#MarriageProposalSurprise #WomenAndMarriage #RelationshipExpectations
Are women actually surprised at all by marriage proposals? 💍
It’s no secret that marriage proposals are a popular topic of discussion – from heartwarming videos shared on social media to the latest celebrity engagements, we’re constantly surrounded by images of happy couples taking the next step in their relationship. But amidst all the excitement, one question seems to resurface time and time again: are women actually surprised by marriage proposals, or is it all just for show?
While there may not be a clear-cut answer to this question, it’s worth exploring the various factors that come into play when it comes to marriage proposals and the element of surprise.
##The element of surprise
###Cultural and societal expectations
– In many cultures, the act of proposing marriage is traditionally seen as the responsibility of the man. This can lead to the expectation that the proposal will be a surprise, as the woman is often not involved in the planning or execution of the event.
– Social media, movies, and television also perpetuate the idea of the surprise proposal, leading many to believe that this is the norm rather than the exception.
###Personal preferences
– While some women may genuinely be surprised by a marriage proposal, others may have had discussions with their partner about the possibility of getting engaged in the near future. This can make the actual proposal less of a surprise and more of a formality.
## The role of communication
###Open and honest dialogue
– It’s important for couples to have open and honest conversations about their future together. This includes discussing the possibility of marriage and what it means to each person in the relationship.
– By having these discussions, both parties can gain a better understanding of each other’s expectations and desires, which can ultimately lead to a more thoughtful and meaningful proposal.
###Involvement in the planning process
– Some couples choose to plan their engagement together, picking out the ring and deciding on the timing and location of the proposal. In these cases, the element of surprise may be less pronounced, but the significance of the moment is still deeply felt.
## The impact of social media
###The curated narrative
– With the rise of social media, many couples now choose to share their engagement stories with the world. This can often create a curated narrative of the surprise proposal, leading others to believe that this is the standard experience.
– It’s important to remember that what we see online is often a highlight reel, and may not accurately reflect the reality of a relationship or engagement.
###The pressure to perform
– The prevalence of elaborate and highly publicized proposals on social media may also contribute to the pressure felt by individuals to create a similarly grand gesture. This can lead to a heightened expectation for surprise and spectacle, rather than focusing on the authenticity and meaning behind the proposal.
At the end of the day, the question of whether women are genuinely surprised by marriage proposals is a complex and multifaceted one. While some may indeed be caught off guard by the moment, others may have been anticipating it to some degree. What’s most important is the sincerity and thoughtfulness behind the proposal, and the mutual understanding and communication between the partners.
In the age of social media and heightened expectations, it’s crucial to remember that every relationship is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to a marriage proposal. Ultimately, the most meaningful proposals are those that are a true reflection of the couple’s love and commitment to each other.
I think most people usually know it’s coming, but not when. So there’s always some surprise in how they do it/when.
A lot of people know a proposal is likely or inevitable, but not when or how.
IMO, NO proposal should ever be a complete surprise. If it is, it’s unlikely the couple has had serious discussions about what married life would mean for them.
Only idiots do surprise proposals. She needs to be onboard and aware of the life you want and to have told you ring size and style of ring she wants or picked it.
If you’re talking ones that get posted online, it’s likely everyone is in on it, including the girl. Otherwise, you might not capture the perfect reaction.
so far all my married/engaged friends have said the same thing – they knew it was coming, sometimes even expected it that day but the emotions of the moment made it feel like a surprise. Kind of a “I can’t believe this is really happening.” I don’t know any women who were directly involved in planning their own proposal. It’s more common to reach out to her friends for help
My wife knew I was going to propose, but didn’t know when or where.
I my case I had a family ring to propose with, so I was able to catch pretty off guard.
My wife was surprised. We both knew that we were going to get married, but she had no idea when or how I was going to propose. We were having brunch at the place where I worked, and I slipped away to “get my w-2 forms.” Instead, my boss gave me this yellow suit and top hat, ala Charlie from the Always Sunny episode “The Nightman Cometh.” I came back and sang the song that he sang to the waitress at the end of the play. Luckily, she knows that I’m a weirdo and said yes. The bartender and one of the servers filmed, which confused her a bit, and she thought that I was just being dumb until I pulled out the ring. The video is still up here, I believe. Good times
I had no idea with my hubby. But he also didn’t video it nor did we have tik tok 🤣 20 years later and his proposal is still my favourite 😉 But it was love at first sight for me. I guess it was inevitable but I was clueless 😆
In most cases I know of, marriage has been discussed in broad strokes, the proposal itself (when, how etc) was still a surprise. In my case, we were definitely aligned on the fact that marriage was on the table, and had been for a while, but I still didn’t see the actual proposal coming. Ring was a surprise too (a good one, he got my taste right).
We had a private proposal. Nobody to film it or anything like that. But he DID get a textbook reaction. Tears, emotions, happy disbelief, the works. So I do believe that at least some of the ones that end up on social media are “real”. Your favourite person in the world basically telling you “you’re my favourite person, too, forever, and all the feelings you have for me, I return”, that’s pretty big, and even if you’ve discussed marriage before…that moment drives it home and makes it real.
These over the top viral perfect ones are just like anything else over the top viral, probably staged. But otherwise, most women (or men!) know it’s coming but not when or how. And it’s not difficult to get a picture or video with even a small amount of planning.
The perfect proposal is pretty easy. Most couples already know they want to get married, most women are going to be genuinely excited that he’s asking, and it’s not hard to have a friend hiding out waiting to take a video. My husband just happened to pick the right guy to take our picture and the guy absolutely nailed it when he realized what was happening.
I was *genuinely* surprised because I don’t know how he hid the ring on a snorkeling trip!
I was but I screwed it up. We were preparing for a hike and I took his camelback to fill with water. I Thought there was trash in the pocket so I grabbed it and turned to ask him if it was garbage. The ring was in a white paper bag that looked like something a pastry would come in. He looked like a deer in the headlights and didn’t say anything. So I asked again, at which point I knew what it was.
I was taken fully by surprise.. we were 7.5years in to the relationship and had spoken briefly years before about marriage and I just figured that it wasn’t for him so no biggie 🤷🏼♀️
My husbands proposal was a surprise to me! I just thought we were taking a normal, albeit out of the blue hike, and he just also wanted to setup a camera and take pictures. Little out of the ordinary for us to take any pictures at all, let alone setup a camera on a tripod… but I was like sure!! It’s beautiful, that’s a great idea! I remember he was shaking a bit and so I asked him if he was cold. Then he got down on one knee. turns out he was actually recording the proposal and I had been standing there for five minutes posing for fake photos! Lol
Guess I’m a rare find, but I had no clue it was coming. We never really talked about marriage or us getting engaged. I thought he would wait until I was done with school but he had other plans. He set up his phone on vacation and video’ed the whole thing and told me we were taking a picture. Huge surprise!
My wife and I talked about marriage and what our term goals were. We discussed kids, finances, where we would live, and even if either of us would take the other person’s last name. Then I told get I wanted to talk to her parents and get their blessing (not permission- this isn’t the 1800s). Then I told her to dress nice for our anniversary dinner. She knew what was happening when she saw my Batman bow tie. 🙂
We’ve been married for three years now! Communication is everything.
I was surprised, we’d only been dating 8 months. Happy, but surprised.
The engagement shouldn’t be a surprise, but the proposal often is. For me, I was expecting a proposal in the next few months and thought it might be on that trip. But I didn’t expect it to be that night, and I definitely didn’t expect the method! It was a beautiful surprise.
Adding more “yes” stories: my fiancé and I were planning an engagement trip together so she knew it was coming, but not when or how. I proposed the weekend BEFORE the trip to surprise her completly, and I hired a photographer to be at the location hiding at a specific time. She was 100% surprised (and made for a much more relaxing engagement trip since she no longer had to be “photo ready” for every activity)
Speaking from my experience, no but yes. There was a discussion about our future before a proposal ever happened so I figured one would be forthcoming at some point. It was also abundantly clear that my now-husband was acting a little strange/nervous before he proposed and it did cross my mind that he might be about to do so. Even with that, it still felt surprising because I didn’t *know*.
I was 100% shocked. We had never specifically talked about getting married but had went to jewellers from time to time (and literally looked at everything from bracelets and vases to rings and dog collars) so I thought that maybe he might propose at some point in a few years after we finished grad school and got big people jobs.
We were in Paris for a work conference we both had to go to (just the two of us), went to Disneyland Paris and were in the castle looking out at the park. He said his stomach wasn’t feeling well so we sat down and then he told me to look at some souvenirs I had bought a few hours before. One of the items was not something I had bought but a figurine he had painted that was holding the ring (a vinylmation for the Disney people out there). I was really confused as he got down on one knee and said stuff I don’t remember or wasn’t paying attention to, and then I think I said yes or yep or nodded? I was in a pair of sweatpants, a raincoat, and severely jet lagged so I was a bit of a confused mess. I had no idea it was coming but that made it that much better looking back.
I was more so like “about fucking time” after being with him for 4 years.
Absolutely. My husband and I went and looked at rings. We talked about getting married in the next year. He knew I wanted to go to Paris at Christmas. He also knew I wanted a Christmastime proposal. He arranged for us to go to Paris around Christmas as part of a longer trip. Everyone said he was going to propose. I told them he wasn’t. He told me to take time off during our busiest time of year to go get my nails done. I laughed and thought he was joking (we were working like 14 hours days. He thought I found the ring. I didn’t. When we were standing on an overlook looking at the Eiffle Tower he says “ok are we going to do this?” And I go “what do you mean?” And he pulls out a box. I cursed him out in sheer shock for a solid minute. He asked if he should not propose and I basically burst into tears. He finally got down on one knee and proposed. I also missed the photographer standing right next to us documenting everything. Should I have seen it coming? Absolutely. Did I? Absolutely not. Was it perfect? Yes it was.
No, lol. When we started dating, I told my husband directly that I intended to marry him. He said later that he was happy I said that because he knew I wouldn’t reject him when he got around to proposing. He ended up proposing to me in a parking lot haha.
Marriage proposal are overrated. If you two know you want to marry and you are ready to marry, then you marry. No waiting, assuming, expecting, planning and faking games needed.
I hate when a guy proposes in front of a huge crowd, like a basketball game, with the woman totally not expecting it. One I saw she ran away.
The question should not be a surprise but for the couples I know (myself included) the one getting proposed to doesn’t know when or how the question is going to get asked. So, the concept of getting engaged is not a surprise but the actual proposal happening right then and there is usually a surprise!
Mine was as much of a surprise that it could be. We had talked about marriage and knew that was where we were heading but I wasn’t expecting a proposal for a long time more, he planned it perfectly for months and I was 100% oblivious to all of it
my wife knew I was planning to propose, I double checked that she liked the ring before dropping 10k on it. but the evening I proposed was a girls night with her friends and I was supposed to be at work.
I told her friend to pick someplace nice, I was paying for everything, and send me the address. and that’s the story of how I proposed to my wife in a Chinese restaurant…
In my case, no I know it was going to happen because I went with him to pick out the ring. I was surprised at the chocolate box that the ring came in, jewelry company won my love that day.
Surprise and excitement look a lot alike.
So there’s some surprise wrt the time and place and whatnot, but also just excitement over the thing happening.
like, if you knew you were getting a puppy, and then came home and there was a puppy. You’d be stoked af and be like omg it’s a puppy it’s a puppy I can’t believe it we have a puppy!
I was completely surprised. We’d only been dating for just over a year and hadn’t really discussed it much. Was a happy surprise mind you but I actually said “are you serious” when he went down on one knee, out of shock, which isn’t the most romantic reaction
If women never suspected it was coming, they wouldn’t get so angry (or sad) when they get taken out somewhere REAL fancy on their anniversary and then you don’t ask them to marry you. Anything out of the norm like that is their brain saying “Okay, this is it, here it comes” and if it doesn’t happen it can be a pretty bad time.
I knew when my husband was going to propose. I knew he bought a ring and was kinda acting weird before we left for dinner. We did get into a fight at dinner so I expected him to not go through with it that night but luckily he did! I remember telling my friends before we left that he was going to propose.
One time a guy at a bar offered me $10,000 to marry him. That was pretty surprising.
If you’ve been dating for 10 years its not surprising. Or if it is its in a bad way.
In some cases I can see a young woman being surprised if its before she expected it or just wasn’t thinking it through.
Social media is fake and planned videos were probably known ahead of time. Some people just like being dramatic.
I showed my fiancée this thread and she chuckled and said I should respond.
So, October of 2022 we’re on vacation after a stressful time and I almost ask her one morning – decide it wasn’t the right time and she deserved better than a spontaneous proposal while I was riding a high of getting out of a tough spot. I told her this, so she knew I was going to propose.
I spent the next 14 months planning and came up with something damn near perfect. At the question, “Will you marry me?” she responds slowly and deliberately “I will marry you” with a confused look on her face and nothing else, which confused me – until I realised her response was meant something along the lines of “Yes we discussed this and I already said I’d say yes when you ask”. Not even me kneeling was a giveaway that this was that moment, penny didn’t drop until I reached for her hand and put the ring on.
So yeah, even if you discuss it a lot, the actual proposal can come as a complete surprise 😂
I can’t imagine proposing without a long discussion about marriage and agreements on everything first. My wife and I had a 3 hour talk about what we each wanted and expected in a marriage before agreeing that we wanted to marry each other. The proposal itself was still a surprise but we had agreed months earlier that we both wanted it.
A lot of times, the person proposing gets the other person’s best friends or family in on the game beforehand to have a photographer hiding nearby or a big party set up for after.
Lots of women are surprised. They just don’t post it.
I picked out my own ring when we were supposed to be “window shopping” to give him ideas of my tastes, considering that I don’t really wear jewelry on my hands and wrists. I saw the setting, it was perfect, but it had blue topaz in it, so when I saw the pink sapphire in another setting, I said to the jeweler, “That ring with that stone.” Done deal, so no surprise there except how easy that was.
Then-BF/now-husband asked me to describe my perfect idea of a proposal. I gave a detailed example.
Four months later, he throws climbing gear into the trunk as well as a picnic basket and proceeds to blindfold me before we get in the car.
Yeah, I knew what was coming. Once he parked, he told me to take off my blindfold and I immediately identified the parking lot of my favorite state park. He was a bit miffed that I knew, but c’mon, man. You’re recreating our third date almost three years later to the day. And I loved every moment of it.
What you’re seeing may not be a surprise reaction so much as really giddy excitement. True surprise proposals aren’t necessarily a good thing…