#RelationshipTroubles #BoyfriendIssues #SleepoverDrama
So, you’ve found yourself in a situation where your boyfriend has kicked you out of his house because he claims you didn’t have an invitation to spend the night. 😳 It can be confusing and hurtful to experience something like this, especially after being in a three-year relationship. But fear not, because we’re going to dive into this issue, unpack it, and provide some guidance on how to navigate through it.
##Understanding the Situation
Firstly, let’s break down the scenario and understand all the details at play here. Your boyfriend lives with his mother, who he claims is unwell and requires his constant care and attention. On the other hand, you have your own house and the responsibility of taking care of your five dogs. The routine you and your boyfriend have involves spending time together at his place after work, and it seems like things have been relatively normal up until this incident.
##Assessing the Problem
Now, let’s examine what exactly happened on the night when your boyfriend asked you to leave. You had planned to spend the night over at his place, given that your dogs were being cared for elsewhere. However, after dinner and watching a soccer game, things took a strange turn when your boyfriend refused to let you stay the night, citing that you didn’t have an invitation to do so. This left you feeling shocked and hurt, leading to a breakup and feeling upset about the entire situation.
##Exploring the Issues
It’s clear that there are underlying issues in this relationship that have come to a head in this particular incident. The lack of understanding and communication regarding spending nights together, the discomfort of leaving your dogs alone, and his reluctance to visit your place all contribute to the strained dynamics between you and your boyfriend.
##Seeking Clarity
In the midst of all the confusion and emotions, the question remains – do you really need an invitation to even show up at your boyfriend’s place? This is a valid concern and seeking clarity on this matter is essential in gaining a better understanding of your boyfriend’s expectations and boundaries.
##Addressing the Expectations
It’s important to have a candid conversation with your boyfriend about what he expects in your relationship. Be open and honest about your own feelings and concerns, and encourage him to do the same. Setting clear expectations and boundaries regarding spending time together and staying over at each other’s places can help avoid similar conflicts in the future.
##Evaluating Compatibility
This incident has shed light on the compatibility and mutual understanding in your relationship. Take this opportunity to reflect on whether your values and priorities align with your boyfriend’s, and if this relationship is fulfilling and supportive for both of you. It’s essential to be with someone who respects and appreciates you for who you are, including your love for your pets and the comfort of your own home.
##Moving Forward
Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide how to move forward from this situation. If you feel that the relationship is worth salvaging, have an open and honest discussion with your boyfriend about what transpired and work towards finding common ground. However, if you believe that the differences and lack of understanding are irreconcilable, it may be time to consider moving on from this relationship.
##Conclusion
In conclusion, the incident of being kicked out of your boyfriend’s house due to lacking an invitation has brought to light the underlying issues and disparities in your relationship. By addressing these concerns and seeking clarity on expectations, you can navigate through this challenging time and make informed decisions about the future of your relationship.
Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship that brings you happiness, respect, and understanding. Whether it’s with your current boyfriend or someone else, prioritize your emotional well-being and seek a partnership that aligns with your values and brings you fulfillment. Don’t hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or professional counselors as you navigate through this situation and work towards a positive resolution.
This one is a mixed bag: on one hand, he has a right to set his own personal boundaries for his life, on the other hand, he did a poor job setting expectations with you about coming over. He set a tone that this was a flexible option, and then threw up a boundary out of nowhere.
It all sounds fishy to me, too. Especially if he had no better explanation besides “you need an invitation”. At best, he’s very disorganized and chaotic about his personal boundaries. At worst, he’s up to something.
Whatever his motivation is, it’s clear he isn’t in the mindset to respect a partner. You did the right thing, I think.
He’s very weird
That’s bizarre. Three years you’ve been together now? Not three months??
If I’d been with someone for like three years I wouldn’t feel like I needed an invite to stay over. This all sounds like chaos tbf, I think you are better off without him
You need a better BF. Leave the momma’s boy.
Do i really need an invitation to even show up at his house?
Not anymore!
Good for you for not putting up with that behavior.
Count your lucky stars that he’s pulled the plug for you, and *do not answer his texts or messages or calls.*
I think most people here are forgetting that it’s not even the ex’s own house. It belongs to his mother, so technically, his mother is the one who is in charge.
I personally also wouldn’t just invite myself over (be it in general or for a sleepover). Coming and going like I want to is for when I live together with someone and it’s our shared home. But that may also be a cultural thing – I’m not from the US. Even when I’m given the key to someone’s home, I always respect that I am, still, a guest and guests don’t just come and go as they please, just like they don’t rummage through drawers and the like. If I don’t live there = I ask for permission. No matter if the other person is a friend, partner or my parent – not my place, not my right to come and go and do as I please.
However, I feel like there is more going on here. Him never going to OP’s place is a bit of an indication that there clearly was something wrong with the relationship. Maybe it was because of the dogs – five dogs is *a lot of dogs* – but even then: If he would never want to live with five dogs, then it was clear already that the relationship had no future.
So, overall, it seems pretty clear that maybe it was good that it ended. It sounded like both OP and her ex are living with other people/pets, neither really wanted to change that so that more nights could be spent together and all of this feels very… non-committing in all sorts of ways.
Block and move on. Sounds like a wanker.
Find someone that your dogs like.
You did have an invitation but obviously he had someone else slotted for the night shift. Seriously, stay broken up from this guy that puts zero effort into your relationship.
He is treating you like a booth call. He is extremely weird. It’s sounds like he gives the absolute minimal effort. You really need to step back and evaluate how he has treated you. If you want a actual companion for the rest of your life. This is not it. Good luck!!
He was mad that your ex was looking after the dogs. He’s still a dickhead though.
You dodged a bullet 🙆🏻♀️
Honestly this whole post seems nuts. You guys seem to have very different opinions about the significance of spending the night. And the dogs thing is even a whole different part of it. And the mom’s house part of it is even a whole other thing. Both of you seem to have some work to do about understanding whatever any of this means.
Five dogs is a LOT of dogs. I had two dogs (one recently passed) and they’re a LOT of work and that type of energy would stress me out if I were in a place with so many animals so I sort of get why he wouldn’t stay at yours. Like how do you even have time for a relationship outside of your house is beyond me, it’s hard for me to leave my dogs more than a few hours at a time. I would be constantly walking them and letting them out, cleaning up dog hair off of everything. My dog is an integral part of my life, I’ve never heard of anyone being together for over a year and not considering
their partner’s dogs also their dogs after so long. So him never being over there and integrating with the dogs’ lives seems extremely strange to me.
But it is REALLY really weird why he considers you “not invited” after three years together, unless there’s some issue with his mom that he’s not communicating. Either way it’s up to him to communicate it, not for you to guess.
If he said you can come over and spend the night anytime without an invite then no. If he usually invites you first then you go over, then yes you probably need an invite. It is his mothers house not his after all
He’s weird and a waste of your time keep him blocked
OP my guess is that he had a side piece on the calendar for that night and panicked when you said you were staying. It doesn’t matter though. A one sided relationship is doomed to fail. Walk away from this man-shaped waste of energy and move forward so that you can build yourself up. I’m sure your pups will be by your side with their doggy joy super powers to help. 💚
He is treating you like a f***buddy. Are you cooking him dinner too when you go to his house?
Girl, winning! Three years and you need an invitation? I’m glad you invited him to join the single life and gave yourself an upgrade and some major weight loss.
His bizarre reaction to his steady girlfriend deciding to spend the night at his place without warning (when you usually go to your own home before that) seems like he has someone else on the side coming over after you leave usually and freaked out about you / her finding out..
Three years and acting like that?
You did the right thing.
This is him acting out because the reason you could stay over is that your dogs (who normally stop you) are with your ex. He feels lesser in import to your dogs and that your ex and you are still close enough that he has some level of control over your relationship. That’s presuming this is new behaviour, anyway.
3 years of your life wasted, what’s even the point of such relationships, just break up with him , it’s not worth, like wtf did I just read?
Nothing out of the ordinary??? This relationship sounds bizarre. You go to his mom’s house to shower and nap before coming home to stay?
Where was this even going long term? You let this go on way too long.
Time for you to find a grown up relationship.
He doesn’t go over to yours because it reminds him if your ex? What a fucking childish reason.
Listen babe you’re 31 and this story, *along with the promise ring* sounds like high school drama. Hell, it’s even possibly middle school drama.
Please see a therapist. It’s clear your self respect and self confidence aren’t strong enough to serve you. And my goodness never settle for a grown man who gives you a promise ring.
Yes you need an invitation to go to someone’s house (it’s his parents house) but after 3 years it feels weird that he treats you like this.
So all he want is for you to come over, spend time when he wants, (service him with s*x when he wants ? Not sure as you didn’t mention about this) then go home (if s*x is taking place, then leaving like if you were just a ho*ker).
You did the right thing to break up with him. He’s not that into you, he’s just using you for his needs.
I just want to tell you how utterly satisfying and amazing it feels to read a post like this that actually ends with the poster dumping his selfish ass, instead of posting here for years and continuing to ignore everyone’s advice. Well done, OP. Good riddance. Onward and upward!
Are you sure he isn’t two preteens in a trench coat stacked up to appear like a full grown man? It seems like you are a booty call to him, not a partner.
So basically he uses you as a pussy delivery service??
You did right in breaking up…. What a bizarre set up for a man nearing 30.
3yrs together and you need an invitation to call over, or stay over.
Does he know you guys are in a relationship, or does he think it’s a FWB situation?
Because that’s how he’s treating you 😕
My initial guess is he was projecting about your ex given that you probably interacted or at the very least contacted him about picking up the dogs.
His mom, if involved as some parents get, could have mentioned something or steered his opinion some way that day.
Immature men do weird stuff like this, it all boils down to an inability to properly communicate one’s feelings.
This is not a relationship this is a one side FWB in which he does nothing but take and expect op to come running to service him and then disappear. He doesn’t want a girlfriend or an actual relationship and is purely using you. The fact he chucked you out and never goes out of his way for you or to come to yours. Shows he’s just using you. He may even have someone else and that was why it’s so urgent he got you out. He’s using his perfectly fine mum as an excuse to prevent you asking or pushing for more. Run and have more self respect than staying with such an horrid person
Booty call X 3 years. The old live with my parents, can’t commit, trick. Cruel!!!
I think he was throwing a tantrum because he knew you had to see your ex to hand off the dogs.
Based on what you wrote that seems like a variance from the norm.
He was trying to punish you for interacting with your ex even though your dogs were better off not being left alone. The fact that he wanted you to leave them alone in the past is a clue there.
All facts point to him being extremely self-centered and emotionally immature.
You did the right thing.
Case closed.
Very weird routine you guys have
Question: Is your partner potentially neurodivergent and needs to have things planned out first? Does your partner’s mom, who he lives with, have boundaries regarding you sleeping over and he didn’t want to blindside her? Why does your house remind him of your ex? Why do you call it an excuse that he lives with his mom because she’s sick?
Also, five is a lot of dogs, do you share them all with your ex? Also why do you share custody of the puppers with your ex?
This is really weird. You are too old for this kind of relationship. Time to find someone who is serious about you.
You were not his girlfriend. You were a FWB who he was not nice to. He put no effort into your “relationship” by making you always come to him and only when he was in the mood. He doesn’t want you to come over uninvited because he has other FWBs. Find someone willing to be a partner not an anchor.
This whole thing from start to finish was absolutely bizarre. I don’t even know what to say.