#DeathGripSyndrome #BoyfriendHelp #RelationshipAdvice #IntimacyIssues
Hey there! Dealing with death grip syndrome can be tough, but rest assured, there are ways to help your boyfriend overcome this issue and improve your intimate relationship. 🤝💕
Understanding Death Grip Syndrome:
Let’s first understand what death grip syndrome is – it’s a condition where a person becomes desensitized to sexual stimulation due to vigorous and tight grip during masturbation. This can lead to difficulties in achieving orgasm during intimate moments with a partner.
Communicate Openly:
Communicating openly with your boyfriend is key. Let him know that you support him and want to work together to address this issue. Encourage him to talk about his concerns and feelings surrounding this syndrome.
Encourage Professional Help:
If your boyfriend is struggling with overcoming death grip syndrome on his own, suggest seeking professional help from a therapist or sex counselor. They can provide guidance and support tailored to his specific needs.
Introduce Sensate Focus Exercises:
Sensate focus exercises can help your boyfriend relearn to enjoy sexual stimulation in a more gentle and varied way. Start with simple touch exercises and gradually progress to more intimate activities as he becomes more comfortable.
Explore Different Sensations:
Experiment with different types of sensations and erotic play to diversify your sexual experiences. Incorporating sensual massages, using sex toys, or trying new positions can help break the routine and assist in retraining his body’s responses.
Practice Patience and Encouragement:
Remember, overcoming death grip syndrome takes time and patience. Be understanding and provide positive reinforcement along the way. Celebrate small steps and improvements he makes towards a healthier sexual connection.
In conclusion, facing death grip syndrome as a couple requires open communication, support, and willingness to try different approaches. By working together and seeking professional guidance when needed, you can help your boyfriend overcome this condition and strengthen your relationship. Best of luck on this journey of growth and intimacy! 💪🏼🌟
He just needs to stop masturbating for a few months and train himself to only cum from sex. He’s too used to the grip and needs to give his body time to adjust and de sensitise
Going soft from too much exertion can be a thing. In high school when you get unwanted erections, one of the tricks for getting rid of them is flexing your thigh muscles to divert blood flow. Poor cardiovascular fitness can also be a contributing factor.
1) the condom is too large for him.
> In some ways, it is frustrating for me as I don’t feel good enough for him to come inside me or with my hand/mouth. I know it’s stupid, and I’ve never voiced these concerns to him because I don’t want to put any pressure on him. But I’d like to hear from other men who previously suffered from this syndrome.
If you want a relationship that can last, you need to make it safe for yourself and for him to be able to express your feelings in an open way. Right now you’re running from the very thing you would want from the perspective of the other person, which is to know where your mind is at. The other person is not gifted with your feelings, and while sometimes they can guess at the issue, it’s not a strategy you can work over the long run.
As inexperienced people, the things you’re going to most be tested by are the feelings of fear of the outcome. You can’t know that in most cases, normal people will make an effort to build towards success with someone they care about so long as both sides truly believe that the other has their best interest at heart too. That means both parties have to express their sincere desires and then make an effort to blend those desires into shared space. It means giving away insecurities and allowing the person to know about your secret world.
A few tips for this conversation, I would lead in with the facts, present my interpretation (your feelings of frustration and inadequacy) and then ask for his feelings and fears. Listen carefully to his words, and reflect on them as best you can. Who knows, you two might end up getting a laugh out of one another when you realize that both sides are sincerely trying to be good to one another and yet both are struck by feelings of not being good enough for one another. It usually gets a smile and a laugh at how ridiculous we both are for having such fears when our actions suggest that all we both want is to succeed at this relationship.
Condom slipping off is something that happens sometimes. Both if you have a strong ‘grip’ on it, or if the condom is too big, but can also be if he’s retracting or pulling out too fast. Try changing condom-sizes first though.
Death Grip is a hard one (pun intended) because he does kind of need to rewire his brain to get rid of it. Sometimes, what works best, is going cold-turkey on the masturbation altogether, and then just having more sex, as he’ll then get more used to the sliding/friction stimuli, instead of the pulling and squeezing. He needs to just, for maybe a month or three, quit masturbation entirely and then when you’re being intimate, if he can’t come from sex – then he’s just not coming that time, eventually he’ll be able to.
If he gets soft while he’s inside going fast, that’s not unheard of.
If you move too quick, the sensation on the penis can eventually make it feel kind of numb. I know from myself that if I’m with someone, and I go too fast for an extended period of time, then my dick starts to get less sensitive, and then the solution usually is a break, change of position, or change of pace
He just have to stop masturbating. That’s all.
Give him handies, using tight grip. Then slowly loosen your grip each session and forbid him (playfully) to masturbate, if he wants it you can give it to him, tame your mans penis 😁
Sounds like it’s a head game for him. I know for me I can cum no worries by hand but when I’m with someone I get nervous or over think. Unfortunately haven’t worked out how to get past it all the time. With my wife I couldn’t finish in her for like 4 months. Obviously easier now but
He will need to have more self-discipline such as taking a complete break from masturbating, and it’s really probably not at all to due with you. It isn’t about you not being good enough, more likely his body and mind are used to enjoying a certain physical routine to get off.
I’ve gotten comfortable with specific acts where that even being physical with another can be less fun at first. It takes effort by both seeking mutual pleasure, and finding what you like. I’m quite partial to oral, it feels particularly good and with a lot of eye contact can be very intimate, which is extremely helpful to me for reaching orgasm.
There are few things.
– condoms might slip, it is important to control that, looking for a better fit might be beneficial. And I would start with larger, not smaller.
– it is not that easy to come with “beginners” oral. Or a hand job for that matter.
– being fit and well rested makes WONDERS for sex life.
When it comes to the practical stuff. Maybe start with “highjacking” his orgasms. With his consent! try to get involved with his penis just seconds before he finishes. That should help with “rewiring,”.
But most importantly – give yourself time.
Buy him a pocket pussy so he can practice without using his hand and get more used to the feeling of it Vs the grip from the hand
Good info shared, but there is almost always a **psychological component as well.**
Sometimes men/women who can’t finish (unless by their own hand) struggle with some personal insecurity or trust issue. Not a “she’s gonna take my wallet when I fall asleep” type of trust issue ~ rather they don’t feel secure in *giving themselves* in fully to their partner with intimacy. I’ve known several men that have had to address this issue at some point in their life …and for many of them it involved some degree of sexual abuse as a minor.
Even so, you’re doing the right thing by being open and asking questions in an effort to help your partner because you genuinely care about their wellbeing as much as yours. Great job!
Is he on anti depressants? That shit causes impotence
Using a fleshlight or onahole will help him a bit
This does remind me of me when I started having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, it has gotten loads better thankfully 🙂 So here’s my thoughts!
The condom slipping off thing can happen sometimes, but if it’s frequent it’s propably that either he uses a wrong sized condom, or that his erection doesn’t stay strong consistently. Or both.
The inability to finish or stay hard is in my experience mainly affected by 3 things:
1) Death grip syndrome. The body does get used to the kind of touch it gets. So the easiest way to ease this is for him to lighten his grip when masturbating, and use a lot of lube if he doesn’t already. It’ll be closer to how vaginal or oral sex feels like. Masturbating less in general also should help.
2) This was the biggest for me – anxiety. You really don’t need much of it to outright kill the ability to finish, it can be subtle too. It can become a self-serving loop, as you get anxious of not being able to come. For me it helped immensely to have an open discussion of the issue, so we both knew what was happening, knew both of ours fears, wants, and feelings about it. And then to take the time, accepting each other as is, and getting used to each others bodies.
3) General fitness and health.
Maybe ask him to go cold turkey while also working out about 3 or 4 times a week. Look into foods that help circulation and exercises. Nothing lost in trying that.
Anxiety. That’s what it was for me. Took time.
i could never finish with a condom on. maybe that’s it.
Never had the death grip problem but I have had times when it took me soooo long to orgasm my partner got sore. I can stay hard for a long time when stimulated and can orgasm as quick as the average guy but if I’ve been masturbating to porn for a while instead of real sex (weeks and months not days) then a “real” orgasm can take a while or not happen at all which is quite ok with me.
I prefer to give pleasure, male orgasms are complex, after we orgasm we go into a kind of depressed state and for some of us it can be quite low. The fun for me is in the build up, once my load is gone and it’s all over I really need to sleep otherwise I get cranky. I dislike that post orgasm low feeling so much that over the years I’ve practiced denying my own orgasm to the point where I choose not to cum.
There really is nothing more beautiful than the moans and whimpers and squirms of your lady as she orgasms over and over and over.
He needs to stop watching porn and should stop jerking off to porn stars. Porn numbs some men’s ability to orgasm with real world women.
This used to happen to my partner (I’m F, he is M) and it was really off putting as well. However he would take care of me first if I got tired out and then take care of himself.
Basically it just took time and patience. He had to learn to relax and trust me, and I had to be patient and just do whatever came naturally at the time and not make him feel bad about it.
Never happens anymore.
My gf helped me with this it took about a month of not masturbating just having sex instead. Used to take me a good 40 minutes to come now I come far too quickly hahah but she’s happy so I’m happy. I couldn’t come from handjobs or oral sex now I can. Also taking a break from sexual activity helps with the erection problems I still struggle to keep erect at times but still recovering from years of being alone.
I didn’t know what death group syndrome means, but it sounds like you think he’s been masturbating so much he can’t cum without his hands?
I can tell you when my wife and I got together, I couldn’t cum in her or orally or any of that. It wasn’t that I helped myself along to much though. It was mostly nerves, with a bit of unrecognized diabetes ruining my blood flow and sensitivity.
I was so nervous I couldn’t finish unless it was with something I was used to, my hand. And her trying so hard to force me to cum just made me more nervous and made it worse. Sometimes we’d get so stressed out thinking about me coming, I couldn’t even stay hard.
Finally we had to just calm down, stop trying to force me to cum, and just relax. If I didn’t cum, fine. If I came by myself on her, that was fine too. Ironically, once we stopped trying to make me cum all the time, coming got easier.
(M31)Sex is all about communication 💯💯 on both sides if u cnt talk about how u feel or questions about how ur making ur partner feel it might just not work start there. Ask what he wants and if ur down do it to the best of ur ability make home feel good. As for the masturbation thing that all depends on the frequency of sex and what he wants if it’s only once a week then that’s ok I guess but I just started a new relationship and I used 2 b just like him….. everyday and it’s cuz my partner wasn’t giving me what I wanted. Now it’s been 6 months only wacked it twice and that’s cuz I had to be away from her for a min lol. Point being I’m totally satisfied with my new lady and dnt need to do that n e more, back to square one here tho, gotta talk , communicate find out what he wants. The condom thing I cnt help with tho never used em and never slipped up that’s also because I dnt like to finish down there I like face paints lol. Last the gettin soft thing could be anything he’s exhausted number one happens to me often second nervous or anxious feelings i.e. ur not satisfied he wants something else and won’t say or just bad diet or genes and dnt have the stamina 🤷♂️🤷♂️idk tho. ALL GOES BACK TO ONE THING!!!!!! Talk with your partner find out what he wants learn each other’s bodies it’s not always super easy but if y’all have feeling for each other and ur emotionally and physically attracted TALK!!!!!! Lol u will b able to get him off y’all just need to communicate rule numero uno only thing I really needed to say nbs hope this helped. GL
I have trouble cumming with sex in like the first 5, 6 times i do it with a person. I kinda need to get comfortable with them to let myself cum, i also worry that i’ll cum too fast if I dont control it, so I usually dont cum at all or just after I made them cum 2, 3 times (i’m just trying to give my perspective)
Going soft inside you is very likely causing the condom slip!
I went through a bout of PIED in my 20s (no doubt a combination of not being very confident with women and a LOT of porn exposure from my teens onward).
If it’s mental, the great news is that it is perfectly fixable. The number one thing that helped me was being able to talk openly about it. Rather than a secret humiliation you are privately going crazy about, just being able to be open with my partner meant the world.
I would tell him that it’s not a big deal, that you guys will figure it out together, that you LOVE him and just want both of you to have great, enjoyable sex. If he can just get out of his own head, the problem will resolve.
I had this issue with my first as well. It was a different sort of process to arrive than when you’re using your hand only prior to losing virginity.
It takes time to readjust your body to thrusting in missionary and I found that switching to doggy style helped immensely as I had something to grab (her cheeks) while thrusting.
I hope that helps both of you.
Your bf sounds like a porn addict.
Bro really has to cut out porn and masturbating to get his mojo back. It’s called porn brain for a reason. His brain has been wired by a lifetime of jerking off that that’s what gets him off. Going to have to re wire his brain. I (30M) took 6 months off of porn and masturbating last year. Best thing I ever did for my sex life. I feel no desire to ever watch porn anymore and me and my GF have sex every morning and every evening now and it’s fantastic.
Give him time. He’s probably just too used to finishing using his hand. It took me like four times after loosing my virginity before I could finally finish without my hand. It’s also a head game too. If he focuses too much on staying hard and cumming, it won’t happen. Tell him he just needs to enjoy the moment.
Just don’t berate him or take offense to it or anything. That’ll just lower his self esteem and make everything worse.
He’s not used to the condom. It really blunts sensitivity.
>Still, when we have sex together, he cannot finish without his hand. It takes a lot of time and effort for him to finish, and it always ends up with him masturbating on his back while I’m touching his body.
There are most likely a bunch of compounding issues at play here: As you said, there’s a fair chance that he is suffering from death grip, but also that he has performance anxiety and is in a bad headspace because of porn.
– regarding performance anxiety: you can do very little about except not putting any pressure on him and being the most understanding girlfriend he could ever wish for. Because the moment he just *thinks* you’re losing patience (or just *might* lose patience somewhere down the road), he’ll go limp in no time.
– “unlearning” porn. This is two-fold: (1) so far, “sex” meant for him that he watched other people having sex in positions that might not be very comfortable for those immediately involved, but are are ideal for outside observation, while he masturbated to it. Getting from there to actually having sex requires some serious adjustment, because he has to get used to get aroused without all these visual stimuli; and all that while his dick is in a place that is a lot less tight than his hand. (2) The people he watched having sex were unusually attractive and engaged in unusual practices – this he has to get out of his head as well. Long story short: there isnt really any way around him drastically reducing his porn use, and ideally dropping it altogether.
– treating death grip: as basically everyone else has said – he has to stop masturbating. However, I’d add one more caveat: he also has to stop masturbating when he’s with you – instead, you should be the one who makes him cum. That way he can slowly get used to the idea that his orgasms aren’t intrinsically tied to him having his dick in his own hand, which is pretty much a prerequisite for him to be able to come from penetration alone. (But be prepared that it’ll take him a lot of time to cum the first time and also take you a lot of practice to get him off.)
Death grip syndrome isn’t exactly realistic. Porn offers more mental stimulus by variety and change which releases more feel good chemicals. We aren’t rewarded the same for being with the same partner forever.
Just don’t have sex or masturbate for a week or two and that death grip goes away
Obligatory: woman here.
Your boyfriend clearly watched way too much porn, and can no longer sustain an erection. He basically ruined himself with porn. He needs to quit entirely, and should probably get help. Please don’t feel like it’s you, and don’t accept his reasons like “he moves too quickly.” Him having death grip syndrome is entirely his fault. If he can’t let go of porn (and his stick), this problem won’t go away.
Really glad to hear you’re wanting to improve things for him here, but don’t get caught in the trap of “it’s my fault”, this puts pressure on you and eventually on him, making the situation worse not better.
It’s not your fault at all, tbh it’s not his either, it’s just the way things worked out when he was younger. As for what you can do, seems like you are doing it. One suggestion I’ve heard in the past is as he gets close, get a bit more involved in helping out, a bit more each time. Eventually he should relax enough to make it work out as it should.
I used to have death grip, the solution I stopped masturbating, watching porn and having sex for 90 days. After this it becomes very sensitive so you can help him build some resistance. Also let him know he to stop masturbating with his hand I think is the main cause of death grip so I recommend to buy a men’s toy like a fleshlight.
If he’s 31 & you’re his 1st he probably has porn brain. He needs to stop watching it for a while & stop jerking off too.
Try a no condom run, it’s like 600x better than condom sex, you’ll pop that cork in under 5 minutes guaranteed or your money back… That just leave the baby problem… So pick another anticonceptive
Put him in a chastity cage for a week and when you take it off watch what happens. I know its extreme but I guarantee it will work.
Can be a few things.
1. If the condom I’d falling off, it might be too large. MyOne condoms can be bought online and have tons of sizes by length and girth. If it’s not a size issue, you could try a cock ring.
2. The fact that he’s getting soft during sex can mean a variety of things. Low testosterone or psychological factors.
Condoms won’t slip off nearly as much if they’re the right size and are stored properly and put on properly. If this has happened multiple times it’s probably time to sit down and talk to him about [measuring his dick](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B045jjH3PZ4), finding out what size of condoms best fits his dick’s dimensions, reviewing how and where he’s storing them, and [a refresher course on how to properly put on condoms](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/condom/how-to-put-a-condom-on).
As for Death Grip, he’s gonna have to stop mangling his meat, so no more masturbating with his bare hand and no lube, he’s going to want to look into something like a fleshlight and lube. You’ll want lube on hand anyway, though not necessarily the same lube for jerking him off as you want to use inside your body. If he uses a personal masturbator toy like that, he’ll also need to learn how to clean it properly first, in advance, and weigh ease of cleaning and his level of comfort with cleaning it regularly when choosing what toy to go with.
Getting soft while inside can be caused by the physical exertion, it also may be because he is in his head. He wants to make you feel good, he wants to feel good, there’s some frustration, all this prevents him from just letting go.
I have three suggestions that can help both problems.
1. Get a sleeve for him. It’s a sex toy for masturbating that will help with the death grip a lot. Use a water based lube.
2. As his sensitivity improves, try to have multiple sessions each week. It will reduce his urge to self pleasure. Also, if he can orgasm a couple times in a session it will help A LOT.
3. Talk about what you like during sex. Say, “That feels good”. Try to avoid telling him to orgasm. He wants to, but he he’s caught in a stress loop. Tell how hot he is, how sexy he is, how much you enjoy doing the thing you’re doing at the time. Take his mind off of trying to orgasm. That way his body will do the rest.
Finally, be patient and don’t put pressure on each other.