Feeling Violated at 18: What Can I Do?
Have you ever felt violated in a social setting, unsure of what to do next? As an 18-year-old male, I recently experienced a distressing incident that left me feeling exposed and embarrassed. It happened during a seemingly perfect day with friends on senior skip day, and now I’m seeking help and advice on how to cope.
## Background:
– On senior skip day, I was enjoying my time with friends, swimming and hanging out.
– There were 5 girls and 4 boys in my main friend group, along with other acquaintances.
## The Incident:
– While standing with the group, a girl from outside the group unexpectedly pantsed me.
– Wearing swim trunks, I was exposed in front of everyone, causing me extreme embarrassment and discomfort.
– This incident has completely ruined my mood, and now I’m unsure how to move forward.
## Seeking Help:
– I’m reaching out for advice on how to handle this situation.
– The experience has made me hesitant to interact with my friend group.
– I’d appreciate any guidance on how to navigate this challenging moment.
If you’ve ever felt violated in a social setting or have advice to offer, please share your thoughts and insights. Let’s explore ways to overcome this ordeal and regain a sense of normalcy. #FeelingViolated #SeekingHelp #SocialEtiquette
It’s not silly. You weren’t expecting to be exposed to all those people. That was incredibly wrong of that girl. You have every right to feel violated.
That’s very violating. I’m so sorry that happened to you. You have every right to feel upset and disrespected by her trying to humiliate you. What she did was very wrong. I’d tell her how it made you feel and say it wouldn’t have been right for you to do that to her, so she shouldn’t have done it to you. If you feel the need to press charges for assault, that is an option.
I just want to add that she says she didn’t realize it was swim trunks and was very apologetic. I just feel extremely violated; it was pretty much all of my close friends.
What happened to you is not okay by any standard. Even if it was an honest mistake on her part, the impact on you is real and your feelings are completely justified. An apology is a start, but it’s important she truly understands the severity of her actions. Your friends should support you in this, and not downplay your emotions. No one has the right to expose you without consent, jokingly or not, and it’s crucial she learns that lesson to ensure it doesn’t happen to anyone else.
It definitely sucks and would feel bad but honestly it’s not anything to worry about or stress over. It’s a body and we all have one. You didn’t shit your pants or something. Nobody cares how you care, trust me.
No one really thinks bad of you, or anything. You’re the victim here.
You’re just 18, things like this happen. Sooner or later everyone will stop caring about it.
Maybe someone will tease you about it in the future, but real friends would be on your side on this.
Most people don’t really care much about embarrassing moments of others, only about their own. Don’t sweat it, this memory will fade.
I mean.
She’s a bitch for doing that. Extremely unappreciated and yeah violating behavior.
But also, idk play it off cool it happend and thats that. Have a touch of confidence and maybe make everyone agree that, that was fucked up.
Take it in stride people are genuinely dumb as fuck.
Its gonna be alright if not a little embarrassing
I dunno if it will be helpful to you or not, but I have had some success in processing negative experiences by questioning it. In your situation I would start with “why am I upset?” And I might answer “because it’s upsetting.” “Yes, but why?” Because it was embarrassing. “What’s embarrassing about it?” “My friends saw things.” “Why does that matter?”
And I continue this process until I have concrete answers as to why I feel that way, is there actually any reason that I need to feel that way, and just keep repeating that process until I have processed all of it.
I dunno if I explained it right, but I hope you or someone else reading can get some benefit from it.
Half a century ago when I was your age it would never have occurred to me to feel “violated.” Pissed off? Sure. Embarrassed? A little. Maybe it’s because most of my friends and I went to nude swimming holes. We’re all naked under our clothes. It’s just not a big deal.
If you want to feel weird about it, go ahead. But I you’d be happier if you didn’t have to see it as a big deal.
Man that sucks, don’t beat yourself up over feeling embarrassed and violated, that’s very understandable.
But you say you don’t want to see anyone right now, and I don’t think it’s a good idea to isolate yourself. Is there someone in the group you trust, and know will support you? Talk to them, one-on-one, and explain how you feel about what happened. Tell them you’re embarrassed, and scared what the group will think of you. And they will probably tell you that the group doesn’t think any less of you.
I think the worst thing you can do to deal with this experience is to isolate yourself, so please please please reach out to people. Take care, you will be all right.
Where I’m from this is legally sexual assault. If its the same for you, report her to the police.
Pants her back.
All of the people there are too busy thinking about their embarassing stories before bed to have time to think about you.
I get that it is embarassing for you, but you did nothing wrong, remember that.
When somebody mentions the incident, joke about it in a sense that you are waiting for the opportunity to pay her back so she should be alert at all times.
Probably don’t actually do it tho
Did she properly apologize? Are your friends brushing this off? I noticed in one of your responses, she said that she didn’t think you were naked under there but that sounds like weaseling her way out of a proper apology and not genuine remorse.
It might also be helpful to have a conversation about this with somebody that you trust as well. Someone who has historically been supportive of your feelings. I know there is genuine shame and fear in doing so, but I do think it would help. Good luck.
I promise you care much more than anyone else. While it’s not ok, learning to cope with uncomfortable or embarrassing moments and realizing it’s not the end of your world to be uncomfortable is a necessary life skill. I understand traumatic moments caused by others, it was a big deal to me but to the offender was just another day they don’t even remember. Learning coping skills is so important.
Okay that’s sucks but honestly just get over it. You’re 18 and embarrassing shit happens. You’ve got a looong life ahead of you and way more embarrassing things will most likely happen. Laugh at the situation now because in hindsight it’s no where near as big of a deal as you are making it. Lol just tell them you are a “grower and not a shower”.
You have every right to be upset. That girl did something that could be construed as a sexual assault against you in some states. She exposed your private area to a whole group or crowd of people. You have every right to be upset and every right to feel hurt or mad. If you know that girl, you might be able to get her in trouble some way? Some of your friends who saw it, would they stand with you and say what they saw if you wanted to report it? If you don’t want to do that, maybe some of your friends will talk to the girl and tell her it was an awful thing to do /ask her to start acting properly.
I promise you, 100% nobody there thinks badly of you for this incident. If anyone thinks badly of a person for this incident, they think badly of that girl. It is a really foul and nasty thing to do to somebody. She is the one who should be embarrassed.
You’ll get over it. Once you’re 25 you won’t care if youre dacked in the middle of a crowded bar.
Your friends know that you didn’t want to be in that situation. Imagine it was one of them, and you had seen it. You’d feel bad for him, but you wouldn’t be judging him at all. It’s gonna be awkward for a while but make an effort to keep hanging out with them because it will get easier pretty soon. Get the first time seeing them since it happened out of the way.
Also imagine you were a girl. No one would say that it was wrong to feel violated. Don’t feel guilty for feeling how you do, but do try to get over it. It’s hard, but it will take less time than you think.
The only way to restore balance now is to see everyone else’s junk, sry bro
But really, you’ll be fine. If someone brings it up again, just laugh and lean into it (“what, you wanna see it again or something?”), people will get bored if they don’t get a negative reaction.
I’ve had all sorts of embarrassing shit happen, you gotta laugh at yourself harder than anyone else