#WorkplaceConcerns #EmployeeRelations #ManagingEmployees
Hey everyone! I just had a pretty unsettling conversation with one of my female employees, X. She reached out to me regarding a text she received from a male colleague, Y. It seems he decided to send her some unsolicited feelings about how he’s never been attracted to an older woman like her before, and even mentioned that he felt “turned on” after a hug they shared during a recent moment of collective grief. 🤔
While he acknowledged that she is married, it’s concerning that he chose to express these feelings in such a bold way. X handled it like a champ; she wanted to take the reins and address it herself, but also expressed the need for me to step in if things escalated. I let her know to keep me in the loop and assured her that I’m fully aware of the situation to avoid any potential misunderstandings later on.
But this got me thinking, how often do similar situations happen in the workplace and what can we do about it? Here are some of the pain points that might arise:
- Unwanted Attention: This can make employees uncomfortable and create a toxic work environment. 😟
- Conflict of Interest: When personal feelings spill into professional settings, it can cause division within teams.
- Fear of Speaking Up: Often, employees might hesitate to discuss these matters due to fear of repercussions or not being taken seriously.
As a possible solution, I think it’s key to create an open dialogue in the workplace about boundaries and respectful communication. It could also help to provide training on workplace relationships and proper conduct to prevent these situations from occurring in the first place. 💡
So, how should I proceed? Is there anything else I should be considering at this point? Have any of you dealt with similar situations? Please share your experiences or tips! Let’s discuss how we can foster a healthier workplace culture together.
Ah, young love. Never great in the workplace. In the US, once even one manager knows, the company know and action must be taken. I would be sure to create detailed nots of your conversation, check the accused’s Personnel file, and then go to HR. You cannot legally promise to take no action, so that is meaningless. Maybe give her the rest of the day, but even if she tells you she had a good conversation, the appropriate manager must take action. In this case, assuming no history and no other complaints, it might be best to discipline him with a written warning if the conversation shows he realizes his error, and at a minimum provide formal harassment prevention training. You employment law attorney might do this one on one and be very “scared straight” in their approach.
For future interactions I recommend something like this:
Employee: If I tell you something can you promise not to tell anyone else?
Manager: I can promise you I will keep it as confidential as I can, but certain kinds of information I am required to take action on or report to other managers in the company.
9/10 it something like “My dog ate my homework and I need an extra break to finish before class. Or it will be something you never wanted to know.
Yes, but I would check in with X after a week or two to make sure things are fine. (My answer would have been different if X hadn’t asked for the opportunity to handle it herself; usually an employee coming to you with something like this is an implicit request to *not* have to handle it themselves.)
If X tells Y she’s not interested and Y never hits on her again, and never retaliates for being turned down, then all is well. If he doesn’t take “no” for an answer, though, you (or your company’s HR) would need to step in.
Y is walking on very thin ice here, but it isn’t sexual harassment (yet).
I disagree a bit. Yes, the EE in question can take a couple of days to address this.
However, a conversation needs to happen with the person about appropriate conversations with colleagues.
So in my org, it’s not harassment or against the rules for someone to ask out a colleague (note – never a subordinate) ONCE. If the answer is no, she needs to clearly tell him no, and then he needs to never ask or hit on her again. Our HR team would only get involved in this if she rejects him and then he doesn’t get the hint.
Document your conversation but you don’t need to go to HR about it. I’d consider checking in in 1-2 weeks to make sure there are no further issues, but ultimately, they are both adults and he took his shot and said he would not ask again if she didn’t feel that way. So go with that unless he doesn’t stop.
Follow through.
Let her handle it and step in if that doesn’t work.
He needs to be warned that it’s not acceptable and to cease and desist immediately, if you need to step in.
I think you handled it well. I hope her telling him stop and that she is not interested will stop the messages, etc…
Good luck
Document this. Just put it in a word doc, put as much detail about info, dates, time as you can.
Check in with her in a few days. Pay extra careful attention to Y and his behavior.If ANYTHING looks off after that, or if she says the conversation didn’t go well, you need to step in and tell him he’s on a last and final warning.
I feel like him mentioning he was turned on is harassment.
Fire him
Honestly it would be super uncomfortable working with someone that told me that they were “turned on” by a hug with me. I’d report it to hr and see if there’s a way to transfer him to another department away from her.
Not her job or place to handle it. Your company , you are the boss? you need to protect your employee and your company. He is out of there. He crossed a line not to be crossed. Even if you tell him to stop how can you otherwise provide her safety at work. Time to grow a pair and be the boss.