#Comparisonstruggle #Waitinggame #Selfcompassion
Hey girl, I totally get how tough it can be to see others around you achieving their dreams and goals while you’re still in the waiting game. Whether it’s watching a friend land their dream job, seeing someone else’s picture-perfect family on social media, or feeling like love is passing you by, it can definitely feel like a gut punch at times. But trust me, you’re not alone in feeling this way, and there are some strategies and mindsets that can help make the waiting game a little more bearable.
First off, let’s talk about the comparison struggle. It’s so natural to compare ourselves to others, especially in today’s social media-driven world where everyone’s highlight reel is on full display. But the thing is, comparison is truly the thief of joy. When we constantly measure ourselves against others, it’s easy to forget all the amazing things we have going for us. So, my first piece of advice is to practice self-compassion. Remind yourself that everyone’s journey is unique, and just because someone else has something you want right now doesn’t mean it will never happen for you.
Another thing that’s helped me cope with the waiting game is shifting my focus from what I don’t have to what I do have. Gratitude is a powerful mindset shift that can truly change your outlook on life. Try keeping a gratitude journal where you jot down three things you’re thankful for each day. It can be as simple as a delicious cup of coffee in the morning or a sweet text from a friend. By focusing on the positive things in your life, you’ll start to see that there’s so much goodness around you, even if you’re still waiting on certain things.
Now, let’s talk about some practical tips for coping with the waiting game. One thing that’s helped me is finding a creative outlet. Whether it’s writing, painting, or gardening, having a creative hobby can provide a much-needed distraction and sense of fulfillment. Plus, it’s a great way to fill your time while you’re waiting for your dreams to unfold.
Another strategy that’s been so helpful for me is setting small, achievable goals. It’s easy to feel discouraged when your big dreams feel far off, so breaking them down into smaller steps can make them feel more manageable. For example, if your dream is to land your dream job, set smaller goals like updating your resume, networking with professionals in your field, or taking a course to improve your skills. Each small step brings you closer to your ultimate goal and can help you feel more empowered and in control of your future.
Of course, self-care is incredibly important when you’re in the waiting game. Make sure you’re taking care of your physical and emotional well-being. That might mean going for a walk, taking a long bath, or having a heart-to-heart with a friend.
One thing that’s helped me is finding a community of like-minded individuals who are also navigating the waiting game. Whether it’s a support group, a book club, or an online forum, connecting with others who understand what you’re going through can be incredibly validating and comforting.
And finally, remember that it’s okay to feel your feelings. It’s natural to feel a whole range of emotions when you’re constantly faced with the reality that what you want hasn’t yet happened for you. Give yourself permission to feel sad, frustrated, or anxious. Acknowledge those feelings, and then try to look for the silver linings, no matter how small they might be.
So, in conclusion, coping with the waiting game can be incredibly challenging, but it’s not impossible. Practicing self-compassion, gratitude, and setting achievable goals are great starting points. Finding a creative outlet, practicing self-care, and connecting with a supportive community can also make a world of difference. Remember, your journey is your own, and no one else’s timeline can define your worth or potential. Hang in there, girl – your time will come. 💕
That wasn’t something that I felt the need to cope with. Everyone’s life is a different journey. Where they are in their life is about them and their life’s journey. That’s not relevant to me and my life’s journey. If they are my friends, family, or people that I care for, I celebrate their successes with them. If it’s someone unconnected to me, I don’t spend much time thinking about it. Their successes have nothing to do with my life. For the things that I want to achieve in my own life’s journey, I work towards those things. Where I am in that journey towards achieving those is not about anyone else. This is my life journey and my accomplishment, so I’m not comparing myself to other people’s journeys and their accomplishments.
Get off social media. Focus on what you want.
Be grateful for what you have that others may envy.
Well, there is nothing much to do,! Be happy for them, ‘and wait for your turn. That’ s all.
With hope because if they could do it then I certainly can too!
I’ll be honest I’m struggling with this a bit. I’m happy for my bestie who is the 1st of our group to be planning a wedding but she is just so ungrateful for all of it.
Nobody wants a bridezilla of course lol but she could care less about any of it. She just wanted a ring & is now already talking about having a baby & getting a house & we are over here thinking- “girl, you are 28 & so young! Just slow down & enjoy where you are now! Plan your dream wedding & let’s just have fun!” She’s like racing through life.
It has been triggering for me for past relationship trauma & I’m working on it but geez. I would be ecstatic if I were her & she is just so meh about it all. Again, I love her & am happy for her I just gotta vent sometimes. I guess I just feel lost & am humble enough to say yea, I’m jealous of certain things.
I find it is best to not wish or want and just let life happen
“The race is long, and in the end it’s only with yourself.” Comparison truly is the thief of joy. People get what they “want” all the time and still aren’t happy. Others can’t begin to figure out what will make them happy. I just enjoy the ride. And, seeing other people happy makes me happy. Their success does not make me feel bad about myself or jealous of them. I’m thankful for everything I have.
When I get really jealous of someone, it’s because they have something I want – so I try and work out what element of what they have is what I want (right now, time to work on my creative endeavors) and try to make that happen
I am super happy for them because I want those around me to succeed and do well because I know they would want me too also. Plus it’s not a competition. I’m on my own journey and I’ll be damned if I’m going compare myself to them… or them to me.
Also I mean not everyone can be as fabulous as I am so no need to make them feel bad about themselves. /s
It can be hard, because it is kind of just natural to compare and measure yourself against others…. However just think about the “every dog has it’s day” saying. And stick to your lane and just work towards your own goals. You probably have something that others envy as well. Be happy for others as your time will come. When it does celebrate with grace.
i take it as a sign that if they can do it, i can do it. if their time has come, my time will come! etc. i also firmly believe that if one thing doesn’t work out the way you wanted, it means something better will come along or something you didnt know you needed. patience 🙂
Unless you’re directly competing with them for a specific limited thing then getting it doesn’t have anything to do with whether I get it or not. If they can do it, so can I.
I’ve always cared more about what _I_ want in life and achieving that, I never really thought to compare to others because it wasn’t really relevant to me beyond knowing what they’re up to as a friend.
In some ways, some people might consider me ‘behind’ others (eg family/love as I’m almost 30 and never dated). In other ways, they’d see me as ‘ahead’ (doing well in a career I love, traveling the world). Everyone has their own journey.
If you’re working towards it, it doesn’t feel like waiting. If you’re working towards your goals, that is actively achieving them.
Well I sorta just waited it out. My boyfriend and I have wanted to get married for a couple years and people in his family who told us we where rushing things got into relationships after us and are already married and engaged. We didn’t want to deal with the family drama so we are waiting until we are both a bit older, however the one who got married is having relationship issues and the one who’s engaged boyfriend is unfaithful without her knowing (I only know this because he tried to pry himself into my life) I feel terrible for those people but they kinda just proved that I needed to be patient and find my own moment and not rush to be the first.
By accepting determinism to an extent. On my daily life I don’t really think about it and just do what I got a do. But when a negative situation comes about and I’m confronted with negative feelings, I come back to this subject. Free will is an illusion, so I’d do exactly the same things and be in the same place had I been that person/those people. For the best and for the worst.
It also makes pride something really hard for me to feel. I enjoy compliments, but I don’t give them as much importance as other people would, probably.
While I appreciate all the “just be happy for others” comments, it wasn’t my reality and this question is hard to answer, despite the fact that I’m in a healthier place where I **can** be genuinely happy for the successes of others. I stopped comparing and learned to accept and be thankful for what I had, even if it’s not what I wanted.
And therapy. Therapy helped a lot.
It’s ok to not always be deeply happy for the successes of others when your own life isn’t what you want, hope, or dream for. But it’s something you should actively work on because it’s a much healthier place to live than to steep in envy or jealousy or unhappiness.
Be happy for them. Your ego will bring you down, so recognize it, accept it as a feeling that does not serve a purpose, wish them the best of luck and know everything happens for a reason. Bitterness will always drag you down.
I found it easier to not compare my life to others once I dropped off Facebook and Instagram etc. More focused on my own life and grateful for what I have
Very poorly. I’m obsessed with comparing myself to others on social media which I rationally know it’s terrible. But I still do it. And of course on social media everything is perfect and everyone is always acting their best. But it is what it is I haven’t found a way to deal with this yet
I just think about how my Aunt L found the love of her life at like 45 😊
I focus in myself
It makes me sad because I’m missing out on so many experiences that I might never end of happen.
Water your own grass to create the life you want. Can you take classes or apply to a different job? Are you doing new things where you can meet people and spark relationships? Are you relationship material-able to compromise, work on your own happiness, be part of a team, give and take, set and honor boundaries?
This can be challenging, especially with social media these days, which can make even the most amazing person feel so down on themselves.
Personally, I am happy for them and have faith that I will receive in my own time. I believe in myself that it will come at the right time for me.
Sometimes I can get derailed if someone is being cruel and makes really mean comments, I’m sure most of us have experienced at least one bully in our lives.
In that case I have to get back to basics and look at my own accomplishments and how far I have come. I will even go as far as writing down negative comments and why they simply aren’t true and replace them with positive ones. I write down my accomplishments. Anything to bring me back to a positive state of mind where I believe in myself again.
The best way to cope with this, I have found, is to have faith in yourself (and if you believe in a higher power, then also faith in God to provide). Believe in yourself and you will know in your heart you will achieve that very same thing you want. And you will achieve it your way and it’ll be your special flavor of it and be so special.
I really struggled when my best friends got engaged. I had been with my partner for 6 years and had wanted to marry him since day one. They had been with theirs a year. I couldn’t understand why my partner didn’t want to marry me after being together as long as we had been yet my friends were engaged after barely any time at all.
I asked my partner why he was waiting so long. He kept repeating that when the time was right, we would. I started to wonder if that would ever happen. Meanwhile, I sat back and watched my friends have their big weddings and start married life.
My partner proposed on our 7 year anniversary, and we married 2 years later. Honestly, I was actually proud of him for doing it when he was ready and that he didn’t do it because I’d pushed him into it. It meant a lot to know he had come to make the decision on his own, that he felt ready to become a husband and commit to us forever.
Fast forward to being married for 2 years and one of my friends is getting a divorce and the other is considering separation. They rushed into marriage with someone they barely knew – and I don’t mean know on a personal level. Marriage isn’t about knowing each other’s favourite movie or what they like to eat. Its about knowing the very core of someone – how they communicate on a bad day, what makes them tick, how they handle stress and difficult situations, how they support you when you need them. That’s when it gets tough and when you’re most challenged.
My friends didn’t realise they were marrying people who didn’t know how to communicate properly, who wouldn’t have the capacity to support them through traumatic events, or who weren’t open and honest about aspects of their life. They married someone they only knew on a surface level and its ultimately broken their marriages down because they rushed in.
I’m honestly so grateful I waited to get married. I would have said yes if my partner had proposed even the first week we met, I was so ready to jump in without knowing everything I really needed to know, and it would have been a huge mistake as its a journey getting to know someone else as well as you know yourself. But we’ve been through so much, and at the core of our marriage is communication – something not a lot of couples realise is absolutely essential. We know each others best and worst attributes and make a choice to love those parts – the good and the bad. I know we’re very lucky to be more in love now, after over 11 years together, than we have ever been.
If I could give anyone my advice, it would be to not be influenced by other people’s journies. Not every path is the path for you, and while from the outside it may look perfect, you have no idea what the reality is behind closed doors. Carve your own idea of what makes you happy, whether its considered conventional or not. If you wanna be married with no kids, thats your choice. If you don’t wanna get married, don’t do it. Just make sure that whatever you do, its right for you. And *communicate*.
Shutting down internally and dissociating. Plus trying to brainwash myself into just accepting my failures as my fate. It’s how I lived my whole adolescence, and though I had a brief renaissance period in my early adult years, I’m basically back to where I started, only now I’ve got a lot less time and youth. Nothing feels real most of the time and I’m mostly just waiting for something to kill me.
I drank, took drugs, and hung around loud rock and roll. Then I got over it!
I see it as inspiration. Observe and learn. Make mistakes and learn.
Tell myself that just because they have everything I want, doesn’t mean they have everything they want
In my emotional brain I’ve never been able to shake off the feeling that I’m behind in life.
My logical brain believes it’s all to do with perspective.
Not really a solution, but rather a way to make some wine out of those sour grapes: learn from your jealousy. It’s the clearest signal your subconscious can give you about the things you really want.
Try to dig deeper and figure out precisely which aspect(s) of the other person’s situation is making you jealous. You can use that information to set your own goals, or identify areas for personal growth.
Also, spending less time on socials (or muting people liberally) never hurts!
Work work work
I went through all this. I had lost most things in life. But now I realise why I could survive. I love myself a lot. I am good at music. And I have other awesome unique blessings. Hence despite losing it all and together with extreme lack of self-awareness I was always happy and not really jealous of anyone. Now, after some success, I have understood quite a bit. That’s why I am able to post this. Frankly, to say, I am hardly a jealous person. But I have experienced it a lot from my own gender. The main reason was I did not realise who I was. Almost equal to stupidity was my mental status.
I’m happy for them, it’s simply not my time yet. That’s fine, imma make the most of my independence and hobbies and friends and family in the meantime. I wanna make myself the best I can be for when I do meet them.