#RelationshipAdvice #SelfEsteemStruggles #BodyImageIssues
Hey everyone, I need some advice and support. So, here’s the thing – my husband dropped a bombshell on me recently. He basically said he prefers porn over me because I need to lose 20 pounds. Ouch, right?
I mean, I’ve worked hard to maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle. I go to the gym, eat right, and have only fluctuated 5 pounds since we’ve been together. It really stings to hear that he feels the need to look elsewhere for satisfaction because he doesn’t find me attractive enough.
But it’s not just about the weight. It’s about feeling rejected and wondering if he’ll stray if I face other challenges in life. I’m trying to find the strength to pick myself up and keep working on myself, but I feel absolutely crushed right now.
So, who can give me a pep talk or some advice on how to bounce back from this? How do I shake off this hurtful comment and focus on feeling confident and happy in my own skin again? Let’s chat! 💪🏼🙏🏼 #LetsSupportEachOther #YouAreEnough
What do you think? Should I focus on my own well-being or address this issue with my husband? Let me know your thoughts! 🤔
Divorce this man.
>What’s going to happen if I get pregnant or lose a limb? Will he use this as an excuse to seek other women?
Why would you stay with a man who makes you wonder such things? How is this love? If you did have a kid, is this the kind of relationship you want to model to them? Is this what you want your child to think is healthy?
You can start by dropping this man. You’ll lose 210lb of walking bullshit.
Uuuuh wtf. Girl you are attractive, you are awesome, and your partner is shallow for saying something so harmful like that. Imagine if you told him “well sorry I’m not going to have sex with you because your dick isn’t big enough” or “oh I’m sorry like you’re just a hot guy get some gains”.
Totally invalidates your journey and who you are as a person. Your partner has some WILD physical expectations that are just not grounded in reality.
You are enough! Your partner’s just a superficial asshole who sucks ass at appreciating you.
Please please don’t think this about you not being attractive enough. It is not! You are in a mess because you just married this shitty man, but it is not your fault. I am so sorry.
I’m in no shape to tell anyone what to do about a relationship. My relationship is so complicated and shitty. Let me tell you this about you though. Your husband’s choices have nothing to do with your looks. I’m sure you are lovely.
You don’t need to lose weight, unless *you* want to, for *yourself*, but you definitely need to lose this man.
My jaw dead set dropped reading this! You do NOT need this shit, you are BEAUTIFUL, you are important and you worth it! what an asshole!!!! My first thing isn’t usually to say “divorce”, but if this kind of behaviour is the “norm”, if he has made other remarks that have made you feel disgusting and meaningless, Don’t stay with a man that makes you feel so worthless, please don’t!!! if this is completely out of character, talk to him about it. good luck and keep us updated
How much does your husband weigh? Whatever that amount is, lose that amount
You can lose 180 or so pounds immediately by divorcing this asshole.
What a truly awful person.
How do you pick yourself up? You pick yourself up to a divorce lawyer and tell him to pick his stuff up from outside the house and to enjoy his porn.
Jeez
Just..um..wow. Sounds like the only weight you need to lose is the weight of your jackass husband. Do not let him destroy your self worth. Get out now.
You’ll lose 220 lb immediately if you drop his ass.
Loose the guy. It is NOT NORMAL to say that to your spouse.
I call bullshit that he can even notice +/- 5lbs.
You’ve been married a month and he’s pulling this shit?
If you were upset because he was consuming porn and that was all, I’d tell you to get over it. But him saying he consumes porn because you’re 20lbs overweight to him? That’s just cruel.
Your husband’s comment affects you for several reasons, the obvious one being he’s a total insensitive gaslighting jerk who doesn’t deserve you…but the less obvious one is he’s twisting the knife on your own insecurity. You are absolutely attractive enough and you dont need his validation for this to be fact.
People tell you to leave him (of course) but at the very least, try to see a therapist to build your confidence up to the point where you accept that you are worthy and deserve more than this. Good luck and I’m so sorry you feel this way. Its not fair and you don’t deserve it
Edit: he doesn’t use porn because of what you look like. You could be a supermodel and it wouldn’t matter. He uses porn because he is uncomfortable with real intimacy and prefers transactional sex where he can objectify and impersonalize his sexual gratification. You can’t fix this by changing your appearance.
And what happens down the road when you AGE like a NORMAL HUMAN BEING? Will he ultimately cheat and make it your fault? This is not a good foundation for a healthy marriage. Bodies are supposed to change.
You said “if” you get pregnant so I’m going to assume there’s no kids in the picture, which is a good thing because you’re already clearly married to a child. I really hope you’re not considering staying with someone so shallow and callous. If you do, you’ll forever be chasing weight loss out of fear of losing his interest which is NEVER a good thing- if you change your body it should be for you and ONLY you, to improve your own health, activity level and confidence.
Bro go down to the gas station at 7 Mile and Conner in Detroit and record yourself pumping gas and buying a snack inside while 7 different guys tell you how beautiful you are in a period of four minutes. Then send him the video. Then dump him.
May I suggest a great way to lose around 180lbs???? He’s deficient and is projecting his inadequacy on you. PLEASE don’t let this pos into your head. I bet you get hit on and checked out by others all the time and possibly don’t see it. But this is about his pathetic attempt to drag you down to his level.
Pep talk to leave him?
He’s the broken one, not you. You have done great. Not sure what he does to deserve the time of day from you. If he thinks that porn is reflects what real people do or how real people look, then he will always be disappointed. Sorry to tell you that your husband is an incredibly shallow man living in a fantasy world. The only solution is to find a man who lives in the real world.
Why do people stay in these shitty relationships?!
Yea, he doesn’t “have” to give his sexual energy elsewhere, he chooses to.
Choose yourself, ditch him. This is not how a loving partner behaves.
He is supposed to be building you up, not tearing you down. You deserve better, OP. Life is too damned short for this bullshit.
Dump his sorry butt, 20 lbs is nothing in the grand scheme of things, and he should love and support you for who you are, not shame and demean you. If it starts here, he will continue to manipulate you about anything and everything. Let this selfish man-child wank to the computer and find someone who loves and respects you. You deserve it.
Lose 200lbs by throwing the whole man away.
Based on your other comment mentioning you’ve only been married a month, I’d get this marriage annulled — he was probably hiding his true nature until after the fact, and it’ll just get worse.
1. No man “needs” to choose porn over their SO — that’s just a lie to make you feel responsible for his shitty behavior.
2. If your weight wasn’t a point of concern before marriage, it shouldn’t be a concern now — especially since you sound like you take care of yourself.
If you have friends/family nearby, I’d recommend reaching out to them for a place to stay while you work through separating yourself from this parasite of a person.
It has nothing to do with you. Porn takes NO effort on his part. He doesn’t have to romance that woman, he doesn’t have to worry about what she wants or not pleasing her. It’s all about him, so you need to get your head together and tell him in no uncertain terms, this is a deal breaker for you. Being married to someone who is addicted to porn and thinks it’s ok to ignore their spouse isn’t interested in being married anymore. If you stay with him, you can demand he get therapy but it appears he’s the type that thinks you are the problem, not him.
The way you pick yourself up again is by first walking out of the proverbial door. As you correctly noticed, he isn’t the man who is going to stay with you and support you if anything bad, or even something good but difficult (like a pregnancy) happens. Unfortunately this man should have been a fling at most.
And before you ask, no, you’re not too late to find your person <3 I got divorced at 30 as well. I am now 35 and very happily remarried with a toddler. I received a very touching and hot speech the other day about how much I turn him on, despite being 40lbs heavier than when we got married (18 months postpartum, I’m out of excuses other than just, life is busy and most of my dinners are rejected offerings to the tiny one). Dating in your 30s rocks, people know themselves a lot better and your bullshit tolerance has lowered significantly.
i cannot emphasize enough that this is a HIM issue and not a YOU issue. weight fluctuations throughout our lives is extremely normal. what is NOT normal is shaming and leveraging your spouse into looking a certain way, especially by turning to other people. my advice is to let him watch all the porn he desires while you gather divorce papers, or at the very least a marriage counselor
Tell him he needs to stop watching porn. That kills people’s sex lives.
You don’t need a pep talk girl you need a lawyer. I almost didn’t even read it because the title is all I need to know. If he loved you then he would NEVER say something like that. HE is the one weighing you down. That’s hardly a man.
Imo that’s the type of comment you leave a man for
Your husband is a POS.
I’m sorry but I find it hard to believe anyone who truly cared and loved their partner could say something like that. He sounds horrible.
Dump him and never look back. Seriously. I had not one but two guys pull the “you are too fat for me, do better” nonsense when I was in my 20s. I was a size 4, maybe smaller and exercised every day sometimes for hours (I biked, hiked, ran and swam, plus lifted weights at least 4 times a week or more). I was fit. Very fit.
After them I gave up on men, focused on me, and met a bunch of wonderful men. At my biggest ever I met the man who would be my husband. I’ve since lost the weight and been many sizes, shapes and health levels and through it all I’ve felt loved, respected and beautiful. And desired.
The two men who told me I was fat… One divorced from a woman he married, who was much larger than I’ve ever been, and the other is chronically single.
Dump this idiot.
Pick yourself up and walk out the door
It’s not you. It’s not your weight.
Your husband prefers porn because
there is no emotional commitment
or responsibilities. And now he
is making his lousy spouse behavior
your fault. Do not let him.
The only pep talk I have is that you deserve better, his desire for porn has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. He is blaming you because he’s ashamed of his behavior. You do not need a man in your life that can’t take responsibility for his own actions and uses his shortcomings as a weapon against you.
You can try therapy, but that could be a long path and there’s no guarantee the issues in the relationship can be fixed.
This is not about you dear. You, unfortunately have a real POS husband. Cut him loose. Take him for everything you can.
You feel awful because you’re with an awful person. Take your power back and leave
Whatever your guy weighs, that is the weight you have to lose.
He’s doing this to make you feel insecure and to justify his own addiction/potential cheating. Is he manipulative and negative in other ways? He sounds like a person that takes more than he gives, you deserve a partner who cherishes you.
Do not get pregnant by him! Leave him! But first sucker punch him