#HowToComfortPartnerWithSelfHarmScars
Hey guys, so I had a heart-to-heart moment with my partner the other day, and it really got me thinking. They opened up about how someone close to them made a hurtful comment about their self harm scars, saying it ruined their body. I was at a loss for words, so here I am seeking some advice from you all.
I told my partner how much I love and appreciate them, and that I see their scars as a testament to their strength. But I know words can only do so much. So, my question is – what else can I say or do to support them through this?
I truly believe that showing your support and love can make a huge difference for someone struggling with self harm scars. Let’s share our thoughts and experiences to help each other out. Let’s spread kindness and compassion in this world! 💕
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you handle it? Let’s chat and support each other through this. Remember, small steps lead to big changes. Let’s make a difference together! 💪 #EndTheStigma #SupportYourLovedOnes
I’d go with, “Listen, real talk: I don’t notice the scars, I’m too busy staring at [dem titties/that DICK/whatever they have]”
They’re battle scars. You don’t have to be proud of them, but don’t be ashamed of struggling.
That does require giving up hiding them from shame though.
You’re on the right path with those statements. Always remind them that they’re beautiful and that you love every inch of them. It’s also a good idea to treat it as a relic of dark days behind, of what they overcame.
I’ve been told by a lot of self harmers that their partner kissing their scar made them feel more loved than ever before.
Say “damn right, now don’t do it again”
Lick them and say they turn you on
get tattoos to cover them up
I only have a few but they’re apart of my story. Along with the rest of my past it’s like an autobiography of what makes me who I am today and who I am today is absolutely incredible.
Hopefully this helps you and your partner.
Hurting yourself hurts others close sadly.
OP, your words are your own feelings, and I think they’re beautiful. Reinforce your thoughts, help your partner believe you. As long as you’re supportive, they can eventually understand how you feel.
It’s hard to say what will be comforting to someone in such a vulnerable state. Their thinking isn’t rational and they’ll likely think anything anyone says is a lie (except the negative things, those just hit hard straight away).
But every scar represents a time in their life when they felt helpless, hopeless, and where they couldn’t imagine things getting any better. It also represents the hardest of days, which they somehow made it through to be able to be there having that conversation with you right here and now. Scars may represent moments of weakness to some, or moments where they had to choose to stay strong and keep going. Maybe you’re grateful they made the choice to be strong each of those times, so you could love and admire them (scars and all) today, tomorrow, and always. You’re proud of them for their strength but if they have days like that again, they won’t be facing them alone.
Best of luck with it OP. Loving someone when they’re at war with their own mind is incredibly challenging.
Definitely on the right lines.
If the scars are objectively ugly though (sometimes there’s no sugar coating that) it can come across as patronising to says something like “they may seem ugly to you” if they are just ugly scars.
The rest of the sentiment still applies of course that to you they show how strong they are, you don’t find your partner ugly because of them etc and that’s what you want your partner focused on (not them accidentally fixating on your sugar coating the scars)
I know with mine, I’m not ashamed of them, it shows that I’ve overcome something. It helps me remember that I was able to stop once, I can stop again if I relapse. I don’t think you can “ruin your body” by having done something that helped you survive in the moment, or done something you’ve moved past, or done something you are working on. I think every journey is a part of us and something like sh scars are a part of our own unique road maps.
Not the same but my wife has a huge surgical scar. It tells the story of what she has overcome. We can simultaneously recognize the damage that causes scars and the story of triumph they create.
I’d be less worried about all of that and more worried about getting them to stop self harming. Anything you say to them would be like putting a band-aid on a severed head. They have deep issues and nothing you can say to them will help, they need to fix themselves and they have to want to fix themselves.
Instead of telling them how you love their scars, them them how/where to get the help they need. All you are doing now is enabling them.
The Japanese art of [kintsugi](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kintsugi) is repairing cracks in pottery with gold. The philosophy is that the cracks – aka the flaws & imperfections – are what make something unique & beautiful. The scars are the same thing.
My husband told me they didn’t ruin anything. That they were part of me now and he loves ALL parts of me. Not just certain parts
Why?
you remind them that you love all of them, and the scars are just part of who they are, and who you love. when i finished my cancer treatment i looked so bad i couldn’t face looking in a mirror. my husband just told me that all that mattered in life was that he loved me, and he didn’t care how i looked, he was just happy i was still there with him.
I’ve struggled with SH a lot, so here’s my perspective of what I’d want to hear from my partner.
Saying something like “I understand that you feel the scars have ruined your body, but I promise that I do not see it that way, and I’ll do whatever I can to help you (hopefully) one day see yourself the way that I see you. It’s okay to feel ashamed or self conscious about them, but I hope you will learn to look at them and see them only as a reminder how strong you are, even if you didn’t feel that way in that moment.”
She will need constant reassurance, and it will take a lot for her to view her scars the way you do. So just keep giving her that same message over and over – even if she doesn’t seem receptive to it.
You sound like a great partner and she is really lucky to have you!
They trace the story of struggle, of a time where your partner rose above the troubles of their life and overcame whatever it was they were dealing with.
Battle scars. And they have lived to tell the tale.
Victory markings.
say you find them sexy and if you see them cutting you’ll lick the blood off their body
Are you ashamed of tattoos? That also leaves scars and costs thousamds of dollars
My boyfriend, in like the first few weeks of dating I think, when I was self conscious about them grabbed my hands and said “you are beautiful. every part of you is beautiful.” It made me feel a lot better and I’ve actually never been self conscious about them since (I never cared about them I just cared what my partner would think). I think what you said is perfect honestly.
Mmm I don’t think I’d want to say anything implying it was okay to do but I wouldn’t want them to hate theirselves for it either that’s a tough one mate.
I’m not sure because anything might come off as insensitive. But scars are always proof of survival. Your partner is alive, and their scars might show history, but they couldn’t stop their future. Their body couldn’t be ruined by some lines because that’s all they are now.
This is kind of goofy but I always really loved what Mater said in the spy cars movie (I think it’s 2?). He says something along the lines of he loves his dents because each has a story. I hated my scars for a long time because I also thought I had ruined myself. Thankfully after therapy, lots of hard talks with people close to me, meeting my fiancé etc. I can look at my scars and recognize that they’re just another part of my story. A scar I have from cutting styrofoam for my mom, one on my knee from a bike accident as a kid, a crescent shape on my ring finger from a can of peaches as a toddler, you get the idea. They’re just a part of my story, and granted it was a dark part, but I think it makes the light parts all the better. It’s sweeter now, I appreciate things more, I cherish people more, and most importantly I love myself now. I can be proud of my Mater dents, my tiger stripes, my badges of honor, or whatever you want to call them. In fact, I’m even thinking of incorporating one of my “main” scars into an affirmation tattoo!
I’d also like to say that a big anxiety I had previously was that people would see them, judge me, say something about them, give me a look, or something nasty of the sort. Obviously if you wear short sleeves people can see them, but I’ve never had someone comment on them negatively. Truthfully there are only two groups of people I’ve had experiences were people who also have scars and know and people in healthcare (not everyone) who just have a brief look of sadness wash over their face and nothing else. The one person who has actually *said* something about them just told me they were sorry and hoped I was doing better now. People really don’t give a fuck about them, at least not that I’ve experienced