#Nightclub #Farting #PublicPlaceFarting #SafeFarting
πΊπ»π Let’s face it, we’ve all been in a crowded nightclub and felt the familiar rumble in our stomachs. We know that letting one rip in public can be embarrassing, but have you ever wondered where the safest public place to let out a huge fart is? π€ Believe it or not, according to experts, a crowded nightclub is the safest place to do so. π¨
In this article, we’ll delve into the science behind why nightclubs are the safest public place to release those big farts, share some hilarious stories, and provide you with some helpful tips for navigating this delicate situation. So, let’s dive in and embrace the humorous side of nightclub etiquette and bodily functions!
##The Science Behind Farting in Nightclubs
###1. Ambient Noise Levels
– Nightclubs are notoriously loud, with pounding music and chatter filling the air. This ambient noise can provide the perfect cover for any unexpected toots that slip out.
– The loud music and noise can muffle the sound and make it virtually undetectable to those around you.
###2. The Smell Factor
– Nightclubs are filled with a multitude of strong and overpowering scents, from perfumes and colognes to smoke and sweat. This means that any unpleasant odors released from a fart are likely to be masked by the other smells in the club.
###3. Crowded Space
– Nightclubs are typically packed with people, creating a sense of anonymity and reducing the likelihood of being singled out as the source of a mysterious odor.
##Hilarious Nightclub Farting Stories
###1. The Silent But Deadly Dilemma
One nightclub regular shared a hilarious story of the time they let out a silent but deadly fart while on the dance floor. They were initially relieved that the loud music would cover the sound, but soon found themselves struggling to keep a straight face as other club-goers started reacting to the smell around them.
###2. The Mistaken Culprit
Another funny anecdote involves a patron who was mistakenly blamed for a particularly potent fart that spread throughout the crowded dance floor. It turns out the true culprit was a nearby smoke machine, but the individual in question was the unwitting victim of a humorous case of mistaken identity.
##Navigating Nightclub Farting Etiquette
###1. Choose Your Moment Wisely
If you feel a rumble in your stomach, it’s best to wait for a particularly loud part of the music or when the crowd is cheering to discreetly release any built-up gas.
###2. Opt for Open Spaces
If you must let one out, try to position yourself in a more open area of the club, away from groups of people. This can help disperse any potential odors and reduce the chance of it lingering in one spot.
###3. Utilize Restroom Breaks
If you’re really struggling to hold it in, make use of the restroom breaks to discreetly relieve yourself in a more private setting.
###4. Embrace the Humor
If a fart slips out, try to embrace the humor of the situation and laugh it off. After all, everyone has been in a similar awkward scenario at some point.
In conclusion, while the topic of public farting may be amusing, it’s important to approach it with a sense of humor and lightheartedness. Nightclubs present a unique environment where the science of sound and scent work in our favor, making it the safest place to release those unexpected toots. So, the next time you find yourself in a crowded nightclub, remember these tips and embrace the hilarity of the situation. Happy clubbing! πΆπΊ
…that moment when the music stops for one second before the bass drop
Not a foolproof strategy. I did this exact thing once and somehow got singled out and was accused by a stranger of smelling “like baby poo”.
This was like 20 years ago and I still think of the incident regularly – thanks for this week’s reminder.
Murder on the dance floor.
If you have a baby with you, you can do a silent one anywhere.
Especially if your not the biggest guy. Theyβll always think it was the biggest guy.
(Source: Iβm always the biggest guy.)
The roof, the roof, the roof is on FIRE!
I SUPPLIED THE METHANE!
LET THE MOTHER FUCKER BURN!
I have diarrea.
Exept the toilet, there is no safe place for me to rip a huge fart.
Iβve done it. I wandered onto a dance floor and then REALLY had to fart. I tried a few times to get out but couldnβt, so I just farted. It was nasty too
Oops my CD just skipped
This commonly referred to in the club scene as the *Gas Drop*.Β
Only if you clench hard enough that your fart goes off like you just released an untied helium balloon.
You can also do it while riding a motorbike.
Reminds me of that time when I was visiting my uncle and aunt and had a night game of scrabble when my uncle farted for a little more than a minute (for some reason I was already looking at the clock when he started and he finally stopped after 1 minute and 8 seconds) and it sounded exactly like he was riding a motorbike, complete with shifting a gear.
I prefer a crowded elevator
It was better before smoking was banned in clubs. Immediately after the ban came in nightclubs smelled horrendously of farts, until they quickly installed scented smoke machines and other smells to cover the stink up.
I cleared out a bar in Denver after rippin a heinious post-bratwurst fart, Definitely one of my finest moments.
Whenever I’m at the club, I always joke with my partner that if the music stopped, you would just hear feet shuffling and toots.
Give a little poot poot it’s ok!
*PPPPFFFFTT!!!***
Oops, my cd just skipped, and everyone just heard you let one rip now…
I ripped that smallest fart possible on airplane leaving Vegas after drinking mainly Cheladas for 6 days. My worst fart in 46 years. Two rows of people were literally gagging. My son brings up this story often.
Back in the day, silently crop dusting Abercrombie and Finch was a favorite past time.
It’s true, I got crop dusted sooooo bad once at a loud club/bar. I tried looking around to see if anyone was giggling, but couldn’t figure out who the animal was.
You can fart anywhere as long as you have headphones on.
I prefer to do my public farting in movie theaters or libraries.
Moshpits too.
My dad took me to a Disturbed concert(when the album with Land of Confusion came out). The week before we saw Guns N Rose’s in concert for their Chinese Democracy tour and we still had our wristbands on from that concert. So my dad had the idea to wait for a group of 5 or more people and pretend to be part of their group so we could get up front(our wristbands were a different color). And it worked. About halfway through we were in this moshpit where everyone left a big open spot and people were running in, crashing into eachother and running out. My dad was running in and farting when he crashed into someone. The second time he did it he crash into someone and just stopped. The moshpit stopped and everyone was just starring at my dad as he slowly walked up to me and said “I went to fart and made mud…”
Worried the wristbands trick wouldn’t work again he toughed it out, complaining the rest of the night that it was pulling on his ass hairs. And when the show was over, the lines to the bathrooms were too long so he had to drive 20 minutes away to a McDonald’s to finely wipe his ass.
This post and these comments are KILLING ME hahaha, this is probably the best post and comments I’ve seen in a long while!
I think there is more risk. The safest place is when the city bus pulls away and you’ve just gotten off (not on!).
I know if I’m on a phone, nobody can ever hear me even yelling, and when I get off of a bus, I can’t hear anything either. You’re outside already if that’s the case and only when there is a close walker who is right on your heels for no reason (those folks need to learn anyway) is there a potential issue.
If it’s a Mexican wedding and they have the tubas going, just let loose on the dance floor. I did this and it felt natural, everyone was eating refried beans anyways so it could have been anyone.
Ever crop-dusted a jet bridge upon exiting an airplane?
I haven’t (which I’m jealous that I am not able to fart on command), but my cousin told me to walk ahead of him and now I know the power I need to work towards.
Everyone dis-embarking to go see their family or collect luggage or whatnot had to endure something horrible without knowing who it was.
Or crowded restaurants
Haha, take sure you turn up your nose slightly and look towards the fattest guy around shortly after
Oops, my CD just skipped
I like doing it on crowded elevators, then look around like everyone else does. No one knows it came from, but all get to share the experience!
Iβm scary good at ripping ass and getting away with it.
The trick is to choose someone near by and stare them in the eyes to show dominance.
Gawwwwd Iβm tired of the dance floor smelling like raw dookie!
Crowded casinos are a very safe place to fart. You find a crowded row of slot machines and carpet bomb. Then stop and turn around and watch. You can see their eyes water and chin pursing up. However, they will not turn away from their slot machines. They will not look to see who farted or what died. They will suffer in place because they are addicted to those machines and nothing will tear away their attention.
​
Believe me. I worked in the casino business for over 20 years. I did A LOT of carpet bombing.
Worked in high end clubs in college,can confirm….did it all the time… Creatine and protein power lifter farts.. on the richest most obnoxious people I could find.
This is the best post I have seen in this sub in a long time. The comments are pure gold.
Go to an edge near the speakers, and then walk across the whole crowd making eye contact with everyone.
I like to do it in the department store perfume sectionβ¦.
βIs it me or does this Cool Water smell off?β
I’d argue that a political rally is better.
Or a rodeo
When I was club going age I had a buddy who could cook up rancid farts on command.Β
It was like a bizarre super power.Β
He would crop dust a table over and over until the people moved and then weβd have a table.Β
Use it to your advantage.Β
Ha! I once farted on a *very* crowded dance floor and cleared the floor in about five seconds. To avoid suspicion I moved with the masses.
Back in the day I was in a local club watching a band, and talking to a female friend. It was loud and we were yelling to hear each other. All of a sudden the band did a “dramatic pause”, silence.. Except for her farting. Didn’t see her the rest of the night lol
Itβs all shit and giggles till someone giggles and shits
Iβm under 30 so I didnβt experience this but my friend born 1980 told me of the great event called:
When-Clubs-Started-Smelling-Like-Farts.
We live in Sweden and in the early 2000βs our government banned smoking inside clubs and restaurants. Everyone had been ripping ass without a care in the world and it had been masked by the smell of cigarettes but nowβ¦ well you get they point.
I always wait to fart when I’m in a crowd of my students and then watch them blame each other π€πΌ
Most offices have a quiet room, aka the fish tank, aka the gas chamber
Watching the boss with guests enter after someone has crop sprayed
Saw Slayer and someone farted in the crowd and it opened like a 30 foot pit