#Relationships #AloneTime #Compromise
Hey there! So, dealing with a partner who needs a lot of alone time can definitely be a challenge, but it’s completely doable with the right approach. It’s important to understand that everyone’s need for alone time varies, and it’s crucial to find a balance that works for both you and your partner. Here are some tips that might help you navigate through this situation.
First and foremost, it’s important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about their need for alone time. It’s important to have a conversation about what alone time means to them and how you can both work together to meet each other’s needs. This will help you better understand where they are coming from and how you can support them.
Another thing to keep in mind is to not take your partner’s need for alone time personally. It’s not a reflection on you or the relationship, but rather a way for them to recharge and take care of their mental and emotional well-being. Remember, having alone time is healthy and necessary for everyone, so try to be supportive and understanding of their needs.
In addition, it’s important to find ways to support and encourage your partner to take the alone time they need. This could mean giving them space to be alone without feeling guilty or checking in on them to see if they need anything. By doing so, you’re showing that you respect their need for alone time and that you’re there to support them.
It’s also crucial to find a balance that works for both of you. While it’s important to support your partner’s need for alone time, it’s also important to make sure that your needs are being met as well. This could mean finding activities that you enjoy doing on your own or with other friends and family members while your partner takes their alone time. It’s all about finding a balance that allows both of you to have your needs met while respecting each other’s space.
One thing you can do is to come up with a schedule or routine that works for both of you. This could be setting aside specific times for alone time, as well as times for quality time together. By having a schedule in place, it can help ensure that both of your needs are being met and that you’re both getting the time you need to recharge.
Additionally, it’s important to find ways to make the most of the time you do spend together. Quality over quantity is key here, so finding activities that you both enjoy and can bond over can help strengthen your connection as a couple. This could be going on a date night, trying out a new hobby together, or simply spending quality time at home watching a movie or cooking a meal together.
Ultimately, dealing with a partner who needs a lot of alone time requires patience, understanding, and compromise. Finding a balance that works for both of you is key, and it’s important to have open and honest communication to ensure that both of your needs are being met. Remember, alone time is a normal and healthy part of any relationship, and by approaching it with understanding and support, you can navigate through this challenge and strengthen your connection as a couple. Good luck! 💕
I’m the same way, so nothing to deal with 🤷🏻♀️
I remind myself that it isn’t personal, it’s how he recharges. And I also communicate my need of quality time together so that we strike a balance.
I also need a lot of alone time, so I found someone I can be alone with. We can spend hours in the same room, doing totally separate activities, not talking to each other for hours. That might sound some kind of way, but it’s lovely. We’ll occasionally shoot each other some finger guns, but for the most part, we’re just alone together.
Tbf it depends on how much is “a lot”. A few hours a week is a golden invitation to take a fun class he doesn’t like, hang out with your friends, go shopping, work out etc. Multiple nights a week for hours on end means you stress him out.
Kiddnap them
Give it to him.
As long as it’s not ignoring my needs or affecting the relationship I just do my own thing. Many times it was though and we’re now in couples therapy where we learned he has an avoidant attachment style. Alone time is fine but neglecting your partner is not, so it’s important to know the difference there.
I’m not sure what the definition of a lot is, but for all the nights where I leave him alone with minimal or no chat, he’ll be texting me the next day about something or other he is excited about. It balances out.
By also needing a lot of alone time lol
I’m the one that needs the alone time. It’s vital for my functioning so I need a partner who understands and accepts this. Has nothing to do with them. This is something that should be discussed within the relationship.
I’d be fine with it. I need time to myself, so it’d be nice to have a partner that needs that too. Otherwise I’d always feel a little guilty indulging in my alone time if my partner didn’t naturally enjoy his alone time too.
I’m great with that. Unless change is sudden then I’m concerned. But I also need quite a bit of alone time.
You have to find someone who’s compatible with your dating needs.
If they require much more alone time than you’re used to, you may never be able to deal with it
Find your non negotiables .
My ex had an avoidant style and this alone time got so much at a point that there was zero us time .
Even if I was at his place, i wouldn’t feel appreciated.
He would just be on his PC all the time and would only come when he was done .
Once I distracted him and he shouted at me .
I ignored these things in the relationships but now I am realising how much space is negotiable for me in the long run and how much isn’t .
Take some space from your partner and see if it’s your negotiable thing or not.
See this is why I can’t do relationships because I need a lot of alone time and some may interpret that in other ways.
My partner and I both love our alone time, so it works out. I couldn’t date someone that wanted to hangout more than 2-3x/week, it’d feel smothering
I am someone that needs a lot of alone time myself, I married someone I can just be quiet with and needs enough completely alone time himself that it balances out nicely. Admittedly this was better when we still had seperate places, but still, he is someone that enhances my alone time by listening to my jumbled thoughts, and giving me rational feedback without judgement, so I need less alone time. He also does sports on his own or with a partner or quietly does whatever, while I am in a different room doing my crafty hobbies.
Since we have a kid, this has become an issue, because our kid is the extroverted kind that constantly wants to talk and have company. Now we basically show each other love by giving each other alone time and taking the kid on solo trips, afternoon trips and such.
That would be perfect. I also need a lot of alone time. Clingy partners don’t work for me.
I fuck off and get myself some of that alone time too. Closed door alone time. I personally can’t stand that ‘alone together’ thing all the boys are onto these days. Like if you’re not going to give me companionship don’t disrupt my solitude.
I’m the one who needs alone time and at first it hurt my partners feelings. I explained to him that it’s how I calm down, recharge, and process things.
I’ll sit in the bedroom and he will hangout in the living room, kitchen, or go play PC.
Now that he gets I don’t hate him and want him to go away he lets me have my space. I just have to tell him hey I’m having alone time right now and he gives me a kiss and goes off to do his own thing.
I think he also realized he likes alone time. He has anxious attachment, but he started having alone time after work and playing with his friends on PC while I decompress from work and he’s realized it’s calming for him too
Respect their wishes
I realised my partner needed much more alone time than I thought once we moved in together. At first it was a bit difficult to not take it personally, but after a weeks this really encouraged me depend less on him for “entertainment” and spend more time on myself as well, do some yoga, go to gym, read a book, meet up with friends etc. – through that, my life actually improved a lot and we are both really happy with the status quote!
That would be me too. I need to do stuff on my own, and my husband knows this. I love my own company and the addition of my husband is a bonus. I cannot be with a clingy person, it suffocates me. Would you consider yourself clingy or needy?
He gets up earlier than me to have his alone time, he’s usually up around 6am and goes for a long run, comes home for a shower and makes breakfast for us, all before I’m awake. He’ll also have some alone time in the evenings whilst I have some too to indulge in hobbies, but we have an informal rule that by 9pm, we should both be ready to spend time with each other if the other wants it. It’s not always enforced if we both mutually agree we want more alone time that day.
I just give him as much me-time as he needs, there’s plenty of things I can do without him.
If was upsetting me it making me unhappy I would leave him because you can’t really force someone to want to spend time with you and quality time is a need for me
TLDR (cliché, but true): Speaking from experience… have an honest conversation and work out a compromise that meets both of your needs as best as possible.
Long answer: When my fiancé (FH) and I first got engaged, we ran into a LOT of issues regarding this very problem. I wanted more time together, and FH wanted more time alone. I felt hurt when FH pushed me away and canceled plans, and it made me question whether he actually wanted to marry me. FH felt hurt when I forced him to ignore his own needs in order to spend time with me, and it made him frustrated that he had no breathing room because I was being “clingy.”
Over time, we had several hard conversations about this. Here’s what we discovered was actually going on:
We’re both introverts who need time alone to recharge. However, our day-to-day lives look very different. I currently work in the home as a caretaker for five different disabled/very young family members. My schedule allows me to have lots of time to myself while the little ones nap. FH is a full-time student in a demanding degree program who works nights in a people-facing job. He gets virtually no time to himself most days.
We only get to see each other about 3x/week. When I finally get to see him, I’m coming to him with a full energy tank ready to spend lots of uninterrupted quality time with him. He, on the other hand, has likely not had any time to himself to breathe after being around people for a few days straight.
So, as it turns out, his need for alone time had nothing to do with me and everything to do with his hectic schedule. Since I can’t meet his need for alone time in any meaningful way, he has to make sure that’s taken care of before we spend time together.
In addressing the problem, he’s working on being honest about communicating his needs for alone time (I can’t read minds!). We’ve also scheduled Sundays and Monday nights as times we reserve for each other to address my desire for time together. In turn, I’m working on being proactive about seeing when he’s burnt out, as well as being a safe person to disappoint if he has to tell me “no” to some plans after a particularly tough day at school.
Don’t be afraid to have the tough conversation with your partner. Work out the root of the problem, and see if you can find ways to address it in a way that honors both of your (valid!) feelings. It’s very likely that his need for alone time has nothing to do with you personally. You’ve gotten some great ideas in this thread that will hopefully help kick-start that convo!