#RelationshipAdvice #ExGirlfriend #MovingOn #LoveTriangle #TrustIssues
Hey there! It sounds like you’re going through a tough time with your ex-girlfriend and her current situation with another guy. First of all, I want to acknowledge that what you’re feeling is completely valid and it’s okay to feel confused, hurt, and unsure about how to respond. Relationships can be messy and complicated, especially when trust is involved.
Here are some tips on how to navigate this situation and respond in a way that aligns with your values and emotions:
**1. Take Time to Process Your Feelings**
It’s important to give yourself some space to process everything that’s happened and how it has made you feel. Allow yourself to feel all the emotions that come up, whether it’s anger, sadness, betrayal, or confusion. It’s okay to not have all the answers right away.
**2. Communicate Your Boundaries**
It’s essential to communicate your boundaries clearly to your ex-girlfriend. Let her know how her actions have impacted you and what you need from her moving forward. Express your feelings honestly but respectfully, as this will help establish healthy communication between both of you.
**3. Consider Your Own Well-being**
In making a decision about whether or not to take her back, it’s crucial to consider your own well-being and emotional health. Ask yourself if you can trust her again, if you feel respected and valued in the relationship, and if you’re willing to move past this betrayal. Remember, your feelings and your needs matter too.
**4. Seek Support**
Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for support during this challenging time. Talking to someone you trust can help you gain perspective, process your emotions, and make informed decisions about what to do next.
**5. Advice from Bhagavad Gita**
In the Bhagavad Gita, there is a teaching on letting go of attachment to the fruits of actions. This can be applied to your situation by focusing on the present moment and taking actions that align with your values, rather than getting caught up in expectations or outcomes. Trust that by acting with integrity and self-awareness, you will find clarity and peace in your decisions.
Ultimately, the decision of whether to take your ex-girlfriend back is yours to make. Trust your instincts, prioritize your well-being, and remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued, respected, and secure. Stay true to yourself and make choices that align with your heart and your values. You’ve got this! 👊
If you need further advice or support, feel free to reach out. Take care of yourself and prioritize your own happiness. Good luck! 💖
>She said she needed it for her mental health and that she needed to feel loved by someone physically. She said she wouldn’t have if I was there with her, and that she will take me back in a heartbeat.
I just want to point out how manipulative and unfeeling stating something like this is. “It’s your fault that I slept with him because you’re not physically here,” is an extremely toxic, unhealthy thing to say — and is fundamentally untrue.
I think you need to get some distance between yourself and this woman. She seems to use her mental health as an excuse to treat you poorly and doesn’t seem to be doing anything to actually address her mental health struggles in any real way.
This isn’t what love or healthy relationships look like. You need to move on from this.
I’m not going to tell you what to say, but I will say that you’re a human being with thoughts and feeling, not a body pillow to be cuddled with and promptly discarded, then picked up again. Seems she got that confused.
She lied about not worrying about the guy, then she separated so that it wasn’t cheating, then she blamed you for not being there. It was 100% planned out at your expense, no accident, no drunken mistake.
She didn’t have time for your relationship but she had time for partying and him. You were the backup plan if it didn’t work out.
I would tell her not to worry about getting back together. Not only is the trust gone, but forgive her for this and it’ll happen again.
My friend, take a step back and read what you wrote as if someone else wrote it. What would your advice be?
Look it hurts, you loved her and she didn’t love you the same way back. And I understand how crappy that can feel, but in her actions she is showing you that she puts herself first, over both of you. Even the I need you to hang around because after I have had my fun, I might find you useful again.
She is being selfish, and really at this age, it isn’t the most unforgivable trait to have.
But here is the thing, you need to do what she is doing, which is putting yourself first, not her first. You are willing to debase yourself, remove your self respect for her, even though you know for a fact that she will absolutely not do that same for you.
This relationship will be her taking from you as much as she wants, and you trying to justify it.
Don’t do this. Do a clean break, when you start defining your needs rather than framing yourself in the terms of her needs, you will be in a much healthier place.
Don’t reward bad behavior
If her intimacy with the other guy was meaningless to her, so was her relationship with you.
Tell her how you feel about the thought of being anything more than platonic. Be honest to her for yourself. You expressed your feelings well here. I know some people who reconnected after their early 20s… but if you spend your early 20s sacrificing your needs for this relationship, youre gonna be worse off and it is not going to last. With the way youve described how you feel, I know it cant last, cause thats just not feelings that foster a lasting relationship. She needs to grow up, and maybe it will lead you back together… but at this point in your life, you owe it to yourself to live for you. I frankly think with some time you’ll be completely over her – people do not treat others they love the way she did to you. But again maybe after the chaos of your early 20s, when youre both professional adults with a clearer direction in life, youll reconnect. Maybe she will give a genuine apology, that reflects her selfish behavior, and isnt just blaming you for her own actions. This aint it, tho, its not a good call to go be with her.
She did what she “needed,” which didn’t involve you or your feelings. Take the fucking hint and grow a backbone.
I’m sorry, OP, but the relationship has run its course. Long distance can only work if both parties are willing to put in the work. When she told you she wants a break, that was her saying she’s not willing (or perhaps not able, given the depression) to put in the work on her end.
Don’t put too much stock into the fact you’ve never felt so compatible with someone before. People evolve over time, and major life changes punctuate that evolution; it’s quite likely that your compatibility in college would not translate to compatibility post-graduation.
Was she being good to you by emotionally cheating and then breaking up so she could date him? Clearly shea being selfish, do you really want that type of partner ?
You sound like a doormat. She’s telling you she’s going to keep fucking him but you still want to be with her? So what’s going to happen in the future if you ever fight or you have to visit family or have a business trip, is she going to sleep with someone or that same guy and tell you the same excuse? That you weren’t there, but if you were, she would have never slept with said person. She’s taking you out for a walk and you’re letting her. Her excuses are dumb and don’t make any sense.
Honestly, being depressed and WORKING ON YOURSELF doesn’t mean you sleep around, party and start destructive behavior, it’s the complete opposite of working for yourself. (the reason I’m saying she is having destructive behavior is because she knows the stuff she is doing is going to hurt you and she still does it, despite saying that you guys are going to get back together)
furthermore, the same question again, if you guys hit a rut in your relationship, and she gets depressed, will she say and do the same things again? In my opinion, she sounds toxic and is using you because she knows you will always be there no matter what she does and you’re showing her that she can use you.
“No,” it is a complete sentence. Then block her. It sounds like she broke up with you to have sex with another guy. If you say anything about it she will likely say you were broken up. Well, stay broken up and find someone who is true to you.
At 22 it feels like you’ll never meet anyone you have a connection like you do with your first love, but life brings you all sorts of people, and it’s very likely you’ll find someone who you have a stronger connection with who will treat you kindly and with respect.
Grieve the loss of this relationship, then move on. Do not allow this woman to use your emotions and kindness to manipulate you. You deserve to be loved and respected.
Two things. Moving. On.
“No thanks.”
Boom, done.
People who are in love with someone dont do this to them! Period! This is manipulation, betrayal and fucking gross. How do you tell someone you love that your out partying hookingup and sleeping with other people and think it’sok and normal!
You deserve better! That is skanky as hell what’s she doing to you. You accept this now what will she do to you later all for mental health reasons!
You don’t
“You don’t have to worry about him” is a special circumstances level of betrayal. It’s a bid for elevated trust from you, knowing full well that there are genuine reasons to be concerned. When she asks specifically for trust, knowing there are real reasons not to trust, and then breaks that trust, that’s a whole new level of cynical. You would be right to not trust her again.
*You hooked up with the one guy you swore up and down that I didn’t have to worry about. Whether you understand it or not, by choosing this specific guy…you made it impossible for me to be with you unless I tell you point blank you can’t have any guy friends. And I don’t want to be that guy.*
*I no longer trust you to be in a relationship with me and have male friendships. I can’t live like that. And I would never want you to live like that either.*
*You made your choice. You crossed a line you can’t uncross and because of that…we are no longer relationship compatible*
“babe just let me party and get fucked until you move here in a few months and then I’ll settle for you. I mean settle down. I’ll step down to you. Sorry I mean I will settle for the more stable person after I had my fun and got fucked. Miss you! 😘”
“Babe, he is just keeping me warm for you. Do you really want me to not get fucked while you aren’t here? Come on, I think you are being the difficult one.”
Your a young man don’t stress yourself out on this person. Your broken up stay that way. She made her choice. She pushed you out so she could have sex with this person. Don’t get it mistaken. She PLANNED THIS! she wanted to have sex with him. He friends didn’t do anything. She wanted to do she did. She broke up with you so she could do it. Do not take her back. She calculated you love her more than she loves you and you would take her back no matter what she did. Love yourself more than her and stay away from her. Get a woman who loves you more than you love her. But you feel the same way about her.
This relationship is over and she ended it months ago. Let it stay dead.
Dude this is you feeling hurt because your LD relationship didn’t work. If it wasn’t this dude it would have been someone else. Just based on your seemingly balanced write up your gf was never less than completely transparent and you weren’t even together.
If this is your forever girl you would be a complete fool to let her go over this incident. BTW you could both be stronger as a result of this.
You’re not interested in anyone else because you haven’t healed and let go. Take it from an old lady (58F), there is nothing you can do to make a person respect you, if they don’t or treat you the way you deserve, if they don’t want to.
You deserve better, than you be lied to, cheated on, and gas lit into thinking this is your fault or problem.
No matter, what her mental health issue are, you CANNOT fix them. Only she can.
No matter, how much you love her, you CAN find a better love.
Please cut contact with her, go through the pain to heal, and find someone that makes you smile and laugh, respect YOU and HERSELF (this one has no self respect). It will happen for you if you focus on you. Keeping her around will only make you anxious and insecure.
Tell her “I value myself too much to allow you to treat me so horribly and that you hope one she values herself but for now you must walk away.”
Wow 🤦
I know what it feels like to have a connection like this and it still doesn’t work out. The truth is, it FELT like soulmates but it really wasn’t if she does something like this. Use it as a standard for when you move on to dating again. You want a connection like that or BETTER. I thought I had met my soulmate a few years ago, and things didn’t pan out. And then I met someone else that truly made me forget about anyone else in the world. I knew immediately that the last person was a great connection, but not meant to be. When you know, you KNOW. There is never room for doubt or questionable things like what your ex did.
>she will take me back in a heartbeat.
Huh? SHE will take YOU back? You weren’t the one who split up with her and then started sleeping with the guy she told you not to worry about. Yes, you weren’t together when she was making out and then sleeping with him, at least not that you know about, but you also weren’t the one who said you needed to take a break and then quickly got with someone who was quietly weaseling their way into your life.
OP, only you know what is right for you but I think she is showing you her true colors. You don’t have any interest in other girls because you are only focusing on the woman who dumped you. She left you to focus on her life but to do that she needed to hook up with someone else “because they were there”. All of that because she couldn’t wait a few months until you both were together. I’d say write this one off as a lesson learned and go find someone who loves you just as much as you do them and is not going to dump you at the drop of a hat to go date someone else.
She’s taking you for a ride and taking you for granted. No one does that to someone they love
Let her know you two are no longer compatible and that she is not the same person she was. Block her and move on. Deal with the pain now before it gets to big.
Just block her. Focus on your future. Her friends also toxic. Leave toxic relationship.
Your young so don’t waste your remaining life with that ugly character person.
My god just ghost her and grew a backbone. Stop wasting your time with that loser.
I had an ex who dumped me after cheating on me. A few months ago by and they reach out and want to get back together. In this time I had many opportunities to start dating again but I didn’t feel I was ready because my heart wasn’t in it. And when I say many opportunities I mean many better opportunities than what I had left behind. Still I didn’t do it because in my heart it would feel like cheating. They had moved across the country to be with their best friend and New Lover and then move back to where I was. The first thing they said when we met up was that the 3-day trip had given them time to think and they decided that for us to be together I had to win them back. Yep. I have been cheated on. I had been dumped. But if I love them and wanted to be with them I had to do all the work. And when I told them that I had had no other lovers while we were apart they didn’t believe me. When I didn’t do enough to win them over they left me again within a couple weeks.
You and your girlfriend had a fairy tale Romance that was complicated by time and distance. While she might actually love you and see a future between the two of you she decided that she needed a side piece. She legitimately broke up with you and blamed on everything other than wanting sex with somebody else and gave you the promise that maybe you would get together again in the future. Basically she wanted to cheat on you without the stigma of cheating on you and now that she realizes that she had it pretty good she wants you to come crawling back so she can forgive you for not being there in the first place.
Cut all contact with her. Go out with the boys and have a few drinks. Meet somebody nice but leave her in your rear view mirror. Whatever you do, unless it is already settled for work or College, do not move closer to her. Find A New Path forward
You don’t respond. You move on from that mess and don’t give her a second thought.
You have ended things with her. Keep it that way. Don’t move in to her city. Plan your life without her and move one. It’ll hurt, yes, but thing will be better as time moves on.
I don’t think I’m alone in thinking that she probably cheated on you with this guy before and for me, it’d be enough to not even think about getting back with her.
All the comments are spot on. She isn’t girlfriend material
Time to send her back to the streets.