#Boyfriend #Relationships #Communication #Intimacy #HealthyRelationships #Compromise
Are you struggling with your boyfriend’s reactions when you’re not in the mood for intimacy? You’re not alone. It’s important to address this issue in a healthy way to maintain a strong and loving relationship. Here are some tips on how to handle this situation effectively:
**Communicate Openly and Honestly**
Communication is key in any relationship. It’s important to have open and honest conversations with your boyfriend about your feelings and boundaries. Let him know that while you love and are attracted to him, you sometimes need space or time to yourself. Express your needs calmly and clearly, and listen to his perspective as well.
**Set Boundaries**
Setting boundaries is crucial in any relationship. Make sure to establish clear boundaries regarding intimacy and respect each other’s needs and desires. Let your boyfriend know what makes you comfortable and what doesn’t, and stick to those boundaries. It’s important to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being.
**Practice Empathy and Understanding**
Try to empathize with your boyfriend’s feelings and understand where he’s coming from. It’s normal for him to feel disappointed or frustrated when his advances are rejected. However, it’s essential for him to respect your boundaries and handle his emotions in a healthy way. Encourage him to communicate his feelings without getting angry or upset.
**Focus on Quality Over Quantity**
Remember that quality is more important than quantity when it comes to intimacy. It’s okay to not be in the mood every day, and that doesn’t mean you love your boyfriend any less. Focus on building a strong emotional connection and enjoying the intimacy when you both feel ready and comfortable. Quality time together can strengthen your bond and create a deeper connection.
**Seek Professional Help if Needed**
If you and your boyfriend are unable to resolve this issue on your own, consider seeking professional help. Couples therapy can be beneficial in improving communication, resolving conflicts, and finding healthy ways to navigate challenges in your relationship. A therapist can provide guidance and support to help you both work through this issue.
In conclusion, it’s important to address your boyfriend’s reactions to your lack of intimacy in a healthy and constructive manner. By communicating openly, setting boundaries, practicing empathy, and focusing on quality over quantity, you can navigate this issue together and strengthen your relationship. Remember the words of wisdom from a famous spiritual text: Focus on your actions and intentions, and let go of the outcomes. Trust in the process and keep working towards a harmonious and fulfilling relationship.
What is the reason for not being interested when he is generally?
>He said something like, “why is everything about work?”
What does he mean by this?
Do you know what gets you going and what stops you being receptive to his advances?
Something he needs to get over but you’re going to have a hard time being the one to convince him to get over it if hes acting like this. You guys might actually want to go to a couples therapist or something about this. You’re in the right though so just know that. This topic will make you resent each other if you don’t figure out a way to get past it. The answer is literally that he needs to just deal with it himself if you’re not in the mood.
Sexual incompatibilities are hard to navigate but it might work. You have to sit down together and have an open and honest conversation. Let him know that you don’t want sex every day and that with your libido you only want it a few times a week. Tell him what turns you on and how he can help you out to feel more desired/less stressed/less tired so you might be open to more sex. If he is unwilling to compromise you might need to think about whether this relationship will work out long term. Do not have unwanted sex, it will breed resentment and can make women sex averse if they have ‘duty’ sex and is a real libido killer which will make things worse. He needs to understand that you denying sex isn’t a rejection of him, its about you and not him. Try to find other ways to make him feel loved in the absence of sex everyday. Also his sulking attitude when you say you’re not up for it is extremely immature and he needs to work on that or it will just make matters worse. Really the only thing you can do is have an honest conversation about this and lay everything on the table.
Also if he isn’t contributing to household chores you need to mention that this is a reason which might be impacting how much you want to have sex. If he wants more sex he will need to change things to increase your desire which might mean him pulling his weight more
Oh oh oh this is me and my bf. I’m exactly like your bf when I get rejected if my bf is too tired for intimacy. He has also said that I put too much pressure on him for sex, which makes it worse. So maybe I can offer some insight.
I love my bf so much. I want to be as close as I possibly can be to him. For me that means intimacy. Not always sex (although that’s what I’m hoping it will lead to), but deep conversations, laughing together, touching each other, etc. For me it’s about that hope that something might happen. Like if he shoots me down totally I have a really hard time not becoming depressed about it. But if he says something like “babe I’m really drained right now but maybe later” that keeps the hope alive so I’m not in as much of a bad mood. Even a not today but we’ll go at it in the morning. It does wonders for the shitty attitude I know I get. Cause I have something to look forward to and be on my best behavior for.
It’s hard to be rejected by the person you want and love more than anything. Soul crushing actually. I really wish my bf would make more time for us. He’s a work horse, and I often feel like I’m neglected. Relationships are work, and you have to make that time to allow your relationship to grow. When you’re always tired/not feeling well it hurts your relationship. Don’t work yourself as hard. Let those household chores go undone. Take time for yourself. Hell read a sexy book. Take a few minutes each day to recall a time with your bf that was really hot. All those things will help to get you more in the mood. Tell him what he can do to ease your stress so you might be more up for it at the end of the day.
Hope this helps a bit 🙂
Your bf sounds emotional immature. No adult man should be getting upset by being turned down occasionally for sex. This isn’t a you problem it’s a him problem. Tell him how you feel about his negative attitude and response and if he doesn’t immediately course correct then this might not be a relationship worth saving.
These comments are WILD, and not in the good way.
This isn’t a matter of sex drives; it’s a matter of *entitlement*. You are not a sex toy.
> I told him the pressure to keep things civil has resulted in me getting intimate just to keep him happy, which he wasn’t happy to hear because he wants to do it with me if I want too.
Your boyfriend is a damn hypocrite. He tries to guilt trip and pressure you into sex, and then feels bad about you having sex with him out of pity.
The way he treats sex is not sustainable for your relationship. This is the kind of behavior that will kill YOUR sex drive since he is turning it into a chore. It might be a good idea to tell him this as well. He is not treating you as a partner but as a flesh light.
>He says he should be able to be disappointed in the fact that he’s being rejected from the person he loves and is attracted too, which I do kind of get
No, you shouldn’t “kind of get” it. That kind of behavior is extremely immature and selfish.
I am in a relationship with an emotionally mature man. If I turn my partner down, he would take no offense. He might check in to see if I’m feeling okay, but his focus will only be on my wellbeing. I can’t imagine him pouting, throwing a tantrum or punishing me for rejecting him. Your boyfriend’s behavior is *not okay*.
So, the healthy solution?
First off: No more pity sex. It’s a slippery slope that ends in a loss of self-worth and deep insecurity. Don’t allow your boyfriend to use your body. Your consent is important.
Secondly: Your boyfriend has already crossed the line and stepped into unhealthy territory. From experience, trying to fight this kind of behavior “by the book” ends up with them on top. Healthy communication requires mutual respect. Your boyfriend has no respect for you in the bedroom.
The best advice I can give is to prepare what you’re going to say. You don’t have to be toxic, but you do have to be stern. Don’t play devil’s advocate, don’t try to see things from his side. This is a matter of your consent; he doesn’t get to have such strong opinions about you not wanting to have sex once in a while.
>He tells me taking care of it himself doesn’t suffice.
Because phrases like this just aren’t true, they’re easy to prepare for.
“The rest of the world can do it. Grow up.”
“If it’s that difficult for you, call your doctor and get yourself sorted.”
“You can’t just *use* me so you can get off. I’m not a sex toy, (Name).”
I think it’s also smart to remind him that his immature behavior makes you less attracted to him, assuming that’s the truth. Call him out for his behavior. Once you know he’s trying to punish you because you rejected his advances, stop trying to reason with him. Be firm. Tell him that behavior is part of the reason why you don’t want to have sex with him as often anymore.
Does your boyfriend do things he doesn’t want to do in the relationship to please you?
His libido is higher than yours, that’s totally fine. He’s disappointed when you don’t want sex, also fine. He acts distant and cold towards you when you don’t want sex, now he’s crossed into not fine.
He should be seeking to understand why you don’t feel like having sex and coming up with solutions to his problem that don’t involve guilt tripping you. At his age, he should be mature enough to do this without getting angry or annoyed at you. His behavior is concerning.
BJ
You could ditch the creep.
So you’ve become the person where he can just keep his dick warm. He said that he has the right to be disappointed since he is the one who’s being rejected. But you also have the right to reject it especially if he’s running around after you like a dog with his pink thing sticking out. So y’all moved in together and all the f*** he wants to do is f*** he needs to find a new hobby. And you need to find a new boyfriend
You handle this by not coming on here in a few months complaining that he watches porn.
Your “boyfriend” doesn’t sound like he even likes you. Why are you still with him?
This has 2 facets because it seems you have sexual incompatibility and a disrespectful partner.
Some sexual incompatibility can be overcome but only if both parties are willing to do some give and take and are respectful of their partners feelings.
Being the partner with the higher sex drive I understand the feeling of rejection and frustration however I never take it out on my partner, I don’t even show I’m feeling it. Your bf is being a twat.
Even if he was respectful of you saying no. His sex drive in general is on the very high end of the scale and frankly is something he should mention at the very beginning of a relationship if it’s something he wants to have. I think it’ll take someone of a similar drive to be able to have an effective relationship with him.
If he can’t see how he’s being disrespectful or understand and be ok with the fact that this relationship will mean he will have less sex than he desires, I’d just give him the flick. It’s not something that can be fixed unless both parties are willing to come to the table and he’s clearly not.
I can’t belive this guy is 28
You can’t fix this because your reactions are already healthy with clear communication. If he doesn’t find masturbating satisfying, he needs to practice more – listen to his own body, gently try new things, enjoy the journey.
This makes me wonder how much he is looking after _your_ needs.
As someone who had the exact same problem with a partner, I must ask this. Do you think he may have abandonment or rejection issues? If so, he needs therapy.
Also, do not have pity sex with him. It’ll mess him up more.
Break up this is coercion and it’s going to make you resent sex.
You can be disappointed but not be a dick. I would happily have sex with my partner multiple times a day if it was feasible. If on one of our evenings or days off together I make an advance and he’s not in the mood yes Im disappointed but I will happily cuddle and not be an ass hole.
He seems to have multiple red flags and a lack of emotional regulation, I would seriously re-evaluate if this is the right relationship for you.
My ex 38 year old bf of 3 years at the time did this. It led to me breaking up with him.
His attitude towards you is that you owe him sex no matter how you are feeling. This is not a healthy relationship, it is full of degradation towards you unless you submit to his demands.
Work to start separating yourself from him and find another place to live. Unfortunately this is an upsetting, albeit expensive lesson to learn, but being by yourself is better than being with someone who consistently disregards your boundaries and starts fights with you.
Your bf sounds toxic and immature, do with that what you will but just know that it’s **never** okay for someone to make you feel guilty for not wanting to have sex or emotionally manipulate you into having sex when you don’t want to.
>How should I handle this in a healthy way?
YOU can only handle this by saying he should respect you and start acting like an adult or you’re leaving.
HE needs to start acting in a healthy way, which he seems incapable of doing
You are currently just his sex doll, it doesn’t seem like he cares for you at all….
Does he? Care for you? Does he do things, not to benefit himself, but just because it makes you happy? Does he get you a little gift “just because”? Does he, at the very minimum, satisfy you sexually? Does he do foreplay? Does he make sure you enjoy the sex? Does he make sure you cum afterwards? Does he make sure you guys cuddle after?
If all is no… Have some self love and self respect and stop allowing yourself to be treated like this please
How do you handle it? The healthy wsy is to dump him and find someone who isn’t controlling, is more mature, and is compatible. Your relationship with your overbesring self-centered BF is not going to get better or last, and it is likely to get worse. You are wasting your time on him.
You have already tried discussing the problem with him, and you have gotten nowhere. Trying harder will result in the same because he isn’t trying at all, and won’t. There is no fixing someone like him.
He may pretend or promise to be more considerate when you tell him it’s over, but it will be sham, and as soon as he feels he has you back, he will revert.
Walk away.
You don’t handle it. This is his problem, he needs to handle it, with a counselor. He has linked rejection of a sex act to rejection of himself as a person, and that’s a very unhealthy and self centered mindset. You can’t fix that. Only he can choose to fix it. If he doesn’t fix it, I encourage you to be very firm in that there will not be a “yes” until there can be a “no” without fear of emotional punishment.