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π Helping Your Autistic Daughter Thrive: Tips and Strategies π
As a parent of an autistic daughter, it can be incredibly challenging to see your child struggle to function in everyday life. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed and unsure of how to best support her. In this article, we’ll provide you with actionable advice and resources to help your autistic daughter thrive, as well as explore the teachings of the Bhagavad Gita for additional insight.
Understanding Autism and its Impact on Daily Life
Autism, or autism spectrum disorder, is a complex neurodevelopmental condition that affects an individual’s social skills, communication abilities, and behavior. It’s important to recognize that each person with autism is unique and may experience their condition differently. Here are some common challenges that autistic adults may face:
Difficulty with social interactions and forming friendships
Sensory sensitivities and anxiety
Struggling with changes in routine or transitions
Challenges with finding and maintaining employment
Dependence on caregivers for daily tasks
Tips for Supporting Your Autistic Daughter
1. Prioritize Routine and Structure: Establishing a predictable daily routine can provide a sense of stability and security for your daughter. Encourage her to stick to regular sleep and meal times, and create a visual schedule to help her navigate her day.
2. Seek Professional Support: While traditional therapy may not have yielded significant results in the past, it’s worth exploring alternative therapeutic approaches such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or occupational therapy. Look for professionals with experience in working with autistic adults.
3. Explore Vocational Training Programs: Many communities offer vocational training programs specifically designed for individuals with autism. These programs can provide valuable job skills training and support in finding employment opportunities that align with your daughter’s strengths and interests.
4. Foster Social Connections: Encourage your daughter to explore special interest groups, clubs, or organizations where she can meet like-minded individuals. Additionally, consider reaching out to local autism support groups to connect with other families and individuals in similar situations.
5. Embrace Mindfulness and Self-Care: Introducing mindfulness practices such as meditation and yoga into your daughter’s daily routine can help alleviate anxiety and promote a sense of well-being. Encourage her to prioritize self-care activities that bring her joy and relaxation.
Drawing Inspiration from the Bhagavad Gita
The Bhagavad Gita, an ancient Hindu scripture, offers timeless wisdom and guidance for navigating life’s challenges. One of the key teachings of the Gita is the concept of “karma yoga,” which emphasizes the importance of selfless action and performing one’s duties without attachment to the outcome.
In the context of supporting your autistic daughter, you can apply the principles of karma yoga by approaching your role as a caregiver with a sense of duty and compassion, without expecting immediate or specific results. Focus on providing love, support, and guidance to your daughter while remaining detached from the pressure of “fixing” her circumstances.
Additionally, the Gita encourages individuals to find strength and resilience within themselves, despite the obstacles they may face. Encourage your daughter to explore her inner strengths and talents, and remind her of the unique value she brings to the world.
Seeking Community and Resources
In addition to implementing the strategies outlined in this article, it’s essential to seek out community resources and organizations that specialize in supporting autistic adults. Connect with local autism advocacy groups, seek recommendations for specialized therapists and professionals, and explore online forums and support networks for guidance and encouragement.
Remember that supporting your daughter is a journey, and it’s okay to seek help and guidance along the way. By combining practical strategies with a nurturing and understanding approach, you can empower your daughter to navigate the world with confidence and resilience.
In conclusion, supporting an autistic adult, especially as a parent, comes with its unique set of challenges and rewards. By prioritizing routine, seeking professional support, fostering social connections, and embracing mindfulness, you can create a supportive environment for your daughter to thrive. Drawing inspiration from the teachings of the Bhagavad Gita, you can approach your caregiving role with a sense of duty and compassion, while also seeking community resources and support. With dedication and patience, you can help your daughter lead a fulfilling and meaningful life.
I am really sorry you and your daughter are going through this. Honestly, as hard as this may be, she might be better off in an assisted living home that specializes in working with adults with special needs. This is beyond your ability to help, and itβs time to bring in some specialists to step in. In my state, there is a Department of Vocational Rehabilitation that helps with adults who need intervention/assistance. Also, all social service programs have assistance for adults in need. Are you tied into any of these? As the parent of an adult child with special needs, I get that it is hard to say βIβve reached my limit.β But so long as you remain involved, getting the experts in place is best for everyone involved.
What exactly is the problem that is going on?
Because you talk about her not having a job, not driving as though that’s the problem, but those are not the problem. Those are symptoms of the problem. And it doesn’t sound like she’s incapable of these things due to autism, since she was functioning before. So what happened? What changed? I think trying to focus on getting the job and the driving is missing the point that she needs to heal and you need to be focusing on that.
Additionally, the way you phrased it “function like a normal person” misses the point that she is *not* a neurotypical (‘normal’) person, and so the key is to find something that does work for her, try to get her to do what everyone else is doing.
It sounds like smth really *really* bad happened abt a year ago. Do you know what? Is she in therapy?
Does public transit not exist where you are? What did your daughter want to do when she was in high school? Sorry for all the questions I’m just trying to get the full picture here
As someone on the spectrum and traumatic childhood and has the misfortune of being in your daughterβs shoes (multiple times over the years) Iβll provide what helps me thru mine flare ups to help you out here hopefully.
I have a Psychologist that I trust for therapy that I see weekly (for years now) that diagnosed most of my issues. I have psychiatrist to handle my med management for these issues (psychological issues and being neurodivergent). I have ESA cats that help me as needed when Iβm down or such that I keep at home (I donβt drag them around everywhere as I donβt need to).Β I get help from local resources thru my Medicaid/Medicare insure to help me adjust and live a more normal life.
I would HIGHLY recommend you get your daughter to a psychiatrist ASAP and look for a good Psychologist that deals with Childhood trauma to get her stabilized. I would look into getting SSDI/SSI (if youβre in the US) and Medicaid/Medicare to open up more resources that are available in situations like this. Also checkout local county/state agencies (DHS or similar) for resources there. I would check your insurance what they can do to help you and your daughter here. As I said earlier this specific advice for the US and if youβre not here I would look at similar programs there for help.
I take it your daughter is high functioning like me and I was about her age when I had my first meltdown (I wasnβt diagnosed yet) and this what I had to do to help me and hopefully your daughter doesnβt have to wait as long as I did to get the help I needed.
I think what has been suggested by others so far are valid possibilities, but another option might be burnout. Autistic burnout is pervasive, impacts energy and ability for simple functioning, effects tolerance to stimulation and is often long-term (over 3 months). It can seem like the person has regressed, or shut down, out of no where, but it’s a combination of a response to major change (like moving from school to work) as well has long term fatigue from keeping up with social expectation in a world that can be cruel and unaccomodating for neurodivergent people.
There are a few resources online that can give you some info on this if you search “autistic burnout”, and maybe ask your daughter if this matches her feelings? I only suggest this because this behaviour sounds similar to what I experienced when I transitioned from high school to university, and for me it was definitely burnout.
You can’t control her but you can place some developmentally appropriate boundaries.
It’s not good for her to indefinitely live at home with parents taking care of her so you might want to cut down on some of the conveniences at the house to encourage her to independence
get her on disability maybe?
Iβm in my early 20s w/ autism and I balance uni and work with a lot of supports in place. I know autism is a spectrum and it effects people very differently, but I relate a lot to your daughter. I also have had issues with ptsd and a bunch of mental health disorders due to trauma, so I am coming with that perspective but I donβt have any qualifications to be giving advice so take this lightly.
1. She sounds burned out and/or depressed. She needs to start very small and work on establishing some routines. Slowly shift to move the sleep schedule to more βnormalβ hours.
2. She needs a mental health provider who is educated in autism. I know insurance is rough and therapy can be very hard to find a match, but she probably has a lot she needs to process, and a therapist can talk her through it and help her establish some internal/external support systems so external stressors are not derailing her whole life.
3. Occupational Therapy is definitely something to look into. Life is an absolute hell scape to navigate when you are neurodivergent. She is going to need supports to help her function, OT can provide and establish such supports.
I hope you guys can get some relief soon. 20 is so young, and if Iβve learned anything by now itβs that life fluctuates a lot. She is not always going to be feeling this badly. It is important to remember that.
If it is possible for you,move into a new city. I am not kidding. She needs help that can not be provided in a small town. Also,therapy won’t function in the short run. It will create wonders but it is not a band aid,it is a lifelong process.
Is a group home possible around you? Maybe a strict schedule with people whose job is to care for these people can help.
Is she involved in any form of neurodivergent communities, therapy? Is there a single other person in her life currently who understands the extent of what she is struggling with?
If not pls help her find them. There are too many of us who never get help with this, or start looking too late after we burn out. I was high achieving, high masking so all anybody ever did was remind me how far behind my peers were.
Also:
> (she) cannot function like a normal person
Donβt talk like this. Ever.
Look up autistic burnout. From your other comments, it sounds like trauma is involved, that might have triggered it.
Autistic burnout is basically burnout from the constant effort it takes to exist as an autistic person in a neurotypical society. Just like regular burnout, it takes a long time to recover from and some people never fully recover. Your daughter may never again be able to do everything she was doing, and that’s okay because she was putting in an unsustainable level of effort to begin with.
If she is able to interact with people online, I would recommend that she reach out to autistic-led online communities/chat groups (Facebook, Discord, whatever she prefers) and look up the neurodiversity movement.
However, that is not going to replace the help of a competent therapist who is knowledgeable in autism in women and autistic burnout.
At this point, it’s not about getting her to function again, whatever that means, though I do hope she is able to go back to a level of autonomy she is comfortable with. It’s more about her well-being and mental health than what she can or cannot do. If it is burnout, focusing too much on “functioning” or abilities will only put pressure on her and delay recovery.
What are her hobbies? I honestly think Iβd start there. If sheβs depressed, sheβs probably not even concerned about her hobbies. You may have to take the initiative and get her involved in her hobbies again. Giving her something to do involving a hobby might be the first step in breaking the depression. As another poster mentioned, I wouldnβt push getting her back to functioning just yet. But, getting her to participate in a favorite hobby might help to break the cycle she is in.
Is there a Community Counseling service near you? That might be an option too. My local CCS even gives rides to those it serves.
My heart goes out to you. Itβs really tough dealing with a neurodivergent loved one at times! Whatever you do, donβt give up out of frustration. She needs to know sheβs accepted as she is, quirks and all. She also needs a routine. Honestly not being able to work probably adds to her depression. (I know working is a big part of my husbandβs identity. He may complain about having to get up and go work, but he desperately needs that routine.)
I wish I had advice. I was in her shoes, and turned to drugs. The only thing that gave me any reason to try was getting pregnant with my daughter. This really isnβt advice at all, Iβm just saying Iβm sorry. I wish there was an easy answer
Autistic burnout?
Trauma?
Occupational and psychological therapy?
Evaluation of support needs as an adult?
Low support needs doesnβt mean no support needsβ¦
If you are in the U.S., what state are you in?
From an autistic 21 year old woman – it sounds like your daughter is going through autistic burnout!
She may need time to recover from being in school for 13 years. The opportunity to rest sometimes means your brain shuts down for a while, in my experience. Not having friends to give her a reason to leave the house means that she’s just done functioning for a while. Give her more time than you think she needs and eventually, she will improve.
In the meantime, therapy. When she’s ready, look into therapists that do vocational rehab. Get her into an art or writing or gardening class at the local community center or go to the library together once a week. And just be patient. I know it’s hard to think that she needs THIS much time, and that at this point she’ll just settle in and never leave, but that is not the case.
If you ever want to talk, please feel free to message me. I am very familiar with the post-school multi-year autistic shutdown (I’ve personally helped 2 different people through this, one lasted around 7 years and one lasted around 2) and am happy to help.
She needs a therapist who is specialised in dealing with autism. Normal therapy techniques donβt really work when youβre autistic. It needs a specialist approach. (myself, my partner and other family members are all on the spectrum).
She needs an advocate. Not sure what state youβre in but try calling your states disability services to try and get her caseworker. They can help point you in the right direction as to therapy, disability, etc and how to apply
At most she needs a therapist who specializes in autistic adults
Have her set alarms to both go to bed and wake up. When she wakes up be sure there are tasks she is expected to complete every day, same ones. Then have her go on a walk with you if weather permits, at a time of day.
Include her in menu planning and grocery shopping. If she cooks, give her a day to do that for one meal, she can pick which meal. If she doesnβt cook, show her how.
My son is on the spectrum and will turn 21 this year. We have done all the above every summer since he turned 15. After a week of decompression from school.
Now he has these routines as βhisβ along with his PT job. We told him early on in life that if he wanted to live independently (he expressed this at age 10!) he would have to show us he COULD do so.
Ask your daughter what she wants her life to look like, donβt be hostile or frustrated just pitch it as a fun convo. Then you guys can brainstorm how to get there.
While most comments are brining up burnout it may not be the true issue. Regression is common in autistic adults, it can be temp or perm from burnout, but it can also be permanent from simply unmasking whether the choice to do so was consciously done or not. Losing the rigid structure of k12 schooling can be a big trigger for skill loss. Of course your daughter canβt function like βnormalβ sheβs not neurotypical and never will be, her personal βnormalβ wonβt likely ever be consistent either. Only about 15% of autistic people can hold jobs and a lot canβt drive due to factors like heightened anxiety. Itβs unfortunate and itβs a hard fact to have to accept that she may not be able to function to the ways she once did again, but itβs there and now you have to figure out where to go from here.
She needs a therapist who specializes in working with autistic adults and especially with specifically autistic women.
Sounds like your daughter may be in autistic burnout. Have you tried discussing with her what support she needs? Is she in therapy with someone who understands women with autism?
When I had it I became a shell of the person I had and it’s been four years and I slowly feel like myself again.
Iβm sorry you and your daughter are struggling. Here are a few thoughts, from my perspective as an autistic adult with ADHD. Iβm closer to your age than your daughterβs.
Unlike ADHD, there arenβt any meds to treat autism. But, there may be meds to help with the comorbidities – I take meds to manage my anxiety, depression and OCD (as well as to manage my ADHD). Insomnia / unusual sleep patterns is common for autists, and I take medicine to sleep. If I donβt, I can go days without really sleeping and canβt fall asleep until early morning. To manage autism, one really needs to work through how to make life more manageable and navigable for everyone. That may be a combination of pills, therapy, and communication development.
The not driving thing is super common for autistic people. We tend to get over stimulated and itβs a lot of simultaneous processing. I didnβt start driving until my mid 20s (now am super comfortable with it). My autistic nephew started driving in his early 20s, and he is in his later 20s now and still doesnβt feel comfortable driving a lot.
One thing Iβve struggled with is βautistic burnout.β Iβm not sure thatβs what your daughter is going through or not. When I am feeling exhausted by life my executive functioning suffers (my capacity for daily functioning). Your daughter is experiencing depression, which also may impact executive functioning. I struggle with this too, and empathize with your daughter (and you).
The friends thing is challenging. I would rather have a few good friends than a broad social circle, but I sometimes struggling to maintain contact with friends. Making friends is hard – and people find different ways to do it. It may be the case that online interactions suffice / do more than in person interactions. Is she trying to make friends / find a boyfriend in person or online? Is she looking in constructive places? Thatβs also a lot to do at once (develop a social network and find a partner) – and that may be exacerbating her stress, depression anxiety. Trying to do those things and yet feeling unsuccessful can be extraordinarily debilitating, really taking away any last motivation.
Finding therapists is hard. Really hard. Iβve had some good ones but many more that were not the right fit for me. Just because it didnβt work in the past doesnβt mean it wonβt work in the future. Itβs worth trying again, and trying to find someone that will jive better.
Finally, regarding expectations for work etc. it sounds like your daughter needs direction and support to do things. It might be worth looking into both online jobs and online school. My brother is doing his degree at Western Governorβs University, which is all online, and he has found it to be very empowering. Whereas he wasnβt able to do college before, now he has motivation and support. I think you and your family should think about setting some goals and expectations (maybe with new therapist) regarding finding part time work or schooling (college or some other skills based training).
βshe canβt even function as a normal personβ
well, she has a disability. you shouldnβt be expecting her to βfunction like a normal personβ.
Sounds like she’s pretty bog-standard depressed, sad to say. It’s a really, really hard spiral to get out of without help.
She needs therapy, serious consideration of medication, and something to give her a path forward.
Hi, fellow young adult autistic female here. The lack of routine after graduation really messed with me, and probably did as well for your daughter. Along with that, it sounds like she is in autistic burnout. When we are in burnout simple tasks feel undoable and extreme depression occurs.
OP, I commented this under a different comment but Iβm very late to this post so I thought Iβd add it as a parent comment in the hopes that you see it and it can help. Sorry itβs so long but I list a lot of good resources you could try. Hope this reaches you, best of luck!
Original Comment:
If your daughter has a trauma history she specifically needs a trauma therapist that is trained and able to help her process her trauma, hopefully someone who is capable to treat a person on the Autism Spectrum. Until your daughter is able to resolve her trauma as much as she can she will continue to struggle with different symptoms and difficulties from it.
My son is autistic and he has a bit of a trauma history and he has been in counseling for it for years and years, not just for his trauma but to help him cope with his autism symptoms as well. He has been doing incredibly well for a while now because of it. Heβs not an adult yet, heβs 16, but we already know heβll struggle with some things when heβs an adult that he just will not be capable of doing so there are a few options for help we will use when that time comes that you can try too.
First, I would contact your insurance again and get a complete list of providers in your entire surrounding area from them that accept your insurance. Then research them all and find ones that treat trauma specifically and that have a trauma informed care model they use in office and get her seen by them asap. Start making phone calls and find someone that can take her and help her. Be sure to inform them sheβs on the autism spectrum.
If this is not an option you can contact her doctor and they should have a list of resources in your community you can reach out to that can help her. Next, you can try calling 211, they can help hook your daughter up with a care coordinator and resources in your area that can help her. Your daughter should qualify for different programs and a care coordinator with her diagnosis.
A care coordinator is a person thatβs like a personal assistant for people who canβt take care of themselves for whatever reasons, such as disabilities like autism. They can help find resources for your daughter for counseling, community programs, employment training, employment opportunities, educational opportunities, housing, social services, types of therapies for people with disabilities such as OT, PT, ST and so on. They can even help with things like getting groceries and in home health aids to help her in areas in the home she may struggle to function in such as cleaning and cooking and so on. A care coordinator will make all the phone calls, do all the paperwork, make the appointments and even drive their client to where they need to be.
They can hook her up with programs in your area that are for socializing for people that struggle with different disabilities. These are programs for people of all ages to make friends in different structured environments who otherwise would not be able to socialize and make friends due to their disabilities. It could give her a chance to make friends her own age in a safe setting and get her that socialization she desperately needs right now.
Lastly, you can try reaching out to The Office of (your state name here) for People with Disabilities. They can evaluate your daughter and get her in whatever programs she needs to be in to get the help she needs. Theyβll set her up with a social worker or care coordinator that will get her into the programs I listed and any other ones she would qualify for.
Iβve worked with them off and on for my son and the thing they said they see the most is these kids on the autism spectrum when they grow to be adults and they canβt function independently at all. They have frantic parents calling freaking out because their autistic child is an adult now and they just didnβt realize how much their kid was not prepared for adulthood due to their autism diagnosis. So they scramble trying to fix it and get services once they see their child struggling to function as an adult and they get the help they need for them. So itβs a pretty common thing.
These programs, social workerβs and care coordinatorβs are meant for people like your daughter and my son, to help them to get as independent as they are capable of to take care of themselves and provide the support they need in the areas they canβt function in. Their whole job is to get them to live as independently as they can while having all the support in place they need.
These are just a few of the things I can think of that you can try, if I can think of anything else Iβll add it. Your daughter needs a ton of help and support here, this as youβre aware of needs to be addressed asap before she spirals even further. Oh, there are also independent support groups for parents of children and adults with autism, for people with autism, for people with trauma histories, mental illnesses and such. You can find them online on your state and counties website, Facebook, community centers, your local news websites or try calling 211.
I also read in some of your comments that you donβt know what to say to her to help. Maybe on top of trying these things I listed let her know that you are there and just listen to her. Tell her that you are there anytime day and night if she needs to talk about anything or let anything out and you are there to listen without judgment. And just be there for her to let her feelings out with you if sheβs comfortable. She needs an outlet and sometimes just having someone listen to us without judgement or trying to help in return helps us to feel better. Have a talk with her and let her know sheβs safe to talk to you about anything and that if she needs anything you will do whatever you can to help. And if you can afford it maybe look into some counseling for yourself to help you cope with whatβs going on and help you get some ideas about how to talk to her about this stuff too. Best of luck OP!
She SOUNDS deeply depressed.Β I would encourage any kind of therapy. Reach out to your local college even and ask of they have discounted rates for student therapists. You MUST be proactive.Β
She also very likely needs medication for her depression. Nothing but medication helped mine and I have lived with it since childhood.Β
To me this sounds like depression. What does she like to do? I would suggest investing in some hobbies for her that could make her some decent friends. Get her in the real world socializing again. Get her excited about something,
She is NOT a βnormal person.β You are expecting a disabled woman to behave in an abled way, first of all.
It sounds like shes in autistic burnout. You need to be speaking with a neuroaffirming, preferably autistic female therapist. A regular therapist will push masking and behaving in neurotypical ways, which is what causes burnout in the first place.
She sounds EXACTLY like my roommate’s ex, same age and all, and he broke up with her last year on his birthday. Differences being that she was always complaining about her pain, blamed everything on her autism, convinced my roommate to become poly despite not being poly, and always told everyone how abusive her family was despite them having the sweetest text conversations with her.
Assuming that’s not the case here, I suggest finding a therapist who specializes in autism, and make sure you look at every practice’s reviews before deciding on one. In terms of working, you could look into her being an affiliate for a company and she can post videos on social media and get money every time someone buys one of those products with her code. In terms of finding friends, maybe take her somewhere she could meet some people, like spend a day at a park or go bowling, whatever she likes to do.