#SisterInLaw #RelationshipBoundaries #FamilyDynamics
Hey everyone! I’m in a bit of a pickle and could really use your thoughts. My husband (29 M) and I (23 F) have been enjoying our childfree life, but lately, my sister-in-law (25 F) has been throwing some shade on our relationship. 😒
It all started after her breakup a few months ago. She’s been really vocal about how she feels about relationships, especially ours. It’s like she’s trying to make us feel bad for being happy together! She mocks our little arguments and even goes as far as saying things like, “Relationships are so boring.” 🙄
The last straw was last night when she came over drunk and basically told my husband he should seek excitement outside our relationship. I mean, can you believe that?! I felt blindsided. We love our life and the time we spend together, and her comments are starting to weigh heavily on both of us.
Here are some pain points I’m feeling:
- 🔹 **Undermining Our Relationship**: It’s frustrating to have someone so close to us constantly question our love and bond.
- 🔹 **Feeling Defensive**: Her remarks make me feel like I have to justify our lifestyle to her, which is not fun!
- 🔹 **Family Dynamics**: I don’t want to come off as controlling, but I also don’t want her negativity to impact my marriage.
We’ve talked it over and agree that we need to set some boundaries, but we’re unsure how to do it without coming across as controlling or judgmental. 🤔 Here’s what we’re considering:
- 🔹 **Open Communication**: We plan to sit down with her (when she’s sober!) and express how her comments make us feel.
- 🔹 **Setting Boundaries**: If her behavior continues, we might need to limit her visits or the fun activities we do together.
- 🔹 **Keep it Respectful**: We want her to know we’re looking out for our relationship, not trying to run her life.
What do you all think? Are we overreacting? Would it come off as controlling if we set these boundaries? I’d love to hear your experiences or any tips you might have! 💬 Let’s chat!
You should stop inviting her round. Only meet up when something family related is organised where there are others to act as a buffer
Bottom line. She’s jealous. So it’s making her act like a sulky brat.
He needs to tell her to grow the hell up, and life is more fulfilling when you have a bestfriend to share it with.
And if she wants to be used by men, that’s her perogative, but don’t come telling me what I’m missing out on, when all I see is a pathetic girl projecting her daddy issues on the world.
I’d also tell her to stop coming round, until she grows up.
Why is it important for you to say it in a way that she wont see as controlling? Cause based on how you are describing her and her headspace right now, I cant see any way you can communicate this without her seeing it as you being controlling.
You need to STOP letting her sleep over. The fact she feels so comfortable to make snide remarks is very telling and you are both under reacting which is telling her you’re ok with the behaviour.
Just stop allowing her to sleep over. Create distance. Only see her during family events until she grows up and learns to be respectful towards you.
She’s older than him. Why is she at your house? If she doesn’t respect your marriage, she shouldn’t be allowed to stay at your house. I’m not saying cut her off completely, your inviting her into your personal space. She doesn’t ned to be there.
She feels comfortable to say whatever because you guys do nothing about it. She doesn’t want to be controlled, then tell her to go some place else. You guys are a bunch of pushover.
You’re adults, act like it.
I would leave out her lifestyle but make it clear that if she doesn’t respect your own then she is not welcome anymore.
I think she’s just jealous and sad. She’s trying to glamorize her lifestyle but if she had a long term boyfriend or husband she’d be doing the same things as you. She might need time to heal. She sounds super immature and bitter though.
Sounds like jealousy. Cut contact and don’t invite her over for sleepovers.
Anybody who disrespects your marriage should never be allowed in your home. Anybody that disrespects you in your home shouldn’t be allowed to stay either.
Why can’t you tell her ‘shut up and stop acting stupid’ when she runs her mouth and acts stupid?
Her behavior sounds more annoying than dangerous, but you and the people saying you need to ban her from coming over seem to be skipping the step where you stand up for yourself a little.
Also, it doesn’t matter what you do to not “appear controlling” – she’s clearly intending to interpret anything she doesn’t like as control, so set up some boundaries and go from there.
The saying ‘misery loves company’ exists for a reason. She’s trying to fill an empty void in her life. She sees that you don’t have this and can’t understand what you have that she’s missing.
Keep her at arms distance if not further.
I can see why her last relationship didn’t work out… He probably wanted someone more mature and she’s…. not that. I would stop inviting her over, if she gets fussy let her know that her negativity surrounding relationships is an issue she has to deal with and its unfair and immature on her part. Let her know you don’t fuck with the negativity, enough said.
There isn’t any leeway … this 25 year old needs a huge wakeup call.
she doesn’t get to use your home stable base to land on or launch from after ‘escaping’ the control of her parents’ home.
You guys are enabling her.
She should not be allowed or invited into your home … at all.
She sees stability as ‘controlling’ …
Her parents should make her move out…
Plan on what to do when she tries to bust through your boundaries by showing up drunk at night after partying and insisting you have to let her stay just this once for her safety. Maybe let her wait outside for her parents to pick her up… and say next time you’ll be calling the police to report her as a trespasser. And do it when it happens again.