#JobLoss #Confidence #CareerGrowth #Support
Hey everyone! 😊 I wanted to share something that’s really been weighing on my mind lately. Over 2 years ago, I was unexpectedly fired from my job after receiving great reviews for six months straight. Then, bam! The CTO casually mentioned that “everyone lost faith in me,” and that was that. Talk about a gut punch! 💔
Fast forward to now, I have a new job where I’ve been for 1 year and 8 months, and I even got a nice $20k raise. My boss is incredible, and yet, I still can’t shake this nagging feeling of insecurity. It feels like this horrible company really managed to shake my confidence to the core. Why does it still hurt?
Here are a few reasons why these feelings might linger:
- Fear of Rejection: Being fired can create a deep-seated fear of being judged or not measuring up again.
- Imposter Syndrome: Despite past successes, I find myself doubting my abilities and fearing that I don’t truly deserve my current position.
- Trust Issues: After such a public dismissal, it’s hard to trust that my new team truly values my contributions.
So what can we do to work through these feelings? Here are a few thoughts:
- Reframe Your Mindset: Focus on your successes and the positive feedback you’ve received.
- Seek Support: Whether it’s talking to a mentor, therapist, or supportive friends, don’t go through this alone!
- Set Small Goals: Celebrate tiny victories at work to build back that confidence, one step at a time.
I’d love to hear from you all! Have any of you experienced something similar? How did you rebuild your confidence after a setback? Any tips or stories to share? Let’s chat! 💬
Insecurity helps you grow. It will help you assess if your current company has any plans to lay people off. It will also help you keep your skills sharp and motivate you to apply to jobs while employed. Use it to your advantage.
I was taught this lesson after getting fired at my very first job out of uni. It crushed my hopes and naive worldview but it prepared me for this harsh world. Now I’m much better off.
I am still ‘insecure’ but it’s much better than being naive then getting blindsided when the layoff hits
You say you don’t know how to pull yourself out of it but it sounds like you already did.
Congrats on the new gig and don’t forget to focus on the positives in front of you, not just the negative ones behind you
We’ve been conditioned our whole lives to listen to and obey “THE AUTHORITY” no matter what form they take. AND very often this is accompanied with an idea of “you listen to them because they’re right”.
This is especially true when dealing with some sort of knowledge area like IT where we frequently encounter people that know something we don’t, maybe deeply, and therefore we defer to their ideas and/or answers because well….they know more than we do, or they’re at a different position in the corporate hierarchy than we are so they’re likely correct because they likely got that job by being right more often than not.
SO when a CTO pulls a total asshole move like telling you everyone lost faith in you or your abilities and then follows it up with firing you, the natural indication is to believe them. THEN if you’re anything like me, my negative self talk will use that as PROOF that I SUCK, that I’m an idiot or that I’ll never amount to anything in life so why even try.
The reality is that CTO was a fucking asshole for saying such shit before firing you. There was no need for that. There were much more diplomatic ways of doing it without kicking someone while they’re down. FUCK THAT CTO…..seriously.
Here’s another thing that I’ve recently discovered about myself that may apply to you also. Whenever I can’t get over some resentment towards someone treating me badly, it’s often because at the time of the offense, I didn’t respond to the person giving the offense in the ways I would have liked. To say it differently, I didn’t show up for myself when I really needed the tough me, the sharp witted me so that I could have told that prick to shove his comment up is pee hole….if he could fucking find it.
It’s like I can’t let go of the slight so that I’ll be prepared for then next time something like that happens and I can do what I’d wished I’d done in the past.
Man that shit caused me to hold onto a resentment for years. But I was able to finally move on from it by simply forgiving myself for not having the perfect comeback when I wanted or needed it. That’s all. Once I was able to do that, the resentment melted away and now when I tell the story, I just remember to quietly forgive myself for being human. Not super human just human.
Don’t let other people determine your value and worth. Afterall, they don’t know all the struggles you’ve been through or are going through now. Even if they did, our value should be measured against us from 5 years ago. Maybe 1 year, maybe 10 but whatever the time frame….have we made progress in our lives from where we previously were? If so then be proud that while you may not be where you want to be YET, you’re at least moving in the right direction to get there.
Keep your head up and keep moving in a direction that is meaningful to you.
CTO should fire themself for low performance
therapy
From what you’ve said, the issue was with the CTO, not you.
However, as someone who spent too many years of his early career terrified of getting fired without any issues that would cause that fear, it should get better with time.
If you can’t rid yourself of the fear, use it to drive your development. Find your niche and excel at it to the point you become confident in your ability to get hired elsewhere. Update your LinkedIn profile, respond to recruiters that reach out, even go to interviews once in a while to keep those skills sharp.
However, try to balance out your work and home life. Don’t get burnt out, take vacations, time off, etc.
Finally, if you feel that the stress and fear of possibly getting fired is likely to become too much, talk to a mental health professional and take care of yourself!
CTO? You were very high up or it’s a really small company?
I had a former coworker like you. Came from a super insecure job and stressed a lot about his own performance and his paycheck. It didn’t help we were a smaller startup at the time, so he’d stress about the business going under. He was a great dev, we tried to build him up and then he left for another job after working with us for a few years.
It sucks. But try and look objectively at your career as a whole. You’ve already identified that you got thrown under the bus under false pretences. 6 months of good performance doesn’t get undone in a single month unless someone is fudging numbers. They clearly wanted a fall guy to reduce headcount, so they made up a reason.
Then look at the other 1-2 years of your career. Raises, good performance, good boss. Remind yourself that those first guys were assholes and they lost a good worker for stupid reasons. You aren’t your worst day.
But ultimately if these feelings continue and continue to get worse despite evidence to the contrary, I’d suggest looking at a therapist to help you unpack your fears and deal with them. It would be a shame to have you sidetrack or lose your own career based on fixable anxieties.