#RelationshipAdvice #CommunicationSkills #HealthyRelationships #ConflictResolution
Is this really bad or does it happen? 🤔
It’s never easy when a partner uses harsh language towards us, especially in front of others. Feeling upset and embarrassed is completely understandable in this situation. Let’s delve deeper into the issue and see if it’s something repairable or if there are underlying concerns that need to be addressed.
Understanding the Situation:
In any relationship, communication plays a key role in maintaining a healthy dynamic. When tensions run high, it’s common for people to lash out in ways they may not normally do. However, it’s essential to address such behavior and ensure it doesn’t become a recurring pattern.
Tips for Repairing the Situation:
1. **Open Communication:** Have a candid conversation with your fiancé about how his words made you feel. Express your concerns and listen to his perspective as well. Effective communication is key to resolving conflicts.
2. **Setting Boundaries:** It’s important to establish boundaries within a relationship. Make it clear to your fiancé that such disrespectful language is not acceptable, especially in front of others.
3. **Seeking Professional Help:** If you find it challenging to navigate through this situation on your own, consider seeking the help of a couples therapist. A neutral third party can help facilitate productive discussions and offer tools to improve communication.
4. **Reflect on the Situation:** Take a step back and reflect on the incident. Was this a one-time occurrence, or is this behavior part of a larger pattern? Understanding the root cause of the problem can help in finding a lasting solution.
5. **Practice Forgiveness:** In every relationship, forgiveness plays a crucial role. While it’s important to address the issue at hand, practicing forgiveness can help both parties move forward and grow stronger together.
Advice from the Bhagavad Gita:
In times of conflict and turmoil, guidance from ancient wisdom can provide insight and direction. The Bhagavad Gita teaches us about the importance of maintaining composure in challenging situations and acting with compassion and understanding.
Remember the teachings of the Bhagavad Gita when facing difficulties in your relationship. Stay grounded, practice empathy, and strive for harmony and balance in your interactions with your fiancé.
In conclusion, while being told to “stfu” by your fiancé in front of his dad is hurtful, it’s essential to address the issue head-on and work towards resolution. By practicing open communication, setting boundaries, seeking professional help if needed, and reflecting on the situation, you can navigate through this challenging time and nurture a healthier relationship.
Remember, every relationship has its ups and downs, but what truly matters is how both partners work towards understanding and supporting each other. Stay strong, communicate effectively, and know that you deserve respect and love in your relationship. 💖🌟
No. That was disrespectful and it’s all excuses. Life is full of stress. It’s not getting easier.
You marry him. Expect more.
Self control is important and he doesn’t have it.
Wouldn’t be for me.
Yeah I wouldn’t marry that.
At the very least, he owes you an apology for his outburst. You should have a conversation with him about his anger issues when stressed. It’s essential for him to work on managing it better.
It will only get worse from here.
How well do you know him?
The answer is yes and yes. It happens in some relationships and it’s pretty bad. If it happens, it needs to be remedied quickly and not repeated.
He’s the one that should be embarrassed not you. Your embarrassment is signaling that you’re letting something happen that’s not ok.
At best he’s immature (at 35?!) and got triggered by you siding with his father at worst he’s likely to get abusive.
I think if you have to ask because it’s not a clear strike out for you, then look to support the reasons he can’t Control his temper.
My husband would never speak to me that way. You get to decide if you want to tolerate it.
NOPE
You’re the supposed love of his life and he talks to you like that?
I wonder how he talks to people he doesn’t like
Not okay.
It does happen- with some people, but not with others and that’s ultimately what it comes down to.
My husband would NEVER speak to me like that, he doesn’t have it in him. I am much more of a stress head but I also would not talk to him like that- let alone in front of our parents. I used to be married to a man who spoke to me like that when under pressure and it was horrible. I LOVE the security of knowing that even if I annoy my now husband that he will address it calmly and with respect. I am so much more at ease than in my old life.
Do you plan to have kids and would you be happy for their dad to talk to their mum like that in front of them? Or in front of friends or colleagues?
I think the fact he’s not mortified about it shows he doesn’t have an issue talking to you like that.
You have a choice- you can marry a man who talks to you like that and apparently does not respect you or not. I’ve had both situations and one is infinitely better than the other- I think you deserve that too.
Hell no.
One thing that you should not lose in a relationship is self respect. Always remember that.
No self respecting person should take verbal abuse from their partner
He needs to learn how to manage anger and frustration. I would not be ok with this and it would take A LOT to want to be around him again.
No marriage unless and until he gets serious therapy. That he didn’t apologize for his outburst is a huge warning.
Only you can decide what level of poor treatment you’ll tolerate, but I can tell you that there’s no way I’d allow a man to treat me that way.
32-year-old Male here. I have a lot of anger issues and I’ve had my outburst at my girlfriend.
I wanted to change so I’m in therapy and I also have a mentor who I hold myself accountable to regarding my anger. I’m taking actions to change that because I know me saying sorry will just lead to more of the same thing.
If you marry him it will only get worse. I know you’re looking for validation that he’ll somehow change, especially since you want to marry him. But my mentor tells me the only thing he looks for in people is “their actions”. He didn’t even apologize, that’s how far off he believes it’s ok to treat you.
I’ve been with my husband for 25 years and he has never spoken to me that way. We love and respect each other. It doesn’t sound like your fiancé respects you.
It is normal in an abusive relationship. My ex boyfriend talked to me like 6 months into our relationship and I stupidly stayed for 5 years. It only got worse. This will progress and only get worse.
Married for 24 years and at no point has he ever cursed at me. You need to be concerned. You say he does poorly under stress. Well guess what? Life gets stressful. If a shade sail sent him over the edge, what will he do when you have kids and the baby won’t stop crying? Or if you are sick and he needs to do more around the house? Or if your car breaks down? Or he loses his job? Are you prepared to sign up for a lifetime of walking on egg shells around him? You will go through a million stressful events in your marriage. Find someone who doesn’t turn on you when those times come.
This is not the last stressful situation you’re going to face with this guy. If you stay with him, you will frequently be the target of his anger and frustration.
Want to know someone’s true personality? Put them under stress.
You know what’s really good at creating stress? Life. Kids. Getting old. Things not working out as planned. That’s a lot of true personality coming your way.
Have some respect for yourself, because he clearly has none. I would not marry a walking, talking red flag like that. Outbursts happen, but the LEAST you’d expect is for him to volunteer an apology once the nerves had settled. Not only did he fail to do that, when you tried to talk to him about it, he acted as though his anger was the right way to behave and told you to basically sit down and take his abuse. If a partner can’t give you a better life than the one you have by yourself, then you should not be with that partner.
Men who have moments of verbal abuse towards their women have some beliefs about women & relationships that ALLOW them to behave in this way. If he did it once, he will do it again. Everyone gets mad at times. Some don’t cope well. But not everyone who copes poorly takes out their anger on their significant other. That vulgar comment was 100% disrespect.
Be warned that a boyfriend who occasionally gets abusive will only get worse not better when he views you as unable to leave.
Highly recommend *”Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men”* by Lundy Bancroft. It’s authored by a therapist who specializes in men with anger issues, verbal abuse, court ordered therapy, etc. The short version is that no amount of maturity or couples therapy changes a mans beliefs. He thinks this is an ok way to treat his woman. He might apologize. Be prepared for an abusers apology, blaming you for it. “I didn’t mean to do X but you made me when you did Y”. “I love you and I wish I didn’t yell at you. But you should never do Y. You know it makes me.”. He’ll be really nice for weeks that follow. Then one day out of nowhere, he’ll explode on you again. Repeat a few times and it creates a trauma bond.
31M here. I have struggled with anger and stress issues when I was younger, but have learned in time that my stress and frustration is nobody else’s burden or fault. How I choose to handle my frustrations is 100% on me. He’s showing you that when he’s stressed or when it’s “not your place”, then it is okay for him to take his frustrations out on you. This is 100% a him problem that he needs to learn how to control and manage, or this is a relationship that you *really do not want to be a part of.*
It’s time for him to have a “come to god” moment and grow tf up.
I’m going to add that “doing poorly under stress” is going to be a lifelong issue that you will spend lots of energy trying to manage and walking on eggshells in inconsequential but stressful situations. It will be a reoccurring issue forever in your relationship. Ask me how I know.
So he is disrespectful towards you and his own dad? For trying to help him? Double yikes.
As someone who has anger management issues (just like your fiance, apparently), let me give you my point of view: we feel personally challenged when someone says or does something that might seem remotely like a correction. We take it as an attack on our intelligence, our sense of worth. It is pathetic, honestly, and an irrational reaction. Everything gets a little blurred when that happens and the rude words come out.
However, nobody deserves to live a life of stepping on eggshells because people like us can’t handle basic human interactions. Nobody. Not even you or his dad. That’s why therapy exists.
The fact that he refused to acknowledge and apologize for his actions shows that he remains thinking that he is correct and it’s ok to treat both of you like shit. And this is where you should draw the line.
Give him another chance to talk, explain your point of view and see how he reacts (again). Don’t force yourself to stay in a relationship where you will be a punching bag for someone who has no self control. Words hurt a lot.
Bet of luck!
What he said was bad enough and deserves it’s own scrutiny…
His response to you trying to bring up how you felt about it is on another level and, frankly, a window into how this guy is going to handle problems the rest of his life.
It’s up to you if you want to be with him enough to deal with that in your future. One thing is for certain, that won’t be the last and final time you witness that kind of behavior from him.
Mighty brave words for a man up on a roof and nothing but grass to cusion his fall
Communicate and talk it out. Make it clear that in no situation is it ok to talk to you like that.
>My fiancé does very poorly under stress
Life, let alone married life, is often stressful. If he acts like this now, it’s gonna be worse later. I wouldn’t marry this guy, at least not until he has had gotten help and learned techniques on how to deal with stress in a constructive way and done the work consistently and diligently for 2 years.
Did he ever even apologize to you?
> My fiancé does very poorly under stress
Do not marry.
Just curious – what did his father say when he spoke to you like that?
His fathers reaction or lack thereof will speaks volumes on whether there is hope for your fiance with tonnes of therapy or this is ingrained in him from his childhood
Either way – please think long & hard if this is the sort of person you want to marry & perhaps have children with!?