#DomesticViolence #ToxicRelationships #SelfCare #SeekingHelp
How did it go so wrong? For my (36f) birthday he (42m) broke into the house? 🤔
It’s heartbreaking to hear about your experience, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling lost and confused in this situation. Domestic violence is a serious issue that no one should have to endure. It’s important to remember that you are not alone, and there are steps you can take to protect yourself and your children.
Here are some key points to consider in this difficult time:
Seeking Help:
– Contact the authorities: If you are in immediate danger or have been a victim of violence, call 911. It’s crucial to involve the police as soon as possible to ensure your safety.
– Reach out to a trusted friend or family member: It’s important to have a support system during this challenging time. Talk to someone you trust about what you’re going through and consider staying with them temporarily if needed.
– Seek professional help: Reach out to a counselor, therapist, or domestic violence hotline for support and guidance. They can provide resources, information, and emotional support as you navigate this situation.
Self-Care:
– Prioritize your safety: Your safety and well-being are the most important things right now. Take steps to protect yourself and your children from harm.
– Practice self-care: Take time to care for yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically. Engage in activities that bring you peace and comfort, whether it’s journaling, meditating, or spending time outdoors.
– Establish boundaries: Set clear boundaries with the person who has harmed you and communicate your needs firmly. It’s important to prioritize your safety and well-being above all else.
Moving Forward:
– Reflect on your situation: Take time to reflect on what led to this point and consider seeking counseling or therapy to process your emotions and experiences.
– Focus on your children: Your children’s safety and well-being are paramount. Consider seeking legal advice and support to protect them from harm and ensure their safety.
– Remember your worth: You deserve to be treated with love, respect, and kindness. Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you during this challenging time.
In times of difficulty, it can be helpful to reflect on the teachings of the Bhagavad Gita, which offers guidance on navigating life’s challenges with strength and resilience. Remember that you are stronger than you think, and you have the power to create a brighter future for yourself and your children.
Seek help, prioritize your safety, and remember that you are deserving of love and respect. You have the strength within you to overcome this difficult situation and create a life filled with peace and happiness. Stay strong, and know that brighter days are ahead.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Did the break the restraining order or has it not gone through yet?
Inform your family and friends. Get that restraining order. Change the locks on your doors. Call The National Domestic Violence Hotline **(800) 799-7233** for further resources. You are not alone. Please do not blame yourself. Make sure you and the kids are safe even if you have to leave home for a while. You can do everything “right” but have the other person screw it all up anyway. Good luck.
You had the courage to call the police that is the beginning of getting help. You can not change ppl Apparently he grew up and changed. I was married had 2 kids my husband got hurt on job and was addicted to pain meds in 70’s no one was familiar with it! Trust me it isn’t pretty . The bad part was he got meds from dr. He would get unpredictable once a man is like that you can not live like that. You need to make a decision what kind of life you want and get a plan in place. He will only get worse you can not fix him.
You did NOTHING wrong! Please read [https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) if you havent done it already. Abusers often wait until their victims are trapped. Some of them reveal their true self after the marriage and some of them wait till they have kids. Its important that you need to consult a lawyer and then make an exit plan. You need to leave! Your husband is dangerous but you need to have an exit plan and hopefully a safe place where you and your kids can stay. Dont feel ever guilty of leaving him. His mask slipped and he revealed his true self. It might sound harsh but the man you fell in love with doesnt exist. This was all an act.
You did absolutely NOTHING wrong. No man should ever put hands on a woman in anger. EVER. Best thing you can do is to get a restraining order, change all your locks, and install security cameras. Pepper gel spray is also good to have. Do not get a firearm if you’ve never owned one before. Good luck,OP.
UpdateMe
Have you changed the locks? Is there anyone who can come stay with you? Any family you can stay with? Your sister? Can you get some mace or a taser?
Please, please be careful. I’m worried for you and your kids. Things will only continue to escalate from here.
OP, I cannot imagine how terrifying this was and still is. I am really proud of you for calling the police, pressing charges and get a RO. The police should be able to put you in touch with local people who can help you. You did everything right and this man lied to you, hid his real self. You could not have know.
Please try not to give any energy into being concerned about what people think. They know he is a terrible man and likely want to protect you and the kids. Focus all of your energy on keeping you and the kids safe.
You are a smart, tough, strong woman and mama bear. You will get through this.
Who is this guy? Your ex husband and kids’ father? Or a boyfriend?
> I thought I made all the right choices in life.
Maybe you did. Some things are out of our control.
Now you’re going to have to continue to make the right choices, even though some of them will be hard. Calling the police was a good choice. Cooperating with prosecutors if they decide to charge your ex will be the right choice. But this is another case where even if you make all the right choices, there are factors out of your control – they might not have enough evidence to get a conviction, or someone in the police department or prosecutor’s office could be a misogynist asshole who doesn’t take domestic violence seriously.
Just do what you can.
The only person who deserves to feel ashamed, humiliated, or stupid is him. HE is the one who did wrong. You are not to blame for any of this.
If he had shown his true self at the beginning, you never would have built a life with him. Abusers know this, so they wait until their victim is tied to them (moving in together or marriage or children) before they let the mask slip. You couldn’t have known there was a monster behind the mask.
Please try not to blame yourself. He is the only one responsible for his horrific behavior. Please keep your children and yourself safe. You will escape from this nightmare, and you will heal.
Not sure what the law is where you are but a taser (real not the crap ones) or firearms training is a good idea. Always remember that 20 min response
I remember your previous posts. His behavior went from horrific to even worse which is unfathomable. This is escalating into a perfect storm. My best advice would be to metaphorically seek shelter in anything and everything that is available to you. Do everything you can to protect your kids and yourself. I am scared of what I may read next or perhaps even what you won’t be able to post. I wish you the best.
The police have him now time to organise a restraining order. Change your locks move if you can. And press charges.
None of this is your fault. Don’t feel embarrassed. The more people know the more they can help protect you. Hiding it will just allow him to continue.
I remember you, he’s the husband that was pinching your baby son. Please contact your attorney and give them an update and ask for advice on how to handle this. This will certainly help with the restraining order if you don’t already have one. And obviously, press charges on everything you possibly can.
I saw your comment that you’ve already changed the locks and got cameras. Get a monitored security system and have it armed at all times – even when you’re home. It’ll be a pain in the ass, you’ll have to arm and disarm it constantly, but it’ll help. The alarm company will also give you a “duress code”, that you can punch in when you disarm it so that the siren turns off, but notifies them to contact the police without it being obvious.
I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. You did NOTHING wrong. You did what you were supposed to. Phychopaths are good at hiding who they are. This is NOT your fault.
And when you see your neighbors, tell them “*My soon-to-be-ex-husband did this to me. I’m working on a restraining order, and he’s not allowed to be around me or my children. Please tell me if you see him so I can contact the police.*” You hold your head up high and continue to be the amazing and strong woman that you are. 💗
You can do everything right and things can still go wrong. That has nothing to do with you that’s just life. Your and your kids safety is most important so ignore anyone who try to excuse his behavior or anyone who try to get you to forgive him. If he can do that he is capable of killing you or your kids.
I don’t know if they have this where you’re from, but when my ex stalked me I got an emergency button. When I pushed it, it called the police, and sent my location and they could hear everything. They needed to respond directly and always with 3 cars.
>I can’t even look my neighbors in the eyes. I can’t go outside without seeing the shocked faces of people.
Let them see it! Let them be shocked! This isn’t your fault. How more people know about it, how saver you are. Tell the school about it, so they can protect your children. Again, you did nothing wrong!!
I would seriously consider leaving the house for your safety and the safety of your children.
You might be thinking, “I don’t have any friends to stay with.” Trust me when I say that many women would open their homes to an acquaintance or even a stranger in this situation. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Please get out.
Sweetheart you did absolutely nothing wrong! All the fault is with him and him alone! Sometimes you can do everything right and still bad things happen. You were taking steps to protect yourself and your babies and sadly your ex is an abusing POS who’s finally stopped masking how horrible he truly is. Please reach out to resources in your area to get the help you need after everything that has happened. You need to take care of yourself after something like this. The only person who should be ashamed is your ex and I can almost guarantee that your neighbours will only be empathetic after what happened.
I wish all the best for you and your children from here on❤️
Damn so sorry lady. You did nothing wrong at all stop blaming yourself in life there are good and bad people unfortunately you met a bad person and some people are great at hiding their true nature. Change the locks on your house if you can move then move. CCTV and secret cams are needed. Your ex sounds like his schizophrenic or something because the character you described does not sound normal at all. Has he been checked? Mentally? He needs a mental check this guy is clearly dangerous and sounds like he’s fully snapped yet you got fortunate this time next time you may not be so fortunate
I’m sorry you’re going through this OP.
I used to be in an abusive relationship. Once you’re out, things will get better.
Stay strong ❤️
I’m sorry you and your kids have to endure this. I’m glad you are not on here asking if you should give him another chance which is an accomplishment in itself to be proud of. You already know what you need to do and you are doing it! Keep at it! I can’t even begin to imagine how awful that would feel. No your neighbors shouldn’t be judging you, if anything they should be offering to help you but sometimes the world is cruel and it’s definitely not fair you or your kids feel shame. Please take advantage of those that do offer assistance. Don’t feel like you have to do this on your own. If you lived in my town I’d offer you all the resources I know but I don’t know your town, where ever that may be. Vent on here when you need to and take the virtual hugs and high fives. You deserve them. We’re routing for you! 🫂🙏❤️
You need to make sure to file charges so he has a criminal record so any future women he tries to pull the wool over can discover his true self with a quick Google search.
This man will 100% try to rebuild a new life and family to terrorise. I can see it from a mile away.
You are not alone is all that I will say.
I am so sorry for you and so sorry for your kids.
I grew up with this only to find it later In My life.
I wondered if I was destined to this. I am so sorry for all of us
Get some bear spray, that stuff is nasty. Do you have someplace else you could stay?
The police timing is very terrifying. I wish you healing and safety. You got this !
Not making excuses for him because he did things and he needs to face those consequences and you need to be safe in your children need to be safe. However the world is in a bad spot mentally just everything is off and we’re all trying to get by and people are snapping friend of mine killed his girlfriend the other day and he’ll be in prison in another country for the rest of his life he’s never touched a woman in his life he’s never been violent and he just snapped what he did was abhorrent and inexcusable and he does need to spend his time in jail and suffer all the consequences but I guarantee you I’ve known this man for almost 40 years and this is the most out of character thing ever he can’t even explain it. And it’s one of many instances of people just going off the rails it’s everywhere right now. You need to be safe. You don’t deserve that. Your children don’t need to witness that. And I’m sorry that it’s happened. And I wish he was able to cope better than he did with you the other night. And I hope you get safe. And I hope you can heal from this. I’m just disgusted with what I’m seeing around me. Because this shit is everywhere it’s like a weird cancer that’s spreading I don’t know what’s happening to humanity anymore
When the police came did they arrest him, for battery and assault ? I saw that you already are in the process of a restraining order, and had changed your locks before he broke in.
YOU did NOTHING wrong. NOTHING. This is all on him.
Honey, none of this is your fault. I know you might feel ashamed, but you are not the one that should feel ashamed. He is the one that should feel ashamed. He did those things to you and he should be embarrassed for acting like child who has no control over himself. Please leave if you can. Go stay with your sister. Get a protective order…. Think of how damaging it is to your kids to grow up in this. Do it for them, because they don’t deserve it and if you keep staying they may one day grow to resent you for not standing up for yourself and showing them a good example
If the police are charging him then he will not be allowed around you until that is resolved so go in to get a restraining order, make sure you have pictures of your injuries, you should have no problem getting a restraining order. Remember to try to get your children included on the order. Above all once you get the order and he try’s to contact you call the police immediately. The order is just a piece of paper and is only good if you enforce it.
I am assuming you filed charges. If he was there when the police arrived he should have been arrested. I am also assuming you asked for an Emergency Protective Order. Restraining Orders are something different.