#HowToTellExYouAreDatingSomeoneNew #ExGirlfriend #NewRelationship #RespectfulCommunication
Hey there, (32M)! π It sounds like you’re in a tricky situation with your ex-girlfriend (29F), and you want to handle it with care and respect. It’s great that you want to honor the promise you made to let her know when you’re seeing someone new. It shows that you still care about her feelings and want to approach the situation with sensitivity.
Considering how to tell your ex about your new relationship can be tough, but it’s important to approach it thoughtfully. Here are some tips and advice to help you navigate this delicate situation:
Listen to your intuition π€
First and foremost, trust your intuition and inner wisdom when deciding how to approach this situation. You know your ex-girlfriend best, and you likely have a good sense of what would be most respectful and considerate in her eyes.
Timing is everything β°
Consider the timing of when to share the news with your ex. As you mentioned, her birthday is coming up, so it may not be the best time to drop this bombshell. Holding off until after her birthday could be a thoughtful gesture, giving her the space to celebrate without additional emotional weight.
Choose the right communication method π±
Deciding on the best way to communicate this news is essential. Given the distance between you and your ex, options like a text, voice memo, or a phone call are all on the table. Each has its pros and cons, so consider what would be most comfortable and respectful for her.
Practice empathy and compassion π€
Put yourself in your ex’s shoes and consider how she might feel upon receiving this news. It’s okay to prioritize your own happiness, but it’s also important to show empathy and compassion for her emotions and healing process.
The Bhagavad Gita offers valuable wisdom on approaching challenging situations with grace and compassion. In the Gita, Lord Krishna speaks about the importance of fulfilling one’s duty with detachment from the outcome. Applying this teaching to your situation, consider how you can fulfill your promise to tell your ex about your new relationship while also detaching from how she may react.
Conclusion: Ultimately, the best approach may be to consider all the factors at play, listen to your intuition, and communicate with compassion. You’re in a unique position to offer your ex the respect and understanding that she deserves while also embracing your own happiness in your new relationship.
Remember to proceed with care and sensitivity, and consider seeking support from trusted friends or a counselor as you navigate this challenging situation. Good luck, and I hope this answer has provided helpful insights for you! β¨
I suppose you could tell her out of mutual respect of each other but also think about your current partner and her feelings too
If you have no plans to get back with her, stop talking to her. It’s been a year. She shouldn’t care what you are doing now.Β
Tell her you want to move on with your life and you will no longer speak to her.
No point in keeping contact with an ex unless you have a child together or want to get back together.
Send a text that you wanted to chat about it and tell her over a call if you can. That way, you can keep it respectful with no hurt feelings or surprises
Send her a text and wish her the best. Move on and make a better life you can be happy in.
Why do you have to tell her.Β That’s just weirdΒ
This feels very unnecessary. Just let it be
Um what?
Why the hell would you agree to that or need to tell her?
Why would you tell her . Itβs not necessary
As a lot of people have already said I donβt think itβs very healthy that youβre talking at all, let alone updating her on your dating status.
From my own personal experience when I asked my ex of 4years to tell me when he started seeing someone:
1) I was still very much in love with him and didnβt believe heβd ever move on
2) when he finally did tell me I was a mess again for weeks
I donβt think itβs healthy for either of you and your new girlfriend probably wouldnβt be too happy about the situation either. I think you should speak to your new partner and explain the situation and maybe see what she would suggest because then sheβs with you on the decision so hopefully it wonβt affect your new relationship.
Doesnβt sound like youβre emotionally ready to date someone else if youβre still having a priority for your exβs feelings like this.
Send her a text wishing her a happy birthday and let her know that in light of the duration of your mutually-agreed split, that you should both move on with your separate lives without further contact. Wish her a happy life and stop all contact.
Why do you have to tell her anything? She isn’t your girlfriend anymore.
I really don’t think it is healthy to keep a promise to an ex of over a year ago, especially as it is directly about your current partner. I think that’s crossing the boundaries too much. It also brings a sense of obligation from your old relationship to your new one. I feel it is tainting your new relationship in a way.Β You feel like you have to hide it or announce it… when in reality, you don’t need to do anything.Β Β
Β And frankly, after a year, you should not be considering your ex’s feelings at all. You’re not together. So what it’s her birthday. It’s your relationship and your happiness. Not hers. It has nothing to do with her. Cut the cord. All this unnecessary bullshit is holding you back.Β Β
Β As you’ve got a dog in the middle it makes it difficult. I wouldn’t want to be tied to my ex at all. I’d either fight for custody (if it was a mutual decision dog) or give up custody (if the dog was initially hers). Don’t stick around for the sake of the dog.
A text so she can process and deal on her own time. Even a phone call can be pressured to have a certain reaction, with a text there less pressure on that end. Also, itβs so odd to me the responses here! Like i can understand if it was a 3 month or something relationship but 10 years?? Thereβs so much history there. My ex and i are still friends, we grew up together and while weβre not close like best friends we grab lunch maybe once a year. At one of these lunches both of us were like, βi have something to tell youβ lol. Like, of course you donβt *have* to tell her anything but itβs always a nice courtesy imo especially since she asked. I know that has helped me move on in the past.
βHey, just reaching out because Iβve been thinking about you and hoping youβre ok! (Donβt have to add that part) I remember you saying youβd like a heads up and so i wanted to let you know Iβm seeing someone.β
You said you would, so why wouldn’t you?
Sheβs your ex. Who youβre seeing is none of her business:
No need to ever contact your ex especially if youβre currently seeing someone new.
You’re not in a relationship anymore, and she lives in another state. Time to cut the cord and move on.
i vote for nothing at all.
You guys broke up. None of you guys owe each other anything. Like you say, she has to move on and you too.
soo no you shouldn’t tell her and she shouldn’t want to know
but because you said you would tell her, by not doing it, you are breaking her trust and basically lying. I would have never agreed to have to tell her that and it’s very weird, but because you did agree I would just tell her because she’s probably gonna be hurt if you didn’t. shell be hurt either way but at least it shows you kept your word and respect her.
Sorry i dont understand, how was the breakup mutual if your ex is not over you and would be devastated you seeing someone else.
My dude thats not a mutual breakup. thats one sided, yours.
Also, you broke up, normally you arent as worried over their feelings. so whats your issue?
The simplest answer is to no longer talk to her. I saw the comment about sharing a dog, dude, you need to go no contact for you both to heal. that means losing the dog.
If you really want to say something, make it final, text her saying something like – out of curtesy, i have to inform you i am seeing someone, i think its best we dont talk anymore. goodbye. – You can tweak but thats the gist. Short, sharp and sweet.
Stop talking to your ex who doesnβt even live in the same city as you.
WTF?
I would not pro-actively tell her. Β If she feels like asking directly at some point, I would be honest with her.
Tell her, it might help her get past you.
Send a text, wish her well and block.
Thereβs no need to tell an ex when you have a new girlfriend. I wouldnβt do.
I see no good reason why you need to tell your ex anything at all.
That’s just dumb. You don’t owe her that at all. My ex husband with whom I have a kid never even told me when he was dating anyone. Found out from my kid. I didn’t care because it’s really none of my business. You guys don’t share kids so there is no need for her to be kept in the loop. Don’t bother, it’s none of her bu
*shrug* She asked you to tell her, you agreed. I would just tell her, as simply as possible.
Just send her a text. Tell her that you had promised to tell her and now youβre telling that youβre seeing someone and itβs serious.
I would just say youβre actively dating and if you like someone youβre going to keep dating them. My ex of 7 years told me and it was a breakup all over again because we continued talking as βfriendsβ and also shared a dog. Sheβs going to think somethings wrong with her because you found someone new and she hasnβt. Or sheβs going to spend too much time creeping on social medias trying to figure out who she is and if youβre happy. Or sheβll try to win you back and be unsuccessful. All of which isnβt fair to either of you or your new girlfriend. Iβd just mention youβre dating so she can move on because she knows youβre moving on but not say youβre dating one specific person out of respect for your new relationship.
You don’t tell her shit… You’re not a couple anymore, she doesn’t have to know your personal business. And I would put money on it that she hasn’t told you about anybody new.
There will never be a right time to tell her, rip the band aid off now. Call her if she doesn’t answer, leave it in a voicemail. Get it done or you will find a reason not to everyday until she gets really hurt when she does find out
I really donβt know why this promise was made. May be a closure thing for her? I dunno. Feels weird. Having said that- if you choose to tell her, a quick text is sufficient for me. βHey you asked me to tell you when I was in a relationship. Am in one thatβs moving into serious. Hope youβre wellβ and DEAR GOD tell your current girlfriend what youβre doing and why. TRUST ME ON THIS
Dont tell her
You really donβt have to tell her anything. I understand why you would feel like you should but the fact of the matter is yβall havenβt been together in a really long time and she has no right to your private information, period. Itβs not going to do her or anyone else any favors for her to have that info.
Maybe just tell your ex that you have thought on it and feel like you shouldn’t have made that promise and don’t think it’s healthy and you just want her to live her life just as you’ll be living her life. I guess it may be too late for that now, but ideally that would have been said the last time you spoke. If you do tell her, give her a call and make it short.
Iβm confused by everyone suggesting you donβt owe her honesty here. You were together for a dang decade. No, you didnβt HAVE to tell her, but you gave her your word and said you would. This isnβt a stranger. Itβs someone you spent TEN YEARS and almost your entire adult life with. What do you do now? You suck it up and honor your word. Iβd say call or text: βHey, I know I promised Iβd let you know when I started seeing someone.
I just wanted to be honest and transparent and let you know that day has come, and I am seeing someone/have a girlfriend/etc.β
Please just honor the 10 YEARS you had together and give her a heads up. Simple as that. It will sting, Iβve been there, but I think it will actually help her move on quicker.
I feel like you donβt really owe her anything. Itβs really none of her business what youβre up to now, itβs quite odd she wants to know, almost like she wants some sense of control of you even though youβre not together. If itβs getting serious, thereβs no need to tell her at all. I would also explain this to your new significant other, incase your ex tryβs to contact her and say some wierd sh**.
No definitely donβt do it, you owe her nothing!! Why risk the possibility of your new gf finding out you texted her
My guess is she wants to know so she can move on, maybe thereβs still a spark there to her. Iβd just drop her a message and tell her, odds are she just says thanks and good luck.
Why would you agree to this? It’s bizarre and not healthy.
You say,” FYI, I’m dating x person. Also, I’m no longer comfortable with the arrangement where we tell each other when we’re dating someone new. It’s not healthy, and for my own mental health I’m ending this arrangement.”