Hey everyone! 👋
I wanted to open up a discussion about something that’s been bothering me. So, my boyfriend (22M) often jokes around with my friends about how I (23F) “rarely give him head.” Well, let’s put it out there—I’ve given him head maybe 10 times in our 2-year relationship. It’s not because I don’t enjoy it; I actually do, but there’s a catch.
Here’s the scoop:
- He finishes super quickly 😳, leaving no room for me to also enjoy the moment.
- He’s never returned the favor with head, which feels a bit one-sided to me.
- I’m not the type to reject sex; actually, I have a higher sex drive than he does!
- When he jokes about it, it makes me feel unappreciated and puts unnecessary pressure on me.
While I could totally call him out on these issues when he jokes around, I don’t want to embarrass him. I genuinely enjoy giving him head, but I find myself wanting more balance and consideration too.
So, my questions for you all are:
- Do you think my feelings are valid in this situation?
- How can I explain this to my boyfriend without hurting his ego or feelings?
🔑 Here are some possible solutions I’ve been thinking about:
- Having a candid conversation about our sexual dynamics. Communication is key! 🗣️
- Setting aside time for both of us to explore each other’s needs—maybe we can balance things out more. ❤️
- Suggesting we incorporate more oral pleasure into our routine, but as a two-way street!
I’d love to hear your thoughts or any similar experiences you’ve gone through! Let’s support each other in navigating these tricky conversations. 💬✨
Feel free to drop your tips or even share if you’ve had similar issues. How have you approached talking about sexual preferences with your partner?
#RelationshipTalk #SexualHealth #CommunicationMatters
Just tell him that you don’t appreciate the jokes.
If you’re both mature enough to be having sex then you should hopefully be mature enough to have a conversation about sex.
I’d start by telling him that you don’t appreciate his jokes. It’s crude and rude. And then tell him the rest.
As a compromise (if you want one) just start with a BJ but don’t finish that way.
You should blast him back next time. If he doesn’t return the favor….smh
Well, he shouldn’t be cracking jokes about it to ~~his~~ your friends, that’s disrespectful.
Between you and him, I don’t know your banter, but you could even play back at it:
>Well, maybe if you returned the favour, you would get more of it 😉
But… Making sex life transactional could be an unhealthy path.
I would suggest to get more oral received for you incorporated, then shift the BJ to the grand finale instead of an earlier position.
Also mention all of this… You actually enjoy giving head. You enjoy sex. But you’re unhappy with how some things are developing. You’d like to improve the overall picture so both of you are enjoying it the same…. And you hate the jokes he makes.
Its a bit disapointing to read because a lot of the pieces seem to be here to develop a sex life, but he doesn’t know how to properly assemble it with you.
Calls you out to your friends to embarrass you, instead of talking to you about it like a partner. Not the play.
Express your disappointment, get this negative energy out of the way with a conversation. Then moving forward, try to keep sex a positive fun conversation to have and frequently touch base about needs and wants. Sex should be fun to discuss, not something to argue about.
OP, I have to tell you that I would never date anyone who felt compelled to discuss our sex life with friends. This is a fundamental violation of trust necessary to a healthy intimate relationship.
I would say if I were you like “I’ve noticed you joke about me not giving you head often. It bothers me because it feels like you’re not considering my perspective. I enjoy giving you pleasure, but I also want to feel satisfied too. When we only focus on oral, it ends too quickly for us to have sex, which leaves me feeling unfulfilled I’d also appreciate it if you could avoid making those jokes in front of our friends. It makes me feel uncomfortable and unappreciated”
Find a moment when you’re both relaxed and not in the middle of an argument or joking session. This will help ensure that the conversation is constructive
They are separate issues in my opinion. Keeping score in a relationship is almost always a bad idea. If he never goes down on you, he sounds selfish. Is he generally selfish in other aspects of your relationship?
Have you had a private conversation where you explain why it’s not happening, and ask if he wants you to share that with the group when he brings it up? If not that’s step one.
Make a joke about how he doesn’t do it
Sit him down and explain that the reason you don’t give him blowjobs is because he’s never reciprocated. And explain that you WON’T give him one until that happens.
Each time he brings it up, respond with “yeah, and you don’t either.”
But honestly, isn’t it past time you dump this guy and move on for greener pastures.
You’re totally valid to have those feelings. Very normal and I’m sure most people in that situation would feel the same.
That said, you owe it to both of you to explain it to him and express your need for more. Just do it privately, and calmly, and try to keep it factual and not blame anyone. Lots of I statements, not you statements, etc.
Or just ditch him because making those kinds of “jokes” in front of your friends is an asshole move, especially when he doesn’t give you head! It would be entirely reasonable to cut your losses and ditch him and try to find a man that can actually please you. Or talk with him and give him a chance to step up his game. Given you’re 2 years in, probably worth trying, but I doubt he’ll actually change longterm
I (52F) just had a similar conversation with my husband. Our situation is different, in that he spends extended time going down on me during foreplay making sure I have many Os before we even start having piv. He is actually a VERY attentive and thoughtful lover and always wants to try new and exciting things.
Early in our relationship, I hated giving head. There was just nothing about it that I enjoyed. However, I now love to give a good BJ (so empowering!) but it recently occured to me that I give him blow jobs with no expectation of anything in return, even though it makes me horny. If It really bothered me, I would just whip out my womanizer and take care of it.
Conversely, he does not offer up oral just for the sake of my pleasure with no expectation of his own orgasm. Generally, I have upwards of 10 small and 5 big orgasms every time we have sex, so I am not really complaining.
I am absolutely thrilled with our sex life but when I realized there was a bit of an imbalance, I pointed it out- not in an accusatory way, just as we were kind of joking around about tonight’s bj- “Babe, you know what occured to me yesterday? I love giving you bjs and you love giving me oral but bjs are always isolated events, where when you go down on me it’s only before sex. I know that our orgasms are very different and I love being able to give you the ultimate pleasure with no expectation of return and would like that opportunity for myself.” Of course, I then had hip surgery, so have been out of commission, LOL.
I’d be incredibly upset if my partner brought up our sex life to my friends (or her friends).
In private, have a talk, and offer to explain it to all of his friends next time you hear him joke about it. It is wrong for him to be talking about your private sex life in a group setting, especially if you are there! I would have said it, just to embarrass him for sharing, bitching and lying, but that is me.
Edit: My opinion is based on the assumption you have told him why you do not offer bj more. If that is not the case, then I recommend you tell him that you are not getting what you want as much as you want it either. Sex is a transactional relationship in the sense it is to give pleasure . . . to each other. If both parties do not get what they want, then things break down.
If his orgasm means sex is over, then he has to get you off first. If you implement this policy you’ll have a dating life that’s smooth sailing
They say transactional sex isn’t appropriate but it sure seems appropriate here. I’ll give it regardless bit I know I won’t get it if I don’t eat pusssy.
Make the same “joke” more than twice and he’d never get it again. It’s rude and childish for him to be making these “jokes” in front of others.
Him: Hahaha she never gives me head.
You: I try but he cums, if I simply breathe on it. Hahahahahahahahhahahha*
*Repeat as needed
These days I’ve learned meeting people exactly where they are, immediately clears up any misunderstanding.
but ideally, have a conversation with him about it. in private. let him know basically what you said here. and maybe offer head to completion and get him hard again so he can perform.
and have a separate conversation about him not returning the favor. you’re less inclined to do either because he doesn’t get you off. Most guys are oblivious whether or not they get their partner off and have no idea how bad they are in bed.
Not gonna lie, he’s kind of putting you on blast by saying that in front of others. Either blast back or tell him in private the real reason, then say that if he tries to embarrass you again, you will be brutally honest with his friends.
How do you date someone for 2 years who doesn’t care to get you off?
“hey! So you joked the other day about me never giving you head, and I wanted to talk about it in case that wasn’t actually a hundred percent joke. I’m down to give head as much as I receive it – doesn’t have to be on the same day, but if you eat me out, rest assured you’ll get blown just as often.
I’m not down to give head a bunch if it doesn’t feel reciprocal. That’s just not sexy to me. If we’re both excited to make the other one feel amazing, giving you head is super hot.
If you don’t want to, that’s fine – we can stick to piv, but in that case I’d really like you not to joke about getting no oral any more.”
I would counter and tell his friends that he never goes down on you and doesn’t know where your clit is.
Okay but seriously, he sounds extremely selfish and talking about his sex life (nevermind JOKING about it) to his friends and not with you is extremely immature. Your feelings and your reasonings are more than valid and if he doesn’t respect you outside the bedroom, never mind in, he’s not the partner for you. You deserve better.
I think you’re asking the wrong question. If I were in your place, I would be asking myself why I’m staying with a twat who thinks it’s okay to publicly humiliate me about our sex life.
“You take care of me, then I’ll take care of you.”
To every guy out there reading this, the more she enjoys it, the more she’ll want to do it with you.
> he has NEVER given me head back
So next time he puts you on blast, retort with: “why don’t you tell them how often you give me head??”
IMHO, he is trying to bully you into submission here & bullies need to know you can bite back.
Embarrass him. It’s weird how despite however shitty a man behaves women still tiptoe and walk on eggshells to make sure they don’t hurt his ego feelings or embarrass him. I mean the majority of comments are ignoring his blatant disrespectful behavior and telling you to cuddle his feelings and that you guys could have a really great sex life You know if you just move past the whole blatant disrespected ridicule he regularly does. 😐
He does not care about embarrassing you. He set the standard that it’s okay and acceptable to do this in a relationship. Follow the standard he set.
The next time he tries to publicly shame you into giving him head tell him that you’ll give him head once you start getting head.
Who jokes about sex with friends? And especially if it’s about your significant other?
There are two separate problems here:
1. He’s a selfish lover
2. He jokes with his friends at your expense about something private between you two.
Address these problems separately.