#ProfessionalDevelopment #CommunicationSkills #WorkplaceEtiquette
Hey there!
So, I had a bit of a bombshell dropped on me during my last two-on-one meeting with my boss and director. They said I came across as disrespectful and snarky, which was definitely not my intention at all. One example they gave felt like a complete misinterpretation of my words, and I’m left wondering how to bounce back from this.
Here are a few things I’m thinking of trying to improve my communication and come across as more friendly in the future:
– Practice active listening: Making sure to really hear and understand what others are saying before responding can prevent misunderstandings.
– Use more positive language: Softening statements with a positive tone can help avoid coming off as harsh unintentionally.
– Seek feedback: Asking for feedback on communication style from coworkers or mentors can provide valuable insights for improvement.
– Take a pause: Sometimes, taking a moment to collect thoughts before responding can help ensure a more thoughtful and friendly communication style. 🤔
I think being aware of how my words and tone are received is the key to making positive changes. Any other tips or advice from your own experiences are welcome! Let’s work on becoming better communicators together. 😊
>Boss said I’m disrespectful and snarky. Her examples did not feel that way to me.
This isn’t debatable. It doesn’t matter if *you* think you’re disrespectful and snarky, it matters if your boss does.
> I explained that a bit to them without giving a diagnoses
Look, you either need to disclose your condition with HR or not, but tiptoeing around it isn’t helping you or your managers. You’ve mentioned your condition multiple times here but it seems your company is completely unaware and claiming to have a condition after the fact (fired) is the arguably the worst possible thing you can do.
> I’m neurodivergent
Reading between the lines, it sounds like your managers think you’re an asshole. Being neurodivergent isn’t a defense for being an asshole even with the most severe diagnosis.
I really hope you pull through this, but you need to think about things from others’ perspectives, not your own. You mentioned being neurodivergent so perhaps it might be a good idea to talk to professionals who work in the specific areas you’re dealing with issues.
Stare at the until they apologize.
I would say you disclose your condition to your boss in a one on one, including explaining what the condition is and how as a result you may come off as blunter than intended. You then ask them to tell you if and when that happens, so you can adapt a different sort of tone. Right now, they have no idea, and if they like your work otherwise, they will likely temper their own reactions, and you may both wind up with a win-win, where you each understand one another better. Maybe that’s worth a try if you are comfortable. Good luck.
Have other people ever told you something like this before?
Being that there were two of them present, that they brought you in under guise of something else, and that they clearly orchestrated this beforehand… to me it seems like they’re initiating to push you out. Whatever the reason for that may be. It often starts with a gentle shakeup like this, and culminates in a “mistake” of yours (everyone makes mistakes sometimes) which would not be detrimental otherwise but would be used to fire you.
I would advise you to brush up your resume and start seeing what opportunities are out there. If you can start laying down a foundation for a network of people in your field by for example connecting on social media, do that.
That’s not to say you quit, but don’t be blind sided. What happened is a fairly classic setup.
Have you ever gotten this feedback before, that you have a “tone”? If not, it’s possible that it’s the boss who is behaving oddly, for whatever reason. I would ask a friend or family member who you know will be brutally honest about whether you indeed come across as disrespectful and snarky. If the friend/family member says “yes”, ask for specifics. Is it something in your tone of voice? Are you rolling your eyes and not realizing it? And on and on. But again, there’s the possibility that this is your boss’s issue and not yours.
Ma’am I’m disabled
I am too, but generally am good on tone. Happy to pm and discuss if you want! Maybe we can figure it out
Did they bring up a giant list of stuff from the day you were hired? How long have you worked here? Did you get a write up or other formal warning?
This kinda feels like they’re gearing up to terminate you for insubordination.
You may want to disclose your diagnosis, very briefly, in writing. Because that changes how things go down in a bunch of scenarios:
If they’re genuine, they will offer accommodation and support.
If they’re not, and they try to fire you, you have proof they knew about your condition. Insubordination will stop you from collecting unemployment. Getting fired after you disclose neurodivergence looks a bit different to the UI people.
You don’t seem to get feedback about tone from others, and it’s possible these two just don’t like you. Don’t go on a warpath here, but you do want some damage control here…and CYA