Struggling with discussing feminine hygiene with your girlfriend? Wondering how to approach the topic sensitively? #relationshipadvice #femininehygiene #girlfriendtips
Seeking advice on how to address your girlfriend’s feminine hygiene concerns? Here are some tips to help you navigate this delicate conversation:
Approach with Care
– Start by expressing your concerns in a gentle and non-accusatory manner.
– Be understanding and listen to her perspective without judgment.
– Use “I” statements to convey your feelings instead of blaming her.
Offer Support
– Suggest visiting a gynecologist together for expert advice.
– Share information about safe and healthy feminine hygiene practices.
– Purchase personal care products as a gesture of support and care.
Open Communication
– Encourage open communication about sensitive topics.
– Create a safe space for discussing personal hygiene without discomfort.
– Respect her boundaries and preferences during the conversation.
Remember, approaching delicate topics like feminine hygiene requires sensitivity and empathy. By prioritizing open communication and support, you can address your girlfriend’s concerns effectively while strengthening your relationship. #communicationiskey #relationshipadvice
Honestly, this isn’t due to lack of female role models. Surely she has women friends. This sounds more like a mental health issue or sheer inability to adult.
There’s no need to tiptoe around.
“Babe, I love you and want you around for a long time. Getting your gynecological screenings is important. You’re putting yourself at risk by avoiding these exams. It would mean a lot to me if you would please go see your doctor.”
And if she doesn’t, stop having sex with her. She may have something she will give you. She may have something that will impact her ability to have children or infect a child should she wish to have children.
And honestly…do you really want to be with someone who won’t do basic care?
You just need to be straight up with her, with a calm, loving voice and positive affirmations cushioning this uncomfortable, embarrassing information you’ll be sharing.
It could be anything. Her diet, hydration, perhaps she doesn’t wear quality cotton undergarments, maybe she doesn’t wash properly, perhaps she has consistent UTIs or candida, the list goes on.
Also, I hope you’re quite clean yourself if you’re bothered by this. I only say this because I’ve met many men who complain about such things when they’re quite dirty regularly, unkept hair and nails, smelly, legit just out AXE or Old Spice over their BO. 🫠
It feels weird giving a person older than me advice but i think i am more mature, emotionally strong and can make rational decision. It’s commendable that you want to approach this delicate topic with empathy and understanding. One approach could be to express your concern for her well-being and frame the conversation around health rather than hygiene. You could offer your support by suggesting going together to see a doctor for a routine check-up and mentioning that it’s important for everyone’s health to have regular visits. You can reassure her that you care about her and want to ensure she’s taking care of herself. Avoid criticizing or blaming her, and emphasize your desire to help her feel comfortable and supported in seeking medical advice.
I will be very controversial here but this has nothing to do with lack of female hygiene. You literally should leave that part of the body alone and not “clean” it because it is sensitive and you shouldn’t use soap etc down there. If it is smelling or have weird discharge then it is something else and she should seek treatment.
Otherwise it is enough with normal hygiene for a healthy human. if she doesn’t shower etc then it has nothing to do with her being a female.
She or you may have yeast issues. She probably needs an anti biotic. I would tell her nicely that you noticed it and you’re concerned about you both having a yeast infection. Boom.
It does sound like she needs to see a Dr. It could be a tampon stuck up her , could be a recurring infection . And could be not washing . I’d be prepared to walk if this isn’t addressed AND approach kindly (which you clearly are given your post )
She might have a condition like BV that causes things to smell not so good down there. I could be wrong, but maybe she also doesn’t know that she needs to wash that area with mild soap and a washcloth as well
Have you ever showered together? Maybe you can kind of “model” how you wash your genitals and even help wash hers potentially without bringing anything else up for the time being
I also didn’t have my mother from the get go and grew up with my grandmother who didn’t tell me much except periods and I should “wash it down there”. Personally I can say it did take some time for me compared to other girls to practice proper hygiene but I still got the hang of it by the time I was I in my late teens just because one simply starts to notice things about their body and what isn’t supposed to be healthy/ hygienic.
I also grew up without female role models. Honestly, tell her that you are concerned about her coming from a place of love, as others have suggested and then buy her a book about feminine hygiene. Books is what did it for me when I was growing up – I did not want to ask others about these things out of embarrassment so I went to the library and got a book. Taught me everything I needed to know. Alternatively, if she does not read, I am sure there are also online resources like YouTube etc. she could use to learn these things.
I lost my mother as a young child and have always had great hygiene and regular doctors appointments and Pap smears. You are making too many excuses for her.
Seeing an obgyn for yearly visits is important from her health perspective. You love her and as my partner always tells me “I want to keep you around for as long as possible so you need to take care of yourself”. I feel like that won’t really hurt her.
Now, for her cleaning down there… well that’s a little tricky. I would start with taking a shower together. Make it romantic and see what her routine is, maybe post sexy time. I mean we all smell at some point. But it’s either a pits, bits and tits washing issue or maybe something medical.
Bring it up. Be to the point. But kind and understanding and seeking for solution. Tell her “it’s ok. But it’s concerning me. I want you to be healthy etc. “
But truthful to the point but kind
A lot of women being told by men that their vaginas aren’t “healthy” can be sensitive because it’s what women are told their whole lives – your labia needs to look a certain way, you need X number of bodies, you need to wash it with soap, you need to have 27 birth controls because it’s your fault if you’re pregnant— it’s a lot! When a man says “Hey, I’m worried that maybe you’re not doing the best in terms of hygiene”, many women worry that this is the same type of guy that says “I hate the natural smell of pussy, I want a vagina to smell like a field of daisies!”
Of course, *you know* what kind of person you are and you are, hopefully, coming from a place of concern. Try not to seem like you’re trying to know *better*, but trying to understand her health *with her*. Many women can know their own bodies so little, especially their genitalia, whether or not they have women as role models. Encourage her to see a gynaecologist gently — and maybe speak to any female friends she has, because she’s more likely to listen to them about it.
My dude, like I always tell on posts, there’s just things you need to not worry about embarrassing someone and just say it. There’s no “delicate” or easy way when you need to tell your partner their genitals stink and they need to fix it.
The bigger concern is her never meeting an OBGYN in years. I would be more concerned that she may have an unbalanced pH balance and that may be the factor for the smell.
But I would tell her face to face that you have noticed a scent coming from one area in particular and that you know that it can be the result of an imbalanced pH and that for her concern, she should get it checked out by an OBGYN
If she’s sheltered, had no female role models, and doesn’t talk about these things with her female friends…who was she raised by?
If conservative or religious male family figures, she may have a lot of trauma, bullying, or even SA that makes it difficult for her to address these things.
Try vomiting next time your down there, that should get the ball rolling
You cannot be delicate about this OP, if you really want her to change you must tell her the harsh truth.
Can you do this with her? It sounds like you love her very much and want the best for her. As a person who grew up without proper medical care, I know this is extremely hard for her.
For someone who was medically neglected and doesn’t know what to do, having somebody who is loving metaphorically (or physically) hold their hand through the steps of finding a provider, making the appointment, and going to the waiting room with them is incredibly reassuring and a great first step.
She is certainly feeling shame and embarrassment around her lack of care and all the topics you’ve discussed. She knows what needs to happen and what to do, but she is probably paralyzed and afraid of being shamed or “yelled at” by medical professionals (which will not happen!)
Help her find a provider who is a woman with an all female staff, which is extremely common— most women prefer women for gyno stuff. That makes an incredible difference to women who have anxiety about medical issues.
If nothing else, I have always found that Planned Parenthood has been lovely and kind for preventative and routine exams.
Good luck! I have found my providers to be incredibly understanding and gentle and willing to work with my anxiety.
If I’m being honest, can I ask why this is even important? Y’all sound like you have even deeper problems than just her not washing her cooter.
>In the beginning, things were good, but I was struggling with alcoholism. She helped me get sober, and we moved to Colorado in 2019. However, during this time, I started to notice some significant issues with our relationship. My lady struggles with extreme anxiety, forgetfulness, analysis paralysis, and executive dysfunction. I’ve tried to end things with her four times, but she always convinces me to stay.
>On top of that, we’re not very compatible sexually, although she’s funny, smart, kind, caring, and attractive. I do care for her deeply, but I’ve come to realize that we’re just not right for each other.
Sounds like y’all are on the brink of collapse already if you’ve tried to break up 4 times. In those comments, you mention how you think that you were trauma bonded and you know you just need to end it. So maybe leave the conversation about her cleanliness alone entirely if you’re not gonna stick it out (not saying you should stick it out).
I’m confused, what exactly is she not doing that’s the “hygiene” issue? Is is showers? Why not just say that?
So I think the word hygiene is confusing the issue a bit.
Hygiene = washing, showering, clean clothing, etc.
Healthcare = gyn care, taking meds, etc.
It sounds like your gf has a healthcare issue and likely infection or BV causing odor. BV has a very distinct and very unpleasant odor.
Talk to her about her healthcare. You have noticed that things are off in terms of her odor and you understand that for women that generally indicates a healthcare issue. Ask her to see a gyn because you care about her health.
If she is not showering or smells a little sweaty (which just smells like regular sweat) then offer to shower with her before you get intimate.
Also consider that her conservative/sheltered upbringing may have included deeply shaming messages about the female body. It may have also included sexual trauma that she has never discussed but is a barrier to her getting gyn healthcare. It isn’t something to ask her about – but something for you to be aware of.
You should stop having sex until her health issues are addressed. Men can reinfect their partner or sperm can throw off vaginal ph and contribute to chronic BV. You should be sure to wash your penis before intercourse to help protect your partners.
Vaginas are self cleaning, so no issues there. Going to the doctor is a different story. She needs a pap, and I would start by talking about cancer how scary it is and how people die from cervical cancer on a regular basis.
Her smell could be normal, they don’t usually smell very good, so I won’t give advice on that except to say if she sees a gyno they can tell her whether or not she has anything to worry about.
You gaveny actually said what the problem is or what exactly you are trying to address?? Is she having pain during intercourse? Is her genitals smelling because she doesn’t shower? Or is it because of a suspected infection?
Do you want her to go to doctor for pap smear? Ot because you think she has an infection?
Please be more specific.
OP- tell her about your “coworker that told you the craziest news. His partner missed an OBGYN appointment and turns out she got cervical cancer. She would have caught it earlier had she gone to the doctor.”
Not a false story, this happened to my mom’s best friend! Literally missed ONE obgyn appointment in 20 years and the following year when she went, she had cancer. Annual pap smears are incredibly important
Apparently, many women don’t clean their cracks and crevices down there. You very much need to. Obviously, don’t put soap inside your body, but all the cracks and crevices need to be cleaned and with more than just water. I had no idea so many women think it’s not necessary. I read a thread on tik tok with women fighting about how to clean themselves. 😬
Go on an annual checkup together and plan on a data night the same day. For her part of the annual checkup just add a detailed sexual health checkup as well if it’s not part of the regular sets of tests and checks.
She needs to go to the doctor. She could have an infection that can be easily treated.
Besides the hygiene aspect of it, she should see a gyno because she needs to check her health. That’s how you should address it. She could be having something serious and not know until it is too late.
Write down on a paper your thoughts and sit down with her and have a talk. There is no other way to do it sadly. Sending signals is a behaviour for teenagers. Good luck
Why does not seeing a gynaecologist have any bearing on her personal hygiene? Most women in the UK, for example, will never see a gynaecologist unless they have a specific medical issue, and they don’t all have downstairs hygiene issues…
I guess I misspoke, I suppose I mean health hygiene. I don’t know how to put it. We are health conscious, I personally get check ups regularly both dental and physical. She also gets check up, but not from any gynecological dr. We both just go to a regular family dr. Also, I’ve never been to any of her appointments with her so I’m uncertain if it’s even talked about there.
It might not be hygiene. There are many things it could be, she needs to visit the gyn . It’s part of being a grown up. It can save her life.
I caught cervical cancer cells early and had them removed before I got full blown cancer because I do yearly appointments. Gyno exams are now only required every 3 years if you have no previous history of issues I believe. Since I have history, it’s still recommended I go yearly.
Women’s appointments are very important to stay on top of. My doctor told me she’s had to tell many people they had cancer or some other big issues because they wouldn’t go to the doctor for routine visits.
You can lump it in with regular doctors exams if you want to be less blunt. Because I assume she’s not doing this either. So mention it’s good to do regular doctors and women’s health visits especially as we get older.
Also means she has never probably been checked for STDs, she could be carrying something from a previous relationship. I had HPV for 7 years with no symptoms and it was the cancer causing kind. My body never cleared it up as it should have. You can now get shots for HPV etc so it’s soooo important she gets checked, gets all the preventative vaccines she can, and takes care of her health!
Slightly disagree with the top comment but lacking female role models absolutely influences whether or not you’re able to “adult”. Some people have maternal friends who are able to discuss hard truths of life with but sounds like she doesn’t.
I agree that a discussion is in order but rather than having an intervention, talk to her about the root of these issues. “Hey, you know I love you right? I hope you know what I’m saying is coming from a place of love and wanting the best for you. There are times when I’m concerned that you aren’t taking care of yourself and it worries me. I want to talk to you about that and see what I can do to help because it’s been affecting me to see you this way.” Then bring it up. Then make a plan for proper hygiene like taking a shower every day, brushing her teeth every day etc.
Then what I would do is reward good behavior. Buy her a gift box with all the shower essentials. And nice smelling things. When she takes a shower and smells good, praise her. Download a period tracking app. Make little baggies together containing medicine, pads,tampons to have at hand on her special days. In contrast if she slips up and doesn’t shower say nothing. Refuse sex on those days.
Since it could be mental health related, ask her to seek therapy. It could be depression but another thing it could be is adhd. When she has a lot on her mind she might find it overwhelming to clean or organize things, including her own hygiene. If she needs medications, she needs them.
As far as her avoidance of doctor visits, it’s her and like 50 percent of America. But there is probably a reason for this too. Get to the root of it. Ultimately the relationship between her doctor and her is between the two of them. My prediction is the better her mental health is controlled, the more receptive she’ll be to go to the doctor.