In today’s world, we often come across advice that suggests that we can achieve anything we want if we simply focus and work hard. While this may hold true in many aspects of life, when it comes to social relationships, this adage often falls short. In fact, it can even be counterproductive to apply this mindset to building and maintaining healthy relationships. The truth is, you cannot make someone like or love you, no matter how hard you try.
It is essential to understand that for relationships to work, feelings need to be mutual and close to equitable. When the feelings are not reciprocated, it creates a significant imbalance and can lead to dissatisfaction and disappointment. Trying to force someone to like or love you creates an unrealistic expectation and puts unnecessary pressure on both parties involved.
When we attempt to make someone like or love us, we are essentially projecting our fantasy version of them onto the real person. We tend to see them through rose-colored glasses, focusing on their desirable qualities while ignoring potential red flags or incompatibilities. This skewed perception can be off-putting and uncomfortable for the other person. They can sense that they are being idealized, and it can create a sense of unease and even resentment.
Furthermore, when we try to make someone like or love us, we are essentially disregarding their autonomy and freedom of choice. Relationships should be based on genuine connection and mutual attraction, not manipulation or coercion. It is unhealthy and unfair to both parties to try to force a connection that simply may not exist.
So, instead of obsessing over how to make someone like or love you, it is crucial to focus on building authentic connections and allowing relationships to develop naturally. This means being true to yourself, embracing open and honest communication, and investing time and effort in getting to know the other person genuinely.
When we focus on being our authentic selves, we attract those who genuinely appreciate and cherish us for who we are. Trying to mold ourselves into someone we think the other person wants us to be is not only exhausting but also unsustainable in the long run. True love and genuine connections stem from acceptance and understanding, not from trying to fit into a designated mold.
Moreover, it is essential to acknowledge that not everyone we are attracted to or have an interest in will reciprocate those feelings. It is perfectly normal and healthy to experience unrequited love or attraction at times. It is a part of life, and rather than dwelling on it, it is important to learn from the experience and move forward.
Instead of fixating on one person who may not be interested in us, it is wise to keep an open mind and explore other potential opportunities. By narrowing our focus solely on one individual, we may miss out on meeting new people and discovering genuine connections that are meant to be.
In conclusion, the idea that you can achieve anything if you focus and work hard does not translate well into social relationships. Trying to make someone like or love you is counterproductive and can damage the authenticity and natural flow of the relationship. It is essential to remember that healthy relationships are based on mutual feelings, respect, and genuine connections. Instead of fixating on one person who may not reciprocate our feelings, it is more productive to focus on being ourselves and allowing relationships to unfold naturally.
Well it said “anything”, not “anyone”
“I can’t make you love me if you don’t
You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t.”
— Bonnie Raitt
And truer words were never written! And yes, one of the saddest songs ever.
Yes, that’s why the statement starts with “you” because it’s singular.
Absolutely agreed, relationships are a two-way street. Recognizing this is crucial to maintaining healthy connections.
You also most certainly cannot achieve anything if you focus and work hard. There are things that you just can’t achieve, accept that humans have limits. You’ll be happier.
Doesn’t work with work either. There are a lot of other factors including timing and luck
Very true. But a long lasting relationship does also take hard work.
You’re gonna love me whether you like it or not!
The key here It said here focus & work hard mean “TRY”. Nobody know the outcome of anything we just keep tryin, hence focus & work hard towards anything/anyone
You absolutely cannot control a thing about other people, and you shouldn’t have that as a goal anyway. Other people run their own lives and feel their own feelings. You can’t change them.
It is true, though, that you can change yourself. You can make yourself more likeable, more confident, more outgoing, etc if that’s something you want to do. And those changes will lead to better relationships.
Mostly true.
One needs to remember there are women who pray on wealthy men and know exactly how to act to make the simp fall in love with them. Look at what is happening to Logan Paul. We are watching this unfold in real time. Everyone watching from the outside can see he’s getting finessed but he is blind to it.
Yes and it sucks !
It doesn’t even work with life or work. There’s a certain element of luck involved for success.
Thanks for the warm welcome! Upvoting because my crush NEEDS to see this!
“Grind harder for a better life” is how you stay in a lifelong abusive relationship with capitalism. I work to live, I don’t live to work. I will work as little as possible to enjoy my time on this rock. I will not be persuaded that being an obedient wage slave who overperforms while being underpaid is a recipe for success. If harder workers became more successful, every Latino housekeeper I knew growing up would be a millionaire by now. It’s all a fairytale. Pay me the value of my labor and I will give you my labor. Pay me minimum wage and I’ll give you minimum effort. Yes, working hard and doing your best CAN be a reason you succeed or get chances ahead of others, but it is far from the biggest reason. Pure luck dictates the vast majority of your circumstances.
To make the sought person be in love with the hard worker requires getting enough pleasure to be felt by the sought person so it can be done through just sheer hard work.
However, it is usually not worth it because the hard worker’s love also needs pleasure to maintain thus all the suffering caused by the hard work will just make the hard worker fall out of love and not want to put in the effort anymore.
Still the hard work also needs to be intelligently done since the value measured is pleasure, not effort so the hard worker will need to work hard to be intelligent and rich first, then find out what gives a lot of pleasure to the sought after person and then give it.
So in the current materialistic society, giving expensive electronic gifts such as solar panels with home battery along with an electric car that can be charged by that solar panel set usually would work if the sought after person is poor.
But if the sought after person is wealthy, it would be need exceedingly hard work to become intelligent enough to find a way to give the wealthy person pleasure since whatever that can give them pleasure, they can buy it for themselves already.
Also, wealthy people are busy and surrounded by others so there is no chance to give pleasure either.
Note that the hard worker not just needs to give pleasure but also needs to undo any association the hard worker has with suffering since suffering negates pleasure so if the hard worker has associated suffering, then the gard worker starts at negative rather than 0 and has to raise the pleasure to be very high in order for love to arise.
So the hard worker should unlink themselves from suffering by changing their appearance and manners and try to link with a suitable pleasant appearance.
Choosing a pleasant appearance that links with a pleasant trait that the hard worker does not have would be a deception so it would cause anger when exposed.
The stoics talk about you shouldn’t measure outcomes but effort.