, here is an update on the situation and some advice.
UPDATE:
First of all, I want to thank everyone who commented on my original post and provided their perspectives on the situation. I really appreciate all the advice and support given. After reading through the comments and taking some time to reflect, I decided to have a conversation with my husband about the gift.
When my husband gave me the birth flower necklace, I thanked him and expressed my appreciation for the thought behind the gift. I told him that I loved the sentiment, but I had originally mentioned wanting a piece of jewelry with our son’s birth flower. I explained that I would prefer a necklace that represented our family connection rather than just my birth flower.
My husband looked a bit surprised but immediately apologized for the mix-up. He admitted that he hadn’t quite understood the significance of the birth flower and misunderstood my request. He explained that he wanted to get me something special but got overwhelmed by all the options on the Etsy shop I had sent him. He ended up ordering the necklace from Amazon in a rush, which resulted in the lower quality and incorrect label.
We had an open and honest conversation about our expectations for gift-giving and the importance of communication. We both acknowledged that we could improve in this area and agreed to be more explicit and detailed when discussing gift ideas in the future. My husband genuinely seemed remorseful for the mistake and promised to make it up to me by finding a more suitable replacement gift.
In the end, we decided to return the necklace and browse together for a piece of jewelry that truly represented our family. We made it a fun activity and spent the afternoon looking at different options online and discussing what we liked and didn’t like. It turned out to be a bonding experience that brought us closer together.
Now, I want to share some advice for anyone who may find themselves in a similar situation:
1. Communication is key: It’s crucial to be clear and specific when discussing gift ideas or preferences. Avoid assumptions and make sure you both understand each other’s expectations. If necessary, provide links or examples to eliminate any confusion.
2. Focus on the thought behind the gift: Remember that the intention and effort behind a gift are often more important than the actual item. Express your gratitude for the sentiment, even if the gift may not be what you expected or wanted.
3. Express your feelings gently: If you feel disappointed or let down by a gift, try to discuss it with your partner in a calm and understanding manner. Use “I” statements to express how you feel and avoid blaming or criticizing your partner. Remember, the goal is not to start a fight but to find a solution together.
4. Look for a compromise: If the gift is not exactly what you wanted, try to find a middle ground or alternative. Discuss options and find a solution that both of you are happy with. It could be returning the gift and selecting something together, or finding a way to modify or personalize the existing gift.
5. Learn from the experience: Use situations like these to reflect on your own expectations and how you communicate them. Recognize that nobody is perfect and mistakes happen. Use it as an opportunity to grow as a couple and strengthen your bond.
In conclusion, the issue with the gift was resolved through open communication and understanding. We learned from the experience and grew closer as a result. Remember, it’s not about the value or perfection of the gift, but about the love and effort put into it.
I’ve ordered things from Etsy that come in Amazon boxes, Amazon does fulfillment for some Etsy shops. It is possible he ordered the jewelry from the right Etsy seller but it was fulfilled by Amazon.
Serious question: is the charcuterie picnic something he’s genuinely into, and something you know he wants?
I suppose it’s whether it’s a pattern and if you feel like he always goes low effort.
Sometimes, people miss the mark.
Some etsy seller did fulfillment via amazon.
I’ve seen the amazon seller’s similar type of jewelry, currently it’s under $20 (with discount), while the Etsy one is around $36. They’re so gorgeous! Thanks for the idea, I’m going to buy some for my SIL and MIL 😀
Christmas is coming 🙂
I got a “24k gold” custom bracelet with my daughters name from Etsy and it broke the first time I wore it. Sent it back to have it fixed it broke the next time I wore it.
I’d be upset your hubby didn’t listen about your sons birth flower and used yours. And he ordered it late.
But the fact it’s from Amazon instead of etsy… eh it’s kinda the same thing nowadays
My spouse and I have been married over 40 years. Quite a while ago, we stopped buying each other gifts. Instead we save for travel and other shared experiences. It’s much less stressful, no one’s feelings get hurt, and there is no resentment. I highly recommend it!
It’s not that she got them fancy snacks to share, she put time, thought, and effort into arranging a nice experience for them to share together. She mentions several comments that her husband does really love charcuterie, and the wine she chose was catered to his tastes. Just because she is not giving him a physical gift, doesn’t mean the act and quality time together isn’t just as good as a piece of jewelry. We don’t know what her husband’s love language is, but I assume she does. He may mot appreciate or like being given physical gifts. My partner does not like gifts and will not accept them.
She laid out exactly what she wanted from him. He has so far put no effort into their anniversary besides ordering what she told him to order, and she isn’t even certain he did that. You can’t tell me you wouldn’t feel at least a little hurt to put all of this effort into a nice night only to find out the other person couldn’t have been bothered until the last second.
OP. I suggest you wait until the gift is given before making any assumptions. Enjoy the quality time with your husband tonight without letting the mood sour and save this conversation for a later date. When and if you do bring it up, I suggest it’s brought up as more of an effort argument, then as a monetary value argument. You put time and thought into this, he didn’t even do the small amount of work you asked from him. Get to the root of *that* issue and don’t focus on the money.
My 2 cents, I absolutely love your gift idea. You have taken note of things he likes. His gift, I agree, don’t worry about it till after you find out. Every time my boyfriend mentions something he wants, I text it to myself. I even noted that he wants a ’57 Chevy, I’ll never be able to get out, though. Our first Christmas together, we went to a vintage shop where they sell tons of vases. (I collect) I pointed to each one I liked. He went back & bought me none of the ones I wanted. I was truly disappointed. After a while, I sat him down & had a conversation about how it bothered me that he didn’t seem to care. He admitted that he should pay attention to things better. And he has. He’s a mechanic, so I know exactly what brand, size, etc. tool, he wants. He is quite picky, but it’s what he wants & that’s important to me. I personally would sit him down tomorrow & discuss it with him. Nothing mean, just an honest conversation about what it meant to you when he asked what you wanted, then didn’t provide it. Don’t let it ruin the night. And have the conversation when the time seems like it won’t end in an argument. Good Luck! One more thing, give him several options to choose from. It helps me. My boyfriend has a better chance at remembering one of them at least. 🙂
You’re disappointed because you all but ordered your own gift by directing him to exactly where & what, and he couldn’t even follow through on that. That leads to thoughts like.. if my husband can’t even click a couple of links & buy me a gift.. does he care about me? Does he value our relationship? Why would he get me b, when I asked for s? Like, what was his thought process?
That said, you have to look deeper than just this action. Is this just an area he sucks in, or is it a sign of the overall bigger issue in your relationship where you put in work & he doesn’t?
I wouldn’t react badly right away. Sit on it, take the time to think it out,
I agree with the other comment to wait until he gives you the gift before getting upset. You don’t know that he won’t bring home flowers and wine or orange chocolates or something in addition to the box from Amazon. Like someone else pointed out, buying from Etsy doesn’t guarantee good quality either. It wouldn’t bother me that he ordered it after the actual anniversary as long is it arrived before you celebrate.
I do understand being upset that he maybe phoned it in this year. It sucks to put in substantially more thought and effort than your partner. If he normally does better I’d let it go, but if this is his usual method I’d have a talk with him.
I bought my husband a handmade tray from Etsy for our anniversary. It came the next day from Amazon. I was genuinely confused, contacted the seller and said they use Amazon often to ship their product. I looked up the same product on Amazon and it was cheaper and they refunded me.
I think you need to look bigger picture- do you feel neglected in your marriage and this is just smother example?
My husband I have been married a decade and we’ve both forgotten birthdays or our anniversary not due to lack of love but busyness in our lives. Our anniversary is in June, my husband is a doctor. In 2020 I was furloughed from my job bc no sports, I was home and depressed. He forgot our own anniversary but he was dealing with a pandemic. The height of my job is his birthday and I’m often away, I’ve often lost track of dates. We had to learn how to navigate our lives
We realized that it’s not a few days a year that matter, but the whole year. If we feel loved 360 dats a year, we are okay that 5 days a year we may suck. It works for us and has allowed us to focus on our marriage and each other rather than becoming hostile. If we felt neglected more often it would be a bigger issue for us
My husband thought that buying me the exact link or item I sent would be perceived like that he didn’t care or want to put effort into a gift.
We talked about it and now I tell him if I want “something like URL” or “exact URL”.
Wait until you open it and then take a day or two and be honest with him.
Dude you haven’t even seen it yet….jeez.
If he’s normally good about putting in effort and this misses the mark then let it go for sure. But also, you’re filing yourself up about this beforehand. So even if it would’ve been okay, you’ve surrounded this in negativity in your mind….
>We do traditional gifts for anniversaries
Sounds like *you* do traditional gifts for anniversaries and he just clicks ‘order now’ on whatever you tell him to buy for you. If it brings you joy, do it. But if it’s work for you, a hassle for him, and you’re still not happy with what he ordered– maybe it’s time to start a new tradition that you both enjoy participating in?
I really really really wanted jewelry with my child’s birthstone after having each. I mentioned it multiple times – the stone of the baby’s month of birth. Every time we were anywhere near a jewelry counter, I’d comment on pieces that I loved that were affordable for us. I did everything but actually just buy it for myself in advance. I felt guilty when I opened a ring box because I couldn’t keep the look of disappointment off my face. Sapphire, except I don’t wear blue. And a cascade of tiny stones in a very 80s waterfall style that was nothing like anything I’d shown him.
I know in his mind, he was genuinely trying, but I felt so deeply unseen. He chose sapphire because he loves blue and we had a baby boy. It’s not that he gave it no thought. It’s just that my personal style and preferences weren’t a part of the equation.
I honestly truly don’t think you can say
> I also let him know he could just get me flowers or anything else and that would be fine as well.
And then be mad that he gets you anything else.
I think take this as a lesson to communicate more clearly if something is important to you.
“Buy With Prime” is now a service Amazon offers third parties like Etsy sellers. It’s a win-win for both. Customers like the delivery speed and sellers like the added business the Prime label generates.
Why don’t you wait until you open it. It is the thought that counts. If he is habitually mean then it isn’t a surprise for you. However, you both have separate finances by the sounds of it, which is a sad way to go in a marriage. Put a brave face on it and face the day like a warrior. Have a great day together and stop worrying about the quality of his gift versus yours. You bought a meal, I wouldn’t consider wine a gift from my other half, unless it is a super special one. You should both go to the restaurant and stop sweating the small stuff. Buy yourself something else down the line and just don’t wear the cheap gift. Stop following wedding lists unless it is fun.
Just wanted to note that your gift for him, wasn’t for him. It was for both of you as food/drink and not really a gift at all. So he might be disappointed as well.
You seem tough to please. He tried but misunderstood. This deserves the opinion of strangers from the internet???
He ordered it after the anniversary but knew you were exchanging on the weekend. Who cares?
You gave him specific websites to order you a gift from, and are offended that he picked something different that he had to search for on his own?
Show some gratitude. Some spouses don’t do anything, and you’re salty that he picked out an anniversary gift tailored to you instead of your son.
So, is your husband really into picnics? Naturally I don’t know him from a hole in the ground but I would find it to be a bit cheeky to gift someone something you yourself are going to be taking half of as it gives off the vibe of really just buying something for yourself.
But I don’t know you two, maybe that’s his thing.
YTA As a wife of 28 years I think if you are gonna be this specific maybe just order it for yourself and tell him “this is what you bought me for our anniversary”.
Hang on, for his gift you bought food for both of you? For HIS gift? And you’re upset because he didn’t buy you the specific thing you asked for and decided to buy you a surprise variant instead?