#SpicingUpRelationship #RomanticTips #SexualConnection
Are you and your partner feeling more like roommates than romantic partners? It’s a common issue in long-term relationships, but the good news is that you can reignite the spark and bring back the romance and passion. Here are some tips on how you can leave the roommate situation behind and become more romantic and sexual with your husband:
**Communicate Openly and Honestly**
Communication is key in any relationship, especially when it comes to addressing issues like feeling disconnected or lacking intimacy. Sit down with your husband and have an open and honest conversation about your feelings and desires. Share your thoughts on how you both can work together to spice things up and bring back the romance.
**Plan Date Nights**
Setting aside time for just the two of you is essential for rekindling the romance. Plan regular date nights where you can focus on each other and enjoy activities that you both love. Whether it’s going out for a fancy dinner, taking a romantic walk in the park, or simply cuddling up on the couch with a movie, make sure to prioritize your date nights.
**Try Something New Together**
Spice up your relationship by trying new activities or experiences together. Whether it’s taking a dance class, cooking a new recipe, or embarking on an adventure, stepping out of your comfort zone can reignite the passion between you and your husband. Discovering new things together can create shared memories and deepen your bond.
**Flirt and Be Playful**
Don’t underestimate the power of flirting and playfulness in a relationship. Send each other flirty messages throughout the day, leave love notes around the house, and engage in playful banter to keep the spark alive. Laughter and lightheartedness can help break the monotony of daily life and bring back the romance.
**Physical Touch and Intimacy**
Physical touch is a powerful way to connect with your partner and express your love. Hold hands, cuddle, kiss, and show affection regularly to maintain a strong emotional and physical connection. Don’t underestimate the power of small gestures like a hug or a gentle touch on the arm to show your partner that you care.
**Sensual Exploration**
Explore your sensual side with your husband by trying new things in the bedroom. Experiment with different techniques, positions, and fantasies to spice up your sex life and keep things exciting. Remember that intimacy is about more than just physical pleasure – it’s about emotional connection and shared intimacy.
**Relationship Apps and Challenges**
Consider using relationship apps or challenges to add a fun and interactive element to your journey of spicing up your relationship. These apps provide prompts, questions, and activities designed to deepen your connection and strengthen your bond. Embrace the opportunity to explore new aspects of your relationship and grow together.
**Advice from Bhagavad Gita**
In the Bhagavad Gita, it is said that love and devotion are important aspects of a fulfilling relationship. Cultivate love and devotion towards your partner by showing gratitude, respect, and understanding. Practice selflessness and compassion in your interactions, and prioritize your partner’s happiness and well-being. By embodying these principles, you can nurture a deep and meaningful connection with your husband.
In conclusion, leaving the roommate situation behind and reigniting the romance and passion in your relationship requires effort, communication, and mutual commitment. By implementing these tips and strategies, you can embark on a journey of rediscovery and create a more intimate and fulfilling relationship with your husband. Remember to prioritize each other, communicate openly, and embrace new experiences together to keep the spark alive.
Have you discussed fantasies with each other?
These books are kinda fun. They are some lighthearted things to try that can get you out of a rut.
https://www.theadventurechallenge.com/
Ever contemplated swinging, group sex or rather a religious life?
Don’t consider opening up the marriage or engaging in threesomes for now, as it’s crucial for both of you to reconnect as a couple first. Before exploring those options, try intimacy therapy instead of traditional couples therapy if the other areas of your relationship are relatively strong.
My suggestion is to start going on dates like you used to, invest in sexy lingerie, and begin doing thoughtful things for each other to express your love through words and gestures.
Have you considered incorporating light BDSM into your sexual dynamic? You don’t need to dive straight into hardcore activities. Take things slowly and communicate openly about your desires and boundaries.
A good place to start is **[The New Bottoming Book and The New Topping Book](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/48979734-the-new-topping-book-and-the-new-bottoming-book)** by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy.
The **[Kink Academy](https://www.kinkacademy.com/)** also has a lot of information and some videos.
The links below might give you more information and ideas.
**[Carnal Calibration](https://carnalcalibration.com/en)
[Spicer](https://start.spicer.app/#/homepage)**
**[Sex Fantasy Quiz](https://www.sexfantasyquiz.com/)**
**[Yes_No_MaybeChecklist](https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Yes_No_Maybe.pdf)**
**[Bad Girls Bible](https://badgirlsbible.com)**
I also suggest starting by creating a **Yes/No/Maybe List** with your partner to analyze sexual compatibility and explore each other’s desires. Discussing each item on the list will help set boundaries and rules. Additionally, it’s important to establish *safe words* (the **green-yellow-red safewording system** is a good start) and *signals* (in case one of you cannot speak during a scene). Brainstorming scenes together beforehand will also ensure that both of you are on the same page.
In order to get excited about romance, you’ve got to have an open discussion about what you find romantic and sexy. Don’t expect the flame to ignite itself. Sit down and devote a conversation to his needs. Ask him about what would make him feel excited, turned on, or sexy. Ask when and in which situations he feels most open to being affectionate (in the morning? at the movies? on the sofa?). Ask if he has any fantasies or kinks, and just listen. There’s no need to act on anything. But being open and talking about intimacy will help you create that bond. Then, have a another conversation devoted to your needs, fantasies, etc. when it’ll be his turn to listen.
This might be multiple conversations that take place over a year. It’s not about rediscovering a lost romance. It’s about discovering what you both consider romantic now. In your 50s, you’ve both changed completely, physically and emotionally, since your early days. You may have totally different sex drives and desires. It’s time to find out what they are.
As another user suggested, couples counselling can be great for this too.
From a sexual point of view, sometimes watching porn together can crack your hard exteriors and get you giggling and frisky again. Sex toys are also a fun way to do something new in the bedroom–they’re not just for solo play!
Are you my wife? Sure sounds like us.
Communication is key, you need to discuss needs, wants, desires. Make a list of questions and ask each other them. Touch each other, even if awkwardly, just hold hands, cuddle, snuggle, etc. In your conversations determine where things line up and discuss doing them.
Me and my girlfriend are younger and also have a D/S dynamic so a little different. But we created a google document. We have google docs app on our phone. We both have access to it whenever we want to add to it, edit it or whatever. Once you open the file that is shared between us it has several sub folders. One folder is the outline of our dynamic so we wont get into that much here. But one of the other folders is a list we both individually made. Its a list of hard limits, basically things that are completely off the table, the other is soft limits, we might not like it but if the other likes or wants we can discuss it. Then we have things that we are interested in and want to do. Then it goes into turn ons, turn offs, ways that i want her to initiate sex with me and ways she wants me to initiate with her. The other folder is questions and conversations. Its an open form journal we keep. If i write in it ill put the date and write in blue. She writes in pink. So we can talk about anything in this journal, ask any question. No pressure, no judgment, its not face to face so you can take your time, think the question or conversation over before giving a response. Scenario, if i had a kink or fetish that i wanted to engage in but didnt know how to bring it up, this eliminates the awkwardness of being face to face. You can put whatever in the question and conversations folder. She can say i really appreciate the energy your putting into whatever but i would like more of xyz. Sometimes its hard to hear we aren’t doing things perfectly, at least for me. So if she says something like that and im at work i have all day to think about it, process it, and respond in a healthy manner. It has been an absolute amazing tool for our relationship. To discover ourselves, our relationship, our sex life. You have to go all out, dont hold back. Put whatever your into, all your kinks, fetishes, things you want to try.
Don’t involve others. Try date/adventure nights. If this still isn’t fresh enough try taking your physical activities out of the home. Meet up in a hotel for an hour or two just for sex. Maybe find a secluded spot in your car and go at it like teens. I would say outdoors but that is high risk. Maybe fantasy role play of strangers meeting in a bar and getting together in a hotel/motel for illicit passion. It’s the routine and familiar that is boring not you guys.
For one, you have to make your husband practice foreplay as a way of life. So whatever turns you on that he does around the house, like if he does some yard work and you like seeing him with dirt on his hands or something, send him out to do that. And consciously watch for that sort of thing, there may be more that turns you on about him than you realized, let him know when you notice. That way it makes him feel good, it encourages him to do more stuff like that, you’re communicating more, that’s good stuff for a relationship.
Also, if the sex thing has fizzled out, maybe it’s time to explore any kinks or relationship dynamics that you two have been too embarrassed or stuffy to try before now. You know, like maybe you’ve always wanted to try a dominant role or he might be a secret furry. If you indulge in something that is even remotely kinky it might make things more exciting for you both.
But also, something as simple as a costume change can shake things up. All my gf has to do is walk around the house in a whaletail thong look and I see her a lot differently.
My wife and I make out like teenagers in bed for 6 minutes almost every night. If it leads to sex, fine. If it doesn’t, that’s OK too.
Flirty texting is good too. Telling what you’re going to do to each other.
Look on YouTube for some basic foot massage and back rub instructional videos and try that out on each other.
Don’t underestimate the power of physical touch.
Go on a trip where you both do something new and try something different. That would help you build new experiences and discover each others under new lights
Find a Bio TE hormone replacement doctor and have your husband get his testosterone level checked.
It is truly a fountain of youth. wishing you both the best with your new exciting life together.
I dont have experience with the roommate situation. But I know that me and my bf try to do alot of roleplaying. We are in a D/S relationship and we have alot of fun with it. So I would sit down And discuss your fantasies with your husband. Maybe try listening to erotic audios to get ideas of what could turn u on. Personally i can recommend YSF audio. But then again he does dom stuff. So I dont know if you are into that stuff. Its on yt and adult websites. Thats just my recommendations 🙂 but do not open up the relationship imo. Focus on the two of you 🙂
In no specific order:
Watch TV shows together.
Work out together. If not, start walking together. Working out together increases bonding, camaraderie.
Wear clothes at home that the partner likes.
Stay well-groomed at home.
Be playful. Deliberately act young, cute, funny, sexy. Touch, grab, nibble anytime, anywhere.
Discover forgotten fantasies. Do it together, or remember on your own and tell your partner. And then do it. (Not including other people in this reply, thats a dfferent territory).
Discover new fantasies – get them from anywhere – erotica, porn, everything goes.
Are you nice drunks? If yes, that’s another way.
Say Yes to almost any demand from each other.
As Flightordlight says, therapy is always a good option if that appeals to you all. However, in the meantime, my wife and I (55/56) have been where you are at. Baby steps, make it easy on yourselves, don’t have expectations that things will dramatically change overnight. Increase snuggling, especially in bed. Increase physical contact when you are not in bed and exposure the sexual part a little more (hug more and press your breasts against his chest a little more, he should lower his hands to your waist or butt, you too). Sleep naked if you are comfortable, or at least more unencumbered. The goal is to start thinking about sex a little more.
We try most of our play time in the mornings so we aren’t tired from the day. Shower at night so you are clean and confident in the morning. Start with naked snuggling. He could wake you up by kissing the back of yore neck A lightly caressing your body. Gradually as holding and caressing of each others genitals. Add mutual masturbation. Don’t plan to go any further. Sometimes he masturbates you, sometimes you so it to him. Eventually both at the same time. If you have toys maybe he can use them on you. Masturbate in front of each other. I like it when I start masturbating and my wife takes over. Sometimes start with your hands and finish off him/you with your mouth. Keep lube by the bed (we use grape seed oil – you can get it in your mouth and its scent now makes us think of sex). All of this slowly increase over days and weeks. No pressure.
When you are ready to add more… after he makes you orgasm, he might be hard. Help him if he is not. Get into a comfortable position and have him get y inside you. Slowly move together so it feels good. No goals. Don’t try to be athletes. If one or both of you cums – great. Try this and slowly add what you like.
To sum up: slowly, no pressure
Not I have to go wake my wife because I’m all worked up for some reason
You both could use some testosterone to liven you up.
Introduce some Marijuana into the mix
My wife and I were having difficulties and each made a list of our fantasies and compared them. The things that were on both lists we went for. The things on one but not the other but the one person was ok with trying, we went for. Anything that was a hard no was never brought up again. It’s important to agree beforehand that there will be no judgements for what’s on the lists, otherwise the lists will not be honest.
That helped our sex life immensely. It took a pretty big leap of faith to trust each other with these fantasies, some of them pretty out there. That trust is what helps the overall intimacy. As a result, we talk more, hold hands, do nice things for each other, etc. That’s how it worked for us anyway.
Talk vulnerably about your sexual fantasies.Â
And if you can do it, just do it.Â
Unless it involves others, that usually makes things worse.Â
You know I watched a reel the other day that kind of changed the way I looked at my marriage. He said to work on your marriage now and to make sure your marriage takes priority over the children. I know that sounds bad, but all they were saying basically is to make sure you’re still dating each other and taking time for yourselves. If not you put the children first all these years and then when they’re gone you don’t have much of a marriage to work on because you haven’t put each other first all these years. This almost seems like a similiar situation. Everybody is suggesting sex in the comments and kinks etc. Sounds to me like you guys need to start over and just start dating again, do special things for one another. Intimacy isn’t all about sex and really sex is a small part of intimacy. You guys just need to get close again is all. Put yourselves as your number one priority and go out and have some fun!
You guys are just normal, functioning partners, most of the traits you’ve listed, particularly in long term relationships, are fairly rare. I won’t pretend to know either of you at all, but seeing as you have figured out how to navigate situations that are considerably more challenging, you’ll figure this out as a unit. You have a solid baseline to build from, all the right boxes checked, if you will.
All you need to consider moving forward is basically just trying new things together. Go on a spontaneous date, do something risky, sexually. Find a common ground where you share a hobby and make it as absurdist as possible. The spark isn’t out and you mutually decided it’s become too “dull” you have a solid connection and as a team you both cam collaborate and overcome with relative ease, even if it doesn’t seem that way.
Try going on dates not just food or drinks but bowling, escape rooms, fun fairs, a day trip out with a picnic or something fun to make you laugh and work together as a team. You could go camping or pet friendly hotels for a getting away or find a pet sitter and head off to a place you never being to before or cruising.Â
If you can’t get out why not play some board games instead of watching tv, or get a deck of cards and play strip poker and once somebody is naked you take it up a notch, whoever loses must do a sexual activity for 60 seconds e.g. oral, breast Stimulation etc and before you know it, your having a fantastic time on the kitchen counter or table, or give each other massages, the close contact will surely result in a happy ending 😉Â
You could bring adult toys into the bedroom and use them on each other also
I’d reccomend supplementing whatever apps or adventure type cards you decide to use with some information/reading from Joan Price. She has a focus on sex for couples over 50. As we age, sex can look and feel different so finding some info specific to your age range may help.
I make sure to text love messages every single day. Could be flirty, softcore, lovey dovey, a reminder of something I like about her or, on occassion, shockingly hardcore filthy. Something that will make her blush. Sometimes lunchtime comes around and I haven’t sent the love message, so she’ll send me one.
With the right kinda message, foreplay starts while I am just starting work.
Sports competitions for couples maybe 🤔
L
Best bet, get some apps to learn what each other likes, don’t involve other people. 2nd best advice, it doesn’t just happen, at first you will need to lean in hard until your habits come back. Plan stuff! Certain days of the week just go to town at a certain time. Eventually the scheduling will go away when you just want it!
Start slow. When was the last time you told him he turns you on? When was the last time you heard that from him. Tell him you want him physically. He needs to want you physically as well. Talk about intimate stuff your, his fantasies, what you like the he does to you, what he likes that you do to him physically.
Take showers together get to reknow each other.
The Modern Family method might help here. Both of you go out and buy a new outfit, style your hair or makeup differently, then plan on going to the same bar at the same time. Pretend it’s your first time meeting them and that they’re a stranger you’re just attracted to. Flirt and tease eachother the whole night, then rent a hotel and go to town on eachother like you’re teenagers. Could be what you two need to reignite that spark.
Showers together is a nice start, we try at least once a week together.
There are books on massages but also erotic massage how to videos. We even have a massage table.
Dates can also be a drive to see the sights, old country roads, parks .. anything that you explore together and it doesn’t have to cost a ton of money.
You can also try a Amazon order of paints and a cloth to try out your moves, then you have wall art! 😉
Start cuddling, holding hands, hugging, smooching, laughing together, and spending time getting physically comfortable touching one another affectionately without the sexual component first. Then when you’re both connected and ready for it, become physically intimate again and love on one another.Â
I’d focus on fun first – trying new things together. They don’t have to be sexy but they should be fun or exhilarating. But not crazy, I’m in no way suggesting sex parties! I mean going on a date to an amusement park, zorbing, canoeing.. Nothing stressful. You’re trying to do low effort high reward fun stuff that you will both like. And the focus should be on a shared experience, not staring at a screen. And above all else don’t compete with each other, it’s something fun for you guys to do together so you’re reminded, oh, we’re actually friends, you’re quite fun! Cooking classes are great for this too.
Then pepper in some dates where you focus on each other, dinners is good for this. Or drinks if that suits ye, and get dressed up. Put in effort ( both of you!) to dress nice and look cute. All of this should be mutual.
Little gifts, thoughtful notes. Again it doesn’t have to be a huge effort or perfect, it’s meant to be fun. You need to go back to when you first dated, you have all this knowledge to create romance now.
Doing things together change the routine, like a class of wine testing/ceramic/cooking. Go to dinner time to time. Stablish a “date night” once a week or twice a month. Traveling and spending the night in another place sets the mood fantastically. Wear clothes who makes us feel nice around each other too. Everything that makes you both feel giggly helps
So this is a bit random, but last year, I found an activity/date card thing and gifted it to all of my couple friends. It’s a book of different date ideas that you can randomly select, scratch off to see the surprise date, and then a spot for a picture or Polaroid from the date, and it’s all in a little couple book.
It takes pressure off trying to plan the dates, but it also gives some spontaneity and gets you out of your comfort zone with things you normally wouldn’t think to do.
It’s been a wonderful experience for everyone, and I saved one for my relationship and started it as well.
Come on!! Just start kissing him randomly. Tell him you love his dick. Touch him often, and grab his ass and dink. Foreplay should start early in the day. Send him naked photos of yourself.
Get him to do the same. Go out on a date, touch each others private parts under the table.
DO NOT OPEN YOUR MARRIAGE!!!!!
I REPEAT DO NOT OPEN YOUR MARRIAGE!!!
In reality, you need to change up your routine, that’s it. While I am younger and you may be saying, “ehat the fuck do I know then,” I’ve been in relationships that lasted awhile. I understand falling into the routine bug and it feels more like roommates than a partner.
But what I noticed is that you have to break routine and then you notice that it doesn’t feel like that anymore. It can start with just how tike is spent. Instead of having the routine of going to work and going during the week, suggest going to a new restaurant on a Tuesday night. Don’t plan it, just when you both get home, tell him you’re going out. Spontaneity is very helpful. Look at things to do around where you live that either of you have said you wanted to do but put off or better yet, go outside your comfort zone.
When it comes to intimacy, idk how open you two are, but there are MANY things you can do and not needing to involve bringing someone into your bed. Keeping with spontaneity, one day if you know he tends to go into the kitchen for something, wait on the counter, legs spread and tell him that you have a craving and will he help you with it. Sorry for being graphic, but that’s just one example. Use toys in yjr bedroom, have sex in different places, have sex in your car in public, I mean the possibilities are limitless on what you can do to spice up your love life depending on what you each have a boundary on