#StartupStruggles #FundingVsFamily #WorkLifeBalance
Hey folks! I’ve got a bit of a pickle on my hands. 🥒 So, here’s the gist: I just secured $4 million in government funding to kickstart my business after finishing university. 🎉 I’ve dabbled in startups since 2018, but this is a whole new ball game with that kind of cash!
However, there’s a hitch. My wife is really uneasy about me diving into this venture full-throttle. She’s worried that if I get too wrapped up in the startup world, I’ll be putting in 24/7 hours and neglecting my role as a husband and father. With our newborn and our 3-year-old at home, she’s laid down the law, saying a firm "No" to pursuing further funding and growth. 😟
I know many of you might have found yourselves in similar situations, negotiating the tug-of-war between professional ambitions and family responsibilities. Here are some points that are weighing on me:
- Emotional Impact: Juggling a startup and family can create stress. I don’t want to lose connection with my kids or my wife.
- Time Management: Startups often demand a lot of our time. How do I set boundaries while still pushing forward?
- Communication: It seems crucial in this scenario. How do I reassure my wife that I can balance both worlds?
So, I’d love to hear your thoughts! 🤔 What have you done in similar situations? Are there any strategies you’ve found helpful in making your spouse feel secure while you chase your entrepreneurial dreams? Would love any tips or experiences you can share! Let’s discuss! 💬
lol this won’t end well.
Is her only reasoning that you are neglecting her as a husband or are there other reasons? If it is only that it sounds like it is a do you love the business or me situation and that is going to be up to you…
Brush her hair at night, if she wants. Go on dates, when your not busy. Tell her you love her, often. Realize she exists too, as much as you can. She is a whole other human, and you have 2 children. Just because the number is high, will you give a shit in 30 years about the money, if it cost you your family?
Can you still build this business and be there for your family?
Just questions I’ve had to ask myself as well.
> Wife says I will work 24/7 on startup
Will you?
Do you have a history of going 24/7? Or is she anticipating it to be a problem. If anything already having the funding can likely pull you away from being heads down all in on the startup. There’s less of a grind and you can hire people to ease the burden – vs build build build to chase the seed.
But anyway – I’m married, it’s a constant give and take. I’m really bad for working all the time, my wife tries to let me know when it irritates her. We’re not perfect but it works well enough. I make sure that from end of (traditional) work day till kid is in bed I’m available, and then work through the nights if we have nothing going on. Early mornings used to work too but I’m apparently too old for that now.
Find ways to make it work, figure out what her limits and concerns are and work between them. Have open communication. And find ways to get shit done outside of family time.
Good luck
Suggest to her that you setup some rules together and you make sure to keep within those boundaries. For me and my family we agree that between 5 and 7 in the evening there is no work. It is possible to be a founder within that limit. Though my startup does not have nearly that kind of money, so might be different.
Yeah cos you dump the babies on her.
Hire people for the workload. Spend more time with family. You have $.
You guys need marriage counseling immediately.
My bet is your wife feels overwhelmed and isolated while you work all the time. She is probably drowning taking care of a newborn and a 3 year old while her hormones are changing after birth.
If you guys have funding and you are serious about your startup, it might be worth the investment to have outside help to come in and manage the home/chores/childcare so it is not all on your wife. And then we you do have time, you can spend it bonding with your kids and wife. Food for thought.
Yes, I have been a founder with a family. If you are already working nights weekends, are preparing to ramp up with no end in sight, and have a wife and two kids? You’re being selfish and she’s more right than you are.
Forty hours a week is enough to build a successful startup, and people who tell you otherwise are _demonstrably_ wrong. If you’re spending more than that because you are passionate about the work, it’s a fair question from your wife why you are less passionate about your family.
If you can regulate yourself to 40ish hours a week, I believe you can both succeed at your business and build a better relationship with your wife. If you are not willing to do that, well, that answers any questions about your priorities pretty clearly. Maybe you are not actually ready to be married. For your children’s sake, I hope that’s not where your passions are.
You have a 3yo kid. Don’t you want to be a part of her life? Do you plan to work 24/7?
Maybe you won’t work 24/7 and this is a problem with your wife’s attitude or expectation which is unfair…
…but you are planning on raising and helping with the child you decided to bring into the world right? Surely you not expecting this funding to be an excuse to get out of parenting?
>what is the point of you as a husband at that point?”.
Well she’s not wrong there
If she is saddled with bringing up the children or looking after the household alone, or if you are missing from the family life, including your children’s rearing and schooling, then yes, she is correct. Obviously it can be done because many people do it successfully. But her fears are not unfounded.
Sell the exit strategy
Yes. My wife also put her foot down for the same reason. Your wife and your child need you. You must set boundaries. Mine was no work on Saturdays, period, and 50 hours per week max.
Work out boundaries and stick to them. Keep them as sacred as your wedding vows. It will be good for you, your family, your company, and society.
Sounds like you have long standing issue with work life balance
I would say hire a full time nanny if you can afford it. Taking care of two toddlers is a lot of work and she might be burned out.
Build the start up and work 40 hours m-f and 2 hours on Saturday am and 2 hours Sunday night. Be better with your time. Make the commitment to your wife and sign it
Ah the classic business (workaholic) vs family crossroads.
Choose wisely!
I would set a work schedule sort of strict around family time and build the startup around family flexibility for a work culture. Then let your wife know this is the first time ur able to provide for them as much as you will but that you have to learn as you go so you’ll do your best to adapt as things move along without sacrificing family time, keeping in mind that all high paying jobs from time to time require some last minute time away from family.
You need to find a compromise with her. For example, hire a nanny so she can help her, so she can have more time for herself.
You lost me at newborn
Chasing dollars instead of enjoying your family is a losing proposition for your kids.
Do what you will not regret later
Big picture, too many kids today in society messed up because both parents didn’t show up.
You chasing a dollar at the expense of your family (by working beyond 40hrs a week) is only exacerbating the problem.
If you can solve that some how and relinquish the need to be behind the helm 24/7, you might be able to pull off a happy ending.
If this is how you treat your wife I can’t wait to see how you treat your employees lol
Congrats on getting 4m in funding.
Good news: you don’t need to work 24/7 to build a startup, or even all that much more than a typical 9-5. Yes, it comes with more responsibility and stress, but with funding and smart prioritization of your time and resources, you can kick start your business and still have a reasonable work life balance.
First, map out what you’re good/efficient at, and what you’re not. Plug the holes by hiring really well. This doesn’t have to be expensive. In fact, I wish my first hire was my EA (instead of my ~20th hire) as getting admin/exec stuff off my plate was such an unlock.
Remember that a startup is a marathon, not a sprint. Don’t burn yourself out in years 1-2 by overdoing it and pissing off your wife. Work hard but commit to reasonable hours.
Good luck!
This whole post is a mess. You got $4M in funding *just out of university* — but you’ve been in startups for seven years? She wants you to *not pursue funding* — but you’ve already got the $4M?
You’re not telling your story very clearly.
As a grandson and son of career entrepreneurs, don’t do it.
Have the conversation again when your kids are in kindergarten.
The 2 and 4 age gap will be brutal, and it is coming.
The greatest indicator in a child’s success is their mother’s happiness, prioritize it.
J@M
this is what leads to rich founder but divorced wife.
This isn’t a startup problem.
Insert any other job. You’ve got a relationship issue and your wife thinks you put the needs of your relationship last. I’d just work on that independently.
You got funding. The startup is now a funded startup.
You can sort of choose how you want to work on this. You can burn the midnight oil and ignore your family.
Or you can be, you know, sane and have some work-life balance. Because this is a marathon and not a sprint.
Speaking of sane, might your wife be experiencing some postpartum depression? Because mine did when our kid was born and it caused a lot of fights over things that didn’t seem to make sense to me at the time. Things that felt like what you’re describing.
Like “hey we just got 4 million dollars what great news!” being met with “so this means you hate your family?” Sounds pretty familiar.
Find a balance. Hire a nanny. Look for solutions
My boss told me a story of how he worked for his bro-in-law the CEO and missed his first born’s birth.
My advice, work is not that serious, goals need teams, you have one in your family, and now the need to build a strong one for your startup so everyone enjoys their family.
I did it right by not missing anything, and in retrospect I would have built a stronger work team, did more social things outside of work related items, maybe hire a few paid interns as an assistants, college students as nanny, small task like PR and public event promotions etc. ( a few hours a week of assistance and someone to have helping your reach goals and stay aligned with outside opinions is super valuable )
blend and balance well
Sounds like ground rules weren’t agreed prior to entering this path.
Prior to setting up my first business, I asked my wife if she was onboard with it. She quite flippantly said fine. I said no, I need you to commit also, as it will take over our lives. If it’s successful then lots of hours and some pain. If it doesn’t go well, then lots of hours and also lots of pain.
Going into any business as a married couple means the marriage absolutely has to be a team
First of all, 4 million isn’t an easy feat to achieve. so congratulations to you. You guys must be proud of yourselves.
I think you need to find a correct balance here. There is no black and white. You have the opportunity here and you have to make the choice right. Whatever the choice is, make it the best choice you ever made. That means being able to not look back and regret, and make your choice the most beautiful one.
I have no clue what your life is, what details I’m missing. But with this general information, here is what I would do. But please take it with a grain of salt, I havent the first clue of who you are. I would work my ass off for this 4 million startup but I would also make sure I am working my ass off for my family who is the first priority. If I can make both work while still being able to be happy, balanced, and not regretful I would do both. But if I have any risk of losing my wife and children for something I could care less about on my death bed. I’m going to choose my family. Your passion (if this even is your passion) is important but you also have a duty to your wife and children.
Remember you have many choices and options here. Don’t settle on one black and white answer. If you want support from your wife, establish that communication.
Doing your best is also asking for help. Hire a part time helper for the kids. Put in the work to help your wife with cleaning, helping, loving her as long as she feels helped and loved every day and doesn’t feel like she is alone in this, that is all she cares about.
If your coworkers need more from you, enter everyday at work like it’s the fucking Super Bowl. Get stuff done. Be enthusiastic.
As long as you are trying your best, that is the 100% you are giving. Bad shit will happen, no doubt. But decide the next move and keep pushing through. Most people quit when they are just about to enter the next door of “we made it”.
Work smarter, not harder.
“A lion is not the hardest-working animal in the jungle, but it is the smartest. It sits still, conserving energy, waiting for the right moment to strike. When it does strike, it’s efficient and effective. It doesn’t waste time chasing every opportunity, only the best ones.”
Embody the heroes you look up to. If these heroes were in the same situation, what would they do?
This belongs on a relationship sub not a business sub. Get your house in order my guy.
I would choose my wife over my work any day. Over and over again. I love her to death and would give up all my net worth just to be with her. Think long and hard young man.
You just got funded – hire people and delegate to professionals that are better than you are and spend time with your family and wife. It’s really not that hard. You can work on strategy now Monday-Friday 10am-4:00pm if you want.
1 and 3 years old? Yeah that’s rough doing that solo. I had my kids later in life when I knew I’d slow down from my 12 hour work days so I’m practically semi-retired now so I can help and spend time with my own 1 and 3 year old. It’s possible that your wife just doesn’t want to go through the stress of doing it alone so maybe hiring help needs to be on the table.
Let’s be honest. Your wife is tired. She is dreading doing all the work through the toddler years by herself and she is right.
Your only shot at this is to be an efficiency hound with your time. YOU need to make the sacrifice to be 100% on the ball during work and 100% with your family when you are home.
Otherwise you will make her life a living hell, the reason is because she thinks it will be one. It’s all about perspective!
If you develop a plan to go all Elon Musk with your time schedule this may work out. If you want to play video games this isn’t going to work. If you want to be inefficient at work, this isn’t going to work. With that capital I am assuming you can get a team, so get one! Get a great team and learn how to treat people well and get them to buy into your mission. You’re gonna need them!
You need counseling, and an agreement. Meaning an agreed to compromise, with a mediator. Hours you can work, things you must do, you need to really listen to her as well. Both sides should get the top things they want etc., Otherwise, say goodbye to your marriage.
I’ve been married twice. This is how it went for my current wife and I. I’m a serial entrepreneur and before that I ran restaurants. I worked on essentially 6 hours of sleep a night, 7 days a week. (I was young and bulletproof lol.)
After our first was a year old we started divorce proceedings. I was just never home. Ever. I rationalized it by “I’m providing.” We went to therapy and ended up calling off the divorce and as part of it I promised to quit the restaurant industry and be home more.
A year later we pack up and move so I can start a new company with two of my brothers. I’m gone again. Always. Our relationship is stronger at this point so she is bearing it, mainly because it’s our business and not someone else’s. A couple of years later or so things are in full swing and starting to look good! I am now staying home on Sundays, but that’s it.
One day I get home early and I offer to put the oldest to bed as they are already in their bed and just need to be tucked in. They are so excited to see me, they don’t settle down. The wife comes in and tucks them in. As I’m walking out of the bedroom they yell at me that they hope to see me again soon. I realize that I haven’t seen my children in a week.
The wife and I have a long talk. Now I leave for work after they leave for school (or equivalent in the summer,) and I’m home by 5. There are exceptions obviously, but usually no more than once or twice a week.
Why am I telling you all of this?
Your wife doesn’t want to go through all of this. It’s lonely, depressing and frankly it’s unfair. Even more than that though, you don’t want to go through that man. Your heart will never break more hard than to hear your child tell you that they missed you. Or when they ask you why you are home because “you live at work.”
There isn’t enough money that will give your time with your family back. Yes, work hard. Yes, shoot the shot. But do it inside the boundaries of what is best for your crew. If you convince your wife to ride with you on this, give her the lane you will stay in and stay in it. You must give her some control in this situation or she will refuse to play the game with you.
When she calls crying about the baby, stand up, walk out the door and go help her. If there is something that she wants to go to, stay home with the kids even if it’s at 2 in the afternoon so she can go. Saturday mornings she gets to sleep in until noon. Whatever. It’s just money. There is always more and you will also never have enough.
You can have both OP, but only if the one that is the most important is the one you will abandon the other for. If she is the most important and she knows it, if you constantly prove it to her over and over without her ever asking, she will be your biggest supporter. Otherwise, divorce her now so she can have her life back and get your ass back to work.