#Postpartum #NewbornTwins #Pregnancy #FamilyStruggles #HealingJourney #RelationshipIssues #ParentingChallenges
Hashtags are a powerful way to categorize content and make it easily discoverable on social media platforms. If you’re a parent navigating through a tumultuous relationship while juggling the demands of raising newborn twins, pregnancy, and a young child, you are not alone. The situation you find yourself in is undoubtedly challenging, but there are ways to navigate through it with grace and resilience.
## Understanding the Situation
It’s evident from your post that you’ve been through a whirlwind of emotions and challenges. Your partner’s abrupt departure while blaming your postpartum struggles must have been incredibly hurtful and confusing. It’s essential to remember that you are not responsible for his actions or emotions, and neither should you blame yourself for the situation.
## Coping with Postpartum Anxiety and PTSD
Dealing with postpartum anxiety and PTSD is no easy feat, especially when compounded with the stress of multiple pregnancies, caring for newborn twins, and a young child. It’s vital to prioritize your mental health and seek professional help to cope with these challenges effectively. Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to ask for support from loved ones and healthcare providers.
## Partner’s Perspective and Projection
Your partner’s behavior, characterized by anger and avoidance, may stem from his own internal struggles, such as bipolar disorder, love avoidance, or narcissistic tendencies. It’s crucial to recognize that his actions are not a reflection of your worth as a person or a parent. Sometimes, individuals project their unresolved issues onto others, causing unnecessary conflict and pain.
## Moving Forward and Finding Closure
Finding closure in a situation as complex as this requires self-compassion, patience, and a willingness to let go of what cannot be changed. It may be challenging to reconcile your expectations of a lifelong partnership with the stark reality of your current circumstances. However, focusing on your well-being and that of your children should be your top priority.
## Advice from the Bhagavad Gita
In times of uncertainty and adversity, ancient wisdom and spiritual teachings can offer solace and guidance. The Bhagavad Gita emphasizes the importance of detachment from outcomes and a focus on righteous action without attachment to results. It encourages individuals to surrender to the divine will and find inner peace amidst external turmoil.
## Conclusion
Navigating through the aftermath of a partner’s departure, especially during a vulnerable period marked by postpartum struggles and pregnancy, is undoubtedly a formidable task. However, by prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being, seeking professional help, and drawing strength from spiritual teachings, you can gradually find healing and resilience. Remember, you are deserving of love, respect, and compassion, both from others and yourself. Stay strong, and trust that brighter days are ahead.
Honestly if he’s behaving this way at 54, he’s a lost cause and you’re better off without him. Your obligation is to do the best by your kids and yourself. You can’t let pleasing a manchild interfere with that at all. No man worth anything would walk out on his 3(soon to be 4) children. He’s a POS, let him go.
I’m saying this as someone who is pro *healthy* age gap relationships, sometimes people seek out younger partners because they can’t make it with someone their own age because they are just not as naturally naive. If he’s this way in his 50s, the chances of this just being who he is are high.
>he is bipolar and love avoidant, possibly narcissistic too.
I’d bet my money that THIS is why he 1) was single when you met him, as he was clearly later in life, and 2) why he left/is blaming you
>but sadly he still says he doesn’t feel safe with me and can’t be in our family home 🙁
He’s emotionally manipulating you
>in january, he wrote me a loving note with a list of 33 things i needed to do to regulate before reaching out to him for help.
And let me guess, there wasn’t anything *he* needed to do
>i have always taken accountability for my actions and have been doing all types of healing to try and fast track my wellness.
Okay, but what is HE doing?
>but his behavior and hate towards me continues to spiral and he has yet to acknowledge the pregnancy.
The guy has significant mental health disorders that seem unmanaged. On top of that, he clearly has an avoidant/dismissive attachment.
>do i give up on him?
I think it’s best to do so until he opens his eyes, does the work, betters himself, and is ready to be in a relationship. He is **not** ready to be in a relationship.
He doesn’t want a healthy relationship. He wants to treat you like crap and make you believe it’s your fault.
Please accept that he is not going to be a good person or husband, and figure out your best strategy for the happiness of your children and yourself.
You would never be able to match his expectations because they are unreasonable. Instead he shoukd be looking after you post partum. Just cut your losses.
Girl stop wasting any energy on him.
This man can almost qualify for a senior discount at places and still not acting like an adult.
Let that sink in. He abandoned his family, young children including completely dependents newborns, because he can’t manage his emotions? Then acts like it’s your fault that he’s failing his kids? I don’t fucking think so.
Lose him, his soon to be rickety old ass is not worth the energy, or start looking into life insurance policies.
Your children treat you better than he does and they don’t have a fully developed brain. He allegedly does, he just actively chooses not to use it.
Wtf am I reading? Op, you need therapy. You need to know you don’t need more burden in your life. This pos will only make your life worst, let alone bringing you peace. Your kids need to learn this is not family, sh!t like is unacceptable in the family and is toxic. He’s 54, gone case and he never want to be a father or a husband. He just want the benefit of it and how you can ‘serve’ him, if things doesn’t goes the way he wants or less than ‘unrealistic’ perfect, he gonna punish you and make you feel you’re in the wrong. Ewww no
33 things to do before reaching out to him ,you’ve got yourself a 54 year old man-child, what father walks out on his children and wife …he really a pathetic excuse of a man
Wait you have newborn twins and you’re three months pregnant? How? Did you not wait the 6 weeks to have sex? Did he pressure you to have sex before the doctor allowed?
He did you all a favor I’d say.
Download the books BECOMING THE Narcissists Nightmare by Shahida Arabi and Divorce for Dummies and The Idiots Guide to Divorce.
There’s a list of lawyers in the back. Use it. You need to find that Mama Bear inside you and protect your children’s interests. Honey… I’m sorry but get an abortion while you still can.
Fuck. Him.
You don’t want to spend another day with this guy let alone a lifetime. I’m sorry you’re in this predicament but learning how to live without him is key.
Wtf OP stop having kids in this unstable and unhealthy environment. Are you guys even married? This is not a loving or healthy dynamic to raise your children in. He doesn’t sound like he cares about you. Very selfish individual. Move on for the sake of your kids. Your post history is very concerning too. Your relationship sounds like it’s been a mess for a while. I’m sorry you decided to continue to bring kids into this horrible situation. This man doesn’t love you and sounds like he has mental health issues. Based on posts he’s never been around nor consistent and always is running away or wanting to hook up with others. What the hell are you doing OP? Secure child support and go.
I stopped when you said he wrote you a list of 33 things you need to improve on before asking him for help. What the fuck. This is his fault, not yours. My husband agrees with me, and wants to know what’s on the list. Sending hugs and positive vibes that you get through this.
You cannot love a person back to mental health.
Your love, nor anyone else’s, is a magic cure for mental illness.
Your husband is a terrible partner and father.
You can love him, but you don’t have to stay with someone like this. Seek a consultation with a GOOD divorce lawyer.
I’m disabled with chronic pain. My husband never complains when I’m having a bad day. You aren’t doing anything wrong and I don’t think you have borderline personality disorder because I have it and you’re just bending over backwards for him and he doesn’t appreciate you. If I was in this situation I’d be fighting back cause borderline makes my emotions intense and my mood changes rapidly. He’s being toxic and abusive. Do you want your kids witnessing this environment as they get old enough to know what’s going on?
Girl, did he pull you from a storage container from overseas or something?
You just messed up picking a loser, cut your losses and go after child support, its the best solution.
Honey, you are so much better off without him. Someday you will be grateful that he set you free. File for child support ASAP. Get emotional support from your family. At some point he will try to come back, don’t you dare take him back.
I love that he claims “he doesn’t feel safe with you” but somehow felt comfortable leaving you to care for 3 children alone while pregnant. This is a him problem. If he really didn’t feel safe, he wouldn’t have left without the kids. He is making up excuses to blame you. Find a lawyer and get rid of this walking red flag.
33 things you need to do is not a love note. It’s the opposite of a love note. You didn’t do anything wrong. No good human would just abandon a woman with newborn twins and a 5 year old. He’s not a good human.
I know things are absolutely horrible right now, but you are going to be so happy in like two years when you no longer have to deal with this shit.
I’m interested in how old you were when you guys first got together. A 21 year age difference is a huge red flag for manipulative people. if your oldest is five, then you’ve been with him since at least 27? That’s not too questionable but if you would like 23/24 when you got together with … Your life is gonna be so much better without this guy.
This has nothing to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with him.
You have 3 children, 2 very young twins, and you’re pregnant again?
Fuck him, first off. Get family or friend support asap, and get child support in place. This is not okay and he can’t just “bounce” just cuz he wants to. He helped make those babies, he can’t just leave it all up to you. You need support.
What the hell OP. Why did you decide to have twins and then get pregnant again when you already have a child with this man who is a terrible, abusive partner and (by the sound of it) absent father? Why did you not take care of your health and your 5 year old and use birth control??
You are pregnant, take care of 3 children, and you run your partner a bath and give him a massage everyday?? What would you say if your daughter came to you and told you that she was doing this for her husband, who is old enough to be her dad??
What support networks do you have? Leave and divorce this man and file for child support. Your life will be easier when you have 4 children to take care of, not 5.
I hope this is rage bait, i truly do.
Holy shit there is all kinds of horrifying wrong with this post.
1. He’s victim blaming.
2. He abusive. Fucking pure abuse there. Emotional, psychological manipulation
3. He’s a pure narcissist
4. Don’t EVEN get me started on the age gap.
He is the ONLY one who needs to change. How in the HELL does he have the balls to say he doesn’t feel safe with you?? He’s the one with the rage issue, he’s the one who forces you into doing everything, he’s bullying you into taking the accountability of his failings and twisting it so you believe you are the one at fault.
Get help for your ptsd and your ppd. Not for him, for your kids, and for yourself. Hopefully it will make you realise what a horrible soul he has and why you are so much better off without him. Do NOT let him back into your life.
Quit having so many babies! You aren’t meant to have a litter! And why would you marry a guy that much older? This reeks of troll bait. Go away.
ETA: You’re just dumb!
girl…to be blunt…stop being pathetic. that man is an absolute pos. this post and your responses come off insane (as in the situation, not you although you’re pretty close). how you talk about maybe if you had let him get “erotic” massages then he would’ve stayed. WTF??? and then within the same breathe you say he’s an amazing person, generous,loving…how do you not read what you are writing and realize that none of this is okay. you seem self aware in some comments so i implore that you get a hold of yourself. you are so young and still have so much opportunities in life.
please do not try and get back with this individual. not now and not in the future. if not for yourself, then for your children who would suffer growing up with an abusive, narcissistic pos.
What you did wrong was build a house on a bad foundation. He’s avoidant and more than 20 years older; that right there should’ve been enough to know it wouldn’t be a healthy relationship. It also sounds like you’ve taken on all the caretaking – running him a bath, giving him a massage, etc. You’re basically trying to earn love that should be free. It’s unfortunate that you both decided to bring children into this situation, but it is what it is. Now your job is to get them into a healthier situation so they don’t grow up thinking this is normal for a relationship.
Your partner used you. Why else would a 54 yo be with a 33 yo? Your typical day sounded exhausting. Daily intimacy postpartum is not a common scenario due to exhaustion!
Please consider your options with your current pregnancy. It is very hard on your body to have back-to-back babies.
Go see a lawyer to initiate divorce and child support payments.
Get therapy so you can understand how you deserve better.