#ParentingSchedule #Pregnant #NewMom #FamilyStruggles #ParentingAdvice
—
If you find yourself pregnant and struggling with your partner’s parenting schedule, you are not alone. Many women are facing similar challenges and working through tough decisions. It’s important to look at the situation from every angle and consider your options. Here are some tips and advice to help navigate through this difficult time:
Taking Responsibility for Parenting
First and foremost, taking responsibility for both the children you are bringing into the world and the children in your partner’s life is crucial. It’s important to do what is best for everyone involved, while also maintaining your own well-being.
Understanding the Parenting Dynamics
Understanding the dynamics of your partner’s parenting relationship is essential. If there are legal issues, it may require intervention from the court and a well-laid-out parenting plan that addresses the children’s needs as well as your own.
Managing Expectations
You should consider what your expectations are as you move forward. It’s important to openly communicate with your partner about your feelings and concerns, and work together to find a solution that is acceptable for both of you.
Healthy Boundaries
Setting healthy boundaries for yourself and your relationship is key. While it’s important for your partner to spend time with his children, it’s also important to have quality time together as a couple. This is a delicate balance that may require patience and understanding on both sides.
Financial Support
Ensuring that there is adequate financial support for all children involved is essential. It’s important to consider not only the needs of your own child but also the needs of your partner’s children. If your partner is not financially contributing to the well-being of his children, it may also be important to address this issue.
Seeking Guidance and Support
Seeking guidance and support from a trusted person, such as a family member, friend, or counselor, can be incredibly beneficial. Having someone to talk to and provide advice, especially in a situation like this, can make a world of difference.
Using the Bhagavad Gita as a Guide
The Bhagavad Gita offers timeless wisdom and insight into the responsibilities and challenges of life. One principle that may be relevant to your situation is the idea of fulfilling one’s duties while remaining detached from the outcomes. This can be a powerful lesson for navigating through the complexities of relationships, especially when children are involved.
Remember, you are not alone, and there is always a way forward, one that takes into consideration the needs of everyone involved. It’s important to approach this situation with compassion, understanding, and an open heart.
This is a really understandable fear and it just won’t work with kids. Different families have different parenting arrangements that work for them, but it sounds like here your and your child’s position in his life is “whatever time is left-over”. It just won’t work.
It’s also a red flag that apparently he didn’t check with his kids mom that he was going to intorudce a partner to them and the co-parenting relationship doesn’t sound very healthy.
Honestly, I wouldn’t wanna bring a child into it either.
Why doesn’t he have a legal custody and support agreement?
That is the solution. He would have allocated legally assigned time.
If your partner wants to change their parenting agreement, whether it’s formal or not, he needs to get an attorney and change the agreement.
I’m sure he told you that they had a great coparenting relationship….yeah, it’s great when he does what his ex wants and when.
It was extremely poor judgment to introduce you to the kids so early on.
It was extremely poor judgment for him not to get a legal custody order because his ex can use the kids for leverage.
I saw you say in another reply that he doesn’t want to go to court because of what she might say to the kids. Well, that’s called parental alienation and judges don’t like that. They can assign a guardian ad litem to the kids and order therapy and if mom starts doing stupid shit, she can be found in contempt.
Personally, there’s no way I’d stay in a situation like this. And hey—if you leave, you can have a similarly “great coparenting relationship” and order him around. He clearly has no spine and no common sense.
I think you should have waited before getting pregnant for this guy. Clearly you and your baby aren’t a priority in his life, and you can’t make him to change his mind. You might want to start thinking about yourself and create a support system for YOUR child.
Personally, I think you should leave – it’s clear that his ex is not going to let him bring the kids around you, and it doesn’t seem like he’s going to go the route.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, but it doesn’t seem like things are going to change
This might have been something to discuss bf you got pregnant
The amount of posts on here with people moving in together and meeting kids at the speed of light is really bizarre to me. Why would your bf introduce you to the kids without telling their mom? imo she was right to be mad about that. 4 months is absurdly soon and especially with no heads up. There’s no justifiable reason to not have a custody agreement or for a parent to just put up with seeing their kids on the whims of the other parent. I don’t care if they had a “better” coparenting relationship previously, they should have agreed on something on paper when they first split up. Children need stability! They’re both doing a huge disservice to the kids
Get an abortion and run from this situation now.
Even if he goes through court this won’t be settled within 9 months, like no way.
You’re always coming below Bio-kids (which is good because he needs to be) but also below this ex because he’s never reinforced proper boundaries. Legal council could have helped him years ago.
You won’t even have 50% of him if you have his baby.
All of this in the beginning should’ve told you that this situation would not be okay if you ever got pregnant by this guy. It is still not too late to leave
Why are you having a child with this man? You have no business bringing another child into this mess. This man has already shown he doesn’t prioritize you and I don’t know why you are deluding yourself that he will prioritize your child.
Yeah, this is not a sustainable situation as it is, more so with a kid of your own. I think there are two options, really: either he has to negotiate a different schedule with his ex, or you have to leave.
How did you not see the red flags in the beginning. You shouldn’t have even met his kids as soon as you did. You should have told him to go back to court and fight for his kids before you ever got pregnant. This isn’t a situation I would want to deal with for the rest of my life.
Nope he either puts his foot down with her or you move on
He needs to be willing to actually go to court and stand up for his right as a parent. That he doesn’t is suspicious, but will make your life much easier if you need to leave him.
The best thing to do in this situation was to get pregnant. Congrats!
Leave now. From my experience, I had a similar situation, it only gets worse. Just wait until you have to beg him to be with you during birth. I will never date a man with kids again because of my previous experience
So for 7 years he has been at her beck and call, and you truly think this will change?
There should be a visitation schedule in place … this is just reasonable for the long term. Also the EX doesn’t get to say all this stuff about you… how are the kids going to feel when they find out that they have a little brother or sister… if you are keeping this pregnancy then you and SO need to have a conversation about your expectations and his.
Frankly I would’ve been exited this relationship.
If he doesn’t end up getting that lawyer to actually make a legal agreement, get out.
And please don’t have kids with people who don’t have their lives together. There’s lots of ways to prevent pregnancy, and the more you compound, the less likely you are to get pregnant. I’ve had so many doctors tell me this and it’s very true.
So 4 months into your relationship, the tone was set for the way forward regarding his kids and how that needs to play out .
Why did you not only continue the relationship, and in turn accept those terms , and then subsequently fall pregnant, knowing that’s how things are ?
It’s kinda interesting to see that you were all on board for it. You wanted to be with him badly enough that you accepted the situation, and now it’s a problem for you ?
You knew what this was going in, and now you want to change things up ?
Did you even have a proper conversation with him, the kind where you communicate openly on where and what this relationship will entail to find out how things should happen if your relationship continues or if a new child is introduced?
Or did you just play along , happy to have him so excusing all the rest and now boom you’re pregnant and reality is setting in ?
This is going to turn into a situation where either the new baby is going to come second , or his existing kids are going to lose out . There’s zero adults in this scenario
He needs to get a custody order in place. Tell him he needs to do this. His ex can’t simply refuse him access to his children on a whim. His excuse that going to court could mentally harm the kids is bs. His ex had no problem berating him in front of them and he folds to her. The damage is already done and the kids will need therapy anyway,
You need to put YOUR foot down. Be louder than her. He needs to take action and stop being such a push over.
It’s time he figured it out with a lawyer.
Four months was too soon to meet the kids. One year is too soon to get pregnant. However, since you are pregnant a lawyer is necessary.
Or, possibly, have him talk with her and kids are allowed to be at home with you there in agreement of not getting a lawyer.
Good luck
I wouldn’t continue the pregnancy if I were you. Don’t tie yourself to this idiot.
May get downvotes but are younsure tou want to have a child with this man ?
That woman WILL CONTROL ALL THE TIME HID TIME.
There will be Times when he will need to be with your child and that woman will be against it.
She will tell him to choose how to spend his time with their children or yours.
Guess who wont see their dad when he will suposes to spend rime with him ?
Eesh how are you going to go through with this.. the writing is on the wall
I’m sorry but these should have been red flags prior. He already has children, that’s his custody agreement, those are his kids he needs to be there, it’s tough but that’s situation he’s in, and you’ve now put your own child in.
His ex was right to be upset 4 months is too soon anyone be introduced to children. You’ve nor even been together a year and you’ve allowed yourself to get pregnant? It’s reckless, your bringing a child into a already complex situation, and yall not even married. The fact that yall not even in a serous relationship why weren’t yall using BC? Why do you think his dynamic with his children will change?
You need to consider whether you’re prepared to raise this kid alone, because the situation with your partner sounds very iffy.
Why on earth would you get pregnant with a man like this.
I would be thinking long and hard if I wanted to bring another child into this mess.
Why the hell is he parentifying his 18 year old daughter? Why is her mum and why are you OK with that? And why are you pregnant within a year? You barely know him! The fact you met his youngest kids when you were just 4 months dating, well, I can understand why his ex was mad about that, that was way too early. And your boyfriend was aware of that, otherwise he wouldn’t have tried to keep it a secret for his ex.
All in all: Woman, WTF are you doing?
Bringing a baby into this is an exponentially stupid decision.
His ex is going to be in your life forever if you have his baby. Please be aware of the stress that this dynamic is going to cause to all of you, including your child.
I can’t believe there has been no formal custody agreement (and child support) put together. If he hasn’t been paying child support, or keeping very clear records of paying her, please be aware that if they go to court, she may ask for BACK child support. This could be what has stopped him from doing this all along.
Please rethink this relationship. His stress will become your stress.
I wouldn’t even be having a baby with this man. It’s going to take awhile for the courts to figure custody out anyways and then there may be parental alienation. Too much stress for you and the baby and he should’ve solved this awhile ago. You should’ve also put your foot down wayyyy before you were pregnant.
A “serious” relationship doesn’t happen in 4 months. You did not need to meet his kids at 4 months. You should not have gotten into a serious relationship with someone that does not have their custody/visitation set up properly for their other children, let alone have another baby with them. Your expectations are likely never going to be met, even if he takes this to court. He has significant financial and time investments with his children and they do not deserve changes in that because he got you pregnant
Why is no one talking about the fact that they have been separated for SEVEN YEARS and THIS is still how they are handling things?? 🚩🚩🚩 Yikes
So you’re knocked up with someone you’ve been with for just over a year. He’s had this same custody schedule the entire time you’ve known him. You’ve not allowed to be in the same space since month four. What advice do you actually need? Leave. Get an actual custody agreement with him.
This isn’t sustainable. I don’t know how he managed to have a serious relationship with you while being basically “on call” with no set schedule for the kids, having to be ready to adjust to his ex’s schedule on a dime without advance notice. None of this is normal, however. I don’t know what happened in their divorce or what the hell he might have agreed to, but it’s time to go to Court. He needs a COURT MANDATED CUSTODY AGREEMENT. He should have his time with the kids specifically drawn out and agreed to. There should be a schedule you guys can count on and schedule around. THis is better for the kids as well. Having to have 2 entire households disrupted simply because the ex refuses to allow him a normal visitation schedule, or not allowing him to introduce his kids to you? This whole thing is bizarre. The ex can threaten anything she wants, but if he goes to court he has rights as a father and should be able to have the court set up the vustody agreement.
She has refused to work with him, refused to compromise, refused to even speak with him. SHe threatens his access to his kids, and will not communicate about schedules. She is delibrately making his life difficult but the toll in on the kids, their relationship with him, his relationship with you, the kids relationship with their new half-sibling, etc. SHe’s causing a lot of drama, stress, and issues, and he’s ALLOWING IT.
Have him go to a lawyer ASAP and find out what it will take for him to get a court ordered custody agreement that she will HAVE to agree to (or risk losing custody herself) and her schedule will be her problem. You guys should have a schedule. That’s how it works for other divorced families and that’s for a reason. This is madness and I would tell him that he either takes steps to fix this (basically not allowing his ex to run his life anymore), talk to a lawyer, get access to his kids where he can do what he likes (introduce them to you, have them be part of your new family too) so that you guys can all have a normal life together as one family, or you will be leaving. He needs to step up.
He NEEDS to do this. It’s okay to be concerned for the kids, but the way things are now he is going to miss out on parenting his NEW child with you, because she will make it impossible. THis is your hill to die on. He either goes to court for custody, or you leave. He cannot allow the ex to control his schedule with his kids, period. He can explain to the kids that he’s fighting to have more time with them and for them to be allowed to come over, meet the baby, have space at your home too, etc. Divorce is hard, but allowing his ex to control his relationship with his kids and his schedule and his availability for you – is not healthy for anyone, including his kids. He has another kid to think of now, and he has to put them all evenly. He can’t miss time with the new baby to keep things quiet for the other kids. They all deserve to be with him, together, as a family, and that will only happen if he fights for it.
His ex wife does not have that much control over the kids. He needs to take her to court to get the custody decree sorted out. No judge is going to agree that she has a right to alienate the kids from him (assuming he’s a decent sort of human) because she doesn’t like the idea of her children having a step parent.
He’s going to have to go to bat for this relationship AND his kids from his first marriage. Your child is going to be their half-sibling.
together less than a year, living together, and 3 months pregnant? JFC
This is crazy, do they not have a custody agreement in place? If not they should get that pronto & then standard, reliable visitation will be enforceable by the courts.
This hasn’t bothered him, having to communicate through relatives & stepdaughters?!
Does he not worry about her parenting that she acts out like this & exerts chaotic control over not only his life, but the erratic relationship the children now have with their father? Wtaf?
I’m concerned about not only the mother but the passivity of your BF in the face of such parental alienation & obstruction 😱
OP, this is a big preview into what you can expect in regards to how well he’s going to be able to rise to adulting & fathering within your own relationship. It’s worrisome.
I feel like there’s some backstory missing here.
Do you have the full story of the whys and wherefores of their breakup & divorce terms? Is there something you’re not being made privy to? Bc 7 years on this should be a well-settled shared custody situation.
Nurses schedules come out months in advance most times, i feel like the weekly thing is BS. Its time for a serious sit down and if that doesn’t work its time to get a court ordered custody agreement so it works for everyone and she can’t control who sees the kids on his time