#FinancialFreedom #FamilyStruggles #SupportingFamily #BreakingFree #FamilyFinancialPressure
Hey there, 20-year-old student in need of financial freedom ๐. It sounds like you’ve been through a really tough time and now you’re ready to take control of your own finances. It’s a big step, but you’re not alone in this journey. Let’s break it down and tackle each issue one by one.
**1. Breaking the Lease**
First things first, let’s address the lease situation. It’s understandable that you’re worried about your credit score, but breaking a lease doesn’t automatically mean it will suffer. Here are a few steps to consider:
– Check your lease agreement: Look over the terms of your lease to see if there’s an early termination clause or any specific guidelines for breaking the lease.
– Talk to your landlord: Have an open and honest conversation with your landlord about your circumstances. They may be willing to work with you on finding a solution that doesn’t negatively impact your credit.
– Find a replacement tenant: Consider finding someone to take over your portion of the lease. This could be a friend, coworker, or someone looking for a place to rent. Just make sure to get approval from your landlord before making any arrangements.
**2. Car Insurance**
Navigating car insurance can be confusing, especially when you’re used to being on a shared plan. Here’s what you can do:
– Get quotes: Start by getting quotes from different insurance companies to compare rates. You might be surprised to find that getting your own plan could actually save you money in the long run.
– Consider your coverage needs: Think about the level of coverage you need and what you can afford. Sometimes, a basic plan is sufficient, especially if you’re trying to keep costs down.
**3. Utility Bill**
Canceling the utility bill in your name is a must. Here’s how to approach it:
– Contact the utility company: Let them know that you’ll be moving out and need to cancel the service in your name. They can guide you through the process and make sure everything is handled properly.
**4. Managing Finances**
With limited savings, it’s important to be strategic about your next steps:
– Create a budget: Take a close look at your income and expenses to create a realistic budget. This will help you prioritize your spending and make the most of your resources.
– Seek financial assistance: Look into any available resources for students in your situation. Your college may have support services or emergency funds that could help you bridge the gap until you’re more financially stable.
**5. Seeking Support**
Don’t hesitate to reach out for help during this challenging time:
– Talk to a trusted advisor: Whether it’s a professor, mentor, or financial counselor, seek guidance from someone who understands your situation and can offer valuable advice.
– Lean on your friend’s support: It’s okay to accept help, especially when you’re in a tough spot. Your friend sounds supportive, so take them up on their offer while you navigate these changes.
Remember, these are only first steps in your journey to financial independence. It may not be easy, but you’re taking an important step towards building a future that’s truly your own. Stay strong ๐ช and stay positive. You’ve got this!
I am so sorry your family sounds awful.
But you have to untangle your self from these people. Like ASAP. And more than likely, it can get ugly, they are going to try to stop it, your credit may dip for a while, you may even have to stay with a friend for a while before truly getting back on your feet. And Iโm sure your bandwidth may feel like you canโt handle it, but you can and you must!!
Hoping for the best for you OP.
Move in with that friend but do everything to not leave a footprint (doing dishes, taking out trash etc.) I had to sleep in my vehicle at 19 after leaving my household and those friends saved me (I hate the feeling of leeching too, trust me). This process is going to be a bitch, use any help you can get, best of luck
As for the lease in your name, call and talk to your landlord about the situation. Your stepfather being arrested may help some, especially if there is a no criminal activity addendum to the lease.
Get out from under them whatever it takes. Your credit will take a hit, but you are young and it will bounce back.
Only your name on the lease, or you are a co-signer?
Get a second job and be home as little as possible while staying with your friend. Call the leasing office and give them the police report to have your name removed immediately. Donโt care about your credit. We care about your safety. Now if you can relocate away from your family(a different city) great. If not, I ask that you just get a second job, save up as much as you can, and move out. If you need to move on campus, move on campus. Student housing tends to be cheaper. Iโm just throwing ideas out there for you. I wish you the best!
If you have any joint bank accounts, make sure to get new ones at a different bank
If a utility bill is in your nsme, you can call that company and ask about getting yourself off of it. Simply say you’ve moved on XX date, and how do you close it out. You can say you don’t know who is responsible, and it SHOULD revert to your landlord.
You may have to pay a balance depending on where you are in the billing cycle, so be ready. If you do right by the utility company, they can become a reference the next time you take utilities in your name.
Car insurance will, unfortunately, go up. It’s the industry’s curse on anyone 25 and under. You may need to shop around. Try to keep full coverage if you can.
Get your address changed on all accounts (bank/CC/etc.) you have and make sure banks know your parents and brother are not allowed to withdraw anything or know anything. Ensure all paperwork at your employer is redone with a new address and beneficiaries if needed. Change passwords on digital accounts as well, just in case.
If you are able to get a PO Box or Personal Mailbox, do so. If you can’t afford it right away, don’t worry too much. It can give you a bit more autonomy. (PO Box/PMB is optional.)
Someone else mentioned looking up your family’s property on the County Auditor’s website. That should give you the info you need to reach out to your landlord and see what steps are needed to get off the lease or if you are a cosigner.
Most communities have free legal resources that you may be able to use for information if you need it. If you’re in college, ask there, too. I have had several employers who had Employee Assistance Programs for this and other issues. See if your employer has something.
I know credit scores are a seemingly huge thing. You’re young enough that you can fix anything that happens. Just be smart with your money for now. It’ll be ok.
Lean on your trusted network of friends, neighbors, and colleagues. Ask them for references. If they are connected with your parents and brother, perhaps keep important info close, but they may support you over the rest of your family. Sometimes you don’t know until you ask.
Be kind to yourself as you work through this. Your life has been upended. It may not be easy or go as smoothly or quickly as you want. You are stronger than I was at your age. I admire you. I believe in you.
Edit to add: if your friend is willing to let you got rent free a bit, work on building a savings and emergency account. I learned a lot from the book The Wealthy Barber. It was an easy read and helped me set up basic goals. Try not to put off starting a retirement investment account. You are at a perfect age where a small amount of $$ can go a LONG way. As much as I dislike David Ramsey, if you need out of CC debt, his methods are good and are easy to research.
I think Step 1 should be contacting a local domestic violence hotline or resource. (Because you are, in fact, a victim of DV). Even if you are OK staying with a friend and donโt need shelter right now, they can help you get your ducks in a row to be independent in terms of figuring out how to break your lease. It may be helpful to have a restraining order against your family to enable you to break the lease without penalty, which shouldnโt be too hard to get since your stepfather was arrested. Car insurance is probably a priority if youโre driving since if they cancel yours you may not know about it and getting pulled over or worse getting in an accident without insurance will make everything worse.
The DV folks can help you figure out a budget and timeline for moving out independently. My advice would be to figure out a realistic timeline for being able to get your own room in a place and be self supporting and talk to your friend about whether theyโre willing to house you to that point. itโs important that itโs a realistic timeline and that they see you working toward itโpeople are usually pretty willing to help as long as youโre a helpful and pleasant presence in the house and youโre being proactive about getting independent, but they will be less patient if you overestimate your readiness and bounce back. The DV folks can probably help with shelter too if you need it for a couple of weeks.
Call the university and ask if you can enroll early. Ask your friend if you can use their address, then go to the post office and file a change of address form. Try to get a credit card right now before things get tight, just in case. Youโll be able to use it for expenses and pay it in full each month, but that will help you cover the possible tight times in the next few weeks.
If youโre one of the โnamed insuredโ on the insurance call the insurance company and make sure they remove you. If your family quits paying and youโre still the policy that could go to collections in your name.
Evicting your family is not as expensive as breaking the lease (probably) and may be a self service type court filing in your jurisdiction. Here in my state (US) you can also file an unlawful detainer with like 5 days notice, and get an order in a couple weeks.
Sorry about the family, I haven’t been in this situation exactly but it sounds like it sucks.
as a landlord.. if you have a police report show the landlord and you might be able to get your name off the lease. You might have to get a restraining order against your mom’s husband if needed but should be super easy to get since the cops took him away.
That will clear your name/credit if they dont pay. Good luck.
So sorry to hear this is happening to you. One step at a time and you’ll get through. Came to say, I’d recommend freezing your credit with all 3 credit agencies. Can be done online. You can temporarily unfreeze your credit for set amounts of time if/when you need your credit run in the future. This will protect it from your family in case any of them have your SS. It’s also a safe practice to have in place for identity theft in general.
When you call the utility company, make sure no one else was given authority to access or make changes to account. For example, when you set up, did you authorize your mom to the account so she could deal with issues? If possible, see if you can change (or set up) a security question or pin (one that no one in your family can easily guess).
Freeze your credit. If your family was relying on you for money, they will likely try to use your social security number to max out credit cards in your name.
You are in the most expensive insurance bracket right now sure, but it’s still gonna be cheaper than supporting a bunch of abusive ingrates.
Google your city/stateโs laws in regards to domestic violence being cause to break a lease without penalty.
Call a domestic violence hotline/shelter in your city to get started on that and find out about other help you can get.
Odds are you can get that done with a copy of the police report used to get a protective order, or a court order.
There will come a time after you leave them to their own devices when they will repent. They will apologize and make promises. They may be in dire straits facing eviction and financial ruin. Stay your course. Get away and free of the burden of them.
Always remember this. If at some point in the future you want to reestablish relations with any of your family, that’s fine, but if doing that requires any financial support from you (including signing things) at any point, it’s a lie.
Not sure if itโs been mentioned yet but also tell the payroll at your job not to direct deposit any money into any account anyone else has access to. They can issue a physical check only made out to you and you can go cash it at a bank with an account only you are on. Then, set up direct deposit there. Money is the key to freedom and you need to protect it as itโs all on you now. Youโll need every cent to get on your feet.
Check on your states domestic violence laws in regards to leases and also in your lease itself. Some states have specific language surrounding this topic.
Edit: Changed a word
While making an exit plan, be sure to get your important documents if you can (if you’re in the US then this would include your social security card and birth certificate; passport if you have one).
It’ll be a pain but I’d also suggest monitoring your credit. Do that now if you haven’t. I’m not sure if you need to wait until after you have a new place sorted, but also look at locking your credit for now. Your mom likely knows more than enough to open up credit cards in your name.
In most states victims of domestic violence can break their lease but there is a very specific set of steps you meed to follow. Often it involves a FRO but the first step is a TRO. Look it up and call a DV organization in your area to see if you can get them to help you. You were physically and financially abused.
There is no reason you should “take a hit”, credit or otherwise in this situation.
Please take this opportunity to create a fresh start. New year, new you and all that crapโฆ
But. Consider that youโve crossed over mentally- you know that this situation is fucked. They need you, you donโt need them. In fact, they need you so badly that they committed CRIMES to keep you in their lives.
Run. Run far. Run fast.
Go no contact once you are free of them . Ask about obtaining a restraining order and OBSERVE IT WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE. No exceptions.
This is your chance to be free of them. Get out. Get into therapy and donโt look back.
You deserve better. I believe in you.
As far as the car insurance goes, my 20 year old son just went out and got his own insurance for the first time. It was 50$ a month more than when he was with us, so up to ~160$ total. He drives a older Toyota Camry in Wisconsin. You can handle this expense if you can get out from under the lease and the utility bills.
You need to get your money transferred into a new bank account IMMEDIATELY, do not do anything else until you get this done. Otherwise your POS family will be visiting the bank to make a withdrawal some time soon.
I haven’t seen this yet, so I wanted to add: the most common fraud is parents using their kids’ Social Security number to apply to loans or credit cards. Get a current Credit Report now and every year from now. Keep a close eye on any new transactions or loans that occur from now on. Talk to someone at your bank and they can either help you prevent this kind of fraud, or direct you to someone who can.
Consult a real estate attorney. Depending on where you live, domestic violence can be grounds for requesting lease termination. As for the rest of the bills, I would consider removing all of your cards/bank accounts from each utility and terminate service.
You have a DV call. As a landlord – that is usually an allowable lease-breaking event. You can get off the lease and they can stay there.
CALL YOUR LANDLORD.
Do you have a separate bank account that your family can’t get to? Get a new account at a bank they don’t know about. Just in case. Sometimes family can sweet-talk bank managers/tellers into giving them access to accounts. Don’t let that happen.
Move all your important papers (SS card, birth certificate, passport, drivers license, etc) somewhere safe. Friends you can trust or a safe deposit box if you have one.
Do you own the car? Report it stolen. They do not have your permission to have that car. And if they damage it, press charges.
DO NOT LET THEM KNOW WHERE YOU ARE LIVING.
Get a counselor. Are you in college? They usually offer a free counselor for 10 visits or so. It’s a good start to learn how to stand up for yourself.
Sending healing thoughts. You can do this!!
Im not going to repeat what others have said but there is one thing that has been missed
Does your school have an emergency student fund and/or a care team?. If you do not know, check with student services or your professors.
The university I work at has a team of people and funds specifically to get students out of situations like these.
Don’t worry about your credit score. Get out.
Now that your out and in a safe area. Don’t worry about your rating it won’t take a hit if it’s just the rental and utility.
Start with getting a binder for any physical copies during all of this. For each ‘event’ that I have dealt with I get a new binder and isolate everything regarding this event in this binder.
First step: lock your credit down. (This can provide notifications whenever a credit check is requested and your can deny access – at least in canada). Also make sure you have all your copies of your Birth Certificate, passport and SIN card (just so they cant steal your identity.
https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/how-to-freeze-credit
Second: request to get a copy of the police report. (Bring a copy of this report everytime you need to talk to someone about getting things sorted just to have incase – it will cut out some of the run-around)
Third: if applicable remove everyone from access to your bank account (cancelling credit cards that they might have access to is what we are trying to do) if it’s that intertwined go to the bank and close your old account and start a new one. (bring police report for this. they should have a procedure in place to get DV victims separated)
3.1: change your passwords on EVERYTHING (bank, social media, streaming services(fuck ’em). ) Reset and if it has a remote log out, do it.
Fourth: Talk to your landlord like others have said, they will let you out.
Fifth: second your officially off the lease call the utility company they should be able to pause the account until you have a new place ready to be hooked up. Don’t worry they will send the first bill via mail to the official residence for them to set up their account. This is typical procedure when people move anyways so its nothing new for the utility company.
Sixth: see if you can get mail forwarding set up to anywhere else but your parents place (PO box or your friends) you can get a short term one for a few months until you can get permeant residence set up. This will block them from getting access to any sensitive information of yours that comes through the mail.
EDIT:
Car insurance: just call em’ up and cancel or ask to be moved to your own account. I loved my insurance broker they really help and can get some decent prices on insurance on your behalf too it just depends where your at in the billing cycle)
I saw in another comment you didn’t set up the insurance and don’t have access to the paperwork: check your little pink slipy-thing it will have all your insurance info +contact. (also double check you have your car’s permit with you)
1) talk to your LL about breaking the lease. You may be month to month depending on how long youโve lived there so this could be simple.
2) call your car insurance company and remove all vehicles but your own from the policy and ask for a better rate or shop around for a new rate with someone else.
3) call the utility company after youโve talked to the landlord and give them your move out date so you can close the account.
4) OPEN A NEW BANK ACCOUNT AT A NEW BANK. Close the old accounts. Use your friendโs address for now.
5) block them all from contacting you further
6) rejoice with a nice fizzy water and relax in safety. Buy groceries for your friends place. Whatever. Itโs your money.
7) order a certified copy of your birth certificate then go to the social security office and get a new card. It really isnโt worth going back in for them.
Get a police report of the incident. Domestic violence is a legal reason to break a lease in many (most?) States without negative consequences.
I’m a landlord, I was in a similar situation with a tenant recently. Her husband became physical with her, she approached me about the situation. I told her that unless I had some protective order issued by the police or a court, I cannot do much about it, and while I sympathize, hearsay is not enough for me to start an eviction process.
Once she got the protective order, I did not even need to undergo an eviction process to kick just the husband out (which would have taken months, and in that time my property could have been trashed)
So the first thing you need to do is see what it takes to get a restraining order against your family. Then it will become difficult for them to claim any level of squatters rights and your landlord might be strong armed into forcing them to leave regardless of their opinion on the matter.
Once they are gone, ask the landlord to immediately change the locks. this is not an expensive endeavor. A locksmith will charge about $100 per lock, but a frugal landlord can get away with doing it by themselves for about $20 per door, and the maintenance worker in a large complex probably already knows how to handle that.
Also, if you feel like you are not safe for any reason, just leave and go somewhere else. stay with a friend, couch surf, do whatever it takes.
You are doing the right thing. You deserve so much better. I’m proud of you.. I know it’s really difficult emotionally. PLEASE be sure to go change your mailing address ASAP! I believe you can do it straight from the USPS website. You don’t want sensitive mail going to disgruntled peopleโI’m still recovering from that with my credit score ๐คฆ๐ปโโ๏ธ
BUT
You got this. You are exactly where you’re supposed to be, even when it hurts like hell and it’s insanely unwarranted, this is where you GROW, and you do it for YOU. โค๏ธ Do something nice for yourself today, and if you can’t do it for youโDo it for all of us cheering you on โค๏ธ
Your friend understands the situation you’re in and is offering to help. Don’t feel like you’re a burden or leeching off of them.
Be respectful and show appreciation to the friend. Sometimes, that is payment enough when people offer help.
I wish you great success and happiness!
Honestly PLEASE take your friendโs offer to get yourself out of there, you can still pay for your food and even contribute to rent there (even if they donโt expect you to, it sounds like it would give you peace of mind) and even then youโll still me making and saving more money because your family wonโt be taking it all. Trust me, youโll be in shock how much money is in your bank account after a few paychecks when youโre only paying for yourself.
Don’t worry about your credit. Get away, get safe, start your life properly and get a restraining order if you can based on this event.
Once you get a copy of the police report, bring it to a financial aid officer at your college to see if you can be considered an independent student on the FAFSA. You might not qualify if you look at the requirements listed on FAFSA website but typically financial aid offices have some leeway to determine dependency status in extenuating circumstances. This could make you eligible for additional aid.
I would also recommend putting a freeze on your credit reports through all 3 credit agencies to prevent your family fraudulently using your name and SSN to open accounts.
Iโm sorry your family sucks but it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and motivation to succeed, which will take you far! Good luck!
I had a similar situation and could not afford my car insurance. I ended up bicycling to work and school. It added over an hour to my daily travels but it was so good for my mental and physical health. Also it ingrained in me how I can get by without a car. (I am lucky that the weather where I live is mild enough most of the year.)
Just something to consider. I was amazed at how far I could ride.
Also, pull your credit reports to make sure your family hasn’t screwed that up. And LOCK YOUR reports. Save that password too.
Canceling the Utilities is easy. The insurance won’t be cheap do you pay monthly or every 6 months? Are they also on the lease? If so you might be able to ask to be taken off the lease and leave them on. Speak to your landlord say this is a Domestic Violence situation and you cannot safely stay in the house. You might need to contact Legal Aid for advice if the Landlord tries to stop you. You might also want to press charges/file a report on the physical assault at the police station.
Youโre not a leach. Your friend is being a good friend and offering you a place to stay while life hits you in the stomach. Be a good friend back by not abusing their kindness.
To start with, if there’s even a chance you lr family has access to your bank account, close it immediately and open a new account, preferably with a new bank.
As the person with the name on the utility bill, cancel it as soon as possible.
Car insurance you can get on your own. Yes, you will have a higher premium if your under 25, but a lot of companies offer better deals to new customers. It’s recommended to shop around for insurance every year because of this.
As for the lease, that’s the trickiest one. Look into how much it will cost to break the lease. The hit to your credit score probably won’t be large as you think, but the costs associated with breaking the lease could be significant.
You got great advice on untangling yourself from your toxic family. Listen. I only want to add one more thing: they will likely try to guilt you into coming back or supporting them once they realize how much you did. Donโt. Just donโt. Ever.
I Assume USA…
Your Step dad’s Action may amount to Domestic abuse. Most states allow an abused person to break a lease without penalty to escape Domestic violence.
No penalty to cancel utility bills( excpet phones with contract) , in fact more damage can be done if you do not cancel, and the bill get ran up too high to pay.
If you pay all the Car insurance currently, then dropping the others will probably lower the total amount. Yes, your individual rate may be higher, but less vehicles/drivers on the policy should offset it enough to lower it.
Don’t want to be a leach, offer the pay the Friend your staying with Rent/ food, chip in for utilities.
Open a new bank account. I donโt care if you called the bank and changed rules. She may have a card still. OPEN YOUR OWN ACCOUNTS. Move money, close everything old. Donโt hold it all in cash if your family has proven violent.