#RapeSurvivor #SupportForSurvivors #MentalHealth #SeekingHelp #Abortion #RelationshipAdvice
Dealing with the aftermath of a loved one being raped is a traumatic experience. As a partner of a survivor, it is crucial to provide them with unwavering support and understanding. In this case, where the survivor is also potentially facing an unplanned pregnancy, the situation becomes even more complex and emotionally charged. Here are some steps you can take to support your girlfriend through this difficult time:
**1. Validate her feelings**
It is important to let your girlfriend know that her feelings are valid and that you are there to support her. Acknowledge her pain and fear without judgment. Let her know that you believe her and that she is not alone in this.
**2. Encourage seeking professional help**
Encourage your girlfriend to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in trauma and sexual assault. Therapy can provide a safe space for her to process her emotions and develop coping mechanisms. Additionally, a therapist can provide valuable guidance on how to navigate the challenging decisions ahead.
**3. Offer practical support**
Offer to accompany your girlfriend to doctor’s appointments or support her in making decisions about her health and well-being. Be a source of strength and stability for her during this turbulent time.
**4. Respect her autonomy**
It is important to respect your girlfriend’s autonomy and decision-making process. While it is natural to want to protect her and take control of the situation, ultimately, the decisions regarding her body and her well-being should be hers to make.
**5. Be patient**
Recovery from trauma is a slow and complex process. Be patient with your girlfriend and give her the space and time she needs to heal. Understand that there may be setbacks along the way, but continue to offer your unwavering support.
**6. Seek spiritual guidance**
In times of crisis, seeking spiritual guidance can offer comfort and solace. Reflect on the teachings of the Bhagavad Gita, which emphasizes the importance of duty without attachment to the results. Focus on being a supportive and loving partner, without expecting anything in return. Trust in the divine plan and have faith that everything will unfold as it is meant to.
Remember, your girlfriend needs your love and support more than ever during this difficult time. By being her rock and offering your unconditional support, you can help her navigate the healing process and emerge stronger on the other side.
She needs emergency treatment from a professional therapist. What you can do is connect with people you know that are close to her (family, friends) in order to get her to a therapist asap.
Has she filed a police report ? It has been 2 days, has she gotten a rape kit ?
What exactly is the situation ?
It’s incredible the amount of people accusing this woman of lying with such little information on the matter, you should be ashamed of yourselves.
First I’m so sorry this happened to your girlfriend. Obviously what she went through is the priority but it is also happening to you, because seeing someone you love traumatized is terrible and often makes you feel helpless. Ignore people here who are focused on whether she is pregnant and suggesting she cheated on you. Even if she’s lying to you, all you can control is whether or not you react like a decent person in this moment to someone you love and trust. Imagine how you’ll feel if you doubt her story and it turned out to be true. You will regret it forever. Send her a text message saying you love her and are here for her no matter what and understand that she needs space but you are not going anywhere. And then just keep checking in every few days – even if its just “I’m thinking about you and am here when you’re ready to see me.” That’s the only thing to do and give her time to heal.
Ugh my entire comment was discarded but I REALLY want you to see what I wrote, so I’m rewriting. Please don’t listen to these other commenters. Yes, she MIGHT have cheated, but I don’t think she did. And it will hurt so so bad if her own SO doesn’t believe or support her in her time of need. Send her a message saying you love her so much and will give her space if that is what she needs and that you will always support her. She was most likely ashamed and scared and really depressed so didn’t say anything immediately. Do you regularly have protected sex? She is most likely worried that since it was unprotected she became impregnated. Don’t listen to this ovulation/“it’s only been two days” BS, if that were me I know I would be really scared of pregnancy as well. Approach it like you believe her, so not insinuate at all that she may be lying. If she is lying trash, then she will walk away from you. Good riddance.
Anyone that wonders why women don’t report their rape should take a look at this thread. These people can and will form part of a jury. This is what people mean when they say rape victims are continually retraumatised. I wouldn’t blame anyone for not reporting when a significant proportion of the population have a default belief that women are liars and manipulators who routinely lie about being raped. They put the victim on trial rather than the perpetrators.
If the person did not use protection then that is where your gf is getting the idea of pregnancy from (some of you are very dense).
The bottom line is that your girlfriend needs to talk to someone about this. This is absolutely NOT something she can handle alone. She can choose whether to pursue legal action via reporting it with police. At the very least you need to look for women’s resources groups and women’s advocacy groups if your girlfriend isn’t interested in traditional therapy as they are made to handle situations like this as well as DV and homelessness.
I’m so incredibly sorry that she had to go through this (I’m a survivor as well). It’s disgusting to me that people in the comments have the audacity to accuse her of being a liar just because she thinks she could be pregnant. Reproduction takes ONE time. If the person use NO PROTECTION it is reasonable to assume she might be. Especially since she was telling YOU about it. You’re her significant other, her possibility of being pregnant affects BOTH of you, hence why she would include it when explaining the situation.
Just please make sure she understands it is NOT her fault. This absolutely does NOT make her less of a woman or a person. What happened to her is NOT fair and should have NEVER occurred. She is a SURVIVOR not a VICTIM.
That is obviously nothing to go on to give any real advise other than she says she wants to be alone and id respect it. Maybe check up on her in a form of a text like no response needed but im here if you need me.
There so many scenarios this could be and without more information its best to not speculate until more facts are gathered.
She’s struggle to process this
I am very sorry to hear what happened to her. The best thing to do is just try to be there for her and she needs to get some therapy and medical emergency. I hope that you can work things out with her.
I would just add to the already good responses that you should keep in mind, as you give her some space and then support her, that what will be tricky is not only will the emotional vulnerability of a loving relationship be extra scary, having sex with you will reenactvphysical parts of the rape – like someone on top of you and penetration.
Please, OP, don’t listen to those who are saying your gf might have cheated on you. It’s really saddening and scary to know people prefer to believe a survivor is a liar instead of supporting them. Give her the time and space she needs, in the meantime, you could reach to women’s advocate groups and do a little research on the topic. You can send her a message with the info you found and tell her that if she wants to get in contact with any of those groups, you have her back. That being with her so she doesn’t go alone if she is scared or supporting her decision to go with anyone else or by herself. Let her know that she is in charge of her life but she is not alone. She needs to claim her power back. She is not a victim, but a survivor. She can do it and you can, too.
Sending virtual hugs to you and her.
She wants to break up, she wants to be alone, and she doesn’t want to talk
I don’t know what else you can do and she likely needs a professional
Without her telling you to full story we can only give general advise.
She is definitely going to need to see a doctor and a trauma therapist at the least.
I would say filling a report with the police is a good idea as well but it’s probably too late to collect physical evidence.
She could be pregnant from prior to the rape. Meaning you may be a Daddy to be OP. Support your gf. Get law enforcement involved. Do not abandon her. Help her! She didn’t ask to be raped!
OP, please don’t go accusing her of the bs some of these comments do. A few years ago I went down the rabbit hole of actually looking into numbers regarding false SA accusations and there were very clear patterns in the few cases that actually were lies. Your story doesn’t fit any of them. (Sorry, not going to look up the exact numbers again but I‘ll give you the gist.)
First and foremost, the few women lying about it usually had something to gain from it, like those falsely accusing a celebrity were either after a (very weird) sort of fame or banking on getting paid off to shut up. The cases of lying about rape to excuse a pregnancy were mostly teenagers who feared their (usually very strict) parents‘ reactions or sometimes cheaters who wanted to salvage their relationship. So while those don’t literally gain anything, they’re trying to avoid consequences.
Unfortunately, talking about their SA often comes with negative consequences for women, people‘s perception of them changes, and the way law enforcement are treating them is often very harsh.
Considering your gf wants to end the relationship over this, can’t be out for fame or money, and is a woman in her 30s so it’s unlikely she needs to pretend to be a virgin to her parents, the odds are really slim her story isn’t real.
I recommend calling the Boston Area Rape Crisis Center hotline. Even if you’re not from Boston, the volunteers will be able to talk to you (or your girlfriend in a separate call) to offer support and think through options. I volunteered with BARCC and worked on the hotline for several years. They are an outstanding organization that believes in empowering survivors and giving support to the significant others that do the important work of supporting survivors.
https://barcc.org/
Your girlfriend is going to undergo a lengthy process of processing and healing from the event. I think you’ll have to be patient as your relationship and your wants may take a back seat to what she has to deal with.
Don’t push yourself on her with the getting through things together. It’s good to leave yourself as an option if you can withstand that but you’re not gonna drive anything for the time being.
I think you should strongly consider getting your own therapy, independent of her. This is a very traumatic event for you with regards to how it affected your relationship.
Police aren’t helpful or understanding in the west either, especially with rape, so I can only imagine how bad they must be if we look like an improvement.
I don’t know what you can do other than continue to be there, reiterate it’s not her fault and she has nothing to feel guilty about, and offer to be by her side if she is pregnant and needs the abortion.
Ive been here but younger but my significant other left me when i told him. I needed my family support so much and people who were going to force me to get better. I wanted to unalive myself everyday i woke up. on top of being raped my rapist gave me ghsv-2. Just getting raped and having something else awful come from it like a pregnancy, std is AWFUL. My family forced me to go to in-patient then outpatient therapy full of a bunch of women and men who have also been raped. This was the best experience of my life. Looking back if i could go to outpatient for the rest of my life i would. Granted at first I didnt want to go at all, i hated the thought of it. And my family was basically like ok either get help or youll be miserable and be like this every day. And thats when i decided to agree and go. Also thankfully my stepdad is a successful attorney and helped me find an amazing lawyer to sue him instead of pressing criminal charges. Be patient but remind her how valuable she is and how you are here for her. You arent going anywhere, you want to see her get better, whatever that takes.
I’m amazed that you had to add an edit apologizing for wasting a *bunch of random people on the internet’s* time when recounting the story of a horrific event your girlfriend went through. I hate that anyone believes they deserve an explanation and assume the worst when someone doesn’t tell the story right because they’re literally experiencing something horrible. M
I’m so sorry she went through this. This is traumatic. The only thing you can do is remind her over and over that you’re here for her, even if she needs to break up. She didn’t do anything and you love her and just want to make sure she’s okay and safe and gets support through this. Good luck, friend.
It’s not about your relationship anymore. She needs serious therapy. If she wants to break up, do not try to stop her.
Jesus, I don’t even know what to say. I’ve got no real advice that hasn’t been already mentioned in this thread. My heart goes out to you two, Im so sorry this happened.
I can’t believe people are in here assuming she is lying. wtf is wrong with you people?
I would support her outright. Reassure her, get her to a hospital and bring her to the Police so she can file a report. You can *support* her while she files the report. If she’s scared, guilty or ashamed you can stand by her side while she goes through this.
Now if she refuses to go the Police outright? Yep, I’d leave her. At that point if it’s the best case scenario? You do not make her feel safe and she doesn’t see your support as valuable enough to get through a difficult time. I could *not raise a baby with this person* knowing she doesn’t feel safe around me or that my support wasn’t effective.
Now worst case scenario? She cheated on you, she’s pregnant and she’s trying to cover it up.
> she says she wants to break up because she doesn’t know how she’ll be able to look at me again.
I won’t lie, the first place my mind went is “It’s not rape, she cheated on you and she’s about to get busted”.
Good luck sorting this out.