#FamilyFinancialIssues #Housepoor #FinancialResponsibility
Hey everyone! 👋 Have you ever found yourself in a situation where your family is struggling financially and expects you to foot the bill? 🤔 Let’s dive into this scenario:
Here’s the deal:
– I’m 24 years old, just graduated last year and living with my parents.
– Trying to kickstart my web development business, prioritizing paying my employees over myself.
– Dad bought an expensive house with a hefty mortgage payment ~£3k per month.
– I’ve been giving most of my earnings to help dad with the mortgage, but it seems like the money isn’t being used wisely.
– Feeling torn between my desire to support my family and my business aspirations.
Here are my thoughts and questions:
– Am I wrong to feel frustrated by my family’s financial decisions?
– Should I prioritize my business or supporting my family’s needs?
– Is moving out to focus on my business the right move?
Possible Solution:
– Consider having an open and honest conversation with your parents about financial priorities.
– Set boundaries and allocate a specific amount to support your family while also investing in your business.
– Think about seeking financial advice or counseling to navigate this situation better.
Let’s discuss! What advice would you offer in this situation? How would you handle being in a similar position? Share your thoughts below! 🌟 #PersonalFinance #BusinessStruggles #FamilySupport
Your dad needs to sell the house and move somewhere cheaper?
I would start by moving out
Personally I would move out and focus on my business. Let your parents figure out how to pay their mortgage. Your dad qualified for it by himself, unless his income dropped, he should be able to pay it. And your parents can always sell and downsize if they need to.
>I owe my parents everything.
No you don’t.
>They raised me, fed me, pushed me to pursue education.
Good for them, but that’s their job.
>I want to give them everything back x1000 in return.
That’s laudable, but you’re not in a position to yet because…
>But I’m learning how to run a business, and navigating a completely new world. I’m making progress. But I am extremely annoyed at their financial expenditures. I feel like I’m depositing money into a bottomless pit.
Their fecklessness and irresponsibility is not your burden to carry. Stop bailing them out. When you’re in your 30s/40s and you’re in a position to help them then you can revisit this. You are not in a position to help them right now though unless you win the Euromillions, and even then it sounds like they’d squander the lot.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Invest in the business and ensure it has good financial health.
Speaking from experience (scaled a business from 1-40 people over the last 8 years), any unnecessary expenditure which seems trivial now is future capital you will need to grow.
Could you move out and he rent your room?
You need that money to expand the business and help it to make more money. I didn’t share the wealth for about 5 years but now I’m in a position to help our family and friends alike anytime. Wouldn’t have been if I was helping people financially back when the company was in its infancy.
If they could offer some value to the company and increase revenues somehow with their connections or know how then that could slant the scales towards giving them money sooner I suppose.
Well done for your achievements so far in any case.
This is teetering into financial abuse.
Enabling your dad to be financially irresponsible, to lie to you about money and to hinder your future isn’t “giving your parents everything”. It’s just allowing yourself to be used and encouraging your parent’s irresponsibility.
Stop giving them money. If you reeeealllly want to help with bills, contact the providers and pay the bill directly. Don’t give your dad cash.
It’s always better to say no out of love than yes out of fear. Your dad doesn’t have a difficult burden. He is simply irresponsible with money. These 2 things are completely different and should not be conflated.
The financial advice: your dad needs to sell and find somewhere he can actually afford and you then no longer have to help him financially.
Unsolicited life advice: you don’t owe your parents anything. They CHOSE to bring you into this world, it is their moral and financial responsibility to raise you. It’s one thing to choose to help, but you don’t owe them and if it’s destroying YOUR life, don’t do it.
Your options are to take control of the household finances so that you have more control over what your money gets spent on, or to move out.
The parent-child relationship should not be a transactional one. If you eventually become financiancially comfortable and want to help your parents out, that’s your prerogative. But you don’t “owe” them monetary compensation for raising you, and they have no right to demand it from you.
If you’re going to stay then give them a set amount of “rent” money each month. What they choose to do with it is up to them.
But as you suggest, probably the best thing to do is move out.
> £500 clock. £500 hoover, clothes.
And you’re (indirectly) funding this?
This isn’t the sub you need, but not sure which one to recommend though…
Your dad only struggles as he’s not spending the money wisely and your mum is doing nothing to help.
She may have been out of work to raise you, that is done. She needs to pull her weight and learn financial responsibility or even money.
You owe them the right timing of egg and sperm to create you, that’s it. From that point it was their chosen responsibility to have and raise you. You never chose to come into existence.
Move out, don’t offer any money and let them sort it out. He’s made it this far, he’ll just have to knuckle down.
Just get out, stand on your own 2 feet and accept that your parents would probably be willing to use you to fund a lifestyle that is unsustainable.
I assume your mum has spent the last 24 years learning English and with her purchases from Shein, she could get a job (she should at least have clothes to impress at interview)?
You don’t need to let your parents poor planning turn out to be your emergency – it’s not.
Get the hell out of there, they are wasting your hard earned money.
And don’t get me wrong it’s all well and good to support your family that have spent so much to get you to where you are, but if they are not willing to see that the mortgage needs to be cleared before anything else then they will cause you and your business no end of farm.
I get wanting to help your parents, I do it with my mum. But don’t leave yourself short, they likely wouldn’t want to see you suffer.
INFO – can you show us the £500 clock !?
Yes we all “owe” our parents lots for being so generous to feed and clothe the children they had but that doesn’t extend to covering all their financial mismanagement. The best gift you can give him is proper financial advice instead of enabling him.
My friend. There is not enough money in the world that you can give them. From what you have said neither of them saves and likes to spend recklessly. You will never fill this hole. Stop giving them money.
If they ask tell them you did not make money this month even if you did. If you need to move out to put distance between you then do so.
We are taught to respect our parents and look after them. It if your parents have no financial responsibility they will suck you into their debt and make it your responsibility to resolve. I speak from experience. I
Sounds harsh but cut them off financially. They did raise you but we don’t raise kids as a financial investment that should pay us back later.
They need to be financially responsible and not rely on you as you need to live your own life as well .
You have lots of good advice here but do not sleep at your office that is against a fuckton of rules and rgulations and ccould get you evicted and you do not need that.
Look on spareroom for a place to crash.
Why would you live in the office? With the amount of money it you’re giving away it sounds like you could rent a nice 1 or 2 bed on your own comfortably.
Time to get your own, turn off the money tap and start reaping the rewards of your hard work.
The relationship with and attitude towards your parents you describe is not the prevailing norm in the UK.
Most British people would not feel responsibility to their parents in this way. The parents themselves would go to lengths to ensure they are not burdening their children.
I’m not sure you are going to get the answers you want when there is a big cultural clash at play here.
I hope this doesn’t come across as rude, but I knew you were 1st or 2nd Gen British Asian or African. The cultural pressure to support parents even when they are reckless is exhausting and sad.
Whilst I understand and empathise, you’re going to need to prioritise yourself – stay with friends for a while, get a part time job to support yourself while managing the business. Until you put a stop to this it will not end and it will get worse
Don’t kid yourself that moving out is the solution. It’s not.
It will probably cause a big argument and they will still demand you pay them each month.
Explain to your parents that your income is only £x currently per month. Take off your own personal expenses, you’re only left with £y, which you can give to them to help towards paying the mortgage.
It’s easy for other commenters to make flippant remarks like “screw him, move out” but I’m sure that’s not how your parents have raised you (Asian culture) and you would be seen as an outcast of the family.
This is evident by the fact that your father is trying to save up money to convert the garage so that your grandparents can stay there too (typical of an Asian family as you already know).
So IMO, by moving out and letting them deal with it, you, the son, would be seen as effectively abandoning the family in his eyes. He would be livid.
It’s a difficult situation and I’m sure you’re not alone. But best to sit down and talk it over with your parents and ask them to be realistic about their expectations and you’re happy to contribute fairly to the household (you would have to pay rent elsewhere anyway!), but within your current means, and will increase by many folds in the future when your earnings pick up. Good luck.
Tell him exactly what you’ve just told us.
There are things he can do to reduce the burden himself. Sell the shit, talk to his wife, if there’s a garage, rent it out (as a garage). If there are extra rooms then take in a lodger. He needs to look at the world around him and not the fairytale he’s built in his mind.
Nothing you have said here is showing anything other than gratitude and love. Talk to your family before something implodes.
What’s the amount outstanding on their mortgage and approx value of the house? Do your parents have any other debts like loans or credit cards?
Easiest thing is to pay the mortgage directly
But also, correct the notion that you owe your parents everything. The burden of parenthood is on the parent and is a decision they made when procreating.
Your father has likely worked very hard to get where he has got, and I’m glad he’s been able to make something for himself. But success is a scale, not binary. He’s successful, not £3k a month mortgage successful.
That’s the reality.
If you live with them, consider that the money you are giving is rent, if the rent gets too expensive, move out.
It’s this bit that gets me “further reduce the burden on them”. Sounds like they are a burden on you. Listen to me, you don’t owe your parents anything. It’s their job to raise, provide and encourage you, those are not things you need to repay.
If that’s how they treat you money, f**k them (for now). focus on you, get yourself to where you feel successful and then help them if you want to, not because you feel obliged to.
Unfortunately it’s like the financial responsibility roles have reversed. If you were a responsible adult / parent you should get yourself stable and secure to then help your children. The good old aeroplane mask analogy, you can’t help others until you are first sorted.
You should clearly move out, you’re probably already paying enough to afford rent somewhere. Focus on yourself and your business, and get yourself into a stable financial place before ever considering helping your parents. Be very very careful though, if they get themselves into a situation where they can’t afford the mortgage and may get repossessed absolutely do not rip up your own future to save them. You may also have a family of your own one day and you should not be bailing out your parents before helping the next generation.
Don’t get involved with it. Don’t mix money with family. Your mum needs to get a job, even cleaning or dinner lady shifts. They need to downsize the house. None of their problems are your responsibility. The end.
Put the money directly into the mortgage account.
If the money you are giving your parents isn’t being used for essential bills, then your money isn’t helping them. The bills are still outstanding either way.
You need some distance as you’ll be harassed and quilted to give all the time.
They say you should put your own oxygen mask on before you put on someone else’s, no matter how vulnerable they are or how much you love them. This is the same. You need to get yourself financially safe before you try to save your parents, but remember they also could put their own oxygen mask on as they’re not helpless.
> So I don’t know what to do. I’m confused. Am I wrong? Am I stupid? Am I a failure?
I mean, it’s not smart or thoughtful to believe the propaganda that you owe your parents everything because raised you, fed you, and pushed you to succeed. Who told you that?
Surely it is the normal minimum standard to clothe, feed and educate your kids?
The idea that you “owe” your parents for this only makes sense if it’s normal to send kids off to work at 12 or 14 years old – is that what you’re comparing your parents to? Are they somehow exceptional and excellent for doing what practically every normal British parent does?
Your parents are financially irresponsible – your mum squanders money on trash, your dad enables her, and you’re enabling him.
Do you have enough money saved to pay your tax bill?
I respect your thoughts, ethic and family values but feel you’re not doing your parents justice by not living a life.
You’re working hard but giving any disposable to them. So you’re missing your 20s being a slave to a mortgage that isn’t yours.
You say your dad is too proud to downsize. I get that. He then has to have a frank conversation with your mum to budget and spend within their means, and not use you as their piggy bank.
What do you want the end outcome to be?
If you want to continue to stay and contribute then don’t give them cash.
What is your dad’s income? If your household expenses are £3k I imagine you’ve got a mortgage over £400k? Surely he must have had a good job to be eligible for single income mortgage?
> I owe my parents everything.
No, no you don’t.
> They raised me, fed me, pushed me to pursue education.
That’s their job, as parents.
I believe that people don’t ‘owe’ their parents for raising them; that’s the parents’ job, and they choose to sign up for it.
It’s a bit different when parents give their adult kids significant financial assistance, then I think the kids do ‘owe’ them to whatever extent is agreed. But that isn’t your case. You don’t owe your parents.
Your parents are living above their means, and no matter how much help you give them, they will continue to do so. They are fiscally irresponsible.