
Looking forward to your thoughts! π¬
You couldn’t write a story with more red flags than this if you tried
Dude. Not to be mean but donβt be dumb. You already know the answer.
leeaaaaaave
I believe her. I was assaulted in a brothel last night by some sex workers who took my money upfront before assaulting me. I was so traumatised that I joked about it with my friends.
Is it cheating if it happened during the talking stage?
Maybe she was. Maybe she wasn’t. But what seems true was that she was having inappropriate exchanges with other guys.
Not gf material. You know you can do better. Let her go get back out drunk and cheat on someone else. She ain’t worth the squeeze.
Kick her to the fucking curb big dawg
She cheated all over you
The evidence was the smiling while taking a plan b who tf does that if they’ve been assaulted.
I was running down a hallway in the hotel, tripped, and my dick somehow landed in her vagina.
Seriously? Who laughs about taking a plan b after a sexual assault? My ex also told me she was blackout drunk when she slept with her ex. You know what happened.
If she was just assaulted, would she be smiling in the plan B pictures? If she was assaulted, why wasnβt it reported to the authorities? If she was assaulted, why didnβt she tell you?
I would get tested for STDβs.
You know what to believe.
Question is, can you live with her getting plowed as your relationship was beginning.
If I was you, I’d end it, ghost her, block her everywhere.Β Using SA as a fake excuse for her willing happy decisions is so fuckin gross.Β Girls like her are why real SA are questioned and disbelieved.
She banged some dude. Pretty simple. Time to go
It’s dishonesty, which is a major red flag that would make me reconsider the relationship… But, it was before you became exclusive and were just on a talking stage if I read this correctly, meaning it’s not *cheating*. Her lying about it is what makes it wrong, and I don’t even get why she felt the need to lie.
You, yourself, seem to have gone through her phone without her consent, and that’s even more of a red flag than sleeping with someone when you’re not in a relationship with anyone imo. I feel like neither of you are ready for a serious relationship, and need to work on yourselves first.
βThis really wasnβt a huge deal to meβ
βI got this gut feeling while she was sleeping and I went through her phone.β
It bothered you bro, and there is no shame in that. You went a lil overboard with the phone checking but your gut was right and I gotta respect that. Now respect yourself and leave this girl, she kept information from you that wouldβve affected your decision in your relationship.
The classic one person is exclusive and the other is still playing the field…. She got a bunch of 1 nighters who hit and quit it.
One even busted in her. You thought you were exclusive
I mean it’s up to you OP but you already know the truth
1) It’s not hiding things from you to choose not to disclose who she talked to BEFORE you were dating. You are not entitled to know her romantic history due to the fact you are in a monogamous relationship with her now. Your agreement to be in an exclusive relationship with her means you and her should both adhere to that boundary and be honest with each other about what happens NOW.
2) Whatever she did or didn’t do in the talking stage, prior to exclusivity is NOT CHEATING, as you hadn’t agreed yet to be exclusive. It doesn’t matter if she is telling the truth or not, because she wasn’t exclusive with you then.
3) I’d advise you believe her that it was an assault. If she is lying, believing her doesn’t hurt anything. She wasn’t in a relationship with you then, so it really doesn’t cause any harm. However if you choose to grill her repeatedly about this and/or disbelieve her and she WAS assaulted, then you are being really shitty. She doesn’t have to seem affected in order to have survived an assault. There isn’t a set of rules for how one has to react. Grilling her and not believing her in the case of a real assault is going to further traumatize her. Since believing her causes no harm and disbelieving could cause serious harm, choose to believe her.
4) While points #1 and #2 are factual and valid, it is ALSO okay if you still feel weird and don’t want to continue the relationship. Sex prior to dating was not cheating. Talking prior to dating isn’t something she owes you an explanation for. But those things don’t mean you have to continue the relationship if it’s not working for you. I suggest you take space for a week, let any feelings you have bubble up and process them, and either choose to believe her and continue the relationship or choose to part ways without expressing disbelief or that she should have behaved differently prior to dating you.
Logging it in the period app is wild lmao
She is a cheater and since she doesnβt even feel guilty she will do it again. Dump her.
If she was really assaulted she would have told you instead of hiding it and even cataloging it as a sexual encounter.
She cheated, dump her.
They were throwing it in her jalooper bro and she lovin it π! See you at the gym tomorrow.
Dude, if it bothers you then leave. Youβre not a prisoner. You are entitled to have whatever standards you want. If you decide that you donβt like shit that happened you donβt need to justify it. Just move on. Neither of you can change the past. So you either decide that itβs something you can live with, and you do that. Or you decide that itβs something that is a deal breaker, and then you end things. You donβt need to justify it, explain it away, or apologize for it. You simply say βIβm sorry but this relationship isnβt going to work for me any longer and I think we just need to go our separate ways.β If she wants to know why or what changed then you simply say βdoes it really matter what changed or why? I just donβt think weβre good for each other anymore so now is the time to go our separate ways amicably. Good luck in all your future endeavors.β Then walk away and donβt look back.
Her lying about being assaulted is way worse than having sex with someone else during the early stages.
You need to tell her:
1. It was during the talking stage, so I don’t think you did anything wrong by sleeping with somebody else, and I’m sorry for insinuating as such. This is my own insecurity that I hope to get over. I’m so in love with you, that the thought of you being with someone else while we were talking just made me feel insecure and upset, but I realise that this is a weakness on my part. I love you, and I want to be with you.
2. I think we’ve both breached eachother’s trust a bit here. I could tell you were being dishonest with me about it, and I crossed a boundary by looking at your phone to find out. I’m sorry that I did this, but given what was discovered it seems that I was justified. I’m not upset with you for sleeping with someone else when we were uncomitted to eachother – what I’m upset you with about is that you kept this from me – even if you did so to save me from feeling insecure. And when I asked you about it, you’re lying about SA which is a pretty serious claim. All that I ask is that you communicate the truth with me, and so that we can work through building a relationship built of honesty and trust. I appreciate you trying to be considerate of my feelings, but I want you to know that’s something I’ll gladly work though if you can be honest with me.
You need to swallow #1, she needs to swallow #2. This is genuinely a salvageable situation.
βShe never mentioned being assaulted until it was a convenient excuse.β
Come on dude. Have some brains and have some self-respect.
1. if yβall werent exclusive, it isnt cheating
2. lying about it though, is gross
3. lying about sexual assault because you feel guilty is even grosser
4. ESH but sheβs the worst. itβs up to you whether or not these red flags are enough. personally, id never stay with someone that lied to my face about something like that, let alone would lie about SA.
She is laughing and taking plan B? She doesn’t look like someone that was assaulted. I would not believe her.
She cheated, leavs her
People like this are masters of manipulation. Use this as a learning opportunity. Gaslighting and making up bullshit is people’s like this superpower. You gotta wake up bruh you’re getting played. Dump the trash off at the curb and walk the fuck away.
She could say it was assault because she was too drunk to legally consent but she went to a party, got drunk, and had unprotected sex with another man. Those are the facts you can prove, everything else is opinions or conjecture. Dump her.
Why are you pestering her about what was done before you were together?
Run
tell her you’re taking her to the police station so they report the assault. you already know what she will answer to that
Trust is this relationship is non existent. I don’t think this relationship has legs to stand on. Probably the best option is to part ways. Good luck.
Yes she cheated.
OP, she banged the dude at the party and went and got Plan B. And entered him in her Flo app. Whatever that is. Your GF is a ho. Move on.
Having had a couple friends who were drugged and assaulted in college, itβs pretty disturbing people can use it as a way to avoid accountability for cheating. It makes every true allegation less believable. And there are a shit ton of legitimate allegations because so many men are horrible.